Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

Angela · 08-01-2010, 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st33med

I I am not in control of my life....

"And that means that I AM ______."

The gremlin itself is coming up, isn't it -- for instance, if you NOT not in control, you would have distinguished your gremlin?

st33med · 08-01-2010, 02:08 AM

I hear my gremlin. It is saying that you do not want to be successful in college. Keep this there. It's too much trouble...

Angela · 08-01-2010, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st33med

I hear my gremlin. It is saying that you do not want to be successful in college. Keep this there. It's too much trouble...

Excellent. "It's too much trouble, and that means that I am _____."

st33med · 08-01-2010, 02:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angela

Excellent. "It's too much trouble, and that means that I am _____."

I am nothing.

It doesn't resonate with me. I don't think it is the answer.
I was talking to friends about it. It was branching off being lazy, unproductive.

Angela · 08-01-2010, 02:33 AM

I just noticed the mythbusters quote in your signature.

ssandra · 08-01-2010, 02:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st33med

I am nothing.

It doesn't resonate with me. I don't think it is the answer.
I was talking to friends about it. It was branching off being lazy, unproductive.

JoyLynn ~

that's another synonym

Andrew ~ It means I am not getting anything done and that's fine because I am relaxed but it is not fine because I am not getting ANYTHING in my life done
Andrew ~ Well, I don't know where to go!
Andrew ~ What does it mean to me to be lazy
Andrew ~ Means I am nothing
Sandra ~ ton of bricks yet?
Sandra ~

JoyLynn ~ Woah...does that resonate with you>
Andrew ~ NO
Andrew ~ no
Andrew ~ I am not nothing when I am lazy

Angela · 08-01-2010, 02:43 AM

What's coming up for you, Andrew? What's your feeling in that conversation? (allow your little-kid self to speak, whine, complain, rail, rage, surrender! Now's a good time for that.)

James81 · 08-01-2010, 02:59 AM

You notice how often you talk about size and relativity and measuring up in some way?

Those are all clues. Listen to the language you use in this process. You are presenting yourself with the answer.

ssandra · 08-01-2010, 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James81

You notice how often you talk about size and relativity and measuring up in some way?

Those are all clues. Listen to the language you use in this process. You are presenting yourself with the answer.

I was wondering when you'd show up

st33med · 08-01-2010, 03:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angela

What's coming up for you, Andrew? What's your feeling in that conversation? (allow your little-kid self to speak, whine, complain, rail, rage, surrender! Now's a good time for that.)

I felt angry. I don't know why I was frustrated. I can't tell why I feel like nothing and I feel like everything later! GRRRRR....

I don't wanna feel like nothing. I don't want to feel worthless... I want to contribute! I want something more than sitting around doing nothing for myself. I want to be muscular, I want to be and feel productive, I don't want to look back and feel bad for not doing something! I want to keep on track!

secrets0stolen · 08-01-2010, 03:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st33med

I felt angry. I don't know why I was frustrated. I can't tell why I feel like nothing and I feel like everything later! GRRRRR....

I don't wanna feel like nothing. I don't want to feel worthless... I want to contribute! I want something more than sitting around doing nothing for myself. I want to be muscular, I want to be and feel productive, I don't want to look back and feel bad for not doing something! I want to keep on track!

You're giving yourself more clues here, me thinks.

Angela · 08-01-2010, 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st33med

I felt angry. I don't know why I was frustrated. I can't tell why I feel like nothing and I feel like everything later! GRRRRR....

I don't wanna feel like nothing. I don't want to feel worthless... I want to contribute! I want something more than sitting around doing nothing for myself. I want to be muscular, I want to be and feel productive, I don't want to look back and feel bad for not doing something! I want to keep on track!

"......and that all means that I am _______!!" Say it -- say it out loud! Open your mouth up, surrender, and hear what comes out!!

st33med · 08-01-2010, 03:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angela

"......and that all means that I am _______!!" Say it -- say it out loud! Open your mouth up, surrender, and hear what comes out!!

Worthless.
I am Worthless...

It makes sense. It was instilled in me by my father somewhat. Whenever I get good grades and academic stuff, I get good things. But, if I do something 'awful', like play videogames or listen to music, I am view as worthless to him. My father is a much stronger component in my life than I thought.

