Have any of you actually turned your life around?

[Jes]

It's 3 a.m. I can't sleep. Almost every day for at least the past 6 months I've told myself that tomorrow I'll begin working on getting to bed earlier. Almost every night I've prayed for one more chance to turn things around. I said my prayers for tonight already, but the thought that this cycle may never end is keeping me wide, wide awake.

I know a lot of you have been in some tough situations that you've gotten yourself out of. I also know that after reviewing some of my posts, I tend to sound a bit better off than I really feel---the internet makes it so easy to hide things that I guess sometimes I fool even myself. That being said, I don't want to accuse any of you of intentionally embellishing your success stories with personal development, but if you do happen to do that sort of thing, I'll kindly ask that you refrain from participating in this post.

What I want to know tonight is if any of you have really turned your life around from rock bottom. I mean fallen to nothing and risen back up to heights beyond anywhere you'd previously been. And just so we're clear on where rock bottom is for me, let's call it anywhere on par or below the following:

- In 6th grade, I went from straight A's to frequent F's and D's. For the rest of my life, I'd stop hearing "smartest kid in the school" to instead hear "kid with the most wasted potential."
- My music teachers always told me I had an incredible natural ability and that I could easily have studied at Julliard ... had I actually practiced.
- I have been offered the opportunity to record music for a living multiple times since I was 16. I'm in my mid-20's now and have yet to release a single song, let alone album.
- I dropped out of high school in the middle of my senior year and enrolled in a home-schooling program that I could've completed in a month, but completed almost 2 yrs. later.
- I abandoned my first job after 9 months so that I could go on tour with my band, which I broke up a month later.
- I gave 2 weeks notice to my 2nd job of 2 years, only to abandon the job I left it for a month later.
- I attended college for 1 yr. and maintained a 4.0 for the 1st semester and 1st half of the 2nd semester. But then I stopped going to class because I decided I was going to pursue one of those record deal offers.
- I started seeing a psychologist around this time to make sure I'd be really ready to work this time. He diagnosed me with "mild" Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
- I never completed my end of the record contract, which was to deliver 10 demos to the company within 6 months or so. They gave me an indefinite extension, and a year later I asked to be let go from their roster.
- Around the same time, my girlfriend of 3 yrs. left me for another guy, but it was so unexpected I checked into a hospital for contemplating suicide a lot more seriously than I ever thought I would.
- I didn't really do anything for the next year of my life, other than become addicted to drugs and alcohol.
- I was then offered the opportunity to record music again, this time in a partnership with my childhood hero. As in, the singer of the band I loved more than any other asked me to be his new band. Six months later, I abandoned the project.
- I inherited $31k when I was 21 and accumulated $20k of debt since I turned 18. As of last week, I am officially bankrupt. I could have saved $1000 in legal fees and completed the filing three months earlier, but I failed to meet deadlines and essentially had to file almost three times for the simplest of reasons.
- I've pretty much stopped responding to e-mails, phone calls, and what-have-you from everyone other than my current drug-addict girlfriend. This includes family members, "fans", and dear, dear friends. In high school I was a very popular kid not only in my town, but across my state. Now I consider myself nearly alone, and very much forgotten.

I suppose I could go on, but it's already taken me over an hour to write and rewrite all of that. I'm sure you can see the pattern. I know there are lower lows, but I really can't imagine ************ing up more than I already have. Sure, I could do some things to go to prison, but I don't think that will be happening. As of right now, the only thing I'm doing with myself is surviving, and hoping that I can change myself. Because I really want to. I want to do great things and help people. But I'm just so ..... Worn out.

[Kamma]

It really does sound like you're worn out. The thing is that you may not have achieved the things you feel you should have but you've managed to fill up your time with other not so productive projects. I think maybe you should start off with small steps maybe even just speaking to a few of the family and friends that you feel you've discommunicated so far. You have taken the steps you have and rather than think about what you've done think about what you are going to do.
Take care and let us all know how you are doing.

[fourthdan]

Originally Posted by Jes

Almost every night I've prayed for one more chance to turn things around.

If you woke up the next morning (or afternoon) and are reading this, you've got your chance. As cliche'd as it sounds, every and any moment can be your next beginning, and today can be the first day of the rest of your life.

I think a large number of people can attest to turning thier life around, on these forums. It's not that uncommon. As far as my life goes, it's not once, but constantly that I've had to "turn my life around". No matter how many times I tend to screw up, stop and turn it around, those times become the most meaningful moments of my life when I really get a glimpse of the inner powerful person and the "potential" people saw in me too. They are really sh*t, tough times and you almost hate yourself, everyone else, life and the world during it, but once over, you will look back with fondness at that time.

