I feel like I have no self control(23 year old needs help)

[new2tgame]

I feel like I almost have no control anymore. I have a goal of building a great body but it seems the my motivation fluxuates often. I will try many differen't things like changing my invironment, listening to motivation podcast, charting goals.

I will be motivated for one week and go and eat properly then the next week I like its a struggle even to think about lifting and I end up not going or eating properly.

This seems to be a similar process in my life in other areas as well. I do good for a week or couple days, and then something happens or I slip up and the next week is completley shot.

My self disipline sucks my overal living space is always cluttered and I am constanly late for appointments.

I'm 23 years old and I feel like I'm losing all controll. A few days I'm up and the next I'm down.

I think I have issue porn as well which is frustrating because I know I better than that. I feel pathetic.


But its like i have tried many of the things steve has explained, overwhelming force, building a burning desire, and self displine series.

I read something in self help book and be inspired for a while and then it fades and I'm right back to where I started.


I would like some type of strategy to think or do that can keep me going through the times when I'm not as highly motivated(where I think the real gains in life come from)

Any thoughts or suggestions will be appreciated.

[180]

Motivation is usually emotional.

If your neocortex was extremely advance you could justify the behavior on a deep logical level to get you motivated but usually that's not enough. I've read enough motivational books to last a lifetime, and I get pumped up but only for a short time. Why? There's no emotional motivation to do it.

People are usually motivated by what drives them for reproductive success. Which is why we want to be rich, popular, intelligent, etc. It's why you want a good body. I'm getting a bit deep into Dawkins type stuff, but if your able to "mindhack" your brain more into using negative emotions to push you, it can work.

There are studies on the brain with people who have damaged amygdalas (which is the fear area of the brain and other seated emotions) have no motivation to do anything.

Anyways I'm getting a bit off topic. But essentially motivation is guided by emotions, it's the reasons we feel happy, sad, angry etc etc. These emotions are sources of motivation and it's what drives us to take action. Most of what we do is out of fear. Why we take actions. Knowing this mental mechanism, you can abuse it.

For example. I'm extremely lazy. But when I think about my ex girlfriend dumping me for some other guy... I get revved up. I want to show her that yes I'm better than that guy and she made a mistake. In some ways, I'm over it, but I'd rather not be. Because when I forget about her and that emotional pain she brought me, I get angry, fearful, and excited. All these emotions push me to do more and be the best man I can be for a woman.

When I think about it, I get dressed up, I go out and act charming, and I do thinks to reinforce the belief she made a mistake. It's a bit... unusual but knowing what I know about psychology biology etc, it's the strongest route for motivation.

[Mondrian]

My thoughts are that I can relate to what your saying as I have seen a similar pattern in many areas of my own life. My suggestion is to try and get to the bottom of it. That's where I see hope for my own situation.

[IEvo]

What you're describing to me is something I read about on another blog about being a Three-Day-Monk.

The name isn't exactly well known, but the concept behind it is solid. You can check out the article here: Are You a Three-Day Monk? | All Japanese All The Time Dot Com: How to learn Japanese. On your own, having fun and to fluency.

Keep in mind that the site is about learning the Japanese language so he's going to referencing things you may not understand. The important thing though is that what he's talking about-- this three-day-monk attitude people adopt through getting fired up and then punishing yourself for not meeting your unrealistic expectations.

There's also the possibility that fear is holding you back from your goals. There's an article about that here: Fear is Prohibitive to Life: How to Move Past it | Implicate Evolution

When you get fired up to do something like lifting weights, do you think: 'Hell yeah, I'm going to go lift weights and get in shape!' or do you think: 'I'm going to make a commitment to myself to lift weights every second day for the rest of my life.'

It makes a difference. Getting fired up for one weight lifting session is easy. And, unfortunately, as the article I linked to you earlier in this post described, it also tends to make you over-do it. Making a commitment to yourself to lift weights and stay in shape for the rest of your life is quite different.

You might want to take a minute and just think about that. Perhaps the reason you fail to stick to any of the things you want to stick to is because when you start a new habit, you're not thinking about the fact that you want to be doing it two years from now. You're thinking about the fact that you want to be lifting weights two hours from now. It's probable, if you're anything like me, that you don't really think about the long term because it sucks to think about.

Lifting is hard work, and you really do need to make a conscious decision and say to yourself: I know this is grueling work every day for 30-40 minutes, but I want to reap the benefits of it so I'm going to do it for the rest of my life.

As Steve said in one of his articles on motivation, getting yourself fired up to do something is a great way to kick-start a new habit, but it only lasts for a short period of time. After that you need to perservere.

Anyway, I could go on and on about this. There are potentially hundreds of reasons as to why you're not sticking to your goals, but hopefully some of the resources I listed can help you move forwards with what you hope to accomplish.

Good luck!

[Lioness]

One way to ensure you get in your workouts is by finding a like-minded buddy to partner with, hopefully someone with a little more discipline than you. This will give you a sense of accountability, and it's more fun too.

Another way is to make it non-negotiable. For example, let's say the optimum time for you to go to the gym is after work (or school?). Make a concrete commitment to yourself that you will workout every evening, no excuses. Take your gym bag/workout clothes with you in the morning and do not go home after work, proceed directly to the gym. Do not allow yourself to debate or think about it, just block everything out and automatically drive straight to the gym. After a while, it will become a habit.

[new2tgame]

Thanks for the replies

Ievo I especially learned a lot from the 3 day monk article.

I need to continue to work on controlling mental displine and building that muscle.