Role models. Do they work?

[metamorph]

A lot of PD gurus recommend using role models as tools/guide to help you get where you want to go. But does it really work?

Personally, when I was in high-school, I had buddies that were better in certain fields, and hanging out with them I got better in those fields until I was better than them. This was not competition at all, it seem to be a by-product of our friendship.
But as I am getting older I find fewer and fewer people work for me as role models. For example the bosses I used to work for were mostly internationally acclaimed authorities in their field. Yet, as I got to know them better, I realised they really all put their pants on one leg at a time, too.

Using celebrity role models (Obama?, Steve Jobs?, Albert Schweizer, Gandhi) is even more difficult, because I do not really know their actual mindset. I only know their accomplishments. Or worse you find out about their dark sides, and then they suddenly lose all their appeal.


What is your experience?

[AjaTrinidad]

I think it can work in that you're surrounding yourself around people who have qualities that you admire, and this can highly influence and motivate you to strive for those things as well. I don't know if I'd call it a "role model" though. I just don't like that term.

As for celebrities, I agree with what you said. I'd never use a celebrity as a "role model" because I don't know them personally. I'm only being presented with their public image, which more often than not focuses on all of the money, success, and accomplishments that they've made. But I don't know the whole story. I don't know what they did to get where they are and what type of person they are inside.

It's good to admire certain qualities in others, but I think it's best to strive to be your own role model.

[Angela]

I think it's contextual. I don't model the entire person, just the aspect of that person in which I see excellence. No one's going to occur as being excellent in every single way, and there's no reason they *should* -- and that doesn't make anyone any less magnificent.

If I'm modelling someone I don't know personally, like a celebrity or someone from the past (or potentially, the future), I recognize that it's my own unconscious projections of excelence I'm modelling, and that's fine. My unconscious mind has access to all kinds of wealth of resource that can benefit me consciously, so that kind of modelling can be very, very helpful, too.

[st33med]

I agree. When I hear role model from other people, I tend to think that that person wants to be everything like the model. I always thought I didn't have a role model. But, there are features that specify what I would like to be. So Angela is a role model for me in the life coach department, but not everywhere else.

Higher selves are sorta like a role model as well. They define who you strive to be.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by st33med

So Angela is a role model for me in the life coach department, but not everywhere else.

You haven't tried my excellent tacos or enchiladas yet.

[st33med]

Originally Posted by Angela

You haven't tried my excellent tacos or enchiladas yet.

So now you are an accomplished cook? What else are you excelling at?

[Weena]

I don't have famous role models. Sometimes i meet people i can learn from though. I have a friend who is inspiring in terms of empathy and forgiveness. It's a part of her i see as "model".

[elucidate]

It's good to admire certain qualities in others, but I think it's best to strive to be your own role model.

This is how I think as well. Be your own role model, rather than placing other people on unrealistic pedestals. But definately surrounding yourself with great people whose qualities you wish to emulate is sound practise.

[Minimabs]

As others have said - I wouldn't never model myself on another person in their entirety - just look at a behaviour or a way of thinking that they seem to be getting right.

Separating the person from the action.

I really like who I am as a whole but I understand that I have room for improvement in some areas! So if I were to want to work on fitness for example, I would find someone who does this well and seek advice etc - it doesn't matter what they do with the rest of their lives - I would only be seeking out the one thing.

[metamorph]

I agree to separate the aspect/skill you admire from the person. But, it seems difficult in reality. For example, the sponsors of Tiger Woods withdrew as far as I remember after his affairs came to light. What did it have to do with golf? I think some people (and this includes me to some extent) fear that the flaws come as a side effect of the mind set that makes the person successful. Well, personally I had no issue with Woods, but he is a good example IMO.
As to the example of M. Luther King Jr.: would he serve less as a role model, if we now found out that he was abusive, and an alcoholic, who used to beat his wife up and cheat on her (I know unrealistic, but...) ?

Would the Dalai Lama serve less as a role model if you found out that he secretly watches Big Brother all day and plays Counter Strice?

Also, how do you practially benefit from the role model? Do you improve subconsciously (as I did in my high-school days in the OP), or do you try to find out what the role model's mind-set is. Example: I can be pretty charming, yet compared to my Italian friend and colleague, I am probably a dead fish for Mediteranean standards. Hanging out with him does not automatically do it. Neither can he actually put into words what makes him charming. To how do I benefit from him practically?

[Slightedge]

nice thread... THis was my question this morning as I was reading Jeff Olsons book THe Slight Edge(Tony Robbins talks about this too on AWakening the Giant Within).. There's this limiting belief in me that believes, "why should they tell you how they got successful, they don't know you"

[LostMyMap]

Originally Posted by metamorph

Also, how do you practially benefit from the role model? Do you improve subconsciously (as I did in my high-school days in the OP), or do you try to find out what the role model's mind-set is. Example: I can be pretty charming, yet compared to my Italian friend and colleague, I am probably a dead fish for Mediteranean standards. Hanging out with him does not automatically do it. Neither can he actually put into words what makes him charming. To how do I benefit from him practically?

Roles models are vitally important in our society. You shouldn't have to learn everything in a vacuum, you ought to be able to observe others and be able to take notice of what is working for them.

The challenge of course is who you pick for your role models and what attributes of theirs you choose to model. Celebrities, including politicians and athletes tend to be pretty lousy role models. Having a role model doesn't imply worship, idolatry or mindless imitation. It does include, I think, respect, and possibly even reverence for the person. As long as your eyes are open.

I think you do subconsciously improve just by being around people you want to be like. It is a very common notion that to be successful, it is best to hang around other successful people. I think you can substitute 'happy', 'smart' or whatever in that concept and it still works. This forum is a great example of that. Think of the English phrase "it rubs off on you."

So how do you benefit from your friend in a practical sense? Well, become a scientist. If he can't vocalize what makes him charming, then study him while you are around him, as he interacts with others. I don't mean be obnoxious, but studiously observant. Ask people who seem to be charmed by him for insight. Break down all the characteristics and actions. Look for the subtlety that makes up charm. Try to emulate (NOT imitate!) some of these and see what works. How you become charming might be slightly different than how it works for him.

Role models are just that: models. They really don't come with instruction manuals, you have to figure it out yourself.

Oh, one other thought, if you are involved in the life of children, and especially if you are their parent, you ARE a role model, like it or not.

[Clint Cora]

Bruce Lee was the role model who changed my life when I was about 11 years old. And yes, even though he is no longer with us and I am have surpassed him in terms of years of life, he still inspires me even today. Of course role models sometimes have imperfections but after all, they are human too. This is one of the charms. It proves that as imperfect humans, we can still accomplish a lot. So for me, role models are still as important as ever and what you might find is that those who are very successful, still believe in the power of role models.