I think Steve's site has plenty of articles that gives great insights into doing this sort of turn around. Lord knows I've had mind-blowing paradigm shifts when I read some of the articles. Most Self help books have some amount of the same, simple principles.
But for the sake of continuity, here's a couple of mandatory requirements I've found in my experiences about turning things around:
1) Believe in yourself, and your power to make anything happen.
2) Figure out where you are (which I think is done if you look at your post), where you want to be (list your goals, or visualize a state), and how to get there (break goals to action points)
3) Be Consistent. This is THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT. Learn to kick yourself in the butt mentally, if you are even thinking of slipping up. If you can, learn to use your goals to attract yourself (read Steve's post on Sex energy fresh out the oven for some starters) or how to stay positive.
I live by a statement anthony robbins once made: Intention without Discipline is Delusion. (again, steve has tonnes of articles on discipline)

There's a lot of other tips and tricks you can use to hack and tweak yourself and life to make things easier and more conductive to you achieving your goals. Start reading up on them, sources are all around to input positive stuff to replace the negative thoughts cycling in your head. Remember: garbage in, garbage out.

good luck.

[JHL]

Hi Jes, in my experience, the time when most people truly start to turn their lives around is when they reach the point of being absolutely sick and tired of living the way they have been. They have had enough and cant carry on the same way for one more second. They change, because it is actually harder to stay the way they are.

It sounds like thats where you are. You have had enough of living the old way. Of not following through, of being indecisive and not seeing your goals come to fruition. Good for you! Because it sounds like you are one talented guy, with a helluva lot going for you.

Right now your self-esteem is down in the dumps. And it would be, because self-esteem is earned by you experiencing yourself accomplishing stuff. But over the past few years (?) all you have experienced is yourself NOT accomplishing stuff. Naturally, your confidence is shot at the moment. The good news, is that you can realistically start getting it back right away!

Your road back is not some monumental effort that requires you achieve the impossible in 5 days. Instead it is comprised of small steps you must take every day, which will help you get going, and which will boost your confidence quicker than you thought possible.

Start simply - what are your goals and what steps do you need to take to start working on them. Then, put your head down and just start working on them. Its really NOT more complicated than that. But you have to DO it before you experience the results.

Pardon my shouting, but DO NOT lose faith in yourself. It is a horrible trickery of the ego that leads you to believe that there is no way back for you, or that it is too late. It isnt. It never is. You wrote here, you have been answered, providence is already working on your side. You will start seeing other signs - life wants you to succeed. Go for it Jes!

[Greek Dog]

Jes - I have a book for you. The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force by Dr. Jeffrey M. Schwartz.

I am older than you but your story in its general form could be mine. I have made significant progress in the past 10 months though I definitely have further to go. But I will not give up even though it is difficult.

The book I recommend has been pivotal to changing my life. It explains in scientific terms why this personal development thinking works. Schwartz is a psychiatrist who speciallizes in OCD. In short he describes the astonishing power of thought to actually change the functioning and patterns of the mind.

FourthDan's three steps are good ones. One of the things that has helped me is keeping a very small journal in which I write one to five things I want to achieve that day and then I write down at the end of the day what I have accomplished. This is essential for me because i am overcoming extreme negativity and tend to overlook the small things as being worthless but I cannot get to the big things unless I accomplish the small.

JHL offers good support. One thing that I suggest is that you write out your major goals but do not worry about the steps to get there. That can be a real stumbling block with OCD. Just write down your major goals and reread them regularly. You will be astonished how they will begin to manifest. Even if you do not know how to get to your goal.

The single most important step is to believe - even if you don't know how, just believe that you will get to your goals. Never give up chosing to believe. That may be your greatest struggle - it is mine. But each time I start to give up I focus on my small, daily goals again and when I look back over my small journal I see true, concrete, excellent accomplishment and I become encouraged.

Look for encouragement whereever you can find it. Keep your focus on encouragement. You are able to do that. You needed encouragement today and you have manifested it. Do not belittle this accomplishment. It is far more important that you can imagine. When you begin to value this accomplishment you will begin to see how the small things accumulated will actually turn your entire life around.

[violet]

I'm new here, and I've also wondered, how much I have actually turned my life around. But as other folk have said, it's an ongoing, and life long process. The thing that struck me about your post was that very similar things appear to be happening to you. I don't believe in coincidences either!

