I just missed the opportunity of a lifetime...

[joseph29]

Mid 20's who writes, produces and plays music professionally. I was visiting my hometown 6 months ago when a friend of mine said he had joined a band and one of their members quit and that he wanted me to try out. Unfortunately I had a flight booked back to my current city the next day and had to be at work in the morning (At a job that laid me off 3 months later.....) Needless to say, this "band" is all over the charts now, on every single talk show and is traveling the world playing in front of HUMONGOUS crowds, and I am still a struggling/broke (but YOUNG!) producer musician who is currently unemployed and did I say BROKE!!! Now before this happened my life was pretty damn good, but EVERYTHING happened at the same time. Boom missed oppourtunity of a lifetime, laid off job, girl moved across the country for school... BAM, I'm talking triple wammy of bad fortune out of NOWHERE. And what was before a very fortunate and amazing life has quickly turned into a big struggle, where I hear the damn band on every single radio station, or mentioned in every single twitter or facebook post or conversation with friends. On the good side, it has caused me to work obsessively harder, and by obssesively I mean I smell bad, my friends ask where I am and it is ALL I EVER DO. I wonder if this is a good thing, or maybe I have gone crazy... SO, my question is... I don't really know what my question is...Somebody tell me this is all happening for a reason please thank you

[Holistic Star]

That won't be your only opportunity - others will come along for you if you can let this one go.

You never know how things will work out - maybe that combination wouldn't have been right for you - you can't tell from this point. But what you do know now is how important it is for you. Like you said, it's giving you the drive and determination to get out there.

You might want to look at doing something like www.thework.com on the way you feel right now. Can you really know for sure that you missed the opportunity of a lifetime? Can you really know for sure that nothing better will come along?

When you hear them on the radio, can you find a way to feel grateful and delighted in their success? Instead of feeling upset - can you find a way to be delighted that people you know are doing really well, which means that you can too very soon.

[Ecce Homo]

Originally Posted by joseph29

Somebody tell me this is all happening for a reason please thank you

This is all happening for a reason... You're welcome.

Seriously, Holistic Star's suggestion is a great one. Can you really know that you missed the opportunity of a lifetime? Can you even know for sure that you would have been invited to join this bad even if you had somehow found a way to try out? You can't, can you?

You said it yourself. What was a fortunate and amazing life turned into one long struggle. That my friend is the power of a thought believed. It is literally the difference between a beautiful dream and a waking nightmare. And it has nothing to do with what is happening in your life and everything to do with what you believe about what is happening in your life. Fortunately, you never have to take anyone's word for it, least of all mine. You can see this for yourself when you stop, look and listen to your life.

Good luck to you man, and here's hoping you give HS's suggestion about "the work" a go!

[KaleidoskopicVision]

The expression "Opportunity of a lifetime" Is only used as such because of what said opportunity does after you take it. Before you've taken that opportunity, there are many to choose from and more that will show up.

[andrew]

Am I the only one wondering what the band is?

There's a movie that you might like called "The Rocker", I'm a musician myself so I understand, and it was a pretty good movie that is kinda-sorta similar to your situation.

[JeremyNoelJohnson]

Yes, please, name the band you could have been in and link some online articles about them and why they are famous.

[joseph29]

thank you Holistic Star I will check that out. She seems like an interesting woman.

I was trying to keep that under wraps, the name of the band because I guess I wanted to remain unanimous. But then I realized that it would br ridiculous for someone i know to see this, which is why I kind of came here in the first place, to talk to people I don't know. I find it kind of a tricky subject with friends because they know the guy in the band and it doesn't feel right expressing how I really feel to them. I mean, of course I am happy for my friend whose in it, but I feel stronnnnngly in my gut, uncontrollable really, that I should be there with him.. playing the main stage at Coachella (like they just did last week. ARRRRGG)

BTW the artist is B.O.B., plays and records with a band wherever he goes, just broke out, and is about to be very very big and will be around for a long, long long time. I'm a drummer/producer

[andrew]

Oh yeah, I heard him on a Cobra Starship track.

Listen man, I'm sure things happen for a reason (whatever it may be) and have experienced things that most people would look at as horrible (getting laid off, being made fun of all through highschool, etc) and find that if those things never happened to me, I wouldn't be as strong or in the position I am now. It's blessing in disguise, as cliche as it sounds.

Every time a door closed for me, it opened 3 bigger ones, and I'm sure the same for you. Like, since you posted this here, you could get the attention of people that have connections or those that might like to work with you (like me), that you never would have otherwise. You really have to look at things that way, because it's true, and much more empowering.

[James81]

Originally Posted by joseph29

BAM, I'm talking triple wammy of bad fortune out of NOWHERE.

It wasn't bad fortune, it was a bad decision on your part. (Ouch, right?)

The question I pitch to you is this: are you going to let one bad decision on your part ruin your whole life such that you live in a "woulda coulda shoulda" state of regret your whole life?

