On Being a Man

[Angela]

Originally Posted by James81

Which all feeds back into that "good vs. evil."

Yeah, those away-from motivations often occur like *shouldn'ts* and *shoulds* when you're judging them as bad -- and likewise, if you think your towards-motivations are things you *should* do (as opposed to something you're freely and joyfully choosing), your judgement of that value as *good* may be helping you to generate resistance -- and thereby be less effective in getting the results you want.

[Criseyde]

A man is...

- swift as a coursing river
- with all the force of a great typhoon
- with all the strength of a raging fire
- mysterious as the dark side of the moon

[nwilliams]

A question what kind of a man I am? comes only when he is frustrated and everything goes wrong in the life as well as there is no perfect determination. First you just need to calm yourself and create your thinking in the positive way, a little meditation will make you feel better. A man is supposed to be quite understanding and of standard thinking regarding his future. They must look like a super man from inside who is concerned with all his responsibilities.

[Omijaa]

Masculinity?

Hm. That is something we have lost a lot of, in our era.

We have lost part of it to the feminists telling us that our wants and needs are unnecessary and wrong. We get beat down with the message that we are un-needed and the root of all evil.

But for every evil deed a man has done that we are blamed for, there are thousands of incredible deeds done by a man that we can take credit for as well. Every monument built, every war ended, every civilization created, every disease cured by a man... that is ours, as well.

We have lost masculinity to our own laziness. I look and see so many girls in the campus library. They're all studying and working hard. Where are all the guys? They're probably getting stoned and playing COD4 in their momma's basement.

We have so much energy, so much competitiveness, so much sexual energy that should not be slowly trickled out through games and porn. Think of the greatest leaders. Think of those men who you looked at, in awe. Do you think they played WOW? Nope. Probably not. They handled their F'ing business and then went home and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ their wife/girlfriend/your wife/ your girlfriend...

We lost some of it because we were not raised by our fathers (for the most part). A woman cannot teach a man to be a man. Only another man can do that.Give me a manly role model who will teach a kid how he is supposed to live. Show respect for others, how to have integrity, how to get the F'ing job done.

That's where we lost some of it. But it's still in there.

It's inside every man, whether he knows it or not. There's part of him that knows what he needs to become, knows what he has to do to get it, and most importantly knows that he can endure the pain that he will need to wade through to get it.

My take is keep creating value all the time. Build a meaningful monument to yourself that can never be taken from the memories of those around us.

Build, rather than squandering the precious time we've been given.

These two books were very important for me.

David Deida - Way of the Superior Man
Robert Bly -Iron John

I also read Fire in the belly - Sam keen

The best thing that I got from it was that you must ask yourself two questions:

Where am I going? and who will follow me? You must ask them in that order. If you do not, then you risk asking who will follow and where does she want to go?

Basically, as Napoleon would say, You need a definite chief aim. Which is infinitely true. True 'dat.

I would also Check out Mankind Project .

Enjoy !

[gloci]

I think Steve is a real man

[zeloc]

Originally Posted by James81

I think it's within our power, as people, to create whatever we want...that goes for both men and women.

Where we differ, I think, is something that I've noticed by having kids....one boy, one girl...and noticing the seemingly inherent differences between them. My experience as a father has given me a firsthand look at how girls and boys (and thus men and women) seemingly process and interpret the world. Or rather, my experience as a father, has shown me one example of things that I've noticed as differences between men and women as a general factor.

And the primary difference, I think, seems to be surrounding the ideas of nurturing vs. naturing. My daughter has been obsessed with baby dolls since she could sit up. I watch her, and I see her nature as being very motherly...even as a toddler...where she sets up her baby dolls, lays them down, and takes care of them. How she'll climb up on my lap just for a hug, to cuddle, etc.

My son, on the other hand, doesn't take much to the touchy feely type of stuff. Gotta kind of coax a hug out of him. But he IS curious about the world around him. He asks fifty million questions about how and why things work the way they do.

I would be careful interpreting this as differences between boys and girls. It's just as possible these are just the differences in your children. It could have been vice-versa.

[LostMyMap]

When I was in college, in Navy ROTC, our CO was a Marine colonel. He had been around along time and had the grey hair to show it. But he was strong as an ox, walked straight and tall.

He was an aviator. In his office was a large black and white picture of a spectular crash on a runway in Vietnam. A fighter jet is seen plowing through a cargo plane that got in the way as the fighter was trying to take off. The colonel was in the fighter. He was injured, but walked away from the crash. They told him his flying days were over, but he refused to listen and nursed himself back to flying status.

He could do a three mile run, in combat boots, and beat most of us, 18 - 22 year old men.

But it wasn't just his physical traits. He was the kind of guy that would own a room full of people just by walking in. He had 'presence'. He could reduce you to a quivering mass just with a stern look. But he wasn't arrogant or mean. His honor and integrity were impeccible. He was polite, nice, always smiling, engaging. Quietly confident. The kind of man you would do anything for. And I never once heard him raise his voice. He didn't have to...

He remains my standard for what a man is.

