What do I do now?

[missy]

Hi,

I'm not entirely sure if this is the right section to post in - so mods feel free to move it around

Firstly, let me say that I've been a long time reader of the site and forums - I suppose I'm a bit of a lurker! I'll admit it...it's just that I never know what to post but really enjoy reading some of the ideas that get thrown around here. Don't hate me for it! lol

Anyhow...I've been having a struggle with school and my life-purpose for about three years now. I'm currently studying in my third year at universtiy and realized that I'm not satisfied with what I'm doing right now and have to change SOMETHING - I just don't know what. I'm exactly sure what I want to do with my life when almost everyone around me knows for sure or at least has some idea and it's reallly fustrating. I feel like I've thrown away three years of my life and gained nothing.

It's been an on-and-off thing. In my last year of high school I struggled with choosing a school and program - I wanted to go away for uni. but for some reason (might have been fear of the unknown, I don't know) I decided to stay at home and go a local university in my hometown.

Half way through my first year I decided that I wanted to switch my major - which I did. I went part-time in my second semester worked and switched my major. I was still really unsatisfied at the end of it and thought of moving schools but I didn't really know where to start, or where I would go or what I should study or even what career I wanted at the end of it.

In second year I switched back into Psychology - and was doing okay - but there was always those feeling in the back of my mind telling me that I wasn't doing the right thing.

I've come to end of my third year now and am still feeling the same feelings that I had when I started - I've tried taking career quizzes, seeing advisors at school, personality tests - but I don't feel like has anything has changed.

At the end of the day it's really beginning to freak me out because I don't feel motivated at school and that's starting to permeate other parts of my life. It's especially bizarre because I was one of those kids at school who did especially well and couldn't wait to go to university (even though I wasn't sure I was making the right choice at the time).

I mean should I drop out and just switch schools? Should I be switching programs at this point (I'm certain I don't like the one I'm in)? Should I just stick it out and finish the degree? Is university even the right choice for me?

There are so many questions going through my head...So, I'm not exactly sure what I'm asking here but any and all words of advice/opinions on the situation would be great to hear.

Thanks

[Lychee]

If you feel you are not doing the right thing, switch out of psychology. Have you taken the MBTI? In fact, why not take the Jung and Enneagram test here. They give a list of possible career options suitable for your type.

Think practically. How would it affect you if you were to switch schools? You would have to find a new circle of friends, new requirements, new books, new major, later graduation date. Are you willing to do that or would you rather stick it out where you are now? What would make you happier? Push aside your confusion and think ideally for a moment. What do you feel would be the right choice?

What about emotionally? Could you handle staying in the same school to get a degree you might not even end up using? Do you want to go to classes half-heartedly while your mind is somewhere else? Could you stay unmotivated in the same school? Do you think changing schools will correct that?

What brings you joy in life? Does a career in a field which works with that joy require a degree? If so, stay in school. If not, find another way to work.

[Mme Metaphysician]

hi Missy,
I sympathize. How can you proceed with school if you are not clear on your purpose? I suggest a simple exercise. Do this for a week, at least once a day or better yet, several times a day. You only need to spend a few minutes each time, but you can also spend longer.

Find a quiet spot where you can relax. Could be in bed before you fall asleep, or anywhere you can shut out the world and concentrate. Then relax into your body, call forth all your passion and ask to be shown your life-path. Let yourself really long for it. Allow all memories of moments when you were truly happy and contented to come to the surface. Review these memories lovingly and pour the feelings they bring up into the request for guidance. Throw your heart and soul into it. You may think of this as prayer if you like, but do not be passive about it. Think of it as active prayer--you are not just asking blindly for help, you are actively stirring the stuff of the universe.

Make a promise that when inarguable guidance shows up, you will act on it immediately. Put your ass on the line. During the rest of the day and night, when you are not doing this manifestation exercise, relax in the knowing that you are engaged in an important process of self-discovery. Watch for clues about your life purpose. They may come faster than you think or be hidden in plain sight. Quite likely there's something you have been doing or have been interested in all along which is your true path and you just need to find a way to make money doing it. Maybe you never knew that was possible. Maybe the thing needs to be seen from a different angle to be visible. Whatever it turns out to be should come as no surprise however. And remember that it's not binding. Most people nowadays have several careers during their lifetime--your life will probably be that way too.

