Confidence VS Arrogance

[pigsonthewing6]

Confidence has been known to be a crucial character trait that makes people look more attractive and also makes them feel better and do things better

I've read many things about confidence and how to acquire it,
-body language
-eye contact
-self assurance
-experience
-love of yourself
-stick to own opinion

However, when I have good body posture and act confident and do everything that would make myself feel and appear confident, it actually makes people less attracted to me and even look down upon me. The reason is, they see it as arrogance. My display of confidence comes of as arrogance to other people

So my question is, what is the crucial difference between confidence and arrogance and how does one become truly confident while completely avoiding arrogance?

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by pigsonthewing6
So my question is, what is the crucial difference between confidence and arrogance and how does one become truly confident while completely avoiding arrogance?

The crucial difference between confidence and arrogance is intent…

Self-confidence is a fantastic asset… but such as intelligence… or wealth… it has to be used with discretion and tact… if you try to impress people on how self-confident… or intelligent… or wealthy you are… it will come off as arrogance… however, if you use those great gifts to uplift people around you… they will love you for it…

If you want to be loved and accepted… make people feel good about who they are… and you can’t miss… however, if you try to show people how good you are… you have the perfect recipe for disaster…

Don’t ever forget… when I meet you… I don’t want to know how big you are… I want to know how big I am… and… if you can make this happen for me… I’ll be your buddy for life…

.

[A.K.Light]

I agree with Shamou. My first thought was - Whatever confidence you have in yourself, you should show it in other people too. Then they won't think your arrogant, they will love you.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by A.K.Light

I agree with Shamou. My first thought was - Whatever confidence you have in yourself, you should show it in other people too. Then they won't think your arrogant, they will love you.

Us geniuses all think alike... thank you...

.

[RT Wolf]

I'm wondering how you're going about getting that self-confidence. High confidence is often a mark of high self-esteem and you don't really seemed to have tackled those issues. That is, you're trying to copy the symptoms of high self-confidence without actually getting the disease (i'm sorry, I can't think of a better metaphor right now...really sorry). I have reasonably good confidence and I still found a reading of Six Pillars of Self-Esteem to be great. Here's a sumamry of them:

Tom McMahon: The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf
That is, you're trying to copy the symptoms of high self-confidence without actually getting the disease

It must be remembered self-confidence and self-assurance are a matter of state… (state of the mind that is…)

Depending on what state you are in… you can have all the confidence in the world (when you are in a powerful and energizing state) and be a wimp when you are in a paralyzing state…

The trick is to be able to be able to change your state when you happen to be into a debilitating one… and, one of the best way to do that is through posture and breathing pattern…

When depressed… the shoulders are sloped… the head hangs low… the breathing short and shallow…

Now, if you adopt your best “Batman” posture… it sends a powerful message to the brain that will cause your state to change from a debilitating/paralyzing one to one of empowerment, confidence… and strength…

Try it… you’ll love it…

.

[RT Wolf]

^ Yea, I know what you mean. I'm taking a different tack. I'm talking about not just fixing the temporary "problem" of low confidence NOW, but rather raising the baseline confidence level up so that your level of confidence when "normal" also rises. That is, fix the underlying illness, not just the symptoms. That doesn't eradicate your low points, but it does limit how low they go, and raises your high points. If you can picture a graph with a wave deviating from a line. And as the line rises, so does the wave and local min and maxes.

If you've got chronically low self-esteem, then you can temporarily raise your confidence level, but you're gonna fall back down to your "normal" levels of self confidence because you haven't dealt with the underlying issue. Thus my suggestion of improving self-esteem. Its not an either-or proposition, I still consciously stand up straight and pull my shoulders up when I'm feeling down, but I also recognize the need to have a good relationship with myself and improve my self-esteem. I also felt that the temporary solutions are more likely to be mistaken for arrogance than real self-assured confidence.

To the OP, A few questions which really helped me start thinking more critically about my relationship with myself:

Do I love yourself, unconditionally, even when I'm not happy with some part of you or your performance?
Can I forgive yourself for mistakes in the past, recognize that I made what seemed like the best decision at the time and that I will try my best not to make the mistake again?
Do I trust yourself, truly trust myself?

These questions are interlinked.

