A New Game--Goodbye (for now)....

[James81]

It's been a long time since I done one of these, and I've spent loads of time sitting along the sidelines kinda criticizing peeps for doing just this. But now you know how much time I spend doing the things I say you shouldn't do.

I feel like I've shifted gears this year. It started all gremliny, and now it's kind of action time. I'm taking actions to get myself back into school this year and I see the day approaching wherein that's going to soak up a lot of my time.

I also see new opportunity in doing this. I see opportunity to make new connections and perhaps build some of my afk connections up a little deeper. So, this is one part inspired by Steve's facebook post, and in some parts inspired by Moudsasaurus.

I devote lots of energy to this site, a large chunk of it has been to exploring myself, but I feel like that chapter of intense, focused self exploration is really starting to come to a close. I'm not averse to self exploration in the future, I just kinda want to ramp it down a bit. I want to devote more of my energy towards real life pursuits, I have loads of stuff to do in terms of going back to school. Plus, I have a website that I want to finish up before I get too busy with other stuff.

Also, I want to devote a strong focus towards creating habits that I can carry into a new career. I've kinda gotten lazy in that regard and those habits have spilled into other areas of my life. Last year I was crazy productive WHILE posting maniacally on the forums. Now I'm kind of interested to see how that might translate without devoting such a large block of my energy to forum pursuits.

So, I'm calling for a self-ban (if moderators are reading this). Starting tomorrow night sometime after midnight EST. Give me 90 days for now because I'm going to be piggybacking a couple of trials over those 90 days. I'm going to start with stepping back from all forum interaction for 30 days, and then I'm going to prepare myself to quit smoking after that. And then in the next 30 days I'll leave open for now for whatever inspires me.

But I want to do this slightly differently than I have in the past. In the past, I've just outright abandoned my forum connections during these trials. This time around I'm calling for help with this. I want to keep connections with people. So, I'm asking for people who have read (and like to read) my stuff if they are willing to commit to something for me. I'm shifting my posts to a new blog here:

The Great Beyond | Just another WordPress.com site

Can I get some people who are willing to bookmark that and check it daily for posts and make comments on my posts? The reason I'm asking is that part of the reason I post on forums is that it's pretty surefire way to get instant feedback. Blogging was always hit or miss in terms of feedback and I'd still like to maintain some of that. I can return the favor in some fashion if you're willing. Just let me know what you might like for me to do in return and we'll work something out.

This way, I think, I can maintain some of the support that i have in this network without having it be such an energy dispensing part of my life.

Also, anybody who wants to keep in contact with me can PM me for my email address (but do so quickly cuz I'm gonna be gone by tomorrow night) if you don't already have it. I'd appreciate some help in that regard as well. No need for a daily email or anything (unless you want to of course), but keep in touch, eh?

Some of the outcomes of this game (and focuses) include:

1. Leaving a good last impression on my day job so that I can have a good reference.

2. Becoming an early riser, and establishing the habits that lead to that.

3. Getting stuff done. Getting into that program.

4. Devoting more time and making deeper real life connections.

5. Moving beyond smoking.

6. Increasing my physical activity and eating healthier again.

7. Pulling together the stuff I learned, and ending a decade-long relationship that I've had with forums. Yes, I've been in a relationship with forums for a long time, and it's time for face time again.

Ironically, this will probably mean that I'll be increasing my facebook intereactions just a bit (irony being that this post was inspired by Steve's anti-facebook post ).

The idea this time is to not return to forums until I build the support networks in real life that release my reliance ON forums for emotional support. So, in that sense, the 90 day thing is just a nice round number that helps me stay away in the initial days where coming down will be a bit intense.

Anyway, I don't have much else to say. It's been a real experience. Adios, Mahalo, and Live in Inspiration.

[spacecadetglow]

James! Totally respectable, dude. Major kudos and all that.

I'll check your blog out and keep up with you, that'd be great. I should probably do something like this myself soon... inspirational as always.

You da man! I'll miss ya around here.

[BillyTheAdult]

Wow James, good luck. I would ask for a facebook add but a.) I don't really use to communicate almost at all, more just to have a way to contact people I know or used to know and b.) I seen you say you only add people you know in real life. I'll definitely check your blog though, leave feedback. Happy trails my friend, good luck.

[curiouslyrandom]

Get lost, scram, don't let the door hit you on the way out!*

And please, know that you are missed.

(* my tough love approach to forum-deserters. I think it's awesome that you're doing it, and I bet you'll make great strides while you're out in the real world)

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by James81

So, I'm calling for a self-ban (if moderators are reading this). Starting tomorrow night sometime after midnight EST. Give me 90 days for now because I'm going to be piggybacking a couple of trials over those 90 days. I'm going to start with stepping back from all forum interaction for 30 days, and then I'm going to prepare myself to quit smoking after that. And then in the next 30 days I'll leave open for now for whatever inspires me.

