To plan or not to plan? that is the question!!

[Socialbutterfly]

Hello all, how are we today? What have you been upto?
Today I spent 5 hours driving across the country visiting family, when for drinks catching up with old friends and did a 17mile trek for charity! I have a full time job, go to the gym do body combat/running/swimming/yoga, ballet and flamenco, travel a lot going abroad over 5 times a year, just finished 5yr degree now a qualified dentist, study for my postgraduate qualifications, planning a hen do for my best friend and wedding for me amongst other things!! I just can't sit still!! I'm always here, there, and everywhere my family can't keep up with me,y fiancee gets annoyed with me.
I feel like my frontal lobes are out of control!
I have this feeling in life that I want to do/see/taste/feel/experience everything otherwise scared I will miss out. I'm scared I won't het to do all the things I want to do. I'm the kind of person that willale sure that I will carry out the things I want to in life, but my problem is that not everybody else thinks the same!
At university I had lots of friends in different social circles, if some of my friends were busy, I jad other friends free that were into something else that I enjoyed doing!
Now I have left Uni I feel lost. My friends are always busy, without friends and family I feel lonely. I am constantly making plans because I am scared that when I am left with nothing to do or ppl to hang out with I start to feel lonely and bored again. A couple of years ago o wet through a period of depression so know these feeling oh to well. A stark contrast to my normal love of life!
Help!

[essleweb]

Hi,
Yeah! You are right, we should make plan before doing anything. For making plans we know that what we have to do in future.

[starlequin]

Sounds like you externalize your life to the point that you allow no room for reflection or internalization. My life is the opposite. I'm so internalized it's difficult for me to approach an external or extroverted lifestyle.

[VanillaBean]

I really respect how driven you are and how much you've accomplished, so serious props for that. At the same time, while you've kept yourself so busy with activities, it doesn't sound as though you've spent a lot of time developing yourself internally. You shouldn't be afraid to be alone with yourself, I think it would be beneficial for you if you spend time trying to develop your mind and develop knowledge about and love for yourself. I've had a lot of relationships, friendships, etc. but I think the most important relationship I've had is with myself. And I think it's very important to plan! But you can also pencil in some time for self-reflection.

I do empathize with your situation, I recently decided to change my career path and am applying for a postbac premed program. I find myself with a ton of free time and my friends are all busy with their lives! So I've been using my time to explore myself and try to work on my weaknesses. But with so many commitments, friends, and a fiance, I'm surprised that you could find the time to feel lonely. What triggered your depression in the past?

[Socialbutterfly]

Thanks everyone for your support I really appreciate it.
My boss goes running everyday and has inspired me to do the same. I found that after about 10 minutes I started to get bored! I asked him what he thinks about when running? He said that he meditates. Now I have started doing the same. I think it's a good way to clear your head and give it some peace.
I think that you are right that I externalise my feelings by doing things and keeping busy. From now on when I find myself with nothing to do I will see it as me time and time for self development rather than emptiness.
When I was depressed a couple of years ago I did a lots of self searching. I knew I was depressed but didn't know why. It's always hard to see when your in the situation but looking back several major issues in my life came to a head. Me and my fiancé are Indian and from different backgrounds and religions. My family are very open minded but his are more traditional. From the moment we started seeing each other he told me we could never get married because his family would be unhappy. We decided that we liked each other too much to not give it a go so would stay together as long as we could until he finished university. That year I felt depressed was leading upto our breakup. For 2 year s our relationship was uncertain. We decided to end our relationship in the summer and spent 5 weeks apart. He then decided he could not live without me and decided to fight for me! He eventually told his parents about me and they don't have a problem with it! All that unnecessary worrying!!
My parent divorced 5 years earlier and I think it was at this time that I had not completely ce to terms with it. My Dad used to say that it had been 5 years and that I should have moved on by now, like they have. But after this long why suddenly did it affect me now? I know understand that I was going through the grief cycle
Shock stage*: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
Testing stage*: Seeking realistic solutions.
Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.
Everybody goes through these stages bit everyone takes a different amount of time. It could be a split second or several years.

I think my obsession with planning may be to do with feeling in control of my life?

Feeling depressed made me think about what males me happy in life and I think it is being around friends and family. So when I am not around them I start to feel depression creeping it's way in. Do you think I could learn to be happy in solitude?

On reflection I know I need to improve on my decision making skills and being assertive. How can I do this, will this male it easier to just be?