Personal Safety When You're Out Alone

[roxyruby]

I was thinking of getting a loud personal alarm.

This is the best thing I can think of for personal safety.

I read somewhere that a technique with this is turn the alarm on and throw it as far as you can, the person might go and get the alarm to turn it off, and you take the chance to run.

I know I can't rely on strength, generally, most guys would be physically stronger than me.

Also I could ride a bike around instead of walking, I think that would make me feel safer.

Because I would like to be free. I would like to adventure and be able to walk around the neighborhood and go out by my self, god damn it! ^ ^

[secrets0stolen]

I'm not sure about the laws in Australia, but I carry a pocket knife. I like the bike idea. Have you looked into martial arts?

[ssandra]

I strongly suggest a self defense class. It's even better if you can also do a martial art course, but if you have to choose choose self defense.

The best defense is to make sure you are not an easy victim.

Walk with your head tall. Walk like you know where you are going. Make sure you seem secure of yourself. If walking towards someone or a group of boys / men don't look them in the eye, but keep your head high. Look about 3 or 4 meters ahead but at the ground.

Make sure that you have your purse in such a way that you show in advance that taking it will be almost impossible.

Be a difficult victim and they will leave you alone.

Have your cell phone in a different place from your purse and make sure that it is always easy to find an emergency number (boyfriend, parents etc.).

Always trust your intuition. If you don't feel safe, move and go somewhere where you do feel safe. If that is not an option, call someone, like your boyfriend and talk out loud to him about seeing him in a minute.

Angela recommends a book called "The Gift of Fear". I've read "Protecting the Gift" from the same author and based on that, I do recommend the first book as well. The author is called Gavin the Beck or something like that. I'll look it up later if you want me to.

Most importantly: Don't show you are afraid. Human predators are like animal predators and are looking for prey/victims who are weaker then they are. Physically, but as well Mentally.

[Mounds]

I carry around two guns that I call "Ownage" and "Pwnage".

[aelle]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I strongly suggest a self defense class. It's even better if you can also do a martial art course, but if you have to choose choose self defense.

The best defense is to make sure you are not an easy victim.

Walk with your head tall. Walk like you know where you are going. Make sure you seem secure of yourself. If walking towards someone or a group of boys / men don't look them in the eye, but keep your head high. Look about 3 or 4 meters ahead but at the ground.

Make sure that you have your purse in such a way that you show in advance that taking it will be almost impossible.

Be a difficult victim and they will leave you alone.

Have your cell phone in a different place from your purse and make sure that it is always easy to find an emergency number (boyfriend, parents etc.).

Always trust your intuition. If you don't feel safe, move and go somewhere where you do feel safe. If that is not an option, call someone, like your boyfriend and talk out loud to him about seeing him in a minute.

Angela recommends a book called "The Gift of Fear". I've read "Protecting the Gift" from the same author and based on that, I do recommend the first book as well. The author is called Gavin the Beck or something like that. I'll look it up later if you want me to.

Most importantly: Don't show you are afraid. Human predators are like animal predators and are looking for prey/victims who are weaker then they are. Physically, but as well Mentally.

All excellent advice.

I often walk alone, including at night, and have been a solo traveler for several years, and I've never felt the need for extra protection. I don't believe in the cliche of the total stranger that will jump out of the bushes to rape you. Most people who are trouble are people you know personally, and those who you don't know will strike a conversation first, follow you, in other words give you plenty of time to assess the situation and affirm that you will not be a victim.

The more you go out by yourself, the more you develop street smarts and correct intuition.

I would advise against carrying a knife or mace, as weapons can easily be turned against you, especially if you are scared. If you still want to carry a weapon, get trained in using it - go to a self defense class. Actually a self defense class would be enough. A good choice would be self defense classes specifically aimed at women who share your fear, mixed martial arts, or krav maga.

[aelle]

Also.. the way I read your post, you are looking for external objects to make you feel safe. Is that correct?
I've never found that to be very effective. The best mindset that I have adopted in this regard is to let go of the fear first. I acknowledge and accept that getting out in the world involves a small risk of getting raped or mugged or beaten up. It sucks but that's the way it is, just like getting into a car involves a risk of being injured or killed in a car crash. There are ways to prevent car crashes, which you learn both from common sense and experience, you can develop your observation skills and your intuition to assess when a road/driveer/conditions are unsafe, and there are reflexes you can adopt during a car crash to reduce the damage. But being scared of accidents will achieve nothing except making your life less pleasant.

