Failed Goals

[onomotopeia]

So, I am currently in a rut.

I am unemployed and in a domain which is difficult for me to work in. I just received my mph (public health) and am qualified to do research. But I've had on the job trouble with organizing papers.

Then, on my own time, I was trying and hoping to get some fiction writing done. I've been writing for awhile, took a hiatus, and picked it up again. I got scathing remarks on it. I'm already so sensitive that I wimpily cried.

So, I don't know what to do. I don't see any progress with my goals. I don't see ways I can actually improve. My goals seem impossible. And reinforce my feeling inept.

[Sherri Frost]

I sense your feelings of hopelessness. I've been there myself and I've seen many others there as well. Without being there in person or being able to talk to you and ask questions, it can be difficult to offer help. That said, I think that just for you to acknowledge the feelings is a good start.

Maybe it's time for you to take an entire day and go off somewhere else (where you are not distracted by chores or things that need to be done) Spend some time brainstorming new ideas that you would like to try. Try a few on to see if anything fits.

If you are passionate about writing, then continue to write whether or not your first reviews were scathing. Write until you get in your own groove and find the right person to offer help with it.

[Lioness]

Start with brainstorming types of jobs you would like to do and would be more likely to be successful with, maybe working more with people and less with paperwork.

Get online and look for these types of jobs and see what jobs people with your degree are doing.

You don't have to limit yourself to the public health arena. A master's degree can be a stepping stone to other fields, so cast a wide net.

I would advise you not to diffuse your attention with fiction writing until you get a job that matches your skills. Concentrate on that for now.

[chrisrushton]

don't have a plan b. assume success.

figure out what it is you want to do. how you want to contribute. get out there and commit to it with every fibre of your body. no safety net, no plan b. do not stop trying until you've achieved it or found something else you want to do more. you can't fail your goals this way, since you are always trying to achieve them until you succeed.

[Joe Black]

onomotopeia, I hear how you are feeling as I've been there and will probably be there again at some point.

The first thing I would do is just stop, breathe and take a step back from your current situation. It can become easy to get angry and go arond in circles about a problem and when that happens, conciously stop, take a deep breath and step back from things and there will always seem different - normally you'll grasp some reality of the situation (i.e its not as bad as you are feeling).

I'd be tempted to take a few days completely out of the normal things you do. Buy a pad of paper and pen and write. Write things you want to do in the future, why and try and gain a bit of clarity about what you ultimately want. Don't force it and don't get frustrated, just relax, eat some good food and see what flows.

You may suprise yourself what you come up with.

Also, you need to develop some determination. You mentioned you reacted badly to someone critizing your work. You can only do one of two things here, but either way try and be objective. You either agree with what they say and in that case jack it in and move onto something else or you believe in yourself and your work in which case continune to improve and write and get what you want.

Just remember, things are not as bad as you think. You have a lot to be grateful for and your future is in your hands, so make things happen.

[Sue_B]

Just because one person didn't like your writing, doesn't mean everyone won't! Did you know that Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen were rejected by numerous publishers (the numbers range from 20 - 120 so I don't know the exact number) before one finally took them on. They've sold over 120 million copies of Chicken Soup for the Soul.

Even JK Rowling received rejection letters from publishers for Harry Potter! The great Michael Jordon didn't even make his high school basketball team yet went onto become one of, if not the greatest basketball players of all time. The list goes on and on...

As for your goals, you may feel unsuccessful if you only focus on how far you are from the result you want vs the progress you've made. If you look at where you were when you started vs where you are now - you'll likely find many milestones to celebrate.

[DanFromSeoul]

Hey Onomotopeia,
First of all, you did the right thing by posting your feelings and frustrations here. Understand that we've all been in that moment you're going through - where everything seems hopeless.

This forum is your support group and we're here for you. It's smart of you to take advantage of it! =)


That being said, I'd pay close attention to Joe Black and Sherri Frost when they say that you'd get better if you took a few days and wrote about your future.

Just write and remind yourself of what you want and why you're doing all this "stuff" again. This is a time to inspire yourself again with your future.

When you feel better from looking at how beautiful your future will be, you can then understand that you're just going through your process.

It's like Sue_B said - everyone goes through their process and get rejected (or whatever hardships they face). Understand that you're not alone and just surrender to it.

I'm going through my process for my business and relationships right now. I sure wish that results would come faster but hey, they will come when I am ready.

Also have faith - Chrisrushton talks about assuming success. Going through the process, there's no way you can't succeed!

The next step would be to follow Lioness's advice. Be creative and you'll find a way around - but don't do this yet. First remind yourself of why you're going through what you're going through.

Keep us posted!

Dan

[AlexJay]

Looks like your definition of Goals is pretty lofty... why not try to accomplish mini goals. Take up one mini goal you can accomplish today and then achieve it. Keep this up for a few weeks until your self-esteem improves... Read a book you've been wanting to read or write an article you've been wanting to write. These are all mini goals...

Next Make a list of all of your past failed goals. On PAPER!

Then draw a line through each one of them and simply consider them ended, not accomplished but ended. Mentally say to yourself, DONE! When you draw the line through them. This will free up your attention so you can focus on the business of now and what to do next.

AlexJ