But I want to do this slightly differently than I have in the past. In the past, I've just outright abandoned my forum connections during these trials. This time around I'm calling for help with this. I want to keep connections with people. So, I'm asking for people who have read (and like to read) my stuff if they are willing to commit to something for me. I'm shifting my posts to a new blog here:

The Great Beyond | Just another WordPress.com site

Can I get some people who are willing to bookmark that and check it daily for posts and make comments on my posts?

I see this! And will comply with your request for a ban tomorrow.

I will bookmark your site, but won't commit to reading & commenting every day. I will read it, and will comment if I'm moved to do so.

[st33med]

I'm sorry that you are leaving. I love you always.

Bye friend.

[Weena]

oh dear... now I feel inspired to do the same. I'm unsure if i want a "ban" though, when I see "banned" it looks like an unfair word. I want to see a "on vacation" instead . If we can be called "on vacation" then I want a ban . I've been thinking about a trial for myself called "living at my highest potential". And just after that I see your post...coincidence?

[Criseyde]

I'll miss you! I've bookmarked your blog, but I can't promise to comment on every entry.

[Savage]

Congrats on making such a commitment, James. If one of the mods doesn't set up the temp ban for you, just drop me a PM when you're ready, and I'll take care of it.

On the other hand, I guess we'll be back down to 9M page view a month (from 10.3M last month). Oh well...

[Plays With Life]

Have a *great* time, man!

[BillyTheAdult]

Originally Posted by Savage

On the other hand, I guess we'll be back down to 9M page view a month (from 10.3M last month). Oh well...

I wish we had one of those smiley's of the dude rolling on the ground laughing.

[Savage]

So how much longer will it take for Angela to reach this point? Or Roxyruby?

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by Savage

So how much longer will it take for Angela to reach this point? Or Roxyruby?

I predict a mere 50,000 posts for Angela.

What would that make her? Mythological?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Savage

So how much longer will it take for Angela to reach this point? Or Roxyruby?

Maybe until I stop gaining more than I'm giving, I reckon.

[Lauxa]

Any chance you could set up a facebook feed for your blog? Any social network stuff is either here or there for me. But if not, I'll still bookmark you and maybe even occasionally read. I'll miss your energy in the forums, but I'm hoping you'll be back around. As we the weather warms and we throw away the leftover Easter candy, I'll check the PDSP forums and James81 will be posting again...

[supertom]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

I predict a mere 50,000 posts for Angela.

What would that make her? Mythological?

HAHA she would just get a copy of "how to overcome forum addiction" article sent to her inbox


Good luck James.

[Plays With Life]

I propose a new title for Angela: Angelic Member.

[AlmostGodess]

Good luck with everything, James. We'll miss you!

[metamorph]

You have done some 5000+ posts in the last 6 months (or so it feels). Time for you to get some fresh air!!! Just kiddin, man.

If you pursue your real world goals with that same dedication, you will never look back

TC!

[marinik]

Bye James and take care of the hats! Good luck!

[ssandra]

I'll miss you here, but I'll try to read your blog every now and then... you also have my email.

I'm not very good at sending emails at regular times or anything like that. Please consider this an open invitation to email me at any time.

[ssandra]

As you know, I stand completely behind you whatever you decide to do... but I am curious... how do you reconcile this:

Originally Posted by James81

So, I'm calling for a self-ban (if moderators are reading this). Starting tomorrow night sometime after midnight EST. Give me 90 days for now because I'm going to be piggybacking a couple of trials over those 90 days. I'm going to start with stepping back from all forum interaction for 30 days, and then I'm going to prepare myself to quit smoking after that. And then in the next 30 days I'll leave open for now for whatever inspires me.

With this:

Originally Posted by James81

Oh, in that case, from my perspective, it occurs like a limiting perspective. And the reason for that is because I used to use that perspective. I used to take forum breaks all the time, think that it was sucking up my life, etc. I came to eventually realize the limitations in it as I think you (and others who have the "need a break" bug) will eventually see.

There's a more win/win solution out there when you're ready for it.

[Mynder]

Wisdom is doing.

You explored yourself, and now you're on your way to really experience the results of all that reflection work. Congratulations!

One thing: if you're not going to journal on the forums about what progress you are making, at least write it down for yourself. You may find that reading it later, when you're at a point of struggling and stagnation, it will allow you to really understand what kind of progress you have made up until that point, and that may give you the drive to continue onwards.

Oh, and should you decide to publish your deductions, you'll have lots of material you can write about and share with people who go through similar stages in life.

You are in a great place, and in a great mindset to take advantage of it all. Go shine!

[alexplatups]

Sometimes going cold-turkey is the most effective approach. That is how
I stopped smoking and drinking many years ago. Has been a lot of fun reading
your posts in the forum, I just hope you are not leaving because of this post:

Originally Posted by alexplatups

I think finding fundamental beliefs and assumptions is a very worthy pursuit.