I think that when the same sort of thing keeps happening - repeatedly, then there is some kind of lesson that you need to learn...but your'e not getting it (been there and done it, over and over...). Also, what does turnig your life around mean to you? what is sucess to you?

what is really important to you....
only you have the answers.

[RT Wolf]

Steve has, to an extent. He has a criminal record. His personal story is here:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...of-life-intro/

Courage:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles...onsciously.htm

About being "smart":
The Power (and Peril) of Praising Your Kids -- New York Magazine

The first 4-5 months of last year, I was pretty much where you are. Spent the whole day accomplishing nothing. Stopped going to classes and stopped talking to people. Long story short, I decided that this is not the way I wanted to live life and Steve's site was a huge source of inspiration for me. I didn't know how I was giong to do it, yet, but I was going to make my life absolutely fantastic.

You can turn things around. No matter what your circumstances, you can always "rise from the ashes" as it were. Get new friends and hang out with people who actually have goals. Immerse yourself in materials that reinforce what yuo want. Then, you can truly begin to enjoy life.

[Doku]

Jes,
Turning your life around can be done. I've never done drugs/alcohol, so I can't advise you on how to recover from that. All I can do is offer my personal experiences.

My school experience is similar to yours: from smartest kid in the school to biggest waste of potential. My outlook in school was that it was extremely dull, so I never did any of the work (which was graded), etc. Instead of dropping out, however, I skipped 11th and 12th, and went straight to college.

My college experience was similar to yours: I started out with a 4.0, and very quickly stopped going to classes, doing work, etc. Ended up on academic probation, and kicked out for a semester... I decided that college wasn't for me either, but in order to get anywhere, I needed that stupid piece of paper. So, I finally graduated third from the bottom in my class.

My work history, well... I'm 31, and I have had 7 jobs, and been unemployed for a total of about 3.5 years in the past 10. (graduated college at 21) One of those unemployment periods was for 15 months. I finally decided that working is not for me... so I am fighting to get it over and done with so that I can retire and relax, and not worry. I currently make over 150k, and am socking away lots of cash for retirement, and am building equity in the company that I'm a partial owner of, expecting a windfall when we sell.

I am not currently a milionaire, but expect to be by the end of this year... coming from over 100k in debt (not including mortgage).

NOW, all that being said...

Here is the major steps that got me to where I am.

1) When something really sucks (school work, for instance), look at your goals and see if you have to do it (college, in my example) or if you can somewhow skip it (high school in my example).

2) Write down goals. Don't bother doing the whole "manifest destiny" or "intention infestation" or ... Just create a simple set. I created mine when I was 10, and they are still the same today. Here they are: " 20 - get married and get a job." "30 - children" "40 - retired" "50 - speak 5 languages" "60 - visit 20 countries"

3) Realize that you can only do so much. You have a list of stuff to get done today/this week/this year. If you don't get it done, who cares? Seriously. I have a butt ton of things to get done that often do not get done. I prioritize in the morning and get done what I get done, and then have absolutely no problem going to bed and getting a good night's sleep.


And how am I doing on my goals from #2?
I'm 31. Out of college/working at 21. Married at 22. Children are planned... still having fun practicing. Will retire by 35 (first goal I have actually made). Am well on my way to learning the languages, and visiting the countries.

And just as a side note about unemployment: I hated work, and got laid off in a downsizing. Looked for work, and decided that since my wife made enough for us to survive (not live well, but survive), I decided that I could skip it for a while. As debt built because we were trying to live well on a survive income, I realized that that wasn't too smart, and hopped back into the working world.

[Lucas]

I have just two things to tell you, coming from a similar situation.

1. Nothing will change until you make a conscious decision to change it. This means actually making the choices every single day, not just saying you have decided to change.

2. Changing you life takes honesty, time and work. There is no getting around that. There are shortcuts to some things, but the big ones (Finances, Relationships, Health) all take time and effort.

The good thing is that if something goes wrong, you can try again.

[thestral]

It can be done. I think everyone else has already given great advice on how to turn your life around, so I'll just put in some proof that it can be done.

I hit rock bottom. I was depressed, attempted suicide on several occassions and ended this all with a mental breakdown. I had spent my whole school life as the scapegoat, the person that even the second least popular person in school harrassed and teased. I easily could have pulled a Columbine and I won't deny that I thought about it many times. I hated myself so much, I did not drink/do drugs, but I did do self-harm. I was 22 1/2 when I had the breakdown, right out of college, where I wasted my time and got a degree I did not even want.

