Getting what you want

[spacecadetglow]

Originally Posted by LostMyMap

I wonder if that relates to what Solipsist was saying? Getting what we want, just like that, feels pretty unsettling.

Not only unsettling, just untrustworthy to me. I don't know. Life is a series of ups and downs. You need the downs to know how great the ups are. Yin Yang 101.

There also this thing called PMS that greatly affects women's moods and states of being on a very real, physiological level. Hence my interest in body-centered activities like yoga, deep breathing, exercise, and meditation to raise one's vibration. It's real because it's chemical, not just a trick of the mind.

[spacecadetglow]

Oh hey i'm a family memberrrr!

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by LostMyMap

I wonder if that relates to what Solipsist was saying? Getting what we want, just like that, feels pretty unsettling.

I've had all sorts of crazy insights, epiphanies, revelations. There was an instantaneous perspective shift, but it was built on a foundation of preparation and self discipline.

Lacking those elements, certain shifts are impermanent. But your subconscious chews the cud for you, once you go down that road. It happens naturally, inevitably. As the flower swells into the fruit.

The challenge is to accept the withering flower, and release attachment to that which was, and that which as come to be.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

What about working for transformation? Earning it, so to speak?

I'm not sure I want everything that I desire handed to me on a silver platter. It's come up for me that maybe I feel like I don't deserve to feel good until I've worked hard at feeling good. I'm not sure I want to believe otherwise, either. Isn't there much more wisdom to be shared from a lifetime of experience and lessons learned than "hey, I took this weekend seminar once, all you need to do is pay $300 for enlightenment and it's yours!"

Of course, if I paid $300 for that, I'm sure I'd do a great job of convincing myself it was worth it.

You can certainly work for transformation, if you want to! The transformation itself -- that is, the shift in the way you're being -- happens in a moment, but you can take as long as you want to, as long as you feel like you need to to deserve it. There's no rule that says you must generate transformation in a weekend or even in your lifetime. You get to choose.

Once you've experienced how easy and effortless it is to feel the way you want to feel, anytime you'd like to feel it, it does tend to look like comedy to see people "working hard" for it and think others should work hard, too.

After a one day breakthrough session, my clients almost always laugh out loud at how quickly something in their life has transformed, something that they had dealt with for years in therapy or other modalities. Often, when I remind them of whatever their presenting problem had been a few hours before, they just shake their heads, like, "I can't believe I ever even thought that was a problem!" Or when they review the results they stated they wanted at the beginning of the session, when I urged them to shoot for the moon, and they say, "That was so easy! I should have asked for more!" I love it when that happens.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

Not only unsettling, just untrustworthy to me. I don't know. Life is a series of ups and downs. You need the downs to know how great the ups are. Yin Yang 101.

There also this thing called PMS that greatly affects women's moods and states of being on a very real, physiological level. Hence my interest in body-centered activities like yoga, deep breathing, exercise, and meditation to raise one's vibration. It's real because it's chemical, not just a trick of the mind.

PMS is a really great example -- I've worked with women who suffered greatly from the symptoms of PMS, and helped them generate new ways of being that had them ending their suffering. They may still feel pain -- although hypnosis is a great resource for minimizing or even eliminating menstrual pain -- but the suffering is gone. The *problem* disappears.

It looks like maybe you believe that transforming means eliminating ups and downs in your life? Not so. It doesn't even mean you'll never feel pain.

I agree with you that I would be a little leery of someone who promised no ups or downs, and that I would never feel pain! I like ups and downs, and pain can be a very helpful thing!

I feel a lot of compassion for parents of those children who have that disease where they're unable to feel pain, you know those kids? Yikes. It's hard to imagine the enormity of that challenge -- knowing your child will never have the angel of pain to protect her. Most of those kids don't live very long.

[spacecadetglow]

Originally Posted by Angela

You can certainly work for transformation, if you want to! The transformation itself -- that is, the shift in the way you're being -- happens in a moment, but you can take as long as you want to, as long as you feel like you need to to deserve it. There's no rule that says you must generate transformation in a weekend or even in your lifetime. You get to choose.

Once you've experienced how easy and effortless it is to feel the way you want to feel, anytime you'd like to feel it, it does tend to look like comedy to see people "working hard" for it and think others should work hard, too.

