Always looking at others and feeling low

[vir_maha]

It becomes my habit or you can say a trigger which invoke anxiety in me i.e I always keep on looking on someone else mostly my friends for good things they are doing in their life. I always feel low when i hears some of my friend is earning more than me, got better job than me.

They are people who are not very much talented then me and I think I am in bad job. I choose a bad career path and they are in good field that's why they are far more ahead than me.

This creates a lot of anxiety in me and I lose control, become hopeless. Sometimes I feel that I can't be able to earn like them in this life.

Please help how can I get rid of this...I know this is weird thinking pattern but I am helpless it just triggered whenever I get to know something good about someone close to me.

The big Irony is I have previously given a good answers to the same question asked by some other member in this forum and I myself can't get rid of this. Giving advice is far more easy than implementing it.

[Jarrod]

Your level of honesty is great.

Do you notice how all your focus is around 'X are in a better position than me'?

Isin't it true that if you look at the millions of people who are homeless, jobless and starving to death that your focus would be 'I am so lucky to be in a better position than X'?

So first, focus on what you want, not what others have. What life precisely do you want?

How specifically do you do this thinking pattern? What thoughts actually run through your head?

What would you need to think instead to interrupt that pattern?

What was your good advice that you previously gave?

[vir_maha]

Thanks for your reply.

So first, focus on what you want, not what others have. What life precisely do you want?

I want to live a life in terms of money similar to what my friends are living. Mental peace and financial security is what I am looking for.

How specifically do you do this thinking pattern? What thoughts actually run through your head?

It just a comparison thing I do like they are earning more than me. After 2 years they will be far ahead and I would be same. They post snaps of their's when they tours foreign countries and I think this would be an impossible thing for me to go some foreign coutries if I remain in same job or field. I think I am buring myself from inside.

What would you need to think instead to interrupt that pattern?

Sometimes I think very positively and it goes well for months but again this pattern returns with more power. I think I should think more about my family.

What was your good advice that you previously gave?

One member asked the same question. He get panic attacks whenever his friends do well in their respective fields.

This is what I suggest.

I think the problem lies in the way you see things. What you are doing is looking outside and comparing it with yourself.

Just compare you with yourself. Just think how much mental energy you are wasting in thinking like this. Use this energy for yourself and figure out on the plans and ideas which can give you what you want to achieve.

Remember that other person's circumstances, upbringing, nature, attitude is just different from you. You have to get success on your own set of situations.


Forget about others and focus on yourself instead. Try a habit of giving and thinking good for others no matter how much they are ahead of you and you will see the difference. You will get a lot in return.

Here is the forum thread where it was posted: Panic attack when friend does well.

[Sue_B]

From personal experience, when I have compared myself to others or think I should have achieved more by now I usually end up feeling bad about myself. Instead - look at the progress you've made. Maybe even write down 5 things you're grateful for or appreciate about your life each day.

You can also ask the universe/God each morning - how can I earn $(amount) this year? (That type of question.) Then listen for the answers throughout the day. Watch for any coincidences, resources, people or opportunities that come your way.

As Jarrod said - figure out what you want in your life. You can even go deeper and ask yourself why you want each item on your list. Is it something you think you should want or have or is it something you truly want?

Another way of getting at this is by asking yourself - what will this give me. For example, if financial freedom is a goal. What will financial freedom give me? Your first answer may be security. Then you ask - what will security give me? Your next answer may be peace of mind. How can you experience peace of mind now?

Hope that helps...

[Jarrod]

I agree with Sue. You can go deeper on how you want to be.

What does financial security give you?

If you have a goal that revolves around an external source (like how much your friends earn) then this has a tendency to repeat itself endlessly. When you earn more, they also earn more. You get new friends who also earn more. First it would be worth coming to peace with earning different amounts. If you were to earn the same amount of money as them, how would you be thinking different about yourself?

I've heard the saying that you earn the average of the 5 people you most hang out with. I think this only applies when you have an open learning mindset and are comfortable with who you are.

When thoughts appear again you can deal with them quickly again, drop them away.

[productiveman]

Hello friend,
You cannot let other people's situation affect you. It helps sometimes to know that at least you have a roof over your head, food to eat and you are not fighting to survive like millions of other people. But I understand that sometimes it is just hard to be grateful.
For me if I find myself being sad because of the accomplishments of my friends, I make a point to go and celebrate with my friend on their success even more. I remind myself that I really do want my friends to succeed in life and that I should be happy for them. Remember this might not come easy to you but the more effort you make at it, the better you become.
And also realize that a little dose of what you are feeling is actually a healthy thing. USE IT. Try to turn around your energy and put it into doing something productive. With time all things will come together buddy.

Productive Man
Peace

[chrisrushton]

your anxiety on other people doing well is probably because at a subconscious level you realize that you are not living in alignment with your values.

first, discover your values.

next make sure you are living in alignment with them. cut out what is not in alignment and get more of what is.

everyone has values, it's just that they are often covered by a healthy dose of social conditioning. social conditioning teaches us to be a good cog in the machine, to work 9 - 5 monday to friday, to not rock the boat. i find it quite hard to see why anyone with half a conscious mind would accept those as values.

discovering what you value is so important. For me I value the environment. I value humanity. I value happy times with authentic people. I value innovation and innovators. I value freedom above all else.

also, please remember that just because someone has more stuff than you doesn't mean they have more financial abundance. they could just be getting more and more in debt. they could also be lying.

[Kurtzilla]

vir_maha, I think alot of us have felt this way before. Do not be concerned about what other people have and what they make. Learn to focus on yourself and the talents you have. It's really easy to get wrapped up in what your friends may have and what you don't have. Take the time to focus on your goals and dreams and start to build off that. It's total ok to admire what other people have and sometimes its good to use that as inspiration for acheiving your dreams. There are alot of people in our world that are financial set and have alot of materialistic posessions. Question is, are they truly happy? Alot of them are not! Focus on yourself vir_maha.
Remember, You Are, What You Think. You are a Champion...