Anyone set a goal to calm down?

[hervens]

Hello,
I noticed that Steve wrote articles on a wide range of topics. However, I think he underestimated the power of just staying calm, and doing everything that you do calmly, since he never wrote, or talked about it.

I suffered from anxiety for a very long time. It was so bad that it evolved to this mental disorder called derealization (google it) That probably explains why I give it such a huge importance.

However, around 2 week ago I set myself a goal to stay as calm as I could. This includes talking more calmly, using no more physical strengh then you need, belly breathing, thinking slower, eating slower, etc. And the effect is absolutely fabulous. (Not to mention girls seem more impressed by a guy with a calm attitude)
However, I found that it's extremely easy to drift away and start behaving like my normal self, So I find myself constantly having to remind myself about calming down.

So, I was wandering if anyone had a similar short/long term goal to be a more calmed person.

I think it'll be fun to actually go through this with someone.
Also, if you're the type of person that freaks out often, you might wanna consider this goal?
Let me know!

[Canadian]

This is basically what I've been trying to do lately. For much too long I've been anxious over the the fact that I hadn't been working on any of my projects I made for myself, which would manifest as resistance to working, which would would create stress over the fact of not getting things done, and so on and so forth. I basically made it my mission to battle procrastination (which I was losing horribly), until I realized that the only way to get things done was to remove myself entirely from the idea that I had to defeat procrastination through struggling, and to remove myself from the cycle of anxiety I was creating.

Now I try to just relax, and now I'm now productive automatically, just for no other reason than enjoying the activities and the progress. Ah, it feels good!

Not to mention when I relax my body and mind my guitar playing dramatically improves instantly!

[Jarrod]

Originally Posted by hervens

However, I found that it's extremely easy to drift away and start behaving like my normal self, So I find myself constantly having to remind myself about calming down.

Living life with the ability to be calm is certainly a great skill to have. A long time ago I went through a bunch of spiritual study that essentially involved dropping away all of my thoughts and reactions. It did great things for me including being very calm.

I'm curious about the sentenced I quoted above. It is interesting you see your 'normal' self as being non calm. Isin't it possible that your normal self is a calm person?

If it feels so much easier and more relaxed when you are the calm person could it be fair to say that it is much more of your 'natural' state.

What is the chance that this could be true? How does it change your thinking?

Good luck

[hervens]

Originally Posted by Jarrod

Living life with the ability to be calm is certainly a great skill to have. A long time ago I went through a bunch of spiritual study that essentially involved dropping away all of my thoughts and reactions. It did great things for me including being very calm.

What were the main methods that those spiritual studies used in order to help you drop all your thoughts and reactions? Were you able to maintain everything that you learned until now, or do you think they played an important role in helping you become and staying calmer?

And to answer your question, I know that staying calm is how your body wants to be, but sometimes I just feel as if my thoughts start racing, and I have this small tendency to panic. Especially when im late for school/work, or im arguing with someone.

[Jarrod]

Originally Posted by hervens

What were the main methods that those spiritual studies used in order to help you drop all your thoughts and reactions? Were you able to maintain everything that you learned until now, or do you think they played an important role in helping you become and staying calmer?

And to answer your question, I know that staying calm is how your body wants to be, but sometimes I just feel as if my thoughts start racing, and I have this small tendency to panic. Especially when im late for school/work, or im arguing with someone.

The method is not very complex, the way to make it effective was to try and make it a 24/7 practice, a habit I worked very hard on doing.

First part is that you are separate from each thought and each emotion. Thoughts and emotions come and go while you are always here.

Second is to develop awareness, the ability to notice all of your physical senses aswell as seeing the thoughts in your hand and the emotions in your chest.

Third is to continuously drop away each thought and emotion and come back to your senses and now. Repeat and Repeat.

I was never a hot tempered person but it still took me do a deeper level of calm and enjoyment of the experience of life. I still use it as my default way of living and now I additional use a bunch of life coaching techniques and a little bit of NLP that I am starting to learn.

In the example of being late for school, when you see the emotion that wants to rush and the thoughts of what would happen if you are late you would keep dropping them away each time they re-appear. Then you can still run with a clear head if that is what you want to do. But you run because you choose to run, not an emotional compulsion.

[hervens]

Originally Posted by Jarrod

The method is not very complex, the way to make it effective was to try and make it a 24/7 practice, a habit I worked very hard on doing.

First part is that you are separate from each thought and each emotion. Thoughts and emotions come and go while you are always here.

Second is to develop awareness, the ability to notice all of your physical senses aswell as seeing the thoughts in your hand and the emotions in your chest.

Third is to continuously drop away each thought and emotion and come back to your senses and now. Repeat and Repeat.

I was never a hot tempered person but it still took me do a deeper level of calm and enjoyment of the experience of life. I still use it as my default way of living and now I additional use a bunch of life coaching techniques and a little bit of NLP that I am starting to learn.

In the example of being late for school, when you see the emotion that wants to rush and the thoughts of what would happen if you are late you would keep dropping them away each time they re-appear. Then you can still run with a clear head if that is what you want to do. But you run because you choose to run, not an emotional compulsion.

Wow, makes a lot of sense.
Thanks for sharing, Its definitely something Im gonna try to do.

[ginkgo]

There was a Seinfeld show all about saying to yourself "Serenity Now" to help you to calm down.

[starlequin]

I'm good at appearing calm and maintaining my composure, but not good at calming myself inwardly. If I can stay calm anxiety always wells up and overflows later on with the more stress I'm under.

[spacecadetglow]

Hi hervens,

Yep, I have definitely set this goal too. I've dealt with anxiety most my life as well. It's hard to explain to people who don't have it what it's like.

I get the racing thoughts, the panic, and the overwhelm as well. My approach lately has not been one of trying to eliminate anxiety, but to manage it. I think this is really important, as it gives me the liberty to actually feel anxiety (I'm usually thinking "oh my god, this sucks, make it go away, what can I do to make it go away?!') and then let it go... or rather, it lets me go. Keeping a regular meditation practice helps with this.

Yoga and cardio exercise also help to keep my baseline state a little calmer. Keeping on top of my ♥♥♥♥♥ does as well, in regards to the procrastination comment. Funny that Canadian had to get calm before he could accomplish things, but for me accomplishing things makes me calm! It works both ways, I guess.

My anxiety has definitely lessened over the years. If you're proactive about it, you can do a lot to manage anxiety. I'm excited to see if anyone else has suggestions, as this has been a main focus of my life the past few months.

[faithsdaddy]

I've been watching Horatio out of CSI Miami for lessons in how to stay calm under pressure

Seriously though, it's a worthy goal to pursue. I feel stress fairly easily and have a bit of a temper (that's calming down as I get older though). I've thought about what makes me feel stress and it's something to work through. I don't think it's worth me sharing what I've found, because I'm not sure it will help you.

If anyone struggles to stay calm, it has to be something you to work on. It's just not ok for a person to be that way.

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

I've made the committment to try to stay calm in the practice of ahimsa - literally the avoidance of violence.

I was an anxious person many years ago. I'm not anxious very much nowadays, but I am filled with unmitigated rage on a regular basis and I'm sure that can't be good. I guess you could say that I still avoid large groups of people and big parties, but I don't know now whether that's personal preference or anxiety. I've never really liked being around a lot of people, TBH.