What would older people advise to young people?

[Julia.Ru]

I'm 23 (almost 24). I believe that all human beings go from birth to death in one and the same way (I mean from psychological and physical points of view). My belief is in science. So, I wanted to know what I'm likely to expect as I grow older. I wanted to learn it from some great and most complete textbook on the psychology of human development (or how to call it?), but didn't managed to get the full electronic version of it But apart from textbooks, I think it would be wise to ask people in their late 20s, in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, etc. what they could advise to younger people. I'd like to know what I may miss, what I'll definitely encounter, what mistakes are inevitable, how I will feel at certain age, what I'll think, what my emotions will be, what my delusions will be and so on. Please, look back at your past, remember yourself at different ages and tell me just everything you find interesting and worth mentioning.

[llong]

My only advice would be:

1) Work hard
2) Don't worry about relationships; people will come and go throughout your life.
3) Focus on doing things that require a lot of time to get good at, because you have plenty of time!
4) Invest any savings wisely

[Angela]

Try to stop worrying about being attractive to men. It will not affect your joy, love, or peace in life, one way or the other, and you'll have more time for fun.

Don't lay out in the sun. You will regret it later, I promise.

Max out your 401(k) plan.

Spend more time with your mother, and be patient when she irritates you. You will suffer when she's dead.

When a rock star you admire tells you on your first date that he is a recovering heroin addict fighting for custody of his daughter with his psychotic ex-wife, go with your first instinct. Do not rationalize because he's so cute. There is agonizing pain in store for you if you do not heed my advice.

Forget about your "type."

Do your yoga. Youth is flexibility. It gets much more difficult later if you're not diligent now.

You are absolutely, drop-dead gorgeous! Get photographed naked!

[Erin Pavlina]

LOL Angela!

Here is my advice:
1. Before you accept anything into your life, make sure you really want it. This goes for relationships, career, health, etc. If you don't want it, let it keep walking right on out.

2. Keep your body as fit as possible. Learn to love exercising.

3. Life is too short to be angry at anyone or anything. Release any anger you're holding on to.

4. Never end a sentence with a preposition. (see above)

5. Follow the threads of joy in your life. If it ain't fun, don't do it.

6. Think long and hard before you become a parent. It's a lot more work than anyone will reveal and it's not for everyone.

7. You can't really understand your parents until you become one yourself. After you do become a parent, it's much easier to forgive your own.

[Pegasus]

I'm almost 33.

As I've gotten older, I've become less judgmental and have tried hard to see things from other people's viewpoints.

I've also gained a greater appreciation for the friends I have.

And physically,
hormones tend to influence all kinds of stuff...

[Scumbag]

I'm 25. Let me give you my expert opinion.

1. Love yourself.

2. Get hot chicks. Don't settle for less.

3. Get a dog. dog spelled backwards is GOD. They will teach you things about living life that will blow your mind.

4. Trust your gut instinct. Never let someone talk you into something. You know best.

5. laugh every day.

6. don't spend money at strip clubs

7. read steve's blog religiously.

[CoachChar]

I'm 34. I don't presume that this advice will make sense or apply to anyone but the younger me. However, if I could send some insights to a younger me I'd say:

1. Sometimes good enough really is good enough. Perfectionism is based in anxiety and fear. You have absolutely nothing to be fearful or anxious about.
   
2. Mom and Dad did the best job they knew how and one of your greatest accomplishments will be to learn how to love them and accept them for who they are.
   
3. You will never be better or worse than anyone, so celebrate your uniqueness and stand tall in your power.
   
4. Love is a verb.
   
5. If you stay at that job and ignore your feelings, you'll develop diabetes! You'll stay and you'll also learn to take exquisite care of your health.
   
6. There will come a time when you don't have any use for words and labels such as good, bad, right, or wrong.
   
7. The purpose of life is joy.

[Rin]

Here are mine (I'm a couple of years away from the big 4-0, by the way, so I expect my pearls of wisdom will change over time):

- No man is worth your tears! (Or woman, for that matter.) So save 'em for when it really matters.

- Save, save, save. Always spend less than you earn. And save - did I mention save?

- While you are young, strong, and healthy, work hard. Work your butt off. Learn the fine art of delayed gratification. And save money.

- Travel. Try and have the experience of spending at a few weeks or even months in a vastly different culture, at least once in your life. You'll never regret it, and you'll aways be a much better person for it. Plus, you'll always have something interesting to talk about at dinner parties later on (this matters more than you may think right now).

