What am I doing?

[Robot]

Hi, this is my first post.

I am 20 years old, recently I moved into a new country. I've been here a few months and I have no friends, this doesn't bug me as I am quite antisocial by nature and I really have no interest in other people. I had a girlfriend a few years ago, for a few weeks, often I have craved an intimate hetrosexual relationship but I have trouble bringing myself to attempt such a thing.

Anyway, I'm not sure what I want to do with my life, I am trying the exersize from the main site that is meant to help you find your purpose in life in 20 min but I am still busy with it. It seems I am one of the people who have great difficulty with this exersize. I am getting quite frustrated now as I have had no solid plan for my life and paths I have taken usually end becuase of external influences, loss of enthusiasm or some other reason. ( I am sleepy, )

I am very unsure of what kind of career I want to do, aptitude testing has concluded that I would be capable of becoming an engineer but I find it difficult to commit to the studies involved. I have gone through great bouts of depression because I don't know what to do, what I want, why I exist.

I used to play guitar seriously, after I started I would practice 3 hours every day, it even went up to 7 hours a day before I quit playing. I don't know why I quit, I thought I wanted to become a musician but after analizing the reasons why I started playing I determined I started because I thought it would lead to a way out of my current situation. I enjoyed playing and was becoming quite good, I don't know if I want to start again.


I guess what I am looking for is a way I can rescue my life. I have often thought of suicide when going through depressed phases, I am apethetic to the idea now. I don't remember what it feels like to love or if I've ever even felt love before, I may be blinded by anger and hate because of my current situation.

Sorry if my post doesn't make sense in some places, I am quite tired.

Please help me.

[richardxthripp]

Don't go into engineering, just go to a community college for something basic like liberal arts or communications. You'll meet lots of people there. Try to get involved with your local library's book club or something else you find interesting that isn't expensive and allows you to meet people. Photography is a great hobby because people will start conversations if you are taking pictures in public places, but you have to have a digital or film SLR for this to work.

Are you having financial trouble? What country did you move to and why?

[machoman]

Robot,first of all welcome to the forums hope you learn lot of things here.

As a start read this book and work on it. Its one of the books that helped me a lot when I was depressed.

Find out the things that you are passionate about.

You could start taking music lessons if you are interested in it now.

Good luck