... I am guessing you guys knew? XD

secrets0stolen · 08-01-2010, 03:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st33med

Worthless.
I am Worthless...

It makes sense. It was instilled in me by my father somewhat. Whenever I get good grades and academic stuff, I get good things. But, if I do something 'awful', like play videogames or listen to music, I am view as worthless to him. My father is a much stronger component in my life than I thought.

... I am guessing you guys knew? XD

I saw that one sneaking up, I wasn't going to say anything though because it's better if *you* see him!
You're in good company, love

st33med · 08-01-2010, 03:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by secrets0stolen

I saw that one sneaking up, I wasn't going to say anything though because it's better if *you* see him!
You're in good company, love

Yeah, because you saying I am worthless reinforces it. That, and I might have gotten a little bit more angry earlier XD.

rei · 08-01-2010, 03:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st33med

Worthless.
I am Worthless...

It makes sense. It was instilled in me by my father somewhat. Whenever I get good grades and academic stuff, I get good things. But, if I do something 'awful', like play videogames or listen to music, I am view as worthless to him. My father is a much stronger component in my life than I thought.

... I am guessing you guys knew? XD

How is it holding that ton of bricks? Heavy?

Angela · 08-01-2010, 03:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st33med

Worthless.
I am Worthless...

It makes sense. It was instilled in me by my father somewhat. Whenever I get good grades and academic stuff, I get good things. But, if I do something 'awful', like play videogames or listen to music, I am view as worthless to him. My father is a much stronger component in my life than I thought.

... I am guessing you guys knew? XD

I didn't, but what you were saying was very familiar to me, and we share that gremlin.

"I am Worthless." Take a look around at your life, and notice how it has been running you. Where has it been showing up in your choices? How have you been scurrying to avoid people find out it's true, and at the same time, scurrying to prove it's NOT true? It may make you laugh to see it.

Angela · 08-01-2010, 03:20 AM

One way: how about how you just said: "I'm guessing you guys knew?" ....

rei · 08-01-2010, 03:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angela

we share that gremlin.

Same here, Andrew. e-hugs and congrats for getting to it

secrets0stolen · 08-01-2010, 03:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st33med

Yeah, because you saying I am worthless reinforces it. That, and I might have gotten a little bit more angry earlier XD.

I don't understand what you're saying here, sweet.

Edit: Thanks for the explanation in chat

st33med · 08-01-2010, 03:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angela

One way: how about how you just said: "I'm guessing you guys knew?" ....

?
Explain...

Angela · 08-01-2010, 03:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st33med

?
Explain...

It seems to imply that we knew something you didn't - a comparison, another in a long line.

st33med · 08-01-2010, 03:31 AM

I need to exploite this further... How can I catch myself doing it then? It's hard because it goes throughout a lot and is sneaky?

Angela · 08-01-2010, 03:39 AM

There's nothing to do, nothing to exploit, no effortfulness needed.... just notice.

Just be awake, and see -- in what ways have you been hiding "I am worthless" from people, and at the same time, trying to prove it's not true? You don't have to answer out loud; just notice. You're right, it can be pretty squiggly and try to evade your conscious grasp. A gremlin can't live in the light of your conscious awareness, because it's a ghost of an old thought! And it doesn't want to die.

Here's one big way it showed up for me. When I believe "I am worthless," I worry about annoying people and talking too much. (I know, me, huh? don't joke.

) When that belief was totally unconscious for me, I did this a lot: "Am I annoying you?" "You don't really want to hear this, do you?" Which of course was very annoying for the people in my life to have to contend with.

I'd be right in the middle of a great story, everyone one would be on the edge of their seats, and I'd say, "....but you're not really interested in this, are you?"

And when someone would make a joke about how chatty I was, or god forbid, tell me I talk too much, I would just plummet into despair.

Just notice.

secrets0stolen · 08-01-2010, 03:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angela

Here's one big way it showed up for me. When I believe "I am worthless," I worry about annoying people and talking too much. (I know, me, huh? don't joke.

) When that belief was totally unconscious for me, I did this a lot: "Am I annoying you?" "You don't really want to hear this, do you?" Which of course was very annoying for the people in my life to have to contend with.