There have also been a few other threads on both self-esteem and confidence, I would suggest searching the forums.

HTH.

[pigsonthewing6]

Thanks for all of your posts, they really mean a lot to me
I've gathered two things that I explain [i]confidence[i] a lot better for myself

1) True confidence is when you make others around confident. You give them confidence rather than "showing" them confidence by making yourself look confident

2) I also think that to be truly confident in a way that people really like you is to be confident, yet humble. You have to be confident in your self and your abilities, but remain humble by not boasting, putting others down, acting better than others, or not paying attention to others.

I hope that this is a good realization of confidence

[C.F. Jackson]

Originally Posted by pigsonthewing6

Confidence has been known to be a crucial character trait that makes people look more attractive and also makes them feel better and do things better

I've read many things about confidence and how to acquire it,
-body language
-eye contact
-self assurance
-experience
-love of yourself
-stick to own opinion

However, when I have good body posture and act confident and do everything that would make myself feel and appear confident, it actually makes people less attracted to me and even look down upon me. The reason is, they see it as arrogance. My display of confidence comes of as arrogance to other people

So my question is, what is the crucial difference between confidence and arrogance and how does one become truly confident while completely avoiding arrogance?

Those who misconceive your high level of confidence
are those who lack confidence within self.

It's not about pleasing all people it's about presenting
and caring yourself in the fashion that radiates within
you.

I've received many compliments from others on how I
carry myself. Some even say I carry myself as if I own it.
I kindly respond with, "I do! I own me!"

I believe as long as you know your intentions, you're
walking in the right direction. I see too many people
who walk with slumped shoulders, head and eyes to the
ground. And they can't make eye contact. Of course they will
perceive you as arrongant. Tell them to look up so they
can catch up with you.

Continue to make this an Awesome day!

Won't Be Denied!
C.F. Jackson

Lighting 1,000 Dreams Worldwide!

[Kayceezharold]

Here's my take on this matter of "Confidence" vs "Arrogance"

First, you have to always remember that, in order not to be seen as arrogant, your confidence must always be presented with a "from-the-bottom-of-my-heart" kinda smile looked directly into eyes of people you meet, coupled with a *twinkle* in your eye...

You can pulback your shoulders, lift your chin, be very sure of and about yourself, be the person with the highest self-esteem in the room - BUT - if you don't accompany all these with your broadest and friendliest SMILE and looking at people you interact with squarely in the eye, you'll be done for...

Think about these two scenarios...

Scenario 1 - You have been in a room full of people, then appears this newcomer; somehow you can sense that there is something about the way he walks, the way he carries himself, its like there is this aura all about him - this is self-esteem and self-confidence all rolled into one. But when you look at his face, aarrgghh.... no smile, no *twinkle* in his eye, nose so high in the air that you could literally see within his nostrils, haughty as a peacock strutting all its splendour - you get the picture! That's arrogance for you!

Scenario 2 - You have been in a room full of people, then appears this newcomer; somehow you can sense that there is something about the way he walks, the way he carries himself, its like there is this aura all about him - this is self-esteem and self-confidence all rolled into one. But when you look at his face, his smile is from ear to ear, everyone he looks at - he peers direct into their eye iwith a *twinkle* in a friendly sort of way - his chin and nose raised at just about the right angle to exude confidence but not too high and NO "mightier-than-thou" attitude, you get that warm feeling about you just by looking at him.

Scenario One - confident but arrogant - that will put people off immediately
Scenario Two - confident and warm friendly - that will magnetically draw people towards you.

Of course there are other factors like when you're handshaking, make it a firm enough (but not too tight or strong) grip with the whole palm and fingers that reflects sincerity; leading, encouraging and allowing the other person you are interacting with to talk about himself and his thinking and his day; listening carefully to what he has to say without getting distracted by the cute babe who is passing by... looking intently at his eye whilst he is talking; not letting the conversation be about you; all these will contribute to making you NOT ARROGANT.

Go ahead and try it the next opportunity you have and tell us!

I'm able to share this cos I've tried it (er type Two I mean) and it works!

Confidence with warm, from-the-heart sincerity will make you a much sought-after company for any social occasion.

Kayceez
The World Thru Kayceez Eyes
My Success Plan for Personal Development