- Stay out of the sun. That lovely golden tan will turn to leather in a few years, take it from one who knows. And don't forget to moisturise.

- Take good care of your teeth. Ditto.

- Be tolerant of others' faults and foibles (I have to admit, I'm still working on this one, with little success so far).

- Get photographed naked! (Damn, I wish I'd done that!) Appreciate your beautiful, taut young body, it will never look this good again.

- "Things" don't matter. So don't get hung up on collecting them, unless you plan to become a professional collector of some sort. Aim to travel lightly through life. After all, as the saying goes, you can't take it with you.

- Be nice to people. And if you can't be nice, then at least try not to hurt them.

- Smile!

[Lola]

At your exact age, I was married for about a year, had two step-daughters, an infant son, a "grown-up, responsible" job and a mortgage. I wish I'd asked these questions!!

In addition to the excellent lists above, I can add:

1. Spend time truly getting to know yourself now. Know who you are and what you want out of life. Maintain that knowing in every relationship and don't let anyone take it away from you.

2. Choose work that you LOVE. You'll spend a lot of time doing it so it should bring contentment.

3. When/if you have children, understand that they'll be around for a very short time in the grand scheme of things. Love them, love them, love them. It will seem like no time at all from the day you brought them home from the hospital until the day they leave for college, get married, join the Air Force...

4. Welcome your kids' friends. Be okay with the noise and the mess and the chaos and the empty pantry - it won't last forever (see #3). Besides, it's fun to be the cool mom's house where everyone wants to hang out, and you always know where they are and what they're doing.

5. Really live in your house. (This one goes along with #3 & 4). Own furniture you can put your feet on. Don't obsess over cleanliness or who ate all the food. Your house will stay spotless and your fridge will stay stocked for weeks at a time when the kids are gone.

6. Also related to child-raising, maintain your independent identity even though you're a mom. Participate in activities you love that don't have anything to do with anybody else's dentist appointments, music lessons, baseball games, or school activities. Keep your mind engaged in things that interest you. (I see a lot of moms completely lose their identity and at a total loss when the kids leave because they've been so wrapped up in the lives of their children that they don't have any idea who they are without the mom label).

7. Know that even when you get some jiggly parts, when the wrinkles and gray hairs appear, when gravity starts to wreak its havoc on your body, and you get new little aches now and then - in your mind you'll still feel like your 16 year old self sometimes. When this happens, it's ok to drive around with the top down, the wind in your hair and the Metallica cranked! (We need a head-banger smiley!)

[Alvin]

This is a fantastic thread - I'm getting loads from this

[ferociousgoals]

Slightly different approach: appreciate and cultivate passionate FRIENDSHIPS.

You know, those ones where you spend six hours talking the first time you meet, shocked at how much you have in common, telling your whole life story and crying and laughing. Make as many of those as you can. Though you can absolutely make new friends out of your 20s, the way that the friendships form (due to all sorts of reasons, both positive and negative) change, and you will miss the crazy, almost-love-but-platonic, intensely emotional friends. Plus, the ones you make and manage to hold onto will likely be your best friends for life.

Also, take big chances now--you not only have plenty of time to recover from them if they don't turn out like you'd hoped, but you are still relatively unencumbered (well, some people) by spouse/kids/mortgage/career-track. Ever wondered what it would be like to live somewhere else? Go for it! Ever felt curious about kissing a girl? Do it before you get married, for heaven's sake! Think cooking looks fun? Take advantage of your youth (and ability to survive on little sleep and function while exhausted) and get a part-time job at the diner.

Have fun, live deeply, and appreciate your mistakes!

[daisylover26]

This is such a great thread!! Some of my thoughts echo what others have said:

-Know yourself! And be okay with who's inside, even if you seem like a walking contradiction. Work to change what you don't like, but don't ever lie to yourself about who you are at any point in time. When you're self-aware, you won't make bad decisions and you'll have a much easier time understanding other people because you'll have something solid to compare them against. If I could give a person only one piece of advice, it would be this because if you work on this one, everything else will fall in line.

