Telling others of my goals doesn't work for me

[Proactive]

Hey guys,

I have set goals in the past but not put in the effort which of course led to no results. I read Awaken the Giant within and told other people about my goals to add to accountability and that didn't help either and it led me to receiving negative light from others due to myself not achieving my said goals and people thought I was misleading them.

I have read somewhere that telling others of ones goals doesn't work for some people because it gives them a false-sense of accomplishment and then they don't do it. Personally, this I think helps in many ways if I act upon and reduces the pressure on me at the same time.

What do you think?

[dunnolol]

try another approach.

[SatvikBeri]

Originally Posted by Proactive

Hey guys,

I have set goals in the past but not put in the effort which of course led to no results. I read Awaken the Giant within and told other people about my goals to add to accountability and that didn't help either and it led me to receiving negative light from others due to myself not achieving my said goals and people thought I was misleading them.

I have read somewhere that telling others of ones goals doesn't work for some people because it gives them a false-sense of accomplishment and then they don't do it. Personally, this I think helps in many ways if I act upon and reduces the pressure on me at the same time.

What do you think?

Yes, many people suffer by telling others about their goals. See Shut up! Announcing your plans makes you less motivated to accomplish them. | Derek Sivers

I don't know what methods will work for you, but try something else. You will definitely succeed eventually.

[C33]

Some people, even if they love you and are well-meaning, can pour their own doubts about themselves onto the fire of your motivation.

You have no control over the amount of negative or positive energy that can be attached to your goals by others.

It's not so much about false accomplishment but about psychic sabotage: you have opened your precious dreams to the energy of others and the negative energy is affecting you.

Personally, I haven't reached the level where I am not affected by other people's energy. I can feel it in my bones when someone wishes ill of my project or wants me to succeed, and I haven't found a way yet not to be affected by this, energy-wise. I find out the energy I am putting in shielding my emotional well being is lost to the actual goal.

This is a flaw I'm working on, in the meantime: I usually don't share my goals with others, except like minded people such as people on this forum.

[Angela]

My feeling is that if my inspiration and motivation doesn't stand up to other people's opinions, vibes, and hearing, then most likely either I'm not communicating it in an inspiring enough way, or it was a wimpy pussball intention in the first place, and I'm being called enough to go bigger.

[Piercetheveil]

There are times when sharing goals can work against you. This happens when sharing of the goal gets you lots of positive feedback. There are times when your brain says...well look see there I feel better. End.

[invisiblehouses]

I've definitely had a similar experience with goals...set one, make a big proclamation, fail immediately.

For me, I think it's because Big Proclamations resonate too strongly with my past as a person who is All Talk, No Action. It's still part of me, so these days I tend to keep my plans to myself, or at least only share with people I am very close to, or with those who ask. I spent years, possibly decades talking about what I wanted to do instead of doing it.

I'm learning to strike a balance. A couple weeks ago I mentioned, on this very forum, that I had finally started working on a novel, since I intend to make a living as a writer one day. I've not mentioned it to many people in person, though (my wife, on the other hand, gets the giddy daily rundown. "1,500 words! Jumanji!")

The other day on Facebook, I caught myself talking publicly about a short story I was working on, and actually said something to the effect of, "You know, talking about it isn't doing it, so this is the last time I'll bring it up. Unless it's to say "New Story posted at..." I had to shut down the conversation because it felt too much like the All-Talk Me.

Not sure if this sheds light on anyone else's situation, but it sure cleared up a few things for me. Clarity: gitcha ever' time!

[AjaTrinidad]

I never tell people my goals, to be honest. Not in a rude way, but I feel like it's no one's business. Also, telling people your goals is the easiest way to have them tell you "you can't do that!!" My ears don't have time to deal with that foolishness.

[machoman]

Well, I always try to follow this quote everyday:

Do not tell the world what you do, but show it!

-Napolean Hill

[allen080105]

Depends on who you tell. Are you telling people who will be supportive of you? People who can help you reach that goal? Mentors/coaches/other people with goals/visions?

[IEvo]

I only share my goals with people I know who will be supportive. That list of people usually consists of the following:

1. My wife
2.

Yeah. That pretty much sums it up. Most people, as mentioned before by others in this topic will take all the doubts they would have if they were in your situation, or their doubts about your own abilities and dump them all over you when you share your goals with them.

The reason sharing your goals is recommended is because it puts that pressure on you to actually achieve your goals so that you don't look foolish in front of those you told; however if telling people just puts so much pressure on you that you don't complete the goals at all, then it's not the method for you.

Keep in mind that any advice you read is always, always subjective in its usefulness. For some people, telling others is exactly the kick they need to get moving on a project, and for others it just makes things worse.

Keep your goals to yourself and share them with people once you accomplish them. It was good that you tried sharing them, but it doesn't work for you, so I would leave it at that.

[AlmostGodess]

I have recently encountered the following with my goal setting and goal achieving experience: It appears that I speak a lot about my exercise routine and how much I enjoy doing all kinds of sports. What happens is that some of my fiends who never went to a gym, started a exercising routine. Today, one of my most skeptical colleagues came to work BY BIKE!!! I almost fell out of the chair This, in turn, motivates me even more to do my own stuff and it gives me a special feeling that people are with me and understand me.

I don't think that telling people about your goals is an obstacle to achieving them. Maybe you just commit to too much in the same time or you change your mind often about what you want to do.

What is your most important goal now?

[Mondrian]

Yes, I can relate to that (telling goals not working).

I'm not so sure setting goals at all works for me. Is the problem not that there is the goal and there is me and in that there is conflict? Sorry to basically rip-off Krishamurti.

[Mist]

Telling people about your goal ? Never work for me either. People are usually intimidated by it the more ambitious the more awkward I get.

[Strangemagik]

Learn to be accountable to the only one that should matter. YOU! Being accountable to YOU can mean keeping a log or even getting a small group of people in the same situations or working on similar goals. Sharing the goal can't mean you "tell" the goal. The important word is "share" meaning they have that goal as well.

Action and fake it till you make it a statement I really like.

Sharing for me is more the motivation than what I receive from the others. I share my goals then continue to share my actions. Going to share my actions every day leads to resetting my motivation. But I've been there. I've tried sharing, writing them down and keeping them private. Sharing seems to work when combined with action. I get most motivated when I go to share my steps. This is how accountability goes right along with responsibility.

Share you "failures" and successes. It can help. But still others do better with other methods. Just keep trying.