How do you get good a smiling?

[Brutha]

Especially in social situation I'm not smiling enough. Does anyone of you know of good articles about the topic or has some personal advice?

[rickrock]

Eh, I hate taking pictures for that reason, I must be truely happy atm to smile. Try... watching or thinking of something funny when you laugh, dont open your teeth. Let the laugh turn into a smile. Catch yourself when you do this and find a way to make it with out watching something. If you need to think about something for a picture you can still imagine something funny but just on social outings it might be that you just arent a smiler or something is wrong.

[Federer]

Well, Smile comes from heart and i try not stop it. Usually when i talk with people, i feel there is something nice between each other, everyone is fine and we are again together back to enjoy or heal with time. So smile comes.

Now you smile.

[Ripcoil]

Well, if you train yourself to think about "now I want to smile" and then do it comes naturally at some point. Just catch yourself when you want to smile and don't and smile. I don't really think there's anything else you can do, that's how I do it at least.

If it's just because there's nothing to smile about, either just do it anyway and you'll find something or just think of something to smile at.

[rickrock]

Originally Posted by Ripcoil

If it's just because there's nothing to smile about, either just do it anyway and you'll find something or just think of something to smile at.

Good suggestion

But might I add that you should practise this because an akward smile is not fun to have.

[Federer]

Originally Posted by rickrock

Good suggestion

But might I add that you should practise this because an akward smile is not fun to have.

Excellent point. We want pleasant smile that spreads love.

[Ripcoil]

Originally Posted by rickrock

Good suggestion

But might I add that you should practise this because an akward smile is not fun to have.

Hahaha for some reason this made me laugh.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Especially in social situation I'm not smiling enough. Does anyone of you know of good articles about the topic or has some personal advice?

You're not smiling enough according to whom? How much smiling is enough?

How would you know for sure that you're smiling enough and that you're good at smiling?

[James81]

A good smile starts down deep in the inner parts of you and spirals up out of you in such a way that it touches the joyful places inside of you that lights you up like a torch and becomes contagious.

Go looking for the joyful part of you, the part that inspires you, the part that bubbles underneath the layers, and when you touch that part of you, you won't have to wonder if you are good at smiling...you'll just be smiling.

[Sharlotta]

I love when people smile with eyes! It tells me much more about people than smile with lips. But I think smile is natural and sincere, when you don't think if your smile looks good. You just smile when you want to smile (and don't smile when you don't want to smile). And it's better (for me) if people don't smile all the time the same smile. I just stop to believe them. I need to know their true filings.

For me, if you want to smile more, you just need to think more positive about your life and people. And then smile when you want to smile.


When I read my post I hear just "smile, smile, smile"

[Plays With Life]

I think laughing a lot helped me find an easy natural-ness in my smiles.

[Brutha]

You're not smiling enough according to whom? How much smiling is enough?

How would you know for sure that you're smiling enough and that you're good at smiling?

The particular situation is about Salsa dancing. I'm have gotten verbal feedback from multiple people that I'm not smiling enough.

As far as I know you are also dancing Salsa from time to time. Maybe you can think of a dance partner who didn't smile enough?

I know that a smile from my dance partner makes me feel good myself. I also see that someone who is still a bit of beginner but who smiles very strong has a lot of success (measured in getting dances/and not being rejected).

In general as far as body language is concerned I try to get it right while dancing and then it goes into muscle memory for the other times.

[rickrock]

Originally Posted by Brutha

The particular situation is about Salsa dancing. I'm have gotten verbal feedback from multiple people that I'm not smiling enough.

As far as I know you are also dancing Salsa from time to time. Maybe you can think of a dance partner who didn't smile enough?

I know that a smile from my dance partner makes me feel good myself. I also see that someone who is still a bit of beginner but who smiles very strong has a lot of success (measured in getting dances/and not being rejected).

In general as far as body language is concerned I try to get it right while dancing and then it goes into muscle memory for the other times.

Do you think that you arent smiling because you are concentrating? Salsa is hard at first maybe once you really learn you will be able to devote your attention to smiling and such.