After a one day breakthrough session, my clients almost always laugh out loud at how quickly something in their life has transformed, something that they had dealt with for years in therapy or other modalities. Often, when I remind them of whatever their presenting problem had been a few hours before, they just shake their heads, like, "I can't believe I ever even thought that was a problem!" Or when they review the results they stated they wanted at the beginning of the session, when I urged them to shoot for the moon, and they say, "That was so easy! I should have asked for more!" I love it when that happens.

How can I be so sure this isn't just your sales pitch? Excuse the bluntness of my question, but it's a legitimate concern of mine. It's not that I don't think people should charge money for a service, I'm just very, very, very, VERY skeptical that I could really be transformed into a more joyful, less anxious person in one session. I'm genuinely curious though, and not just trying to be a b*tch.

You ever talk with your clients a few weeks, months, etc. after they've transformed to follow up? Just curious.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

How can I be so sure this isn't just your sales pitch? Excuse the bluntness of my question, but it's a legitimate concern of mine. It's not that I don't think people should charge money for a service, I'm just very, very, very, VERY skeptical that I could really be transformed into a more joyful, less anxious person in one session. I'm genuinely curious though, and not just trying to be a b*tch.

You ever talk with your clients a few weeks, months, etc. after they've transformed to follow up? Just curious.

Well, I reckon you can't ever really be completely sure of what's going on in my head. Trust is something you choose to do, or your don't, based on the data you've got. For a modality like this, trust is an essential component, and it's one of the things I ask each person before I'll take them on as a client: Are you willing to trust me? I've never had anyone ask to be my client and then say no to that question, but if they did, I'd suggest to them some resources for finding someone or something they're willing to trust, or a modality for which trust is less essential in getting results. Some of my favorite tools (landmark technologies, TIME Techniques) were at one time things I HIGHLY distrusted.

And from the things you've said here, I would say that trust is an area in your life that, if you were to transform it, it would make a huge difference for you in being head over heels in love with your life, and having you be the joyful, less anxious person you'd like to be.

Do I ever talk to my clients and follow up? All the time -- including here in the forums.

[spacecadetglow]

Well, I'm naturally distrustful of magic bullet solutions. They've never worked for me.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

Well, I'm naturally distrustful of magic bullet solutions. They've never worked for me.

Me, neither. The resources that have made the most profound difference in my life are ones that put the onus for being at cause in the matter of change on me. If someone or something presents itself as *making* me change -- as being the source of my change -- I'd just pass.

[Angela]

By the way (she says, as she fixes her guests another cup of tea, waiting for Solipsist to arrive), this thread is not about me helping anyone get the results they want, or about any method in particular for getting the results you want, it's an inquiry about the concept itself, of getting the results you want, and why that might be alarming or undesirable or unsettling or a problem.

Just wanted to keep that clear.

[spacecadetglow]

Originally Posted by Angela

Me, neither. The resources that have made the most profound difference in my life are ones that put the onus for being at cause in the matter of change on me. If someone or something presents itself as *making* me change -- as being the source of my change -- I'd just pass.

The resources themselves are technically "outside sources," though. And that's my whole point--it seems that if the only thing standing in my way of my happiness is NLP, I would be employing a technique outside of myself to get there.

I guess it's a matter of perspective, because you could also make the case that my choice to engage such resources constitutes being at cause and making a decision for myself.

Anyway, as always, I like to see for myself before passing judgment. I've dabbled a little bit in NLP stuff and it hasn't made a huge difference for me, but I'll keep it in mind as another resource available if I want to go there.

Thanks for fielding my questions. Carry on.

[Firefly101]

Originally Posted by Angela

When I talk about "getting the results you want," I'm usually talking about the heart's desire -- that is, what it is you'll really be generating for yourself and for the world that you value, when you get what you want.

The heart's desire is often something like the oppositeless values I listed above: Love, Peace, Joy... and it could also be a particular flavor of those values, like: Connection, Freedom, Excitement, Fun, Abundance, Engagement, etc. etc. ..

The more I focus on the heart's desire inside of a result I want, the possibility I'm generating for myself and for the world, the more powerfully, movingly, and quickly I get what I want. When I'm not clear on the heart's desire, like when I'm focusing on the things 'n stuff, signposts that represent the heart's desire, I tend to not generate it as quickly or as inspiringly. That works well, I think, because I prefer not to have my life cluttered with things 'n stuff that have nothing to do with what I'm really up to in life. I think there are lots of people who do focus on the lower levels of desire without bothering to distinguish what it represents for them, and it gets them off-track -- they wake up one day asking themselves, "how in the world did I end up here, surrounded by a houseful of stuff I never use and don't value, going on vacations that feel like chores, married to a person I never really knew?"

