Anyone else keep their PD a secret?

[Henry]

I read and listen to things on personal development but I don't tell any of my friends because I don't want to be known as "that guy" who "reads self-help books."

Anyone else keep their personal development under wraps?

[helgi]

Up until this forum opened, I've never talked to anyone about any of this, not even online.

edit: I've had a 1,000+ word daily conversation with myself about it though, via journaling. (which is completely insane, in retrospect)

[Raphael]

I talk about it to a lot of people, but I'm still not very confident talking about subjects which contradict fundamental beliefs, e.g. objective reality <=> subjective reality.
I have no good experiences with that, because there are a lot of people, who are stuck in their world models and think you must be dumb to believe such things..
(I don't try to convince "denying people", that subjective reality is the TRUTH, but they don't even see it could possibly be real )

[placebo]

Originally Posted by Henry

I read and listen to things on personal development but I don't tell any of my friends because I don't want to be known as "that guy" who "reads self-help books."

Anyone else keep their personal development under wraps?

Of course. I wanted to ask the same question. I think that Steve or Erin wrote an article about bears and eagles. It seems that we're surrounded by bears.
Sometimes your friends will envy you because of your way of thinking, it happened to me. And they think that it's just my way of thinking. They have no idea how hard i tried and how many stuff i've read. Explaining that is just too hard.
Keep that as your little secret and laugh at their silly problems and rigid thoughts.

[hertaintedlips]

Yes and no.

In the beginning (approx. 2 yrs ago) I didn't want anyone to know my secret (that I really was unhappy AND actually ready to change that - that's a whole new post, we will discuss that at a later date.)

So I started this journey in near secrecy. Finding articles online, purchasing self-help books and lots and lots of journaling.

I first mentioned my interest in PD through my blog and it was a relief. I started finding more and more people I could relate to. And it made it easier for me to be open up about it to some of my friends. But I have a hard time bringing it out in the open with certain friends and family members because they feel that either I'm trying to change them as well (mostly 'cause I won't take the same crap from them) and/or that it's "about time" which sometimes makes me feel giulty.

I have learned through lots of reading that a lot of people believe that when they begin "rising to the occassion" or working on themselves, others around them often try to catch up or end up falling short. That's because when you put some higher standards out there for yourself and the people you want in your life, you begin attracting people that are aligned with your standards and the people in your life feel a need to align as well (whether they realize it or not.)

So... in conclusion, I would say, it's more no than yes for me. In a year, I intend for it to be 100% no and I look forward to helping others along the way.

::edit::
For those of you keeping it a secret, please don't. Share it with at least one person. You may be surprised that they may be hiding it too and the two of you can share ideas, or better yet, you may inspire them. You can even "accidently on purpose" do it. Get a great book you've read (my fav is Inspiration - Dr. Wayne Dyer) and just leave it out on your table at your next dinner party. Someone is sure to bring it into the conversation if they notice it.

[Paul C]

As a secret? No, I couldn't say that it is for me. Many people know I have broad and somewhat uncommon beliefs, especially of reality and its functions.

The main problem that I have when speaking about self development, and more often subjective reality, is that most people of my age group (19) don't understand what I'm talking about or even care. More often than not I can relate far better with people twice my age, generally because they're far more knowledgable and I can have a two-way conversation with them. Unlike many I know who would rather just change the subject to something far more mundane or nod and listen without giving their own opinions. Anyone else get that feeling? or at least, used to?

Therefore, this forum is very useful! (heh, Law of Attraction at work, I conclude).

[Brendon Colby]

Originally Posted by Paul C

The main problem that I have when speaking about self development, and more often subjective reality, is that most people of my age group (19) don't understand what I'm talking about or even care. More often than not I can relate far better with people twice my age, generally because they're far more knowledgable and I can have a two-way conversation with them. Unlike many I know who would rather just change the subject to something far more mundane or nod and listen without giving their own opinions. Anyone else get that feeling? or at least, used to?

Therefore, this forum is very useful! (heh, Law of Attraction at work, I conclude).

I'm 26 and would say the same exact thing as you, that most people even remotely close to my age don't understand or care about these things. This has been the case since I was a teenager. What's made things even worse is growing up in small towns around the midwest where the predominate pastime is getting wasted.

I have always been able to relate to folks twice my age though. I have a few friends around my age but most are 30+. I work with people who are on average 50 something and get along with them much better than with the 30-something average aged people at my last job. Some of the deepest conversations I've had have been with my aunts and my mom!