[Weena]

I feel safe most of the time/places. However when i went to uni i had to cross woods to the campus and that area, including the campus was known for attacks and rapes. So i always wore a long sleeves poncho, in one hand i had a knife, in the other a nasty (illegal) self defense spray.

Do you live in a dodgy area? Any idea of stats about the actual chances of being attacked? Also, do you have a dog such as a Shepperd (or equal size), I'd tend to believe people are less inclined to try something if you have a big doggy by your side. One last thing: safety in numbers: anyone in your area who could be your walking buddy?

[Weena]

I think getting info about the area id very important. For example, i used to think the top trails of the mountains here are safe...turns out they are not, a friend told me a woman she knows got attacked up there. I definitely prefer to go walking with at least one friend, if not more.

[Weena]

Originally Posted by aelle

Also.. the way I read your post, you are looking for external objects to make you feel safe. Is that correct?
I've never found that to be very effective. The best mindset that I have adopted in this regard is to let go of the fear first. I acknowledge and accept that getting out in the world involves a small risk of getting raped or mugged or beaten up. It sucks but that's the way it is, just like getting into a car involves a risk of being injured or killed in a car crash. There are ways to prevent car crashes, which you learn both from common sense and experience, you can develop your observation skills and your intuition to assess when a road/driveer/conditions are unsafe, and there are reflexes you can adopt during a car crash to reduce the damage. But being scared of accidents will achieve nothing except making your life less pleasant.

That and intuition and also the vibe you give off. I found myself visiting a "dangerous city" but i didn't know about the reputation of the place so i just buddied up someone in a pub, and the kind stranger booked my accommodation and walked me to the place. Maybe he was sent by my guardian angel?

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Weena

That and intuition and also the vibe you give off. I found myself visiting a "dangerous city" but i didn't know about the reputation of the place so i just buddied up someone in a pub, and the kind stranger booked my accommodation and walked me to the place. Maybe he was sent by my guardian angel?

WOW... you were lucky!

One of the things NEVER to do is to let strangers know where you are staying, or letting them walk you to your hotel...
Especially not guys...

I think the world is a pretty safe place, but you still have to take your precautions. Because I do, I'm not scared when I go out alone. **** happens, I could get in an earthquake as well.. doesn't mean I spend my life wearing a helmet. Does mean I always know where the closest exit is...

[Weena]

Yes it was pretty cool. I told him i was about to call a youth hostel, he offered to call up, told me that it was closed but he knew an affordable B&B and called to book me in. And he walked me to the door (since i was tipsy)(geez i was insane when i was 20!). As i said maybe he was sent by my guardian angel because it was in what is called "stab city" and at night. He said "you would have done the same for me if i was a visitor in your country" .

[ZephyrusX]

I often walk alone, including at night, and have been a solo traveler for several years, and I've never felt the need for extra protection. I don't believe in the cliche of the total stranger that will jump out of the bushes to rape you. Most people who are trouble are people you know personally, and those who you don't know will strike a conversation first, follow you, in other words give you plenty of time to assess the situation and affirm that you will not be a victim.

I agree with this. I am female and 4'10 so I would easily be perceived as vulnerable, but I go out alone frequently at all times of the day and I have never had any serious problem. Once in awhile, I'll get some person who tries to intimidate me to impress his/her friends, but it never escalates beyond language. I've only legitimately been scared once when I met a young man who had outright malicious in his eyes while he was speaking to me.

Besides the advice already given, I would advise developing good communication skills as I believe they can be effective in disarming a person and decreasing tension in an interaction. Whereas if you have bad communication skills, you could inadvertently cause the situation to get out of hand. Most cases of victimization I know of personally happen in a bar or another public place and it just involves situations getting out of hand. Good communication can avoid this.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Weena

(geez i was insane when i was 20!). .

Oh how I can relate to this...

Can you just imagine doing the same things now? Or worse... can you see your daughter doing the same things in 20 years....??? It gives me nightmares just thinking about it...

[VinceG]

Originally Posted by secrets0stolen

I'm not sure about the laws in Australia, but I carry a pocket knife. I like the bike idea. Have you looked into martial arts?

