Sorrow of losing grades and a loved one

[engr88]

Hello everyone I just registered now and i just want to share whats going on with me nowadays, i'm doing my bachelors of engineering which is a UK external degree which i love to do and complete, not for the name or anything but for the love of it i love construction since i was a kid and i still do , but this semester after taking 5 subjects ( which i took by fighting with my parents and teacher who thought i couldn't do it), i failed 4 subjects and in my past semesters i used to pass 3 out of 4 and wasn't serious in my past semesters. but in this semester when i worked hard bu i got even lesser marks than my previous ones. i don't know what to do i asked my teachers they said that i had made alot of careless mistakes in my exams and never in my wildest thoughts had i imagined to fail these subjects because i had worked hard for them.
I can't feel anything right now ,no sorrow, no emotion, nothing but a feeling of worthlessness and i'm feeling helpless, i'm mentally broke, i can't think forward. i don't know what am i gonna tell my parents as they are quite involved in my education because i'm there only son after they lost my younger brother in a car accident. even that episode of my life took alot out of me.
I would really really appreciate it if anyone could give me any solution or any advice because my world seems like its falling on me.

[lifetimelearner]

first of all
please hang in there
there is a solution !

there is obviously something blocking you-
do you know how to remedy the 'careless mistakes' ?

does you inner voice tell you you are on the right path ?

mistakes are just lessons in disguise -
don't be too hard on yourself !

what can I do to help ?

[AndreaJordan]

Hi

I really feel for you as I had a similar result when I started to do a law degree as well as my commerce degree. You are not alone and there are solutions!

Firstly do give yourself a break. Yes you failed some subjects this time but you've also passed many in the past so its obvious that you can do it - its just that something is getting in your way.

Give yourself some space so that you can look at this issue with more of an objective view. I find that walking helps to clear my head - what works for you?

When you have calmed your mind take a look at the papers again. If you love construction you are obviously a practical person. Look at the papers in a different way; like a new construction project that you need to work on - what kind of questions would you be asking about what went wrong?

Some examples might be (1) was taking 5 subjects too much? (2)You were working hard but were you working on the right issues? (3) What were your careless mistakes - can your teachers take you through them so you can see if there is a theme (4) Did you misunderstand the questions in the papers or fall into the trap of not explaining yourself clearly enough?

You will get through this and learn a lot from it.

Let us know how you get on.

[InterfaceLeader]

Don't give up!

Your parents and teachers may have been right about 5 subjects being too much. Talk to your teachers FIRST and come up with a plan on what next term is going to be like, and listen to them about what they think is a manageable workload.

Then go to your parents, and say 'this is what happened, but this is what I am doing about it'.

It isn't failing that disrails people, it is how they react to the failure! You've learned valuable lessons here about how you study, how you work. Get as much feedback as possible about those mistakes. Were you working too fast, and not double-checking your work? Were you too self-sure and didn't think things through, assuming your first answer would be the correct one? Talk to your teachers, they are there to help you.

It might take you a year longer to finish the degree, or a semester longer - but that is okay. I know an incredibly smart person who had to take two extra years to finish her work due to life-events and learning issues but she perserved and her degree is a testament to her intelligence and determination

[engr88]

hello everyone
thank you for your replies, i has made me feel like i'm not alone.
i have been thinking of where i was making mistakes and i will ask my teachers but one fact about me will always accompany me is the loss of my brother. whenever i'm alone and when i want to study most of the time i think of the day he died, till now i consider this as one of my major time waster.
Can you please advice something so for me to overcome this because i think my grades can improve if i stop thinking and weeping for him everyday.
thank you
i'll be waiting for your replies

[rei]

engr88, if your study attempts fall into thinking about your brother, you might set aside some time each day to do that - structure it into your schedule.

It sounds like the time alone and the quiet is leading to experiencing some of that grief, but setting up a specific time to do that each day will be like a promise to yourself "I will look at this, I will feel the feelings," and then the feelings may not be trying so hard to speak to you when you want to study.

That is probably how I'd handle it, anyway Sorry for your loss, but you are not alone and you can keep moving forward if you want to

[engr88]

@lifetimelearner
actually my i was quite confident on my answer which wrote the exams, though i usually get a feeling that i'm gonna mess up something, but this time i was pretty sure to pass all.
I'm tryng learn the most from these mistakes now
Please do give me more ideas that you think you think would be appropriate
@InterfaceLeader
I'm thinking of all of this. it's actually hard to ask the teacher about my mistakes because they are just gonna say that i wasn't serious and should work hard, though i don't blame them for saying this because i haven't been in there good books in the past semesters.plus i have told my parents about my result they were disapointed and as usual they just compromised with my result just like every semester(this hurts the most that i can't please them with my grade and all)
@AndreaJordan
i'm on break now and currently re-doing my papers that i failed and i'm extactly thinking of the questions you told me. thanks
@Rei
you are right , when i'm alone i think of all the past so i think i'll start doing this.

Thank you all and please please keep on sending me your advices because hey are really working for me and i'm really a bit better than before

[InterfaceLeader]

I think rei's is advice is spot on, you should definitely make time for those feelings of grief.

I would also talk to your teachers about it, as far as you feel comfortable. Even if it's just one teacher you trust and like. A lot of students get de-railed by circumstances out of their control, and they will be able to suggest ways of managing that. Also if you have a school counsellor, talk to them as well.

I know in the UK, you usually get a personal tutor from one of your teachers, that would be an ideal person to talk to about improving study habits.

If you can show them that you are serious about your changed attitude they WILL help you, it's their job. You may have missed some foundation work in previous semesters by not applying yourself, so maybe ask them to go over a few of the modules you did less well on previous years?


Aside from the advice, I'm sorry for your loss. Losing someone like that is a terrible thing, and my sympathies go out to you.

[engr88]

Hello everybody
Hope all of you are fine, it has been a long time i havent had a chance to talk about my problems and taking ur advice. i would like to thank all of you who advised me on my previous semester results, they did great for me, now-a-days i'm just giving my semester exams and the 2 exams i just attempted went great (thank God) i'm left with one exam on saturday please do pray for me.
about my last semeester i told my parents , my mother specially the real truth and havent shown my dad the real pic and i would like to keep it that way, but most of my friends are telling me that i should be honest with , which kind of makes me feel like i'm decieving him but i know he'll be heart broken if i tell him.
he never tells me that i wasted all his money on the subjects i failed in the last semesters, he just tells me that its all for me, what should i do?
Please advice me on this as well that i order for me to get my bachelors degree i have to transfer to the UK for my final year because i'm in transfer program but my parents are telling me(more like asking) that if i stay here and complete a bachelors here( which will be also a uk degree but in an external campus)
and then i should do my masters i some Good ranked uni in the UK( which would be more affordable for them) but thats just their opinion.
And i need ur advise. Please i'll be waiting for ur comments.
Thank you always