maybe dad's afraid of letting go

[soccer7]

Hi everyone, I have this habbit of cleaning and tidying up alot, I constantly try to change my surrounding in an attempt to make it better, brighter cleaner, more spacous and positive environment.

However my parents - dad in particular - has a different mindset, I think they are afriad to let go of the things we don't need and afraid of change.It seems like i'm the only one who is concern about the tidyness of the home, my parents are too busy to any tidying up, rearranging furnitures, and cleaning up overall.

I don't mind since i like to clean, but the problem here is that my dad gets in the way all the time, he won't let me throw away this or that, and knowing that it is a problem always says that he'll do something about it later.

For example we have a really old couch that is dirty, skicky, smelly, ugly and the breeding ground for how many critters that i would love to throw away. But my dad says we need it, were else are we going to sit, i mean there are other chairs, but i think society has condition him to think that a house necessary requires a sofa.

He says what if guest comes over to our house and they don't have somewhere to sit, man this is such bad example in an attempt to convince me that i just get really mad thinking about it. First of all, we don't have many guest that visits, probably because of some circumstances concerning money and dept, i'm not sure. Secondly, when they do come over they never go and sit on those dam sofas anyways, they would normally go into the kitchen and sit on some other chair.

Other stuff my dad just keeps just for the sake that we MIGHT need it, what ever he finds on the streets he collects and brings home, alot of which we never end up using, by the time he realise we have it, we have already brought a brand new one.

So my home is filled with stuff that we don't necessary need. making it look small, cluctery, overall messy. The only room i get to change is my own, but i want to change the whole house, because i'm 100% sure that the results will improve on my family's life positively.

I now realise that i can't convince him anymore, i tried countless times, but its not like i can win any arguement with my dad, he thinks he's always right, saying stuff like he's older and more experience, and that i'm too young to understand, then when i do occassionall prove to him that he's wrong, he just walks off and go oh well. Its really frustrating.

Theses are the options that i have come up with :
1) Force a change by throwing away sofa and other stuff when dad is not around and reap the consequences afterwards
2) Move out, this has its own consequences
3) Put up with it somehow - i've been doing this up to now, so i don't really like this option.

so any suggestions anyone ?

[Acting Like Godot]

Ask that lady - the one whose car you scratched - for her views. If she shares your thinking, she may willingly help to persuade your dad.

[soccer7]

there's this thing going on with my mum and that lady, if i get too close to that lady my mum might think i'm taking sides or something. Besides, after she talked to my mum, she agreed to not come over my house anymore until the problem is solved.

for those who is wondernig what i'm talking about, this is a family problem that i written in another post called family mess, please help.

[Acting Like Godot]

Make your own room overwhelmingly the most aesthetically pleasing one in the house.

Next, make your siblings' rooms overwhelmingly the next most aesthetically pleasing ones in the house.

Maybe your dad will notice and begin to change his mind slowly.

[soccer7]

hey that's a good idea, hmm, all this time, why didn't i think of that, thanks dude.

[taylor2]

well-is it your dads home?if it is his home...he should be able to keep what he feels he needs.an old couch that needs to be hid can be done so with a big afghan or a sofa cover.they are not that exspensive.my hubby is a person who feels the need to control me about my stuff. he has a huge work shop where all of his stuff is organized into perfect order.when he talks of downsizing-it is my stuff. the stuff in my tiny craft room.he seems to think my craft room needs to be organized like his shop even though i have so little space in there .i tell him-don't go into that room.he has to "help".i get in there and dig thru stuff i need for a latest project.and i do not put stuff back right away. i do mosaic's and knit and crochet and paint and make alot of stuff. i am always looking for dishes to break for mosaics and i store them in that room.every week-he has to scn the fridge and toss out the food...about garbage day time. i told him"why are u so compelled to do this?" i said we have a garbage disposal and we have free garbage service and a garbage disposal-it won't hurt if something stays in there a bit.he threw out a whole roast once-that was a couple of days old. i was gonna use it for dinner that nite. i come home from work.where is the roast? uh-oh!! i tossed it in the garbage.one time i worked grave yard and wake up and go try to fix dinner and every cabinet had been re-arranged...by him.he does not even cook.he re-arranged everything. i went out to his shop and got a 5 gallon bucket and poured all his neatly organized cans of seperated nuts and screws and bolts all into the 5 gall. bucket and put it out in the middle fo the drive.he came home and pulled half in and looked in the bucket.i told him what it was. i thought he was cured.nope.we have been married close to 40 yrs. so i have no hope but humor in it all.good luck.