| |||||||
| Personal Effectiveness Goals, productivity, time management, motivation, self-discipline, overcoming procrastination, habits, organizing, problem-solving, decision-making, intelligence |
 |
| | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
04-28-2007, 03:37 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 15
 |  do help if you can
Hello... I am a college going student...and I really do suffer from shyness. I seem to be so shy that I cant go out and talk to my immediate neighbors. Everything seems to be in a mess. I have been trying to improve from the first year, yet I feel I am going further down. I had so many dreams that I would accomplish after joining my dream college, yet I did nothing. I just wasted my entire time mindlessly watching movies. Its not that I want to, but that watching movies is sort of a escape mechanism for me. Whenever I fail to do something, I start watching movies to make myself forget about the bad things, yet they never seem to improve. My grades have gone down, and I really don't know what to do. I had talked to a therapist one year back. When I was in therapy, I was doing so well, yet when I stopped, I just slumped back to my own self. Over the years I have been seeing a pattern though. I feel the real culprit in my case in always a tv or a computer. I remember as a child how when my parents forcefully removed our television, I used to do so well, yet when I had access to our television, I was a disaster. I think the same thing is happening to me yet again. The problem is that even though I have to work a lot on my computer as soon as I have any access to it I get addicted to it, and start doing the same things I hate so much. Does seeing too much movies really impair brain functioning? Nowadays I dont seem to be able to think that well. I am such a sham. |
|      |
|
04-28-2007, 03:59 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 3,811
|
Hello thinktank… Want to get rid of your shyness… let me tell you how…. (I know everything don’t you know…  )First, the reason that you are shy is primarily that when you meet people you’re thinking, “What will they think of me…???”… So, let me burst that balloon… They don’t give a heck about you… what they are thinking and worrying about is, “What you're think about them…” So, next time you meet someone… tell yourself this, “I’m going to do everything I can to make that person (or those people) feel better about who they are…" So, with that mindset… you will forget about yourself… you will not be shy anymore… and, next thing you’ll know… you’ll be the most popular guy (or gall) in town… If that does not work… I will reimburse you for all the money that you paid me for this advice…  . |
|
| |
|
04-28-2007, 04:16 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Carissa Park, Singapore
Posts: 31
|  Thinktank - Your Two Challenges!
Hi Thinktank, firstly gotta say that you've chosen a great-sounding nickname, and I know that it really reflects the kinda person that you are - you think alot! And that's good! AND... you ARE NOT a sham! Nobody is unless you allow yourself to be. YOU WILL NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE A SHAM! What you have shared about your shyness brings back memories about my growing-up years. I was an ultra-introvert. I still am an introvert - but nowadays selectively. I was so shy then (then was about college-going age). The fact that you have created dreams for yourself, seeing yourself do so many things after college - is a great thing! Cos success is built from dreams. Ask Thomas Edison, ask Leonardo DaVinci, ask any famous person, and you'll realise that it all started with a dream. Keep your dream strong and alive and make it more real to you by writing down on a journal, or on a card and stick your written dream on the top of your computer or TV screen ; another copy on your washbasin mirror, another on your dressing table mirror and another on your door at eye level. Writing down all the things you want to achieve and having it at places you constantly have to see will serve as a constant reminder to you what you want to achieve. You mentioned that seeing your therapist helped you keep on track, perhaps you may want to re-start your sessions with your therapist? Alternatively, identify someone more senior and more responsible in your life whom you trust and look up to and with whom you have a good relationship, and ask if that person would mind being your mentor. But before you do that, know that selecting a mentor means that you are opening up to him/her and allowing and giving that person the right to check on you on your progress. You are making yourself accountable to your mentor. Set a goal with your mentor that you want to achieve a certain goal within a fixed time frame - maybe in 6 months or one years time. Establish a fixed time and schedule every week to meet up with your mentor to "report" your progress. You have proven in the past that you have it within you to succeed in what you want to, and set-out to, do. And because you have done it before, YOU definitely can do it again! You just have got to want to do it. You just have got to want to think well again - after all you shared that you do it before! Do this... Remove the TV plug from the wall socket. Sit yourself down at your table. Take a piece of paper. Write down your dreams in bold letters and say it to yourself as you write it down. Say it out loud. And repeat saying it several times. Do this everytime you sit infront of your computer (cos remember, you're supposed to stick your written dream on your computer screen). If you can dream it, YOU CAN MAKE IT! Share with us here your progress...  Kayceez Kayceez' Journal - For Motivation & Success in Personal Development My Success Plan for Personal Development Last edited by Kayceezharold; 04-28-2007 at 05:34 AM. |
