A fine line: Burning out

[m0vingon]

I feel like I'm on the verge of burning out. My schedule is very busy with academic and volunteer obligations as well as learning how to be a single parent to 2 preschoolers and dealing with the financial and emotional strains of divorce. Most days I just focus on getting done- no matter what it is I have to do, it's just a one foot in front of the other procedure. I work very hard at being highly functioning and rarely doing only one thing at a time. But lately I feel like I am in danger of burning out. I don't see anything in my life that I'm able to let go of at this time, it's just a matter of getting through the next month or so until my course-load is lightened. Does anyone have any words of advice for the extra busy and stressful, times in life? How do you walk the fine line between working toward the best from yourself and in life without getting too overtaxed?

[Sunnybayes]

I'd say make it your top most priority to put in an extra hour for yourself, make it the most important thing, because if you get burnt out then you're screwed and you'd take it out on your kids or something.

Be more efficient so that you can put in an extra hour for yourself so you can have fun with friends and get a real support network besides this forum.

But I'll relate to you to make you feel better.

I'd kinda had the same thing, I was a physics student just overwhelmed with the work. But I cant relate about divorce or kids.

What I had to learn was to put relaxing first and school work second. Seems kinda nuts. But I think that's what I had to do to not burn out, because if I would burn out then it would just make things worse and make things take even longer than they should. So I decided that no matter what I would always be done with the night at 9:00 pm so that I would at least have an hour or two at the end of the day that I could just sit and zone out and meditate, and plan out my day, or whatever, and just let my brain feel like it was recharging, and just to relax so that I could get a good night sleep without having 20 different worries running through my mind as I sleep. And if I did not get an assignment done, then I figured, oh well, I'd just better find ways to be even more efficient next time.

You might drop one of the volunteer activities? But that might feel like defeat, I dropped marching band because it took 15 hours a week, and I felt like I had been defeated, and I still found that next semester I was still busy. So seems like the amount of activities does not matter too much, just need to locate all the inefficiencies and eliminate them.

I dont know. Good luck. Sometimes its just hard. Maybe there's someone who has better ideas than this. Maybe just remember that the pain is temporary and that you'll have an awesome time when the course work is done, and that you're currently working for that reward.

But you can be more efficient so that you can have an extra hour for yourself. Put that extra hour in for yourself first and then fit in everything else around it... you are not being selfish enough.

Its like steve says here: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...d-your-career/

"Lightworker syndrome is what happens when a lightworker focuses on giving to the exclusion of all else, ultimately crippling his/her capacity to give. These are the people with really big hearts who give, give, give to the point of exhaustion. They haven’t yet learned the importance of balancing production with production capacity. Lightworkers must learn to balance their giving with receiving to the degree it increases their capacity to give. This is a more intelligent form of giving than burning out from giving too much. But instead of mixing polarities, the true intention is always on increasing one’s capacity to give. For an intelligent lightworker, even receiving becomes an expression of giving.

In truth a lightworker who fails to receive is using fear energy by mistake. The inability to take time for themselves is rooted in a fear of being perceived as selfish. So without knowing it, they’re actually calling upon fear energy, which slowly corrupts the flow of their love energy. Consequently, lightworker syndrome isn’t caused by excessive love. It’s caused by the hidden application of fear energy."

[bellbird]

It sounds like you are dong your all mighy best to cope with what's in front of you. I congratulate you on being a strong person and facing this emotional time. I'm sure it's not easy. I am suggesting looking at your priorities. Would you agree that your children need you, your love, attention and time and also most of all: yourself?

Sometimes we think we are indespensable but once we are out of the running things will keep continuing some way or other, just differently. I'm just saying that to make you realise what you choose to spend your energy on right now. What's really important? I'm suggesting for you to not overdo it please.

Would you be able to look at the volunteering side and say: right I need to volunteer my time to me now to give me piece of mind and spend it in a manner which will keep me going a gear down then before? Could you tell who ever organizes the volunteer side that you need to lay back for a while as you you've simply got to much on your plate? It's human and absolutely understandable. Whatever you are volunteering for they appreciate having you more when you have 'extra' energy to spare. And it looks like you don't quite at the moment. Academics: see if you can get some breathing space there as well. People will understand that there's so much you can do and possibly once you talk about it, a solution can be found. It's not the end of the world. I would think no one would benefit if you do start to plod on with chance of collapse. Do what you think and feel will be right for you.

I've had a stressfull period myself and still have to watch my energy output at the moment. It's a precarious balance but what helped me a lot was to say to myself: right I'm sick of draining myself, worrying and getting tired. (I thought I could plod too and handle it but as a result I got sick anyway, so my body decides it's time to stop even when my ego says it's not ) I've decided now to 'let it go' and to have faith that how ever it would work out it would be the right way. I knew I had done all I could so that was that. I did my best. This decision made me feel lighter and more relaxed. Please watch your boundaries too and be patient with yourself. All the best to you in this challenging time. Take care and please let us know how you are doing.

[m0vingon]

Thank you both for your thoughtful replies. You words have reminded me to consider the bigger picture and what is most important. My greatest stressor has been the drive to control my future via my academic obligations and the divorce process. The most interesting thing, though is that I'm not always this stressed and overwrought. I have let my commitment to self care, meditation, and a higher level of thinking slip in the face of time pressures. There is no doubt that making those things a priority will help me greatly over the next few weeks. I guess it's time to be a little better to myself. Thanks for reminding me of that.

[bellbird]

You are welcome. Heck I have peddled myself recently and needed a wake up call myself. So Im saying it to you as much as to myself All the best and let us know how you get on over the next few weeks.

[newdad]

If you get a chance read "First Things First" by the Covey Press. The book addresses this sort of burn out. Too many people are busy 'getting things done" and they are wearing themselves thin. If you don't have time to read the book. Then start by scheduling at least one thing this week that is purely for self-renewal (i.e., a massage, a book and a bath, a trip to the zoo with the kids, an hour to reflect on what really is important in your life, etc...) and make whatever you schedule as important as anything else you have on your schedule.

[m0vingon]

Thank you for the suggestion, Newdad. I really won't have time to read anything other than textbooks and research articles for the next 3 weeks, but I will certainly check it out when I do have time.

[jojo]

Hi mOvingon,

I know this might sound a little bit strange but the two wee things I would recommend to do are:

1. Deep breathes
2. Laugh

The above only take a couple of minutes a day and I think make a big difference to the way a person handles the general day-to-day stresses of their life.

It seems you are focusing on moving forward and striving to get things under control (and the above posts offer excellent advice as well and I totally agree with all they have written...so I won't go any deeper!)

For breathing, I find when I am stressed in the moment this is quite difficult and it can take a couple of really deep breathes for my body to feel at peace and as for laughing, well I actually recommended this to my cousin who thought I was nuts, but it helped her out with feeling frustrated/angry about some situations in her life (she was taking out the anger/frustration on unsuspecting people who had nothing to do with said situations and it was causing her to feel overwhelmed).

You force yourself to laugh until you are actually laughing from deep inside your belly (it doesn't take to long to do and you do find youself cracking up for no reason!).

I know these things won't change your situation, but maybe they will help with the way you are dealing...I really hope these two little tools help relieve some of the stress you are feeling at the moment.

Many smiles!