How you guys discipline yourselves?

[Sarah Wilson]

We seldom can't say no to our friends especially to people that we owe something. How can we take control of ourselves over them and say no them. How you guys discipline yourselves to pressures and temptations?

[growwithstacy]

I have read the books on Boundaries over and over and it really helps.

Some people really get angry and controlling when you tell them no but that's their issue. We all have the right to say no and to stick to our boundaries. People who can't accept a "no" have boundary and control issues.

Remember that other people's reactions to your boundaries are their problem, don't let them cause you to feel like it's your problem.

[spacecadetglow]

Yeah, I wonder the same thing! Great advice above though...

Sometimes I think it's maybe okay to not stick so adherently to your beliefs and values and choices and whatnot. It's okay to give into temptation... I remember Steve saying somewhere that actions reveal true beliefs more than thoughts. So for instance, if I'm on a mental campaign to not smoke weed (I believe I need to stop) and I'm at a party and decide to take a hit... well, guess it means I must not truly believe that weed is that bad, because I say one thing and do another.

Does this make us "bad" people? No, I don't think it's useful to feel guilt over it. Recognize that giving in is where you're at and accept it.

Also, we are not solid, cohesive entities, us humans, so to treat ourselves as if we need to follow a set way of being "for our own good" (i.e. discipline), thwarts our nature.

Really all depends what temptations you're trying to resist and what sort of discipline you're talking about though :P

[xfactor]

I stopped engaging in the whole "Self-discipline" issue once I realized it's an illusion. Can you discipline your right hand with your left one? You can't, because both of them are you. Same thing with your mind. Who disciplines who, exactly?

Instead of becoming more "self-disciplined" I now try to become more self-aware, and I believe that path to be much better and more reasonable.

[Federer]

I use one tool named FOCUS. Focus on richness of self discipline, invest your time to learn and apply and keep sailing ahead.

[Futhark]

Sarah Wilson, I suggest you read Robert Cialdini's book "Influence"...not only does he give reasons about why we can't seem to say NO in certain situations (and how it is absolutely natural and not reprehensible in advanced societies) he also gives you tools to fight back by realizing the "tricks" people are playing on you even though they might not even be conscious of it.

We are all incredibly intricate, beautiful beings.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Sarah Wilson

We seldom can't say no to our friends especially to people that we owe something. How can we take control of ourselves over them and say no them. How you guys discipline yourselves to pressures and temptations?

Hey Sarah,

Saying 'no' is an important part of developing and reinforcing self-confidence and self-worth. If you don't establish healthy personal boundaries you will always be subject to being manipulated/controlled by others. Being aware is a step in the right direction. Here's an article I wrote that might help: Healthy Personal Boundaries & How to Establish Them.

[Canadian]

Everything I wanted attempted to gain from self-discipline (mainly productivity) I am only now started to get and only because I learned to STOP trying to discipline myself.

Saying "no" to people is something completely separate from self-discipline for me. If I want to say no to someone why would I need self-discipline to do it? Maybe I'm just a selfish jerk. lol

[IEvo]

Self-discipline and boundary issues are two seperate problems, but they can often overlap-- or at least appear to.

growwithstacy had excellent points in that often it is other people trying to get you to do what they want and having little respect for your own desires rather than a problem that you have with self-discipline. And as spacecadetglow said, that's usually because you don't really want to do whatever your friend is suggesting.

If you're certain that you're not being manipulated and that you want to do what you're being asked to do then self-discipline is the problem, and there are ways you can fix that, with the added benefit of becoming more disciplined in other areas of your life as well.

Discipline of the self can be most easily broken down into two things that are required in order to be disciplined.

First: Remember what you want. Often when you're trying to do something you think you should do but that you don't want to, you tend to think about how much you hate that certain activity instead of focusing on the end result of said activity.

For example, let's say a friend asks you to accompany them to a bar, and you feel like you should do them that favour because they did you a favour a week ago. But, you hate going to bars. You don't like the atmosphere and you don't drink, so you never have any fun.

In this case, if you decide that going to the bar is the right thing to do, then in order to motivate yourself to do it you would think about doing something nice for your friend instead of how much you hate bars.

Second: Small steps. Taking small steps towards what you're trying to achieve. This is useful when the end result of a series of actions is what you want, but getting there is something you don't like.

I'll use another example: Playing the guitar. Let's say you decide that you'd love to be able to play some of your favourite songs on guitar and you start practicing every day. It doesn't take long for you to realize that you don't really like practicing because you can't play anything yet. Thus you start to avoid practice, which is the only way you can become good enough at playing the guitar to reach your desired end result.

So instead of trying to practice an hour a day, like most guitar gurus would recommend, try practicing for five minutes at first.

It sounds insignificant but it actually gets you in the habit of practicing. Soon you'll find yourself liking practice because you always succeed at it, and it's not a significant drain on your time.

I wrote an article with a lot more detail on self-discipline if you're interested: It talks about small steps and remembering what you want more in-depth then I can here.

If you're interested: Self-Discipline: The Easy Way | Implicate Evolution

I hope that helps!

[spacecadetglow]

I still hate practicing the guitar. Unless I'm learning a song, I won't just sit there and play scales and probably never will.

The beginning of learning a song, as you said above, is just like that initial stage of discipline: you hate every second of it, but as all players know, it pays off in the end if you stick with it. And the more you listen to the song, the more your fingers will move in sync with the music...

I guess that can also be said for any way you use discipline to achieve a desired goal. You have to want the desired outcome really bad to stick through the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by xfactor

I stopped engaging in the whole "Self-discipline" issue once I realized it's an illusion. Can you discipline your right hand with your left one? You can't, because both of them are you. Same thing with your mind. Who disciplines who, exactly?

Instead of becoming more "self-disciplined" I now try to become more self-aware, and I believe that path to be much better and more reasonable.

I totally agree and have incorporated that as well

[Canadian]

I think I played guitar for about 9 or 10 hours yesterday. If I were telling myself, "I ought to play 30 minutes each day because it's good for me," honestly I don't think I would have even picked up my guitar.