The midlife crisis -- the anytime in life crisis -- is, I think, the sense of being disconnected from the heart's desires.

Fortunately that's not a tragedy; it's only feedback. It's a message, an angel, that is saying: ok, time to focus: what is it I want that, if I were to have, be, or do it, I would be totally lit up and inspired? What brand new possibility do I want to be the source of for myself, my family, my community, and the world?

And when you generate that, you can actually transform yourself into BEING it, just like that - *POOF*! And then the occurrence of the signposts and representations transforms, as well -- the things 'n stuff you thought you wanted look different suddenly, often just becoming trinkets and baubles that you don't really want after all, and sometimes looking like fun games (instead of stressful, far-away someday-type yearnings.)

Too, when you get in touch with your heart's desires, it can point you towards the ways you have been getting in your own way: like the woman who deeply desires a fulfilling relationship with a man; if only men weren't mostly such assh*les! Or the guy who desires more of a social life, but feels like he can't because people aren't interested in the same things he is. And on and on. That kind of having one foot on the gas and the other on the brake suddenly becomes comedy when you get in touch with your heart's desire.

Like!!

[James81]

Congratulations, Sissy!

That's what I'm gonna call you now: Sissy (for sista kristian ).

[Angela]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

The resources themselves are technically "outside sources," though. And that's my whole point--it seems that if the only thing standing in my way of my happiness is NLP, I would be employing a technique outside of myself to get there.

I guess it's a matter of perspective, because you could also make the case that my choice to engage such resources constitutes being at cause and making a decision for myself.

Anyway, as always, I like to see for myself before passing judgment. I've dabbled a little bit in NLP stuff and it hasn't made a huge difference for me, but I'll keep it in mind as another resource available if I want to go there.

I would say that if you use the perspective that ANY tool, NLP or anything else, is the only thing standing in your way of your happiness, that tool is probably not going to make a huge difference for you.

The choice to use the tool could be made in a perspective of being at cause for getting the results you want, but simply choosing a tool does not mean one is using a perspective of being at cause in one's life.

This forum is a good example of such a tool. Like NLP or any of a myriad other tools, it can be an excellent tool, but just accessing the tool doesn't mean one is being at cause in the matter of generating the results you want.

When you are being at cause, you're like McGyver -- you can get results from ANY and EVERY tool.

[st33med]

I also have a hard time with these magic bullet solutions. They just seem too true for me. I would love to experience that sudden change and laughter at what I thought, but I feel that would leave some thoughts and emotions repressed.

[James81]

Well, it looks like the universe wants me ti call you all Sissy.band here I thought it wqas just going to be spacecadet, thinking I had quoted her.

That would be God teaching me about expansion! Hilarious!

[Angela]

Thanks, Firefly! Who you talkin' to, James? Who's your sista?

[SatvikBeri]

Originally Posted by Angela

When you are being at cause, you're like McGyver -- you can get results from ANY and EVERY tool.

Even potatoes?

[LostMyMap]

OK I was thinking about why 'getting the results you want' might be scary. We touched on the idea of deserving it, either because we don't feel good enough, or we didn't work hard enough. There was another thread awhile back about identity. It seems these transformations are or can be pretty fundamental. Maybe being a shy person was pretty central to who you were. And in that thread we talked about how hard our mind works to protect that identity, even when rationally, it isn't serving us in the best possible way.

So maybe making a transformation towards getting the results you want means adjusting your identity. Which is a scary thing. Make sense?

[James81]

Originally Posted by st33med

I also have a hard time with these magic bullet solutions. They just seem too true for me. I would love to experience that sudden change and laughter at what I thought, but I feel that would leave some thoughts and emotions repressed.

Its taken me about six months of rather intense introspection and transformation to get to a place where the old me doesn't seem like reality.

If you can call that a magic bullet solution, then more power to you. I use myself as an example because all I've done is use some of the techniques that Sissy Angela is promoting.

[LostMyMap]

Originally Posted by James81

Congratulations, Sissy!

That's what I'm gonna call you now: Sissy (for sista kristian ).

Damn you, now I have that stupid song in my head. Was that Night Ranger? Must...listen...to...other...music....to....overco me....

[st33med]

Originally Posted by James81

Its taken me about six months of rather intense introspection and transformation to get to a place where the old me doesn't seem like reality.

If you can call that a magic bullet solution, then more power to you. I use myself as an example because all I've done is use some of the techniques that Sissy Angela is promoting.