I'd be right in the middle of a great story, everyone one would be on the edge of their seats, and I'd say, "....but you're not really interested in this, are you?"

And when someone would make a joke about how chatty I was, or god forbid, tell me I talk too much, I would just plummet into despair.

Just notice.

Oh god. I used to do this *all* the time..or at least think it!

Angela · 08-01-2010, 03:42 AM

It's so funny how we powerfully generate for others what we most don't want for ourselves.

rei · 08-01-2010, 03:44 AM

Wow, Angela, that was like Freaky Friday

Oh. :/ Just found a new thing based on what Angela just shared. Taking action and stopping before I have it ingrained connects to that gremlin for me. Like, oh I will do a really really really good job... but what if I don't... will they value me anyway... I don't know... so I'll just give up. Was the pattern - not is

Whoa, this is awesome timing to have that insight.

st33med · 08-01-2010, 03:50 AM

Will do Angela

Angela · 08-01-2010, 03:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rei

Whoa, this is awesome timing to have that insight.

Have you noticed this place is just crawling with insight lately?

rei · 08-01-2010, 03:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angela

Have you noticed this place is just crawling with insight lately?

Indeed! What a fantastic SR to be playing with

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08-01-2010, 02:08 AM	#32 (permalink)
st33med Family Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 3,829	I hear my gremlin. It is saying that you do not want to be successful in college. Keep this there. It's too much trouble...

08-01-2010, 02:33 AM	#35 (permalink)
Angela Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 22,520	I just noticed the mythbusters quote in your signature.

08-01-2010, 02:43 AM	#37 (permalink)
Angela Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 22,520	What's coming up for you, Andrew? What's your feeling in that conversation? (allow your little-kid self to speak, whine, complain, rail, rage, surrender! Now's a good time for that.)

08-01-2010, 02:59 AM	#38 (permalink)
James81 Banned Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,690	You notice how often you talk about size and relativity and measuring up in some way? Those are all clues. Listen to the language you use in this process. You are presenting yourself with the answer.

08-01-2010, 03:20 AM	#48 (permalink)
Angela Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 22,520	One way: how about how you just said: "I'm guessing you guys knew?" ....

08-01-2010, 03:31 AM	#53 (permalink)
st33med Family Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 3,829	I need to exploite this further... How can I catch myself doing it then? It's hard because it goes throughout a lot and is sneaky?

08-01-2010, 03:39 AM	#54 (permalink)
Angela Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 22,520	There's nothing to do, nothing to exploit, no effortfulness needed.... just notice. Just be awake, and see -- in what ways have you been hiding "I am worthless" from people, and at the same time, trying to prove it's not true? You don't have to answer out loud; just notice. You're right, it can be pretty squiggly and try to evade your conscious grasp. A gremlin can't live in the light of your conscious awareness, because it's a ghost of an old thought! And it doesn't want to die. Here's one big way it showed up for me. When I believe "I am worthless," I worry about annoying people and talking too much. (I know, me, huh? don't joke. ) When that belief was totally unconscious for me, I did this a lot: "Am I annoying you?" "You don't really want to hear this, do you?" Which of course was very annoying for the people in my life to have to contend with. I'd be right in the middle of a great story, everyone one would be on the edge of their seats, and I'd say, "....but you're not really interested in this, are you?" And when someone would make a joke about how chatty I was, or god forbid, tell me I talk too much, I would just plummet into despair. Just notice.

08-01-2010, 03:42 AM	#56 (permalink)
Angela Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 22,520	It's so funny how we powerfully generate for others what we most don't want for ourselves.

08-01-2010, 03:44 AM	#57 (permalink)
rei Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere Posts: 9,713	Wow, Angela, that was like Freaky Friday Oh. :/ Just found a new thing based on what Angela just shared. Taking action and stopping before I have it ingrained connects to that gremlin for me. Like, oh I will do a really really really good job... but what if I don't... will they value me anyway... I don't know... so I'll just give up. Was the pattern - not is Whoa, this is awesome timing to have that insight.

08-01-2010, 03:50 AM	#58 (permalink)
st33med Family Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 3,829	Will do Angela

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