Knives and bikes are terrible ideas, as are the martial arts. The alarm idea is the best. For anyone interested in self-defense, check this website out.

No Nonsense Self Defense - Reliable information for dangerous situations

[Rose of Cairo]

I second what the others already said.

I don't think it is a good idea to rely on external objects to make you feel safe. Safety is in your head. If you go around fearful and feeling weak, then people will feel it, and it'll attract trouble. If you are self-confident and feel safe, this kind of experiences just won't show up. I go around alone at all times of the day and night including in "dangerous" neighborhoods and nothing happens. Potential aggressors look for potential victims, so make sure you don't carry any victim energy around.

If you have a hard time feeling self-confident and safe, I recommend taking a self-defense class specially for women. You will learn not only the fight moves but also train the whole self-confident attitude. Your attitude is what determines whether they molest you or not, way before the confrontation. And during the confrontation, if it happens, your attitude is what determines whether they leave you alone or get physical.

When I went to such a class, the police officer strongly advised against carrying any kind of weapon, as guys are usually stronger and will use the weapons against you, especially if you are not trained in using them properly.

They also said that in a huge majority of sexual assaults, the victim knew (and trusted) the rapist. It is often someone close and familiar. Family member, friend, partner, colleague, acquaintance, boss... Not a stranger jumping out of the bushes at night, as aelle said. That is just a stereotype in fear-mongering media.

[Person Isac]

Originally Posted by VinceG

Knives and bikes are terrible ideas, as are the martial arts. The alarm idea is the best. For anyone interested in self-defense, check this website out.

No Nonsense Self Defense - Reliable information for dangerous situations

Kudos on beating me to the MacYoung link. Unfortunately, these can instill a dangerous sense of misplaced self-confidence. But I disagree with Vince about the alarm, the dog is a better idea if you have one.

What's important to remember about muggers is that casual crime is essentially their job and they have a lot of practice. The good news is, you can handle them by just not carrying around a lot of money. If you don't mind losing some stuff or getting smacked around a little, they're basically harmless.

Rapists on the other hand are a bit more worrisome, I think. Not that I worry about them but others might as they're less predictable and probably more messed up than typical muggers. I'd rather just toss you another Marc MacYoung link than add anything of my own.

Since it's almost on topic, here's a little story of something that happened to me a few days ago. I was walking into town across a little bridge I take and there was this largish guy who was way too drunk for 1PM. I was walking closer to him and he starts yelling, "Hey you, you, what's with the jacket? What's the Aussie jacket?" or some such (note, it was a Brazil jacket but Australia uses the same colors for sports teams).

I stop for politeness sake and turn to look at him, "What's up?"

He looks back at me, "You wanna tangle?"

I shook my head, "Nah man, I gotta go meet my brother."

"Yeah, all right Aussie."

"Take care."


Is there a point to this story? I think it's just that life is what you make of it. Staying safe isn't too hard if you're not in a particularly bad circumstance.

[ragtag]

Just avoiding dangerous areas is a good start, especially at night. And don't walk around overly drunk or intoxicated, it just makes you an easy target.

[taylor]

I don't like paranoia or holding victim energy as Rose said, but this idea that you can just hold positive energy and no one will try to harm you I think is awfully naive. A lot of criminals look for very nice victims because nice people are often the most trusting and least aggressive. But in reality they're probably less interested in your energy and more interested in how small, wealthy, and female you are.

Better advice I think is to hang around safe places of course. Carry mace or something but be prepared and ready to use it. I have my doubts about women's hand-to-hand defense. I'm sure it's helpful, but is it enough when some big thug knocks you down? You're disadvantaged in two ways at least. You're weaker and he's going to attack first. The whole dynamic is setting you up for failure too. He's in offense, you're in defense. You'd have to instantly shift into offense mode, then try to remember those moves from that class you took once upon a time, then beat this big thug in a fist fight. I'm thinking macing this guy in the face and running is going to be more reliable.



The bike's a pretty good idea. I think the late night solo female strolls through weird neighborhoods are best left to people packing heat to be honest. The whole scenario is asking for trouble.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by taylor

I don't like paranoia or holding victim energy as Rose said, but this idea that you can just hold positive energy and no one will try to harm you I think is awfully naive. A lot of criminals look for very nice victims because nice people are often the most trusting and least aggressive. But in reality they're probably less interested in your energy and more interested in how small, wealthy, and female you are.