I don't think I've ever kept my PD stuff a secret though, which might be why I've always felt like I repel most people. Bringing up anything even remotely profound seems to have always backfired for me. I also never usually enter into any sort of drama either. Unconsciousness can't stand the light of consciousness, right?

I've had an intention to be able to connect with other like minded people for some time and here it is!

[november]

No, it's not a secret. I also know how to talk about it w/o using the "proper" terminology. Communicating isn't just about what I want to say...I have to keep my audience's life and listening styles in mind. I do a decent job of that, when I want to.

[WanderinOak]

I don't keep my 'personal development' a secret. After all, my whole life has been a quest for 'worthing' or 'self improvement'. The way I see it, somebody who is not involved in improving himself is stagnating, mouldering, almost rotting. When I was enlisted in the Navy, I was allways criticized by my peers for reading big thick books that didn't have pictures of nekkid women inside. I explained that I couldn't lower myself to the level that their expectations of me were at. The typical response was that 'we are all the same' as rampant individuals tried en-masse to drag me down into the sewers. Egad, I am so glad that is behind me now.

[Henry]

Don't get me wrong. I preach the values and lessons I learn from personal development. I just don't go around saying I listen to personal development audio books and podcasts. Or read PD books and articles.

I don't want my friends to call me the "Self Help" guy.

[Caveman Joe]

I'll quite happily talk with someone about objective vs subjective models of reality - but only after a few pints.

[Invictus]

Originally Posted by Henry

I don't want my friends to call me the "Self Help" guy.

I know what you mean! I was like that as well. For me, personally, that attitude came from a sense of shame, that if I listen to "all the self-help guys" there must be "something wrong with me." How wrong I was.

Nowadays I still may not openly talk about it, but it's only because of the general rule I follow not to speak of my goals to just anyone, since most people's instinct is to drag you down so that they feel better about themselves.

When it comes to close friends and family I see absolutely no reason to hide the fact that I am actively trying to push my envelope, though there are exceptions. For example, you just know some people are not in the proper state to entertain such information.

Originally Posted by Paul C

The main problem that I have when speaking about self development, and more often subjective reality, is that most people of my age group (19) don't understand what I'm talking about or even care. More often than not I can relate far better with people twice my age, generally because they're far more knowledgable and I can have a two-way conversation with them. Unlike many I know who would rather just change the subject to something far more mundane or nod and listen without giving their own opinions. Anyone else get that feeling? or at least, used to?

I used to be just like that, Paul. I discovered that it doesn't so much have to do with age as with quality. Even at the age of 28, I still experience that with most people. It's just a matter of finding the ones who are aware and have some kind of goals in life - which is why I'm posting here.

Incidentally, I just went completely off on my girlfriend the other day about the Law of Attraction. Perhaps because I have already set her on this self-improvement path by getting her hooked on Covey's "Seven Habits," she was quite interested in it. I even briefly mentioned that I had "Ask and It Is Given" on my reading list, and she wasn't one bit "freaked out." I read her the excerpts off Amazon and she was fascinated. I think I'm taking her along with me on this, which is great!

Okay, back on topic now.

If you ask me, Henry, the "self-help guy" is the best thing anyone could call you.

[David Hausladen]

Yes and no.

Yes, in that I kept most of my personal growth work a well-guarded secret from my friends at college.

No, in that my family knows about it in general, mostly because I have to cite something as the impetus for the myriad of changes I've made to my life in the past eight months, and because personal growth plays a major part in the career I'm building for myself. However, I don't talk much about specific things that I've learned, or try to convince others of my views; the times when I've tried to express such things are met with skepticism at best and opposition at worst.

[cultivategreatness]

Funny, I just wrote about this tonight... as one of my friends and I are obviously drifting apart as friends...

» When is it Time to Get New Friends and Get Rid of the Dream Stealers?

[Paul C]

Originally Posted by Invictus

I used to be just like that, Paul. I discovered that it doesn't so much have to do with age as with quality.

Of course, but I am yet to attract anyone into my life of about my age, who also is interested in what I am. And i've just as easily encountered people far older than me who weren't too profound either.

Read that article as well. Right on the ball, I would have to say.

[Famous Nabob]

Here I am-- mid-40's-- and I do keep my PD a secret from certain people. Most people are in one of two groups-- the "yeah, right, I'll listen just to humor you" group, or the "you're full of it" group. Usually the people younger than me are in the second group. Most people think that if you haven't acheived Bill Gates-type wealth by this age, you're just screwing around. I'm still working away, day by day, in order to learn and achieve, and develop myself more.

