Destination or the journey?

[Mounds]

I had an epiphany while replying to a different thread. I realized that when I set a goal, I put most of my focus on the destination and view the journey as a series of hurdles. Do you find yourself doing this?
I believe it's an unproductive attitude. It's demotivating to the extreme! Every step is a slog through the mud. What if instead of slogging through the mud, I reframed it as walking down a forest path or walking through the park?
This is a big deal for me because I blow about 4/5 of my goals. I literally do not reach the destination because I give up on the journey. I'll come back to this later. I'm thinking a 30-day trial is in the works.

-Tim

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by Mounds

I had an epiphany while replying to a different thread. I realized that when I set a goal, I put most of my focus on the destination and view the journey as a series of hurdles. Do you find yourself doing this?

Yes, I used to, it was exhausting, I'm getting better now and finally the journey part is sinking in. Journey is part of the goal. Sometimes I still catch myself thinking too much about the destination...it's a process I guess...

Originally Posted by Mounds

I believe it's an unproductive attitude. It's demotivating to the extreme! Every step is a slog through the mud. What if instead of slogging through the mud, I reframed it as walking down a forest path or walking through the park?

If I feel overwhelmed and demotivated I ask myself whether or not it's because this goal isn't something I actually want and that's why I feel so much resistance. Or is it a question of my comfort zone/beliefs, if it's something new, challenging etc. (For me there's a difference).
When I have a destination in my mind, a ''point'' I have to reach, I tend to always be aware that I am not there yet, and just how much work and time I have to invest before I get there, so it becomes overwhelming.
For me it's important to first accept where I am now, and deal with the now and steps I can take today, no matter how small.

Originally Posted by Mounds

This is a big deal for me because I blow about 4/5 of my goals. I literally do not reach the destination because I give up on the journey. I'll come back to this later. I'm thinking a 30-day trial is in the works.

What makes you give up? What do you tell yourself when you decide to give up?

If it becomes ''too much'' or I feel like giving up, I set up a ''backup'' plan. I accept the possibility that things may not go as planned. Then I think about what I'll do if that happens.
That takes the pressure off.

You mentioned hurdles...one thing I've read helped me (don't remember where now)...paraphrasing.. ''things don't happen to us, but for us''.
What can this challenge teach you?

Right now, I'm working on something and the challenges I've come across so far have been to learn to manage my time better and not to expect to do everything perfectly....

And what proved to be the most important thing, for me, being playful about it, not thinking about it as ''work''.


I don't know if this helps

[Angela]

I think encountering an obstacle is cause for celebration -- it means we're moving towards what we want.

We don't have to carry our obstacles around with us.

[IEvo]

You can run into problems focusing too much on the individual steps just as you can run into problems if you focus only on the goal.

I find that the best method for myself is to do as you are doing, and view each step as a hurdle to be leapt over or negotiated so that I can move towards my goal. But instead of viewing it as an arduous task, I instead look at every hurdle I encounter knowing that once I've dealt with it I will be that much closer to achieving my goal.

I find that focusing on my goal intently and reminding myself why I'm doing those little steps helps me deal with them a lot more efficiently and a lot more pleasurably than I would otherwise.

Instead of viewing every step as a slog through the mud, think of them as a set of stairs. Every step is one step closer to what you want, and so long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other and going up those steps, you're going to have that fantastic prize that awaits you at the top.

[Mounds]

I think my problem is that I view those hurdles as boring and in the way. I like what you say Angela, that they should be cause for a celebration, since it means that your moving forward!
Tanja, I think what causes me to give up is that I'm not reaching my destination as quickly as I would like. It's not a conscious decision. For example, I'll start working out for a week or two and then one day, I'll just stop. That's what gets me, it's subtle.
Maybe it's also that I don't quite know how to create habits. That's another avenue to explore I suppose. I'm going to start making an effort to enjoy the journey just as much as the destination. I think thats going to make a difference as well.

-Tim

[Ceoarob]

I'll say I've done the same most definitely. It's a natural thought process to run into. Pretty logical and "feels right to do".

However, I've been experimenting with, "If I just focus on one step at a time, I'll get there even WITHOUT thinking of the final destination"

For example, if I've got a goal and there are ten steps to getting to the goal, I would generally focus all my energies on the final step or just what it would be like if I had my final goal, but what I'm trying to do now is focus ALL my energies on step number 1, THEN step number 2 while pretty much blocking out any "future thoughts" or fantasies about the future.

It's interesting, but try it out and let me know what you think.