How do you create better long term focus? How about balance?

[90802]

Hmm, I couldn't really think of a better term. Lemme see if I can explain...

I'm great at putting things off till tomorrow. So great that I've spent years putting things off till tomorrow. Losing weight, improving my social skills, etc.

But damn, the pull to put things off is so damn strung. It gets to the point where trying to work on long term goals becomes almost painful.

If that wasn't enough, I also have the problem of trying to find balance. Ya know, the three huge categories of money, love, and health.

For a few months I was very consistent with exercise, but had a problem getting it right with eating. Building a successful career...ugh! I get overwhelmed, caught up in analysis paralysis, and do nothing. Socializing...almost nonexistent. Or I socialize when I should be working.

Soooo...how do you do it? Let me see if I can be a bit more specific....

1. It takes time to build a career you enjoy (or maybe my experience is not the same as others), at least to the point where it can support you. So, do you make sacrifices in other areas of your life for a few years to get things moving, or do you work on finding balance and take more time to get your career to where you want it to be?

2. How do you keep focus? Do you have to push yourself and work regardless of how you feel, or is it natural and easy for you?

I'd really love to hear from people who have made the transition for cubicle/employed life to self-employed, but of course all are welcome.

Thanks

[smartDad]

write down all your goals and read when you wake up and before going to bed.

[Brutha]

Create habits.

Do you want to become comfortable with interacting with girls?
Take a dance class every week.

Do you want to become comfortable with public speaking?
Join toastmasters.

[SatvikBeri]

Brutha said exactly what I was going to say.

The best way to create a long term focus-both in terms of getting things done, and learning to enjoy them-is to create habits. The basic idea is that if you do something at the same time every day, for 30 days, it'll become a habit and easier to do than not to do.

Here are some of Steve's articles on habits:
Habit Change Is Like Chess
Goals Into Habits

[shinyjourney]

Hello,

I am the situation you talk about, i went from cubicle employed to self employed.

I did the best thing in my life, even if it's hard to begin because money is really not coming quickly, i have never been more happy than now.

For me, i would think that you have to have goals to focus on, BUT the present it MORE important than the future. I you suffer or if you are really unhappy with your position right now, you have to find a way to be happy.

And, if you put a lot of efforts now to be good after and you re not happy now but you think you will be after, how can you know for sure that the AFTER, when the goal will be reached, that you will be happy?
There is no way to know it for sure...

I would like to ask you what is this after? What really would make you happy for your career?

For me the present is the only moment that exists and you have to enjoy it and accept it. If you accept it, you enjoy, but if you are in situation you don't like, make a change and find something to make you happy NOW and not in 3/5 years... and not be sure to have something then.


Virginie

[Federer]

except money field, yes i have balanced life. I can say that. I don't push myself to change anything. Just identify where you want to go, then create some habits, follow them, remove negative or non-workable beliefs, there you will go with flows.

NEVER push yourself, you will find more hard than ever.

[90802]

@smartDad-

I have been doing that, but it's been more of a huge all in one goal. Where I want to be and how much money I want to make. The visualizing part is still a bit tough for me though. Maybe I need to be visualizing what I can do TODAY instead of what I want my life to be like five years from now.

@Brutha

You made me think of something, and I don't think much, so thanks

I've joined TM and I'm giving my tenth speech Thursday night. The structure and camaraderie are what's really helped me with that. I've still had times when I didn't enjoy the process, but have always been happy when I complete a speech.

So what I think I'm missing is some structure. I feel like I"m in this all alone. Maybe I need to create a Meetup group for budding entrepreneurs to get together and keep each other going in the right direction.

@SatvikBeri

Is it really important to do it at the same time? I did it with biking, but when I woke up, not at a specific time. Hmmm...my other problem with habits has been trying to dive in too hard. YOu know, 25 hours of writing, 14 hours of exercise, and 12 hours of socializing, all in the same day

I do need to figure out a way to build up. I have this awful idea that I must be doing everything all the time.

@shinyjourney

And, if you put a lot of efforts now to be good after and you re not happy now but you think you will be after, how can you know for sure that the AFTER, when the goal will be reached, that you will be happy?
There is no way to know it for sure...

This is a huge problem for me. Massive even.

I haven't been able to figure out if I'm not liking something because it's really hard and new, or because I'm just not that interested in it. Make sense?

For example....music. Music is something I've always loved, and feel like it should be what I"m doing with my life. But writing songs tends to be a struggle for me. I love the process AFTER I finish a song, but during a song? Blegh!!!

But I don't know...was everything effortless for you when you got started? Did you have to make huge sacrifices and spend years concentrating on your business before you could have a balanced life?

I would like to ask you what is this after? What really would make you happy for your career?

I think flexibility is the key for me. I'd like to be hopping around the world and working from my laptop. I'd love to spend six months in Iran learning Persian and be able to work while there. Something like that.

Also I really want to live in San Francisco. Not a starving artist living, but a nice comfortable living.

For me the present is the only moment that exists and you have to enjoy it and accept it. If you accept it, you enjoy, but if you are in situation you don't like, make a change and find something to make you happy NOW and not in 3/5 years... and not be sure to have something then.

Excellent advice, thanks

@Federer

Thanks. I think I'll go read some of Steve's articles now.

[shinyjourney]

Originally Posted by 90802

This is a huge problem for me. Massive even.

I haven't been able to figure out if I'm not liking something because it's really hard and new, or because I'm just not that interested in it. Make sense?