I spent the next year just sort of there, when I discovered personal development. Spent another six months knowing all the theory and technique, but not applying a bit of it to my life. Wised up right before Christmas and was floored. Baby steps, but soon I knew what I was going to do with my life. I had friends for the first time since I could remember. I had a job that I love. In four months I have undone most of the damage I did in 23 1/2 years. It has taken the development of an iron will that refuses to be a victim anymore, but its like being a whole new person. I'm now the eternal optimist. Not to say I don't have lapses, but they are short and easily forgotten.

[fourthdan]

Lucas brought up a real good points - and I just remembered something I ought to mention

1) you have to make the decision to turn it around. And not a half -assed one. I mean you decide, commit, vow, promise, swear with every fiber in your being that you are gonna do something about this Sh*t.

2) Life is how you look at it. If you say it's crap, then it's crap. If you say, it's alright and getting better, then so it is. Whether you're talking from the point of view of the Law of attraction, or pure psychology - it pays to be positive.

your post shows u have a negative view of the world. your first decision should be to change your relationship and your opinion of the world.

[Jes]

Wow. Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. There were so many great points I'd like to touch on, but it's going to take me a few posts to get through all of them.

fourthdan, I think my biggest problem is that I'm stuck on where I want to go and how I want to get there. I've gotten my long-term goals down to the following:

1. Pursue spiritual fulfillment.
2. Write songs.
3. Study music.
4. Survive.

But the shorter-term action points are what's driving me nuts. It's not like my field is one in which you go to high school, then college, then intern, then get a job. Most of my peers haven't done any of those things. The problem is that I can sit around all day and write a million songs, but then what? I don't desire fame, so why should I even bother promoting a record of my work? Yes, in order to survive, my best bet is to secure an income, but should I do that by selling my songs to other people, selling tickets to performances of my songs, or selling my knowledge of songwriting to students? It's these details that have paralyzed me. I just don't know where to begin. I really have a burning desire to change, and maybe it's the OCD, but I just can't decide on a first step. I wake up every day and think "OK, time to change---now, how do I do it?" Then I sit for a while thinking about it, get distracted, and 24 hours later find myself in the same position.

On a positive note, I'm not going out tonight, so I've still got another 6 hrs. or so to get somewhere. But, where?

[Jesse E]

It sounds like maybe you don't really know what you want.

If you don't know what you want, then you won't have enough motivation to do anything.

So perhaps, you should figure out who you are, and then things will naturally fall into place.

[Zukin]

This was the biggest turning point in my life:
In 2005, I was driving at night and was seriously thinking of killing myself by speeding up as fast as I could and jumping out of the car or driving into a tree. I nearly couldn't stop myself from doing it, but then I heard a voice in my head telling me that while I might feel terrible, I was still in a position to help others. After that point, I went on to:
• Lend thousands of dollars to people in poor countries via microfinance to help them start their own businesses and support their families.
• Provide cataract surgery to 30-40 villagers in the Himalayas.
• Give thousands of pounds of food to the homeless.
And that's only the beginning.

Interestingly, Buckminster Fuller (the famous multimillionaire engineer and thinker) had a similar experience:
"You Do Not Belong to You.You Belong to the Universe." by Buckminster Fuller

[Shamou]

Hello Jes...

Things seems very rough for you now... sorry about that... obviously, somethings have got to change... and... it is also obvious to me that it will not happen overnight...

Einstein said something to the effect that, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

So, first, if you can find it in your heart to take responsibility for your present situation... you can start working your way out of it... blaming fate, luck or others will do nothing for you except providing a good excuse for the dilemma you are presently in...

One day at the time... one step at the time... you can find your way out... it won't be easy... but, I honestly believe that you can do it...

Best of luck to you...

.

[Jes]

A little update. I tried going to sleep tonight and was again thrown out of bed by depressing thoughts. I couldn't think of anything positive I'd done all day, mostly because I couldn't remember half of it (thanks, cannibus!). So I've since been trying to come up with a gameplan. Here's what I've got so far:

1. RESTART MY DAILY JOURNAL
I used to keep this memo book on me to write down every minute and cent that I spent, as well as every nutrient I'd consumed throughout the day. It was a bit over-complicated, so this time I'm going to just log the basics of how I spend my time (6:30-8 gym, 12-12:30 lunch, etc.). I figure it'll be a good reminder of what I'm doing and not doing.
2. ADJUST MY SLEEP SCHEDULE
My days have no set beginning or end, so I'm following Steve's advice on how to become an early riser. I set a daily alarm for an hour before sunrise, and I'll sleep when I'm tired.
3. PRACTICE "GETTING THINGS DONE"
I LOVE this book, and for a couple months I followed the system perfectly. I'll probably have to read it again at this point, but for now I'm just going to jump back into the practices and refine them over time.