[Mounds]

Originally Posted by LostMyMap

When I was in college, in Navy ROTC, our CO was a Marine colonel. He had been around along time and had the grey hair to show it. But he was strong as an ox, walked straight and tall.

He was an aviator. In his office was a large black and white picture of a spectular crash on a runway in Vietnam. A fighter jet is seen plowing through a cargo plane that got in the way as the fighter was trying to take off. The colonel was in the fighter. He was injured, but walked away from the crash. They told him his flying days were over, but he refused to listen and nursed himself back to flying status.

He could do a three mile run, in combat boots, and beat most of us, 18 - 22 year old men.

But it wasn't just his physical traits. He was the kind of guy that would own a room full of people just by walking in. He had 'presence'. He could reduce you to a quivering mass just with a stern look. But he wasn't arrogant or mean. His honor and integrity were impeccible. He was polite, nice, always smiling, engaging. Quietly confident. The kind of man you would do anything for. And I never once heard him raise his voice. He didn't have to...

He remains my standard for what a man is.

That sounds like my description of an alpha male

[GhostGoat]

A deep subject, hard to answer in just a few words, but here are my quick thoughts:
* Sticks to his principles, no matter what others think
* Takes responsibility for his actions
* Does whatever it takes to provide for himself and any dependents
* Respects boundaries, and the rights of others

[Agota]

"Owen Cook breaks what being a man is all about: Simply put, a man draws his state from within where as women draw state from the environment." < - Does feminine women are victims of circumstances and depends on enviroment as opposed to depending on themselves?

"What does that mean?

Being a man means that you are able to make your own decisions, come to your own conclusions, act through your own intentions, and just do what you want to do and be who you want to be without fear. " <- Does that mean feminine women are not able to make their own decisions and do what they want to do without fear?

I believe that the qualities that makes a difference between a boy and a man and between a girl and a woman are the same in essence, they just have different external expression.

The core quality is taking responsibility from your own life - that makes a difference between child and adult, between boy and a man, and between girl and a woman.

[Agota]

"Simply put, a man draws his state from within where as women draw state from the environment." < - I believe this is a difference between a man and a girl, not between man and a woman

[Syndicate]

Originally Posted by Iceman

Lately I've been looking at myself and wondering 'What kind of a man am I'.

Sometimes I feel like a lot of the traits and qualities that I hold, are more juvenile than mature... I sometimes think many of my reactions, thoughts and the way I view things, are based off a childish mindset and not an adults. Just because I've grown up in age, doesn't mean I've become a 'man'... That's not to say we shouldn't all have an inner-child and a youthful side to reach out to every now and then...

But what's a man supposed to be like? What do they look like? How do they act? Do they stand out in a group? Is there a right of passage that shifts the way our minds work? Is there a level of learning or understanding that changes how we view the world?

What are the qualities we look for in ourselves, or for some of you - what kinds of traits and qualities do you look for in a man? How did you achieve or notice these?

This question probably seems geared towards the males on the board, but truthfully the women's input on this is just as important. After all, as males, we could think we hold all the traits and qualities of a man, but when you look at us all you see is a boy pretending to be a man.

I would highly recommend that you watch David DeAngelo's Man Transformation. PM me for more info.

[Agota]

Originally Posted by LostMyMap

When I was in college, in Navy ROTC, our CO was a Marine colonel. He had been around along time and had the grey hair to show it. But he was strong as an ox, walked straight and tall.

He was an aviator. In his office was a large black and white picture of a spectular crash on a runway in Vietnam. A fighter jet is seen plowing through a cargo plane that got in the way as the fighter was trying to take off. The colonel was in the fighter. He was injured, but walked away from the crash. They told him his flying days were over, but he refused to listen and nursed himself back to flying status.

He could do a three mile run, in combat boots, and beat most of us, 18 - 22 year old men.

But it wasn't just his physical traits. He was the kind of guy that would own a room full of people just by walking in. He had 'presence'. He could reduce you to a quivering mass just with a stern look. But he wasn't arrogant or mean. His honor and integrity were impeccible. He was polite, nice, always smiling, engaging. Quietly confident. The kind of man you would do anything for. And I never once heard him raise his voice. He didn't have to...

He remains my standard for what a man is.

That definately sounds like a real man to me.

..in my opinion, from this description you can feel the vibe of a real man very clearly.

[old dead wood]

Up till midway thru high school, I was considered an attractive young guy, running with the "in" crowd, surfing and playing in bands, and attracting lots of girls (with no hanky-panky). Then in retrospect, a romantic failure occurred, and when my friends got further into girls, drugs, and manly competition (as opposed to beginning adolescent friendship), I must've consciously / sub-consciously decided that this was too difficult and too much trouble, and the long slow slide into weaker and weaker masculinity began. I have SO many feminine traits / skills / preferences now I can't list them all.

[GhostGoat]

I think being a man isn't so much being tough on the outside, its more about being tough on the inside (mentally and emotionally).

It's not about how many guns you have, or how big they are, its how much you 'stick to your guns'.

[LostMyMap]

Originally Posted by Agota

That definately sounds like a real man to me.

..in my opinion, from this description you can feel the vibe of a real man very clearly.

Thanks! I've been working on letting my creative writing skills get some exercise.