|
| |
|
04-28-2007, 07:08 AM
| #5 (permalink) | |
| Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 3
| Quote:
First - this is likely due to mindset rather than your ability to think. Your lack of progress leads to a lack of self confidence, which affects your mood, thoughts, actions, and leads to more lack of progress. Its a cycle, which must be broken. One good option is exercise. Exercising helps balance mood altering hormones in your brain, increasing endorphins and reducing stress. This has a quality long term impact on your mood. Regularly go out and seek physical activity at your local college if you can find it. You may also find it easier to interact with other people who are also exercising.. as your sharing a common activity. Another option is exploring your interests, and finding something which you really enjoy. If you can engage in a passion, you can develop it into an expertise and possibly even an income stream. This will also improve your self confidence, as you will feel better about your progress. Something else: confront your fear. Find activities (like exercise) that you are most comfortable engaging with other people in. Start with people that you are most comfortable around. If you already have one or more friends, try to bring them along to group activities for encouragement. Perhaps find volunteer or paid positions in which you interact with the public. The more you confront fear & shyness, the less it will hold you back. Instead of TV or your normal computer activities, try reading. Fiction, non-fiction, reading anything will enhance your learning and creativity. Try creating a blog, or other journal type system, to write about what you think and feel as you go through the day. In the case of a blog, you can submit the contents to others and have them provide you with feedback to help self growth. Writing like this can help organize your thoughts for better problem solving and less worrying. Worrying: no matter how bad things are for us, it often helps to stop and consider outside perspectives. For example, people who may be much less fortunate: People with physical handicaps that can never enjoy certain activities; people in other countries with dictatorships that control every aspect of their lives, people too poor to acquire basic needs, people in war zones who deal with constant threats to their survival... there are still many of us in the world who suffer from these types of things. Sometimes just stopping and considering outside positions like these helps us to reorient our own perspectives so that we worry less. An alternative to this is to simply think the opposite: how complex and intricate life on our planet is, the unimaginable massive size of our solar system, galaxy, and universe, the monumental achievements of past individuals and civilizations in the face of all obstacles. In any instance, there is always a chance. Your thoughts alone have the power to change anything, or create anything. Simply know this, and give yourself the chance to understand it, and nothing can prevent you from achieving any dream you can imagine.. not even time itself. Kevin | |
|
| |
|
04-28-2007, 09:42 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 35
|
Thinktank, I just recently (2-3 months ago) got over playing computer games for extended hours of the day (10-12hrs some days), and I think I understand what you are going through. You have to find within yourself a goal that you really want to achieve, something you have been thinking about for a while, or something that you have recently thought up that really motivates you. I know you have to have something, that when you think about it, it makes you excited, and you say to yourself "Yeah, that would be cool." Or "Yeah I'd realy like to do that, or be that way."... Even if you shortly forget about it afterwards (as was in the case for me). Once you find that thing, you have to change your behavior. You have to make it sinc up with what you want. You don't necessarily have to change your beliefs at first, just your behavior and the beliefs will follow. Feel free to send me a private message sometime if you need any help, I'll respond as soon as I get it. Just know that you can help yourself, if you really want. |
|
| |
|
04-29-2007, 02:53 AM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 84
|
Thinktank.... You have some awesome recommendations to help you overcome your shyness.....I especially like the suggestion on exercise. That is a great place to start! You will notice that when you workout...you will be in such a better mood throughout the day.... You find yourself more "in the mood" to talk with others. This is something I personally have noticed.... When my energy reserves are low...I notice that I talk with very few people. After working out in the morning....it's an entirely different day. There are so many more people I meet...which I start the conversation. Being a thinker...we tend to "think" everything out....our every move...what will others think of us etc......so my suggestion is....don't think. Strike up a conversation and don't worry about the outcome... When you just "get started" and dive right in....you won't have time for negative thoughts to creep in. As mentioned earlier....when you take the focus off yourself....and focus your interest on the other person...it take makes things easier too! |
|
| |
|
| Bookmarks |
« Previous Thread
|
Next Thread »
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
Linear Mode
| |
All times are GMT. The time now is 10:56 PM.