Dragging through the day on a few hours of sleep will be tough, but gradually implementing these things just hasn't worked out for me. Even if I crash at noon, I'll probably have gotten more done in those morning hours than I have all year. And once I'm in the swing of it, I'm thinking it should be easier to tackle narrowing down those long-term goals.

All right. Pray that this works.

[fourthdan]

ok, I understand where you're coming from, so let me address a couple of things.
First your income issue - you have to evaluate strategies and make decisions on them. I believe there are two ways (other than becoming a dependent, going broke,etc):
1) Turn your passion into your pay-cheque. You may not want to "sell-out", and you may not even have to, but I've found that hunger is the biggest humbling factor - we all have to eat, pay the bills, regardless of what level of conciousness we're at. Read more about the Lightworker syndrome too.
2) Keep your day job. I like this under-rated strategy. From my perspective, I see it as insurance, contingency, increased probability for success, support for my passions, and of course - a way to make sure I'm fed, clothed and rested so I can focus on my goals properly with peace of mind.
think about which you want to do and make this decision first.

Second, the goals being broken into milestones. I've read that there are many ways about this, but two come to mind:

1) Top-down: take a goal and break it into big milestones. then take the big milestones and break into smaller ones. Repeat till you're left with tasks.

2) Backwards: Imagine you've just become successful at that goal. imagine your steps backwards to where you are now. This is called "begin with the end in mind".

Personally I use the top-down, but use what works for you. Fill the tasks into a task manager (schedule it if you can). Personally, I use Remember the milk, but you can even use excel or google calendar. Keeping it online and as the home page of your browser keeps reminding you and focussing you.

For example, let's take your goal: "write songs"
First of all, make it extemely specific. Give it a deadline.
"I want to make an album with 10 songs by december 1'st 2007"
Then start breaking it down:
You have two major needs: the lyrics and the music
so the milestones are:

• Write lyrics of 20 songs (out of them you can then pick the 10 best)
• Learn to use Fruity Loops (or any other computer based Music creation software)

Now break the lyrics one into: MILESTONE: song 1, MILESTONE: song 2...
attach a deadline to each.

Start working on getting hold of documentation for the FL, and then assign a deadline of when you will finish reading it, then using your new knowledge. You may even need to work on getting a computer with the right equipment.

Hope this helps

[Scumbag]

Lots of good advice in this thread

I'll tell you what works/worked for me.

I live by the K.I.S.S. method.

Write down tasks and start tackling them. I find a dry erase board works perfectly for this.

That's really all there is to it.

It doesn't matter how big or small the task is. Just write them down and start doing them. When you are done, cross it off.

why even concentrate on these huge lofty dreams if you can't even complete a simple task like waking up on time?

Other advice..

Stop dwelling on the past. Learn and move on.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Scumbag

Stop dwelling on the past. Learn and move on.

.

[madgeylou]

jes, i wont reiterate what's already in this thread -- you've gotten a great outpouring of love and support and advice.

what i did want to touch on is this 'how do i monetize my music?' thing.

i'm a musician, too. i love to sing and write and perform, and you couldnt stop me from doing it if you tried.

but, every time i've tried to monetize it or use it as a means to an end, it dries up on me. or, i should say, my desire to make music seems inversely proportional to how much money, glory, fame, or love i try to get out of it.

i had to look at this with a very critical eye, because if my stated goal in life is to be a musician, then why am i shying away from making music? why do i not feel a burning need to get to an open mike every night or play with people every day? why can i go for weeks at a time without even picking up my guitar?

the answer was simple. i didnt really want to be a professional musician. i love music, but for me, tying it up with money kills it. i do NOT want my music to be beholden to a paying audience. my songs are too close to me, and to pimp them out to pay my rent feels so wrong, i cant even express it.

now that i've let go of that dream (and believe me, it has been HARD -- i've had this dream since i can remember), i feel much freer than i have in a while. and letting go of this dream has allowed a few other ones that i put on the backburner previously, to step in and have some light and attention on them as well.

as you might expect, those new dreams are now manifesting into reality.

i dont know if this resonates with you at all, but could it be that music is not meant to be your profession and that is why you resist taking the next step?

i know your post is about more than this issue, but in my experience, something like this can really throw a monkey wrench into the big picture.