-Travel when you can! There's no better way to broaden your world view. And I've found (for some strange reason) that while on vacation I make major decisions about changes in my life that I implement once I get home. I think maybe it's something about the change of scenery that gives me the clarity to make up my mind about things. So, vacations are a good mental health tool

-Don't be afraid to be overly enthusiastic about everything, even the little things that no one else will understand. People admire enthusiasm and it's contagious. Along with this one goes...never grow up all the way. If you still like to play with Legos or skip down the street then just do it. And the third part of this is: never feel as though you have to give up childhood traditions just because you're grown and/or there are no kids around. You can still color and hunt Easter eggs, knock down a pinata for your birthday, leave milk and cookies for Santa. Fun and tradition are for everyone, not just kids!!

-When you start to feel lost about who you are, remember who you were. Over the years your interests and situations will change, but I've found that at the core people stay about the same (and to clarify, I believe all people are good at the core. They get labeled otherwise because of their actions). So, the chances are that however much you change throughout life, you'll always carry the same passions and ideals you had as a teenager or young adult (maybe even as a child) and those are what ground you. People are like trees: they need a solid grounding to soar upward.

-Learn to appreciate your family, even if you live at Dysfunction Junction They are who they are and they have much to teach you if you let them.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Julia.Ru

I believe that all human beings go from birth to death in one and the same way (I mean from psychological and physical points of view). My belief is in science. So, I wanted to know what I'm likely to expect as I grow older. I wanted to learn it from some great and most complete textbook on the psychology of human development (or how to call it?), but didn't managed to get the full electronic version of it

On the psychology of human development, read Abraham Maslow, one of the most influential psychologists of modern times. Pay attention to his research on peak experiences.

Please, look back at your past, remember yourself at different ages and tell me just everything you find interesting and worth mentioning.

I once believed a lot in science.

Later I learned that science nowadays is largely driven by business and commerce. Science will not venture into areas where money cannot be made. Remember this - if you are hoping that science will one day provide you with answers to the ultimate questions.

[JHL]

Originally Posted by Julia.Ru

Please, look back at your past, remember yourself at different ages and tell me just everything you find interesting and worth mentioning.

Well, this one time, at bandcamp...

Wonderful question you have asked and wonderful answers. Perhaps you are just the person to compile this great electronic textbook of life!

[Julia.Ru]

Thank you all for your replies!!!
I'm glad that I was alredy aware of some things (like appreciating my family, especially my Mom, because rather soon they won't be with me...; or not get tanned because it will spoil my skin in the future )

What really never occured to me is Lola's comment that one should remember that his/her kids will be around for a very short time. I'm going to have kids not less than in 7-10 years, but I'll bear this in mind because I always thought that kids would make life nasty for long 18 years.

One more thing that ferociousgoals reminded me of - take advantage of my youth with it's energy. I think I should never forget this while I'm young, I suspect many things will be much more harder to be done when I'm older.

About e-book on human development - I started reading one by Craig (sp?), I just feel it's one of the best encyclopedias on this topic. Probably I'll check Maslow's works - some of our professors at the uni were simply obsessed with his work.

As for science... I don't believe it has become commercial here, in Russia, at least I've never encountered such works, but only genuine researches. As for other countries... don't know if it's overall commercial, for example, I highly appreciate Craig's textbook.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Julia.Ru

As for science... I don't believe it has become commercial here, in Russia, at least I've never encountered such works, but only genuine researches.

I am not saying that the research is not genuine. I am saying that the research is very much geared towards commercial ends.

Example - suppose Scientist A tells his university, "I would like to investigate the phenomenon of ghosts and whether they really exist. Please give me USD 10 million to fund my research."

Meanwhile, Scientist B tells his university, "I would like to develop a new type of advanced technology which will lead to a new generation of handphones. Potentially it can be very lucrative once we start selling the new handphones. Please give me USD 10 million to fund my research."

Guess who's going to get the research dollars?

What this tells you is that science simply doesn't venture very much into certain areas. It is therefore a bit silly to make statements like: "It's unscientific to believe in reincarnation" or "Psychic powers are not proven by science", because very few scientists have ever ventured to research such topics. "Few", relative to, say, scientists studying Vitamin C, or handphones, or oil drilling methods.

[Andrew Michaels]

Messages to 14 year old me:

1) Despite what you may think, diet and exercise can change your life. Start now, as it'll be a long and winding road. You'll be a health nut who can out-pace some professional athletes in a few years, and as everything that you hate about yourself starts to disappear, you'll find some good reasons to start living in those burnt-out-husk sections of your life which you've abandoned as lost causes long ago. They'll take some time to reoccupy, and go slowly in them, as the muscles have atrophied. In time, you'll find a few strengths and joys amongst the ashes, and you'll be happy you breathed with all of you.