Not true actually. In my school they did a self defense class and a policeman gave us some great tips and told us how it is mainly how you carry yourself that makes you safe or not (combined with common sense of course).

There are also some studies, about why victims of rape or abuse (by strangers) often become victims again of rape or abuse. I could try and find some, but the one I remember very well is in Dutch.

It is not so much that criminals look for nice victims, it is that they look for easy victims.

Better advice I think is to hang around safe places of course. Carry mace or something but be prepared and ready to use it. I have my doubts about women's hand-to-hand defense. I'm sure it's helpful, but is it enough when some big thug knocks you down? You're disadvantaged in two ways at least. You're weaker and he's going to attack first. The whole dynamic is setting you up for failure too. He's in offense, you're in defense. You'd have to instantly shift into offense mode, then try to remember those moves from that class you took once upon a time, then beat this big thug in a fist fight. I'm thinking macing this guy in the face and running is going to be more reliable.

Macing and running is a good idea always Being in safe places as well.

But self defense classes are good as well, because they give you more of an air of not being an easy victim. And that will put off a lot of criminals.

[RomanHD]

Originally Posted by secrets0stolen

I'm not sure about the laws in Australia, but I carry a pocket knife. I like the bike idea. Have you looked into martial arts?

Unless you are a pro with the knife, it can be easily used against you. Also, it would take years of serious study in a martial art before a woman could beat a man. And even then, there would be men who could beat her easily.

Originally Posted by Mounds

I carry around two guns that I call "Ownage" and "Pwnage".

LMAO!!

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by RomanHD

Unless you are a pro with the knife, it can be easily used against you. Also, it would take years of serious study in a martial art before a woman could beat a man. And even then, there would be men who could beat her easily.

A lot of criminals are not out for a difficult prey. Some psychopaths will want to get at you no matter what, but they are very very rare.

Most criminals as soon as you put up even a little bit of a fight, they'll give up and find a better (more easy) prey.

[Mounds]

Originally Posted by RomanHD

Unless you are a pro with the knife, it can be easily used against you. Also, it would take years of serious study in a martial art before a woman could beat a man. And even then, there would be men who could beat her easily.

I agree, carrying a weapon is a very bad idea. The problem with it is that the situation escalates the instant that the knife/baton/gun comes into view. What would you do if you pulled out your knife and the attacker pulled out his own? You'd be in deep doo-doo!
Some martial arts feel a little too canned for me. Even jiu-jitsu started to feel that way.
Ex. Sensei: If he puts his hand here, bend his arm this way, then trip him, then stomp on his arm, then kick him in the head....
Me: What if he's too strong to pull the arm bar?
Sensei: Trust me, it'll work.

There are very particular things I think are useful in an actual confrontation where you have so choice but to physically defend yourself. Shots to the trachea, genitals (grab and pull, crush, whatever), occipital smacks (hitting in the back of the head, rattles your brain and it doesn't take much), giving a knee a good kick when the leg is straight can blow it out, rip off ears (again, doesn't take much). Those kinds of things are extremely painful and distracting, giving you a chance to get away. I think a lot of that stuff is taught in women's self-defense.
As guys, were taught that fighting "dirty" is bad. Does that mean that fighting clean is good? IMO, if someone decides that they want to start a fight with me, they deserve to have a blown knee, ripped off testicles, no ears and a damaged trachea. I don't really care what aggressive UFC types think of it. My life is worth more than my reputation.

-Tim

[russianrocket]

Originally Posted by roxyruby

I know I can't rely on strength, generally, most guys would be physically stronger than me.

Wrong. It has nothing to do with strength. With enough practice, you can also use strength against the person. It's all bout applying and using the right leverage. Hell, when I was in a self defense class, there was a girl smaller then you in the class, that could kick my ass, and as well as the asses of most of the guys in the class.

[Mounds]

In the off chance that I'm ever in a fight that results in me ripping off someone's testicles, I'm going to say this in my best tough guy voice:

"Mounds' got nuts. You don't."

[Dave Plaza]

Originally Posted by russianrocket

Wrong. It has nothing to do with strength. With enough practice, you can also use strength against the person. It's all bout applying and using the right leverage. Hell, when I was in a self defense class, there was a girl smaller then you in the class, that could kick my ass, and as well as the asses of most of the guys in the class.