[dmaterialized]

Originally Posted by Paul C

The main problem that I have when speaking about self development, and more often subjective reality, is that most people of my age group (19) don't understand what I'm talking about or even care. More often than not I can relate far better with people twice my age, generally because they're far more knowledgable and I can have a two-way conversation with them. Unlike many I know who would rather just change the subject to something far more mundane or nod and listen without giving their own opinions. Anyone else get that feeling? or at least, used to?

ABSOLUTELY.

I've just turned 20, and have been into this sort of stuff since I was at least 16-- I feel like it's made me into such a better person, but that the breakthroughs I keep having with regards to reality or consciousness or just human thought itself are things I always have to keep to myself. I don't find many people who are really thinking on this level, even though I'm from a highly-cultured city (New York) and go to a very liberal, highly-regarded school (Bennington College, in Vermont). Fortunately I've found some over the years, but this forum seems like one of the first places so many like-minded people have really been able to gather--and for that I'm so grateful!

So glad to see some younger people here... I really didn't want to be one of the only ones. But yes, this is all largely a secret--I already have the reputation of being "the New Agey kid", which I'm not too happy about, and that's without people mostly even knowing very much about what I'm thinking. If we started getting into subjective reality, etc., they'd have to be on drugs to "get" me...

Anyway, hi. And yes.

[cultivategreatness]

Yeah, this thing is perplexing... but Jason Dutt at Good Vibes for Good Lives posted a great comment on my blog pertaining to this subject.

Travis,

Right on. As you know, like attracts like, and as you grow, you may be becoming less “like” some of your current friends.

Most people who are not interested in growing beyond their current circumstances become uncomfortable when those around them have an interest in doing so. Reason? Well… I hate to be curt, but… they’re lazy. Or they lack self-confidence…and are too lazy to do anything about it. They’re not bad people… they’re just complacent. And complacency generally doesn’t mix well with success and growth.

Video games, movies, and anime have one thing in common: They don’t require growth, therefore, they don’t require effort. That’s why they’re so comfortable for most people to do. But, for someone who sees more for himself/herself, and is willing to do something about it, those things suddenly become strangely UNcomfortable. It’s ok… you’re not weird. ;-)

You know I love to flip the coin over, too, so here goes the other possible side of this: Sometimes, we can be the dreaded “born-again” version of success-minded people. You know what I mean… So, if the relationship has true value to you, and you’re getting signals that perhaps this person isn’t ready to operate on the wavelength you’re on, it’s ok to “moderate” the signal you’re sending out, for their benefit.

If fact, you may be the person in their lives that will help them grow when they’re ready. For lack of a better analogy, it’s like walking with a 2 year old… they can’t run as fast as you yet, but they really may want to. And if you take of running and try to drag them along…well… it’s not pretty.

Just my $.02 bro.

J

So, my mind is always on this improvement thing, and I resonate best with those who are on the same path... seems like I need to go to a meetup group and meet more like-minded people...

[Simpleclicks]

I have been reading Steve's articles since September this year and I have been sharing this new belief about Intention Manifestation to my family members. They think I am a weirdo! But both my sons comment that 'Dad is happier now!' . I will continue sharing this amazing discovery because I want other people to improve their lives too

[Dating Specialist]

Though I don't deliberately go around telling my friends of the PD stuff I read and knowledge I gained, these things still get spilled naturally when friends speak of their problems. Unconsciously we will reach into our internal library and dig out relevant resource so that we can help them.

As I have been coaching for a NLP and motivational program Patterns of Excellence in Singapore, so we have this community of coaches who are very into PD. We will share around and learn from each other. I guess it's the culture and the environment we are in that makes the sharing more vibrant.

I don't want my friends to call me the "Self Help" guy

Hey, they will soon learn to appreciate having you around. You're a mobile library! The "Self Help" guy will become a "Can Help" man!

[Yynatago]

Originally Posted by Dating Specialist

these things still get spilled naturally when friends speak of their problems.

I second that! I recently recommended a couple of articles from Steve's site to a friend who had some major changes to her life. I didn't need to say that I was into self help, but I did give information I thought would be useful.

Also, there is a lot of people out there who are pursuing personal development in one way or another. Any one that diets, starts exercising, watch their spending, pursuing their interests or even seeking advice are all pursuing personal development activities. You're just pursuing it to a greater degree.

Originally Posted by Henry

Anyone else keep their personal development under wraps?

Now, I know this post has little to do with hiding the fact that you've become an eagle, but do you really want to keep hiding inside that heavy bear wrap?

Regards,
From Shannan