[Angela]

I like a partner who's leading masterfully, often the guy is wearing a "serious" face, and that's nice. I don't enjoy when he's wearing a "stone" face -- unmoved by the dance, concentrating to the point where he's excluding me and my experience from his awareness and being unresponsive to me.

It's not about smiling; it's about being engaged with me. That could involve a smile, but it's weird if he's just smiling for the sake of smiling -- it's wonderful when he's smiling because he's enjoying what's transpiring between us. A smile is not the only thing that signifies enjoyment and connection and engagement -- I'd prefer an authentic response to a practiced smile.

[Brutha]

Do you think that you arent smiling because you are concentrating? Salsa is hard at first maybe once you really learn you will be able to devote your attention to smiling and such.

I'm through the beginner problems since some time.

It's not about smiling; it's about being engaged with me.

Then what do you recommend to increase engagement? Some thoughts to think?

I like a partner who's leading masterfully, often the guy is wearing a "serious" face, and that's nice.

I don't know exactly how you are dancing however think that it's often important to match the mood of the girl.

I enjoy slow smooth dancing with a lot of eye contact but I don't think it's what every dance partner is looking for.

That could involve a smile, but it's weird if he's just smiling for the sake of smiling

I understand that self conscious "smiling for the sake of smiling" can be weird. Of course timing matters.

Say the dance partner makes a mistake. In that situation a smile communicates something like: "It's okay, we're having fun don't worry about it".

I also think that it's a good idea to consciously answer a smile with a smile.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Then what do you recommend to increase engagement? Some thoughts to think?

I'm not sure it's thoughts to think so much as it is practicing being extraordinarily present -- that is, not thinking thoughts, but being right there in the moment with her. You've read The Power of Now, haven't you? That's the kind of presence I mean.

I don't know exactly how you are dancing however think that it's often important to match the mood of the girl.

As "the girl," I think I prefer to be led in the mood. That is, to surrender myself not only to his dance leading, but also to his way of being -- as long as I trust him. And if I don't trust him, I have no business dancing in his arms.

I enjoy slow smooth dancing with a lot of eye contact but I don't think it's what every dance partner is looking for.
I understand that self conscious "smiling for the sake of smiling" can be weird. Of course timing matters.

Say the dance partner makes a mistake. In that situation a smile communicates something like: "It's okay, we're having fun don't worry about it".

I also think that it's a good idea to consciously answer a smile with a smile.

I don't think constant eye contact is desirable, and I don't necessarily feel more comfortable if my partner answers my mistake with an encouraging smile -- it's an option, but a powerful lead works to do that, too, and can often keep a sexy vibe going that a happy grin can sometimes inhibit.

Have you tried hakalau, Brutha? It's a nice way to go into uptime trance so you can be extraordinarily aware of your partner head-to-toe and of your environment, and be really present in the dance.

[Hern]

I do not smile often either so you are not alone. I laugh more than smile; even when I am very happy. It used to bother one of my old supervisors. I just told him I don't like to advertise my feelings.

My son on the other hand smiles all the time.

[Brutha]

Have you tried hakalau, Brutha? It's a nice way to go into uptime trance so you can be extraordinarily aware of your partner head-to-toe and of your environment, and be really present in the dance.

I will look into it.
At the moment I try to fire an NLP type anchor to get into state before dancing but I will do the hakalau at the pause between dances.

I did it once at home and while it relaxes it doesn't really put my into a deep state of joy. I'm not very hypnotically suggestive. In the state I see opposing colors next to colored item (Orange shadows next to blue etc). Is that the kind of state which you mean?

That is, to surrender myself not only to his dance leading, but also to his way of being -- as long as I trust him. And if I don't trust him, I have no business dancing in his arms.

There are various degrees of trust. You are also very mature. You might make a conscious decision to totally open up and allow everything to happen.
I don't think that the same is true for the high energy 20-something.

it's an option, but a powerful lead works to do that, too,

Do you mean that the next move after a mistake should be lead with more force?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Brutha

I did it once at home and while it relaxes it doesn't really put my into a deep state of joy. I'm not very hypnotically suggestive. In the state I see opposing colors next to colored item (Orange shadows next to blue etc). Is that the kind of state which you mean?