Once you've identified a clue, pursue it. Give it your life-force energy by paying attention to it. Let it grow stronger. Your new life will form around you as you engage in this process. I would not be surprised to discover that after a week of this process you find yourself with some serious clarity. If you do it, let us know how it went.

blessings,
Mme Metaphysician

[missy]

Thanks for replying, Lychee

It's seems sometimes that the main issue is that you're not asking yourself the right questions...

And thanks for the link - I had taken the MBTI before. I'm an INFJ. But I hadn't done the Enneagram before and it was very interesting - I am a type 4 and when I looked at the explanation it was pretty interesting. It's weird because I was having a conversation with my sister the other day about my situation with school and she said (and I quote) that "It seems like you're afraid being defective or looking stupid in anyway. You need to get over that somehow" and the unhealthy loop for type 4's is started by a fear of being defective....coincidence?...I've also been classed as a 'perfectionist' by a counsellor at school (which I never did agree with...I've never seen myself as a perfectionist, of all things). Okay now I'm just rambling - it was bizarre to see the results anyhow.

I'm about half way done my degree so if i was going to leave it now would be the time as any more time invested would be pointless. I'm not toooo concerned about graduating later - I'm much more concerned about getting a degree at the end that I will actually use or at the very least not feel miserable the whole four years. In terms of friends and adjusting - I'm now at a really large school and live at home so my social life hasn't revolved around school anyhow. I have a few close friends - and did join a few campus societies but nothing that outweighs my desire for something more academically. Most of my friendships do not actually revolve around university life anyhow.

Emotionally - I don't think I could go to class half-heartedly and feel okay with it. I'm the type of person where I don't have to exactly like what I'm doing all the time I just have to feel that there is a purpose to it - and that at the end of the day I could feel satisfied with end result. What's fustrating about my current situation is that I don't like what I'm doing and I don't see a purpose to it...like why am I putting myself through this when I genuinely don't want to be there?

What bring joy to my life? I need to feel that my future is safe and secure and I want to be able to help people in a direct and tangible way in whatever career I'm doing. I initially wanted to become a psychiatrist or psychologsist but now I realize I find psychology really boring so I'm wondering if I should go through the life-sciences/biology route to med school since I'm really interested in medicine in general. I really like talking to people about their feelings and helping people work things out - and at the same time friends have told me that I'm a good listener and good at offering advice (why can't I give myself advice, damnit!!!lol) and the like.

[missy]

mme metaphysician - thanks for the advice.

I will try the technique you explained - I've been feeling really far from God (I used to be very religious) and very unspiritual lately but I will try it nonetheless and I'll post about it.

It's odd that you mention signs -

One of my aspirations when I was in high school was to go abroad to study for uni. I especially wanted to Oxbridge as a youngster (oh, I feel so old) - I really wanted to go to university in the UK or the US but decided against it. I didn't even end up applying - I had the marks but for some reason I completely shut it out. This semester I started looking into possibly doing an exchange program which was the launching point for re-examining my academic situation this year.
So, by chance - remember, I go to a school with over 40,000 students - I was introduced to an exhange student this semester who is originally from the university in the UK that I chose as my top choice for my own exchange application. It was a pretty weird coincidence. She thought it was weird too - we've totally clicked since and have become good friends.

Also, another one of my friends who's studying in the UK randomly e-mailed me a few days a go to ask me if I was still thinking about going to the UK next year and if I needed any help or advice. This was literally a few hours after I had written a whole e-mail to her to ask for advice on applications but decided that since we hadn't talked in so long that it might be weird and decided not to hit send.

Probably just coinceidences but a more spiritual or open person may see them as signs...

[thestral]

I went to college and got a degree I did not even want. What I wanted to do I had eben told time and time again there was no money in it so I did the "logical" thing and got a degree that I still could not use but sounded better.

If you like talking to people and helping, why not a social worker, or a school counselor? My mother was a social worker for 15 years, working with foster kids and troubled youth. And I bless my middle, high school and college counselors weekly, I'd never have made it through everything in my life without them.

[missy]

Originally Posted by thestral

I went to college and got a degree I did not even want. What I wanted to do I had eben told time and time again there was no money in it so I did the "logical" thing and got a degree that I still could not use but sounded better.

Can I ask, how you feel about that now? How did you end up choosing a career?

I don't think I'm cut out to be a school counsellor or social worker (I've been around loads - I work at a centre for eating disorders). And I have to admit, I'm not very good with children...so that's out the window. Thanks for your opinion though - appreciated.