OR

Are you going to take responsibility for your own actions, chose to flip your life up on end, and go after the things you truly want out of life?

Your options are endless.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by James81

Your options are endless.

James, have you merged with Angela lately?? Or have you guys always been the same person.... just in disguise...??

[ohTen]

My old band used to play frat parties with Vampire Weekend. Coming from the same school, we (and the future bands I would be in that performed in VW's freshly-cast shadow) wondered "why them, why not us?" there were many other campus bands that were clearly better/more interesting, whatever, and TBH, i don't think anybody thought Vampire Weekend would do anything at all after they graduated, let alone explode to Top 40-level stardom. But you know what? Just being in their same circle and coming from the same school has done wonders for my musical life (I'm going on tour for the first time ever in July---!!!). I am INCREDIBLY lucky, and I remind myself of that every day as I watch others continue to struggle in absolute obscurity. Thank you, Vampire Weekend!

You have been given a HUGE blessing just being placed on the tangent of B.O.B.'s circle. Most musicians will never be so lucky. Milk it for every freaking drop it's worth. Hell, just bragging to people that you were asked to audition for his band will probably get you something. That guy who gave you the invitation to audition? Keep in touch with him. Guard his contact info with your life. Building a musical career is a process, my friend, and there is a reason you are not playing with B.O.B. right now. Stop feeling so dejected and something better will come along. Just trust that, and it will.

[KaleidoskopicVision]

Originally Posted by ohTen

My old band used to play frat parties with Vampire Weekend. Coming from the same school, we (and the future bands I would be in that performed in VW's freshly-cast shadow) wondered "why them, why not us?" there were many other campus bands that were clearly better/more interesting, whatever, and TBH, i don't think anybody thought Vampire Weekend would do anything at all after they graduated, let alone explode to Top 40-level stardom. But you know what? Just being in their same circle and coming from the same school has done wonders for my musical life (I'm going on tour for the first time ever in July---!!!). I am INCREDIBLY lucky, and I remind myself of that every day as I watch others continue to struggle in absolute obscurity. Thank you, Vampire Weekend!

You have been given a HUGE blessing just being placed on the tangent of B.O.B.'s circle. Most musicians will never be so lucky. Milk it for every freaking drop it's worth. Hell, just bragging to people that you were asked to audition for his band will probably get you something. That guy who gave you the invitation to audition? Keep in touch with him. Guard his contact info with your life. Building a musical career is a process, my friend, and there is a reason you are not playing with B.O.B. right now. Stop feeling so dejected and something better will come along. Just trust that, and it will.

I think Vampire Weekend's popularity comes from the completely fickle and chaotic nature of fame in the public eye. What with recent pop culture obsessions with vampires, a band named Vampire Weekend is bound to be listened to and probably enjoyed at least for a moment by vampire freaks for the band name alone. I know it's silly and a tad bit unfair, but that's how fame sometimes works.

[mikethedrummer44]

Originally Posted by ohTen

My old band used to play frat parties with Vampire Weekend. Coming from the same school, we (and the future bands I would be in that performed in VW's freshly-cast shadow) wondered "why them, why not us?" there were many other campus bands that were clearly better/more interesting, whatever, and TBH, i don't think anybody thought Vampire Weekend would do anything at all after they graduated, let alone explode to Top 40-level stardom. But you know what? Just being in their same circle and coming from the same school has done wonders for my musical life (I'm going on tour for the first time ever in July---!!!). I am INCREDIBLY lucky, and I remind myself of that every day as I watch others continue to struggle in absolute obscurity. Thank you, Vampire Weekend!

You have been given a HUGE blessing just being placed on the tangent of B.O.B.'s circle. Most musicians will never be so lucky. Milk it for every freaking drop it's worth. Hell, just bragging to people that you were asked to audition for his band will probably get you something. That guy who gave you the invitation to audition? Keep in touch with him. Guard his contact info with your life. Building a musical career is a process, my friend, and there is a reason you are not playing with B.O.B. right now. Stop feeling so dejected and something better will come along. Just trust that, and it will.

That's damn good advice.

Wow. One time I had a chance to potentially become a star, and I blew it. So I know how you feel. But I don't regret it. That event completely changed my life, and I don't think I was ready for stardom at the time.

Like everyone else's been saying: Move on. There's nothing to be gained by losing sleep over it, trust me, I know. Just keep an open mind and think positive. Your time will come.

[Holistic Star]

And you never know how it might have gone. You might have auditioned for the band, didn't get it -then got sacked from your job for not turning up that day!

You'd be here kicking yourself about getting sacked from work!


Right now your focused on the fame and fortune part of the music. Now I'm sure that has its good side. But can you get back into the playing of music for the sheer exuberant joy of it? can you let the fortune go and get back to your real love of it?

[James81]

Originally Posted by ssandra

James, have you merged with Angela lately??

There are a million different jokes I could use right here.