2) It sounds cliched, but what you think makes you who you are. You must keep a positive attitude at all times; the consequences are loathing, failure, and depression. However, the upside of this is that your mind is powerful beyond all your imaginings. You are brilliant, and, putting your strengths to good use, you will shake the world.

3) Get on the beach. Absorb sun; you will always feel better for it.

4) There are women who are worthwhile out there; you will find them, and it will be blissful. Make time for them in your busy life always, but don't let them smother you.

There are friends out there who are worth having; they will make you laugh, they will make you think, and they will lead you to new opportunities. You will save and improve some of them. Best of all, they add spice, even if they sometimes chafe and enrage. Never forget though, that you need your alone time. Jealously guard it, as it is the key to your soul and happiness.

5) Never let the dollar rule you. Do what you love. If you do, you'll do well enough financially, and avoid the horror of a life wasted in the pursuit of something you can't take with you. Besides, your fortune lies in pursuing the periphery of your passion.

6) Spend less than you earn. Save 20% of what you make. Do the research and invest it wisely. Index funds are your friends.

7) Your clashes with your parents are mostly temporary. They love you and you'll remember that you love them soon enough. Enjoy them as long as you can, and don't let your temper off its leash. If you keep your mind positive, family will mostly take care of itself. Don't forget about your brother. He's got his own thing going, and you'll need to be the one to make the effort to keep in touch, but you'll both be glad you did when you're older.

8) It's ok to be a hippy and show it. It will endear most to you, and the rest will be too impressed for it to have any negative consequences. Frolic. Hike. Laugh. Don't take things too seriously or revel in the loathing of others.

[Dallyup52]

I am in my 60th year. Along with many of very interesting and worthwhile comments I would add.

How you live your life is more important than what you do.

Relationships are everything ... friends, family, community, environment.

When you learn how to change prospective and realize that your own propective is not permanent nor better than another ... you have learned a lot. You can experience that you are the master of your world.

This waking dream is no more important than the other dreams that you participate in. We create all of our realities.

Truth only comes from prospective as does the judgement about right and wrong.. (See above)

Time is not linear it is a relationship that you have.

Fear is one of the best guides you will ever get to have by your side.

Emotions are just feedback (similar to seeing and smelling). (Anger talks about the desire for change, etc.)

Memory is not nearly as important as one might think.

BlessU
Sam

[annie]

Ive read some great advice on this thread.

My top 5

1) Develop financial skills at an early age. Live poorly in your 20s and save all you can. (dont buy new cars or expensive cars, but live frugally until you have some great investments and learn how to handle 4) Have a goal to be financially free at a young age so you are in a position in your 30s, 40s, 50s etc to contribute your best to the world (full time!) Always have a financial book on your table and practice those skills (The Automatic Millionaire, Rich Dad series, Richest Man in Babylon, Your money or your life etc)

2) Spend some time in nature everyday....so you have time to clear your head and think about whats important in your life. Use the time to breathe and enjoy being with yourself and your own thoughts.

3) Build your foundation on relationships. You cant take your money with you...but you can take your knowledge and your relationships. Invest in your marriage and your children. Commit yourself.

4) Find God, Find truth and live to your highest integrity. When you fall short, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going!

5) Do at least 1 triathlon (just for the hell of it )

[Liara Covert]

I really love and appreciate the reflections on this thread. As for myself, I would add;

1) Never have regrets. This life is too short to waste energy on what can't be changed. Choose instead to learn and apply your new wisdom to "next time." Your life experiences will forever be blessed by lessons learned by yourself and other inspirations. Choose to grow.

2) Remain open to learning and changing your beliefs. If you change your beliefs, you influence the root cause of your behavior. Who you were yesterday will not necessarily be who you have evolved into today. Embrace change with joy and gratitude.

3) Teach yourself to be happy in the moment. Remind yourself no 'right or wrong' decision exists, only your perception of what matters at a given time and phase of your life. Savour every feeling, from love to pain. Every feeling has a message. Do you learn to intuit?

4) Take every opportunity to get-to-know yourself better . As you learn to listen closely to your inner voice, you'll make choices according to who you really are, not who people lead you to think you are. This soul-searching can also encourage you to develop and deepen a spiritual side.

5) Commit to people and causes As you do this, it will enable you to believe more in yourself. Distance yourself from perceived needs of "enough" of anything, from money to reciprocity. Choose instead to give unconditionally. You will find appreciation will bless you by the truckload.