Are you talking about hakalau? It's not about emotion, like joy, specifically; it's for putting yourself into an uptime trance -- to spread out your awareness, so that you may be alert and responsive, and to deeply *get* what's going on around you.

There are various degrees of trust. You are also very mature. You might make a conscious decision to totally open up and allow everything to happen.
I don't think that the same is true for the high energy 20-something.

You may be right.

Do you mean that the next move after a mistake should be lead with more force?

Powerful leadership,, not force.

[Brutha]

Are you talking about hakalau? It's not about emotion, like joy, specifically; it's for putting yourself into an uptime trance

I probably misunderstand you sometime in the past when you spoke about hakalau.

Powerful leadership,, not force.

I'm not completely sure on the semantics but do I get it right and you mean?
You mean "Just lead as best as possible". You don't mean "Change the lead in response to a mistake"?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Brutha

You mean "Just lead as best as possible". You don't mean "Change the lead in response to a mistake"?

I'm thinking of partners I've had who, when I've made a mistake, have used their hands or body to move me in the right direction. Not smiling or pretending it didn't happen, but just making a deliberate adjustment and getting me moving in the right way. (I'm not a very experienced dancer, so I appreciate it. It's okay if he smiles or has fun with it, but I like it better if he just makes the adjustment and keeps the flow going. That's just my personal preference; the girls in your studio may very well feel just the opposite. )

[Brutha]

Not smiling or pretending it didn't happen, but just making a deliberate adjustment and getting me moving in the right way. (I'm not a very experienced dancer, so I appreciate it.

Okay, I think I understand what you mean. I generally don't have much problem to dance with people who aren't very experienced.
I usually dance those dancers slower. The time between the beginning of the lead and the moment the girl has to move is longer. That allows to fix mistakes a lot of small issues because there's time.
With more advanced dancers the dance is faster and there's no time to fix mistakes and a move will fail.
It might be important to hold the girl to prevent her from falling but the move failed. Flow is a bit broken and has to be restarted.

[metamorph]

I think Tony Robbins says "it is one thing being happy in the inside, and another thing telling your face about it. Be cheerful...."

There is the physical and the emotional aspect to smiling. You can certainly practice the physical aspect. I hardly ever smiled until about 10 years ago unless something external would trigger it. But then I practiced. It really takes practice as your facial muscles may not be used to it. For example, in the beginning I was unable to contract the muscles next to the eye ("crow feet"). Google "duchenne smile" etc.

Generally increasing your facial expressiveness is really helpful, can be attractive and powerful tool for communication (also for flirting).

Obviously once you get good at the physical aspect, it is much easier to let your inner happiness shine.

[noitcefrep]

I am obsessed with my reflection. I can watch my face make different contortions for literally 30 minutes straight, experimenting with different angles for different looks, different extremes of smiling, varying levels of squinting eyes, etc. Try practicing in the mirror. Perhaps put on your best smile, and then move in front of the mirror to see how it looks. Rinse and repeat.

Through the course of a normal day, I interact with a fair amount of people who think they are funny, but are mind numbingly boring and stupid. I have had great practice at smiling when I interact with these people, and while my initial smiles must have looked horrible (due to them being completely not genuine), I have fine tuned my smile so that it appears genuine, which typically results in whoever I am talking to believing I am genuinely interested.

There's a picture in my album of me smiling, which is not a genuine smile. I'd say a genuine smile from me is more exaggerated, but any photographer will tell you a smaller smile is better than a big one. It's just more attractive in photos. Sell-able photos at least

tl;dr - practice your smile (paying attention to varying levels of smile and squinting) and then move in front of a mirror. Rinse and repeat.

[Andrew Brunelle]

Practice. Being happier and having a good laugh. Smiling is something that should come natural, and I hate being forced to smile when it's picture time. It's so fake. "Smile!" But in social situations, smiling should happen if you're having a good time. Just think of funny stuff from your past. If that doesn't get you smiling more in social situations, just fake it till you make it, but try to get a genuine smile going through true happiness.