CHANGES being the only permanent thing is WRONG!

[lynn6185]

aside from changes "♥♥♥♥♥" keeps on coming our ways too!
permanently!
agree?!

[IEvo]

I disagree. **** is what you make of it.

Bad situations can often be turned into advantages if you look at things from a positive light.

On the other hand, feeling that '****' is a permanent situation in your life and that it never stops coming to you is only going to make you view most situations in a negative light and thus feel worse about your life and yourself.

Try looking at problems that you encounter not as problems, but as indicators that you need to look elsewhere. If a friend treats you poorly it can be viewed as a good thing because you're now aware that your friend is not really your friend. Thus you can now find new, better friends that will treat you better.

As the saying goes: "When life closes a door, it opens a window."

[escapeplan]

Originally Posted by IEvo

I disagree. **** is what you make of it.

Bad situations can often be turned into advantages if you look at things from a positive light.

On the other hand, feeling that '****' is a permanent situation in your life and that it never stops coming to you is only going to make you view most situations in a negative light and thus feel worse about your life and yourself.

Try looking at problems that you encounter not as problems, but as indicators that you need to look elsewhere. If a friend treats you poorly it can be viewed as a good thing because you're now aware that your friend is not really your friend. Thus you can now find new, better friends that will treat you better.

As the saying goes: "When life closes a door, it opens a window."

I really can't disagree with your logic, but why does there have to be this denial that bad things hapen or that not every cloud has a silver lining? Quite simply if you have a friend who treats you bad and now you need to find a better one, how is this possibly a positive experience? Far better the friend treated you right in the first place.

[russianrocket]

Originally Posted by escapeplan

I really can't disagree with your logic, but why does there have to be this denial that bad things hapen or that not every cloud has a silver lining? Quite simply if you have a friend who treats you bad and now you need to find a better one, how is this possibly a positive experience? Far better the friend treated you right in the first place.

because now you can go find another friend who just so happens to have a hot sister who you then marry.... There can always be a positive experience out of anything. Expecting to never have anything "bad" happen to you is just foolish.

I had a girlfriend I loved a lot. She ended up cheating on me, and then I found out that she was lying to me our whole relationship. Seems like a horrible situation right? It was, till it made me the person I am today. I'd never take back that situation, even if at the time I thought it was one of the worst experiences in my life. Every situation can make you grow. That's a hard thing for people to see, when they look at their past with nothing but regret, which is just about the majority of human beings.


And what's wrong with having to find a new friend? Who says you have to find a new friend anyways? Do you only have that one friend?

And it's not a denial that bad things happen, but that what people consider bad things, are only bad based on a persons perceptions. If something is bad for one person but not for another, is it still bad? Should we blame the bad thing, or blame the person who finds it to be bad?

Losing the lottery is bad for the person who plays the lottery, yet not bad for me, because I could not care less about the lottery.

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by lynn6185

aside from changes "♥♥♥♥♥" keeps on coming our ways too!
permanently!
agree?!

S*** is also a change, just not the one you like (at first).
As others have said, it's not about denying but changing your perspective and learning from the experience that comes your way.
I'll use the above example of a ''bad'' friend-- the situation can teach you how to stand up for yourself, learn to say no, set your boundaries etc.

And I'll post a story that I'm sure we've often seen quoted but it's true, although I admit that sometimes, especially when you're emotionally invested, it may be hard to see things this way.


Once upon the time there was an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.
“Maybe,” the farmer replied.
The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed.
“Maybe,” replied the old man.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
“Maybe,” answered the farmer.
The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.
“Maybe,” said the farmer.

[crescentia]

Originally Posted by escapeplan

I really can't disagree with your logic, but why does there have to be this denial that bad things hapen or that not every cloud has a silver lining? Quite simply if you have a friend who treats you bad and now you need to find a better one, how is this possibly a positive experience? Far better the friend treated you right in the first place.

Only "things" happen; whether or not we think it's good or bad is up to us. There's no denial involved; it's only a matter of what perspective you choose to adopt.

Of course doing so is a matter of conscious thinking. Hypothetically if your friend treats you like **** and you realize it, you could have a mature discussion about it in which 1) you develop your own personal boundaries and 2) help your friend realize some things about himself. Thus both of you grow no matter what the outcome is.

Of course it would be better if you had a friend who was respectful of you in the first place, but if you choose to surround yourself with people that treat you badly then it's better to think about why you chose to put yourself in that situation in the first place.

I don't think 'bad things happen' as far as interactions between people are concerned.

[Sven Schoene]

Originally Posted by IEvo

I disagree. **** is what you make of it.

