how do i help myself

[cadman]

Here is a quick overview of my life.

Dad wasn’t around while I was growing up so I had to figure many things out on my own.

Mom did her best to make my brother and I happy. She passed away right after I graduated from high school.

I never felt that I fit in throughout school and still.

I know that I act differently than I really am because people seem to accept my goofy side and at least pay some attention to me –good or bad.

I have tried so many things to see if there was a fit both in my personal life and with my career, but haven’t found it yet.

I am now 38 years old and I have a family to support

I started college early to pursue something that I liked but do to strong self criticism later gave up on that career path and then for physical reasons wouldn’t even come close to doing it now to meet my own quality standards.
Some of things I have tried and just gave up on or have put on the back burner: making a comic book, being a real estate agent, just about every get rich quick program on at 3 a.m., starting a website based on what I love, fixing things around the house, etc.

I have worked at a bar, done high pressure washing, worked at speedy printing as a printer, made automotive springs, sold art supplies, janitor, machinist, die maker, engineer, plant manager, designer, liaison, and a few more in there somewhere.

I started my current career path as a sweeper in a machine shop and when one of the leaders saw how interested I was in what they were making, he started training me. From there I worked my way up to making 3d models. When I felt that I wasn’t being properly compensated for my work I moved on to another company starting to learn die making. 2 of the managers were starting their own shop and asked if I would come work for them. I had self taught myself how to use the design software and eventually made the move from the floor to the office. Again when I felt I wasn’t being compensated for my skills I moved on. The shop where I started rehired me for more money but to run the mill dept. 2 weeks after I was rehired there was a company crisis with management and I was put in charge of one of the divisions. This was based on the owner’s feelings that I had potential and good problem solving skills. Eventually the program was completed and if I didn’t find a fit I would be unemployed. Upon enlightening other managers of my design skills I was put in charge of the design division. It became easier and easier for my bosses to just have me talk to the customer than try to relate their needs. Eventually I was offered the position of plant manager and held it for 3 years until I felt that I wanted something else. At that time the I moved into just troubleshooting setups, quality issues, customer relations, and trying to create a better bridge between the hourly employees so the communication gaps were dissolved.

Due to economic issues between the owner and the banks, the entire staff was laid off a few months back. I have sent resumes out, trying to start a business of my own doing design and engineering work but have no bites yet. Here’s where the feelings of uselessness and failure come into play again.

I have no motivation and seem to procrastinate on trying things because I don’t want the feeling of failure anymore. It has become a source of depression, which seems to happen anytime I try something new. I have gone through the goal plan and everything like that and eventually go right back to feeling why should I try.

I think the only reason the last job lasted so long was because I became absorbed so deeply in my work that I didn’t realize the self-destruction that I was creating. My family suffered because I wasn’t there. It was easier to sit and have drinks with customers and look for solutions to manufacturing problems than to go home to my second job as a husband and father. The money was good and at the time I was having fun. Now I sit back and see that I had failure again and have no idea what to do.

I don’t know where all my problems started but it seems that the problems have escalated from a very young age.

There are so many more things in my life that have happened, but I didn’t want this to be a complete autobiography. I am not looking for a shoulder to cry on and have never really told people about myself this way. It was and still is much easier to live behind the image of being ok. Maybe I just don’t friends, family, and others to see my weaknesses. I have considered seeking help but now due to economic reasons that would be on hold, so I figured maybe someone on the site might be able to offer some advice.

Any suggestions would help.

Sincerely,
Cadman

[Adam]

The hardest part is always finding what you want to do. After that, it is as simple as doing it.

Perhaps you can get some of the people who were fired together and start something new, if you want to continue to work in manufacturing... If the plant shut down, then there's a good chance that there are machining tools for sale cheap...

[cadman]

ty for your reply adam-i am currently trying to start something with a few of the guys from the shop but economic situations are so tight for me right now that equipment might be an issue. the company is having an auction next month but the concern is the catch 22--need equipment to do work but cant buy equipment with no work. The loan payments and rent on what we are looking at are around 9-10k a month. Right now food and a roof for the wife and kids is taking priority. I would love to walk in and say let's sign the papers but as you can see from the original post my problems lie deeper than just the economics.

sincerely,
Cadman

[pantera]

Here's what I'd do:

1) The emergency is getting $$ to pay for your family. So get a job that pays enough, whether you like it or hate it. Consider it temporary.

2) Take a piece of paper. Divide it into 3 sections. Title each section "what I love to do and do well", "what I do well but don't enjoy much", "my weaknesses that someone else might compensate for". Fill out that sheet. Then try to find/create a job that concentrates on #1, has a bit of #2, and in which you could hire someone to offset your #3 problems. Start this job part-time if you have to -- this is your dream job (or one of your dream jobs) and you need to give it a go.

3) Write down your life goals EVERY MORNING. If you do this every day, you will HAVE TO take small steps toward those goals. And if you take a minimum of a 1/2 hour per day toward those goals, they will someday be mostly reached. It's inevitable. (That's a minimum of 180 hours in a year, if you add it up. That's a lot of success).

4) Realize that you are NOT a failure. You were successful at your last job. You apparently did far better at it than other people. So you had problems at home - LEARN from those problems, and try to improve. You were NOT a failure, so stop beating yourself up.

I'm in a similar situation, except that I'm one step beyond you and am struggling to get my dream job untracked. But I have hope, I am happier, and I'm not giving up. I'm likely facing having to get a 2nd job because my plans haven't blossomed as well as I wished, but I'm not letting go of my dream. I look back and see that, despite my struggles, I'm closer to my goals.

Learn from your errors. Be proud of the things you can do well. And make yourself a better life, one...small...step...at...a...time. You are going to mess up some more, and fail some more, and be discouraged some more. But you WILL have a better life IF you keep trying and learning. Good luck my friend.

[rene_stpierre]

Hi,

From the description of what you have done in your life, seems to me you need to find your purpose in life. This is not easy to do for everyone but I have found it is essential to find it in order to have a fulfilled life.

I am 34, married and have 2 young children. When I was introduced to Personal Development 1 year ago, I had no purpose, no dream, no long term goals. Here is what I learned since then.

• In order to get what you want in life, you have to find a way to help others. Zig Ziglar said "you can have anything you want in life, if you just help enough other people get what they want".

• Your purpose must also be tied to your values and passions i.e. what you love doing. Ask yourself "If you would win a huge amount of cash at the lottery, after the year of traveling, the spending and the partying, how would you spend your days?" or "What do you love so much doing that you would be willing to do it for free?".

• You will know for sure you have found what you want when that "thing" you want is so important to you that you are willing to do anything to get it. It is so vital that it's like the air you breed. When you find this, you will have no problem to remain motivated and on track to get it.

• Finally, in one of the books I read, they suggested the following exercise to find your purpose: (1) Write down your 2 best qualities, (2) Write how you like to express these qualities when you interact with others, (3) In 1 written statement, describe the perfect world and (4) Combine (1), (2) and (3) in 1 statement ... this is your life purpose.

Now, from your message, I also gathered that you need help to alleviate fears of failure i.e. you need help to change your mindset. In the past year, I have also learned that having the right mindset is key to success.

What has had a tremendous impact on me and has helped me change my mindset is the movie The Secret. See my Post titled "Instantly improve your life by adopting an Attitude of Gratitude" in the Emotional Mastery section of this Forum. I talk about the impact The Secret has had on me. I've watched it 3 times already and everytime I do, I feel much better and my mind is aligned with what I want in life.

Good Luck!
René