Sounds very aikido'ish... it would be interesting to know what art this was.

[russianrocket]

Originally Posted by Dave Plaza

Sounds very aikido'ish... it would be interesting to know what art this was.

Haganah - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

They always taught us how to go up against larger opponents. Knives, guns, what ever. The training against knife attacks was the one where you would use leverage and your opponents strength and power against them. Defense is the strongest offense? Just move out of the way, and let your opponent incapacitate himself.

I wouldn't recommend haganah for anyone on here tho lol it's pretty brutal, but it will teach you really quick how to defend yourself in REAL world situations.

I do quite miss it, but I got into a car accident, which hurt my back. The grappling in the class was just a killer.

this was my teacher.

YouTube - Mike Kanarek teaching Multiple Attackers: Knife and Gun

lol oh and essentially, every move ended with snapping the guys ankle. Or with gun attacks, ripping the attackers trigger finger off, with his own gun.

[Curtis2011]

Wow... this whole thread makes me realize that women actually need protecting, or something like that.

I have heard from many female friends "I'll be raped!" or something like that when they talk about being alone outside or anywhere really, but as a man I cannot really relate to this feeling at all.

It's pretty pathetic of the human species for women nowadays to actually need to worry about being raped while walking alone. Also, I do think that women worry a bit too much about it. Unless you actually live in a bad neighborhood or like to go walking down dark alleys at 2am in the morning, I think generally you have nothing to worry about.

I suppose some day we will advance spiritually and as a society enough to the point where fears like these go away.... and I eagerly await that day

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by aelle

I don't believe in the cliche of the total stranger that will jump out of the bushes to rape you.

I never really believed in this either until I was confronted with such a scenario! There definately ARE people who sit and lurk in dark alleyways waiting for unsuspecting women to walk by. I've experienced this, and managed to stare him down without showing any fear, so he eventually scratched his head and ran off down the alley, got in his car and drove off.(note: I was not actually walking down the alleyway at the time, I had to pass one to get to my home, and he was hiding in the shadows behind a bush in someones yard)

My death stare must be REALLY good

I would advise against carrying a knife or mace, as weapons can easily be turned against you, especially if you are scared. If you still want to carry a weapon, get trained in using it - go to a self defense class. Actually a self defense class would be enough. A good choice would be self defense classes specifically aimed at women who share your fear, mixed martial arts, or krav maga.

Martial Arts is awesome...I want to learn Krav Maga as well. As long as you maintain the attitude that you are in control and will be noones victim, predators will leave you alone. If you are ever faced with a situation, maintain eye contact to show that you will not submit, so the person then is confused, as they will expect you to crumble in fear. When you don't, it makes them question whether they have really picked an easy target or someone who will fight back.

Bikes are good too, though if someone really wants to grab you they can, even on a bike...just maintain distance when you ride so this isn't an easy thing.

[elucidate]

You only just now realised this...hmmm...WOW!

It definately has been drilled into us though, and in overkill...by our mothers usually, and by t.v shows and movies etc. I'm not sure what the current stats are, but last I looked it was something like one girl raped every 2 seconds in certain parts of the world. In Africa it's just ridiculous.

Originally Posted by Curtis2011

Wow... this whole thread makes me realize that women actually need protecting, or something like that.

I have heard from many female friends "I'll be raped!" or something like that when they talk about being alone outside or anywhere really, but as a man I cannot really relate to this feeling at all.

It's pretty pathetic of the human species for women nowadays to actually need to worry about being raped while walking alone. Also, I do think that women worry a bit too much about it. Unless you actually live in a bad neighborhood or like to go walking down dark alleys at 2am in the morning, I think generally you have nothing to worry about.

I suppose some day we will advance spiritually and as a society enough to the point where fears like these go away.... and I eagerly await that day

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by russianrocket

Wrong. It has nothing to do with strength. With enough practice, you can also use strength against the person. It's all bout applying and using the right leverage. Hell, when I was in a self defense class, there was a girl smaller then you in the class, that could kick my ass, and as well as the asses of most of the guys in the class.

Correct. If anything it's the small ones you have to watch out for...as they have more desire to survive because they are smaller and make more obvious targets.

Size means nothing though. I've thrown my sensei and another blackbelt over my shoulder and they were twice my size and very solid men. They weren't letting me win either