[joseph29]

Originally Posted by andrew

Oh yeah, I heard him on a Cobra Starship track.
Every time a door closed for me, it opened 3 bigger ones, and I'm sure the same for you. Like, since you posted this here, you could get the attention of people that have connections or those that might like to work with you (like me), that you never would have otherwise. You really have to look at things that way, because it's true, and much more empowering.

Your right, as yes as cliche as it sounds, its a strong cliche. I went home for the weekend to escape from the big city and sat amongst some trees and meditated, talked to my mom about it and some friends. I have taken a pretty new perspective on this.

Originally Posted by James81

It wasn't bad fortune, it was a bad decision on your part. (Ouch, right?)
Your options are endless.

I never really chalked it up to bad fortune, I totally realize it was a bad decision, but that is what is so freaking AWESOME about this. I was SOOOO close to being a rock star (Holistic Star, this isn't about fame and fortune, its about supporting myself doing what I love. And if you have never played music in front of 5,000 + people, you could call that fame, I call it a religious experience).

I mean people who pursue these professions: music, sports, writing, art etc. Its all about the big break. But I'm sure some had that one experience where they were close to making it, or almost made it and blew it. What determines the losers from the winners is, you could say I missed my opportunity and its over, time to move on. Or you could do what my Mom told me this weekend. She told me that this event has changed me unconsciously (as well as her views on my career choice). This is no longer a pipe dream people, this is a very REAL, and ATTAINABLE goal. I mean, anybody out there who pursues these artistic fields has thoughts that cross there minds constantly: Am I waisting my time? My head is just in the clouds, this is ridiculous. Your eating ramen noodles for dinner while John is going to his smug 9-5 and has a BMW. Or Jeff just married his beautiful wife and are having kids (don't get me started on relationships I have sacrificed for this lifestyle) Think of all the Facebook pictures your NOT in while your friends are having a blast on the weekend and you waist your time in front of a computer/guitar/drumset writing/playing music until 5am in the morning.

Originally Posted by ohTen

You have been given a HUGE blessing just being placed on the tangent of B.O.B.'s circle. Most musicians will never be so lucky..

This is it right here. I've not only been placed in their circle, but I am officially not wasting my life. I've had some success already (recorded and mixed for a bunch of platinum artists) but its time to take this to the next level. I have officially ****ed up my first major opportunity, which I guess means I am doing something right... Right? I am at least officially NOT waisting my time

(P.S. as I am writing this, I just got a phone call from an A&R, I have been selected from a few to compete in a Snoop Dog Kid Cudi remix competition. BOOM....)

-J

P.S.
Andrew, you have a link or something I could check out your stuff on? I'm down to work together if you are.

[joseph29]

BTW thanks guys. I've never really gotten into the whole forums self help stuff, but I guess in a moment of emotional fragility I found this site and just wrote what was on my mind. But I think this is fantastic, a place to talk and encourage each other away from friends and family with a little anonymity. Anyways, those that replied that are pursuing music, tell me a little more about your story if ya want. I would love to check out your stuff as well.

J

[andrew]

Hey Joseph, I haven't gotten anything up (I mostly play guitar on my own because of my business), but my best friend is an amazing producer, and we're always looking to connect with quality people. I'll shoot you a PM.

Glad to see you've gain some clarity, it always helps to get a fresh perspective.

[James81]

Originally Posted by joseph29

I never really chalked it up to bad fortune,

You said:

BAM, I'm talking triple wammy of bad fortune out of NOWHERE.

Don't try to reason it away. Your first and greatest obstacle will be to have the courage to be honest with yourself, even if it means admitting that you are lying to yourself.

Originally Posted by joseph29

I totally realize it was a bad decision, but that is what is so freaking AWESOME about this. I was SOOOO close to being a rock star (Holistic Star, this isn't about fame and fortune, its about supporting myself doing what I love. And if you have never played music in front of 5,000 + people, you could call that fame, I call it a religious experience).

I mean people who pursue these professions: music, sports, writing, art etc. Its all about the big break. But I'm sure some had that one experience where they were close to making it, or almost made it and blew it. What determines the losers from the winners is, you could say I missed my opportunity and its over, time to move on. Or you could do what my Mom told me this weekend. She told me that this event has changed me unconsciously (as well as her views on my career choice). This is no longer a pipe dream people, this is a very REAL, and ATTAINABLE goal. I mean, anybody out there who pursues these artistic fields has thoughts that cross there minds constantly: Am I waisting my time? My head is just in the clouds, this is ridiculous. Your eating ramen noodles for dinner while John is going to his smug 9-5 and has a BMW. Or Jeff just married his beautiful wife and are having kids (don't get me started on relationships I have sacrificed for this lifestyle) Think of all the Facebook pictures your NOT in while your friends are having a blast on the weekend and you waist your time in front of a computer/guitar/drumset writing/playing music until 5am in the morning.

It all depends on what you value most out of life. And what you truly want. It also all depends on why you are going after what you are going after and what that says about yourself.