So it may take awhile to fully process everything and step into a new reality fully?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by SatvikBeri

Even potatoes?

Especially potatoes!

[James81]

Originally Posted by st33med

So it may take awhile to fully process everything and step into a new reality fully?

I think that depends on the person. In my case, I had a lot of gunk to work through. Others, perhaps not so much.


The difference that made the difference for me was that I became fully responsible. For my own results. I was and am deteermined to find peace and joy in myself. Until you fully recognize and focus purely on your role in creating yourr circumstances, you might as well be thinking that your transformation gets licked on you by kittens.

[st33med]

Originally Posted by James81

I think that depends on the person. In my case, I had a lot of gunk to work through. Others, perhaps not so much.


The difference that made the difference for me was that I became fully responsible. For my own results. I was and am deteermined to find peace and joy in myself. Until you fully recognize and focus purely on your role in creating yourr circumstances, you might as well be thinking that your transformation gets licked on you by kittens.

OK, makes sense.

I had a breakdown yesterday from lots of repressed emotions and thoughts of failure. It was an anxiety attack. I just didn't want to feel like I was such a failure anymore and decided to do something about it. Now I cry when I want to cry as to let out emotions that are not wanted and recognize why I feel the way I do now. See if I can change my perspective on things.

Thanks. I just didn't feel like it would be *snap* instantaneous with all the baggage I have carried around.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by James81

I Until you fully recognize and focus purely on your role in creating yourr circumstances, you might as well be thinking that your transformation gets licked on you by kittens.

That's very funny! And after you fully recognize your power in being at cause in the matter of your life, transformation can be as easy as being licked by kittens.

I actually think of transformation as a continuing process. Although an aspect is transformed in a moment, like someone going from believing she's worthless to being free and connected, or from believing he's nothing to being contribution, it's not just a one-time, one aspect thing -- it's a choice that one makes now, and now, and now -- are you choosing an empowering context for this moment now?

Transformation isn't just something that happens once, at least it doesn't have to be. But once you've experienced what it's like to shift yourself in a breakthrough way, suddenly more breakthrough is available in a way you never saw before. James, you're a great example of that! You generated breakthrough thinking for yourself, and then POW! you became a person who makes a huge, tremendous difference for others, just by being who you are, and opportunities for getting the results you want seemed to just spring up! Obstacles, too, and breakdowns. That's the way it goes. When your presence to breakthrough possibility ramps up, often you're presented with lots of stuff to break through! D'oh!

[James81]

Originally Posted by st33med

OK, makes sense.

I had a breakdown yesterday from lots of repressed emotions and thoughts of failure. It was an anxiety attack. I just didn't want to feel like I was such a failure anymore and decided to do something about it. Now I cry when I want to cry as to let out emotions that are not wanted and recognize why I feel the way I do now. See if I can change my perspective on things.

Thanks. I just didn't feel like it would be *snap* instantaneous with all the baggage I have carried around.

Well, the actual transformation IS instantaneous in the moment you choose to move towards it (that's why you generated your possibilities).

Change, however, is what happens when you string enough of those transformations together to get whatever it is that you want.

[LostMyMap]

Originally Posted by Angela

That's the way it goes. When your presence to breakthrough possibility ramps up, often you're presented with lots of stuff to break through! D'oh!

Maybe another reason why transformation might be scary?

Any thoughts on my identity shifting hypothesis (above)?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by LostMyMap

Maybe another reason why transformation might be scary?

Any thoughts on my identity shifting hypothesis (above)?

Yes! When you're up to being at cause in your life, and getting what you want, and dealing with the consequences, it can get pretty confronting! Living big is not for wimpy pussballs!

And yes, shifting identity is a big part of the work I do, and I know it's a huge factor in what a lot of transformational leaders do -- looking at who you believe yourself to be, examining that for truth, and being at cause in the matter of shifting it, if that's what's there to do.

Shifting may be the kind of shift Eckhart Tolle advocates: where you simply BE present, be in the now -- you're not taking on an identity; it may be a continuous inquiry, such as what Sri Ramana Maharshi guides us towards; or it may be more of a dynamic belief shift, like I or Landmark Education or Jack Canfield or many of the members of Steve's leadership council focus on, like actually deliberately shifting your perspective on who you know yourself to be, and choosing an empowering context for your identity.

Such a shift in who you know yourself to be, however you make that shift, can rock the world.

[LostMyMap]

Originally Posted by Angela

Living big is not for wimpy pussballs!

Stolen! Now in my sig...