For example....music. Music is something I've always loved, and feel like it should be what I"m doing with my life. But writing songs tends to be a struggle for me. I love the process AFTER I finish a song, but during a song? Blegh!!!

But I don't know...was everything effortless for you when you got started? Did you have to make huge sacrifices and spend years concentrating on your business before you could have a balanced life?

I totally understand you in your example about music. I don't know if i said it before but i'm ceo of a video production company and before this i started as a video editor. I learned everything alone and then created my company with my boyfriend. Now, i realize that editing is not a passion for me. I would have wished it would be the case but it is not.

I can explain myself a little more: i started a company in audiovisual production with my boyfriend, so i didn't allow myself to not loving it anymore. So sometimes, i was editing with a customer and thought in myself, "i don't like it today, and was feeling a real fear" Now i understand that that fear was to think that i could stop loving something in which i putted so much (money, time, love). It's hard to face the reality and allow ourself to say: i don't like it anymore, okay, i did all this way but i don't like it anymore. So, i am very lucky because my boyfriend and i are really in the same frame of mind and he totally understood, but he could have been disappointed by this (and before we work in our self development this is for sure what would have been happened). So i had two options, continue lying to myself or face reality.

First option>lying to myself > i could not have been happy in the present, live always in the fear that maybe i don't like what i do anymore (in the case that i lie to me, and say myself that it is for sure that i like it because i built a company in this area) and miss my life.... FOR WHAT? being "normal" and not disappoint people and the "rules"


Second option > what i did > okay i don't like it anymore, so what do i love? I love writing, i love my journey in my personal development and want to share it with people > so i created a blog and start writing it. In the same time, my boyfriend is still passionate about audiovisual so i support him, continue to work in my company but not with the pressure that i had because now, everything is clear in my head and for people around me. No more pressure, freedom to love what i love and stop loving what i love.

I realized that i had this fear because i have always been thinking that one day i will find my PASSION, and work all my life in this, and accomplished myself in it. But now, with a lot of struggle, i begin to realize that this is this thought that cause me all this pain. Because it put a pressure on me in all i decide to do as a job. So, i started my blog, and hope some day i could live from this activity, but i do all my best to not feel pressure about it. Maybe in few years i will find another thing that will passionate me... and it will not be a problem!!


So for your music, don't feel the obligation to do things you don't like, or if you have to do it, the most important is to not feel the obligation to LOVE it. If you don't like it, well, who obliges you to love it? nobody, just your thoughts...


For the job you would like to do, well do all you can do to reach your goal, but don't feel stress about it. In general, if you aim to do something you will like efforts won't be very hard. But i think that if efforts are to hard to make, maybe your goal is not good for you. Maybe you think your goal will make you happy but you miss the most important: achieve a goal do'nt make you happy. But you have to be already happy to achieve your goals.


Virginie

[90802]

Virginie,

Thanks so much for your thoughtful post. It's given me a lot to think about. I'll let it all sink in and get back

Thanks again,

Chris

[shinyjourney]

You're welcome, do not hesitate to give me feedbacks!!

[90802]

For the job you would like to do, well do all you can do to reach your goal, but don't feel stress about it. In general, if you aim to do something you will like efforts won't be very hard. But i think that if efforts are to hard to make, maybe your goal is not good for you. Maybe you think your goal will make you happy but you miss the most important: achieve a goal do'nt make you happy. But you have to be already happy to achieve your goals.

I feel this weird sense of sadness when I think of giving up music.

When I think about it objectively, a life in music doesn't suit me. I don't care for life on the road, the promotion work I would have to do, a lot of time spent playing for little or no money, and especially the fact that people don't value music and are more likely to steal it than buy it.

Then I get overwhelmed by the task I'll have to perfect to get really good at music. Ear training, music theory, guitar technique, singing, recording, mixing, etc and so on.

Ugh.

Maybe I don't have the heart to put up with all the hardships. Or maybe it's only a hardship to me because I don't have the fire and passion?

Now I get to do the task of figuring out what's really for me, or even if I have a true purpose. I get excited by many different things. I need to be a renaissance man

[SatvikBeri]

Originally Posted by 90802

@SatvikBeri

Is it really important to do it at the same time? I did it with biking, but when I woke up, not at a specific time. Hmmm...my other problem with habits has been trying to dive in too hard. YOu know, 25 hours of writing, 14 hours of exercise, and 12 hours of socializing, all in the same day

I do need to figure out a way to build up. I have this awful idea that I must be doing everything all the time.

It's not necessary, but it helps. The core is doing each habit regularly for a long time-everything like accountability, working with others, etc. are just tricks to make forming the habit faster and easier.

[shinyjourney]

Originally Posted by 90802

and especially the fact that people don't value music and are more likely to steal it than buy it.

Here, you see, i think you're too much in your belief. You have to release your minf from all these believes and thoughts that make you stop or go back instead of going on.

Do you really care if people steal music or buy it? Does this change your love for music? Is it totally right, that E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y steals music?

All these questions to show you that your mind is your jail for the moment and it's normal you are not able to take actions because you don't feel free.

I've just heard the podcast of steve pavlina about "tha purpose" i think it's the number 15. Listen to it, i think it could really help.

Just try to clear your mind from ALL your predjuges. I know it's hard but everytime you put a label on something, try to observe it and be aware of it. BUT please, don't blame yourself, it's a learning process, and the first key is to be aware. That's why we all look for awareness!

Virginie