Bad situations can often be turned into advantages if you look at things from a positive light.

On the other hand, feeling that '****' is a permanent situation in your life and that it never stops coming to you is only going to make you view most situations in a negative light and thus feel worse about your life and yourself.

Try looking at problems that you encounter not as problems, but as indicators that you need to look elsewhere. If a friend treats you poorly it can be viewed as a good thing because you're now aware that your friend is not really your friend. Thus you can now find new, better friends that will treat you better.

As the saying goes: "When life closes a door, it opens a window."

Perfect, IEvo! Do you know how much better the world would be if everybody would learn to see the good sides of everything? Too many people are way too negative. Most of these people argue that they're just "realists" and not "optimists". I wouldn't say anything against that, IF they would be happy with being a "realist". I'm always answering with "Ok, if that's what makes you happy... Does it make you happy?" and most of the time they come up with ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ answers.

It's also a very useful thing to discover your spiritual side and maybe try to see that there is a purpose in everything. That will give you SO MUCH power over negative situations. I'd suggest that everybody tries this principle on for a 30 day trial or so and then is very, very conscious and aware of their life. It was a life-changing experience for me.

Originally Posted by Tanja

S*** is also a change, just not the one you like (at first).
As others have said, it's not about denying but changing your perspective and learning from the experience that comes your way.
I'll use the above example of a ''bad'' friend-- the situation can teach you how to stand up for yourself, learn to say no, set your boundaries etc.

And I'll post a story that I'm sure we've often seen quoted but it's true, although I admit that sometimes, especially when you're emotionally invested, it may be hard to see things this way.


Once upon the time there was an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.
“Maybe,” the farmer replied.
The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed.
“Maybe,” replied the old man.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
“Maybe,” answered the farmer.
The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.
“Maybe,” said the farmer.

Taaaanja, beautiful story, really enjoyed it! Thanks for sharing!

You add a valuable second perspective: Maybe something doesn't have a positive side per sé, but it definitely is a learning experience. Again, more people should have these kinds of ideas in their belief system.

Originally Posted by lynn6185

aside from changes "♥♥♥♥♥" keeps on coming our ways too!
permanently!
agree?!

Lynn, you are very right in a way: **** IS constantly coming our ways. That's just the way the Universe works.

However, I'd suggest you try to see everything as a cycle instead of it being permanent.

Here, take a look:


(click to view image in full size)

That's the way I approach life and since I found that out and started to see the Cycle in ALL things it made me a much happier and peaceful person. Try it out for yourself!

[lynn6185]

thank you everyone for sharing your idea, and i agree that its just a matter of how we choose to see things.. its just that sometimes we're impaired to function the smartest way we can, since we're only human we do have lapses which makes us take things the other way around.

at the end of the day trying to see the bigger picture beyond things is always better.

thanks! ill keep all these things guys thanks for making me feel better..

and with your example, i have a friend who turned to be just an acquaintance after we had a conflict.. i still love her beyond what happened and cant help it, but seems like she prefer not to work it out no more..

cant say its my fault though..
and ill take that as positive because i dont wanna get hurt anymore since it already happened
which i think only tells me that i should stay away from her now..

[IEvo]

In the friend example I gave, it can always be viewed as a positive experience because you now know where this 'friend' stands-- what kind of person s/he is and now you know you need to be careful, or remove that person from your life altogether.

Furthermore, it's always a learning experience. If someone cheated on you or is talking behind your back-- you now have the tools to recognize those traits so that it doesn't happen to you again.

You can also be grateful that you were in a bad situation and now that it's been revealed to you, you have a way out of it.

Lynn, I'm glad you found some help in these posts, as that's what this forum is for. I'm sorry to hear about your friend, but as everyone has been saying-- it's probably for the best.

[lynn6185]

Originally Posted by IEvo

In the friend example I gave, it can always be viewed as a positive experience because you now know where this 'friend' stands-- what kind of person s/he is and now you know you need to be careful, or remove that person from your life altogether.

Furthermore, it's always a learning experience. If someone cheated on you or is talking behind your back-- you now have the tools to recognize those traits so that it doesn't happen to you again.

You can also be grateful that you were in a bad situation and now that it's been revealed to you, you have a way out of it.

Lynn, I'm glad you found some help in these posts, as that's what this forum is for. I'm sorry to hear about your friend, but as everyone has been saying-- it's probably for the best.

thank you! i realized as well that we really cannot be friends with everybody for people are bound to be with those who with whom they share the same interest and opinions.

oh well it was very simple to figure out

she cheated on me, i just didnt expect that it will hurt twice as much, it could have been just the other girls sigh

thank you everyone