But, in the long-run, after the initial thrill is over, and you get back to reality,
it is very similar to the 5th of January, when the holidays have passed, and
now the time comes to start working on your New Year resolutions

This is where the rubber hits the road! Manipulating one's mind, searching for
beliefs/assumptions, and all the other strategies people use to create the
results they desire work only in the short-term. Most of this stuff is very
similar to a serious addiction, where you try anything to eliminate the pain
that you are feeling deep inside your psyche!

Since the majority of the people living in our society/culture are addicted to
injecting themselves with all these "mind-tricks" - they are not seen as really
addictions, but even something that is positive.

While in reality, if we only look at the statistics, with all the millions of people
addicted to drugs, alcohol, tobacco, sugar, caffeine, beating their wife,
beating their kids, reading self-help books, watching TV, surfing online, and
a gazillion other habits, we have to admit that something is seriously wrong,
and we are living in a fantasy and delusion, created by something we know
very little about.

What the billions of people living in the world have in common is addictions,
which are nothing more than pathological relationships to any mood-altering
substance or experience that helps one to avoid or ignore a painful reality.

This painful reality is created because there is a separation between the
primary selves and the disowned selves, that make up our personality.

If anybody wants an example what this is like, we can take your body, which
is a whole system, where the whole is larger than the combination of its parts.
Now, let's imagine a simple scenario: Take half of your body parts, and
get rid of them in your imagination.

This is a very good example of our psychological state that we are living in.

But, most of us don't know it because there is a lot of money made from all
the addictions that people have. Probably somewhere in the multi-trillions
of dollars, because if there were no addictions, nobody would need the
majority of this stuff.

And addictions exist for one reason, and one reason only: for a certain
amount of time, they allow you to forget your pain and feel some comfort
and pleasure in your life. This happens because your awareness
is focused on the addictive behavior (substance or experience) and your
awareness of the pain is not felt at the level that you feel it when you are
not doing something that you are addicted to.

That last sentence might have to be read a few times to really grasp the
simple, but usually ignored reality.

And, one of the best examples is to watch how you feel before you come to
this forum to post, how you feel during, and how you feel a little after you
leave it. This awareness will show you how being here, helps to take away
a subtle discomfort (for some it might be more than subtle, obviously).

And, after you leave, try to be aware of that feeling that wants to come
back to the forum. What is that? That might be the all-mighty gremlin,
the pain of being separated from half of your selves!

I'm sure it's not, but your departure did shock me a bit, especially since
I remembered writing this post in that gremlin thread.

[GhostGoat]

Good luck James. This place won't be the same without you and your hat.

BTW, admirable set of goals there, a couple of which I am working towards also. Hope you make the most of all your new free time!

[Mounds]

I'm sure you'll come back a new man. I'll try to keep up with your blog as much as possible.
Have a good one!

-Tim

[Helesinine]

I'm going to miss you and your long insightful posts around here. These forums will not be the same without you.

Bye and good luck!

[Federer]

James , i'll miss you man. Truly appreciate your art, wisdom and fun-spirited.

[James81]

Thanks for the well wishes all! That means a lot to me.

I actually kinda set things up this way because I knew I'd be on the road all day long today and not on the forums much during the day. And then I knew I'd come back and post like a banshee in the evening.

I was wanting to give myself a little comparison between not posting and posting like normal just for comparison before it became official (and I could back out). Here's some conclusions I came to by doing that:

--I think I'm really going to enjoy taking a break!

--I think a lot of the anxiety I have been feeling over the past couple of days has been BECAUSE of writing about all the little details of my life and exploring it. I noticed today, during the day, that I was relatively anxiety free and that tonight a little of that anxiety has come back. I also felt really energetic today and I feel a bit drained now after posting for a while. I look foward to channeling that energy into new pursuits.

--I'm going to miss some of the insights I've gleaned just by reading the forums (like the whole breathing thing today)...but not enough to change my mind (). I think I'm gonna be able to generate insights in new ways.

I think those are pretty good first learnings to get from this, and I look forward to getting new insights.

For the teaching thing: I found the fear come back today about the interview again. But I also noticed that when I started thinking of all the fun things I was going to do in my lesson plan, the fear started dissolving. I also found myself fearing how tiring it might be to stand in front of kids all day talking (when I hardly get to talk at all at my current job now), but then I realized that the more I did it, the more I would get used to it. I also remember how exhausted I got the first night pushing carts in one of my old jobs, and how, eventually, I got so strong that it didn't hardly phase me at all. I remember starting other jobs where I"d stand on my feet the whole time being there and how tired I would be after the first few days, but how it became old hat after a while. The same thing will happen here. And I think it will be good for me to project myself in more auditory ways like that. I think it'll do good for my confidence and the way I present myself in my private interactions.

In the meantime, I look forward to a new growth opportunity. And I look forward to seeing in 3 months the ways you guys have also grown.

Next time ya hear from me, I'll be able to deliver news as to the teaching program and what the verdict is on that. Wish me luck. And I wish you all the best!

James (the 81 is no longer silent)