Anyone else keep their PD a secret?

[Pavel Alasheev]

Originally Posted by dorothy hanna

Hi Pavel Alaseev, If I got that right.
No offense taken. I basically, just try to work from where I am to the point where I'm going to be, and I work w/others, starting from where they are. Many times, if I were to be indiscreet in my vocalizing my thoughts, and opinions to others, I run the risk of frightening them needlessly. Each person is at a different level. My method does not emphazise me. The emphasis is on my relating to each, depending on their level of comfort. I have easily blown away, what could have been a good encounter by insisting on putting myself (out there) to some people, and I frightened them. I caused them to go backwards instead of moving forward, so to speak. So, I choose to be kind, and not push others to quickly. Confidence has nothing to do with discretion. Or it could be referred to as tact.

You are right here, but in the starting post Henry said that he didn't want to be "that guy". IMO it's not about frightening others, it's about being frightened by others' possible disapproval. And the whole thread was not about influencing other people, but rather about freely sharing your views. Right?

ps: I knew i shouldn't have included my last name in my profile, cause from my experience living in the US, nobody could ever pronounce/spell it right. no offense again.

[Sadhana]

Originally Posted by helgi

Up until this forum opened, I've never talked to anyone about any of this, not even online.

edit: I've had a 1,000+ word daily conversation with myself about it though, via journaling. (which is completely insane, in retrospect)

I have even longer conversations with myself every single day on a multitude of topics, so take heart that you're at least less certifiably loony than I am.

[JohnnyJimJams]

Do something extraordinary by your standards. People will notice. And you will improve in an extraordinary way.

Then when you are done and people are left stunned. Up the ante. Do something extraordinary by your new standards.

Then you won't have to worry about keeping your P.D. a secret, people will be begging to know how you did it.

[Andrew Brunelle]

I find that it's hard for me to talk to people in my age range (I'm 20) because most people at that age are so unfocused and don't really have a reason for getting up besides college classes or whatever. But I find that people who are older, more wise, and more mature, are much easier to talk to about things like this. If you bring up life purpose or subjective reality to people your own age if you're young, they may look at you like you're insane, but I've become very accepting of this. Let them think I'm insane. So what if they do? In subjective reality, they only think that way because you intend them to, right? So if you intend that they really enjoy talking about PD, then they eventually will catch on. Don't be afraid, it's not worth it.

[digimint]

What anyone else really thinks? I heard someone say "if you meaning 'we' are not growing we are dying. So, if this is accurate, I believe it is then the people that find PD an issue what are they doing about their growth? Maybe not much?

[ninesuns]

Although I had a personal breakthrough about 7 years ago. I've only just recently been actively journeying with PD. I have kept it pretty quiet until now. I think I tend to come on too strong with my enthusiasm for this stuff. I end up sounding like Greg Kinnear from "Little Miss Sunshine" - (Great Movie). So I found out early on that most people think you are a "tree-hugger" or just jumping onto another fad.

Things have been changing lately though. My employers sent 10 of my team out to have some Change Management Training. We're currently on the 3rd day of a 4 day course. I thught it would be more corporate oriented but it actually had a PD flavour. We covered Meditation, Mind-Body Health/Healing, Enneagrams etc etc. It opened up our group's minds to PD. I can talk more openly about this stuff now with my workmates as they are more receptive. I still don't tell anyone I have a Personal Mission Statement or stuff like that.

[birger]

Originally Posted by Paul C

The main problem that I have when speaking about self development, and more often subjective reality, is that most people of my age group (19) don't understand what I'm talking about or even care. More often than not I can relate far better with people twice my age, generally because they're far more knowledgable and I can have a two-way conversation with them. Unlike many I know who would rather just change the subject to something far more mundane or nod and listen without giving their own opinions. Anyone else get that feeling? or at least, used to?

I am a few years older than you, but I can certainly relate to what you are saying. It's not really about keeping it secret, it just seems like most people I know don't care. They would rather sit in a sofa all day watching movies, collecting money from 8-16 jobs, or even worse, from the government. They don't care and when I talk to them about what I am passionate about, they seem to be totally unable to comprehend (or maybe just don't care).

I do however know a couple of people (creative people in the semi-pro movie and computer industry), that seem to share some of my thoughts on the emphasizes of self-development and creativity, but it pretty much stops there...

[jpletting]

Like many of you above, I don't broadcast the fact that I aspire to vibrate at that higher frequency and challenge myself to live consciously, courageously and grow myself into something I am proud of. Much of the time, the subject simply doesn't come up. Occasionally when it does, I find that it would take too much time, effort and frankly, interest on their part, for me to fully and sufficiently explain what it is I'm doing, how it can be applied, and how it has changed my life for the better. I clearly remember what it's like to be on "the other side," telling my boyfriend that Tony Robbins is a silly git who doesn't have all the answers, so I try not to press. If they're not ready for it, I can't make them be ready for it, all I can do is attempt to lead by example. I've gotten the "positive thinking isn't going to help my situation" retorts and the "goals are a waste of time" malarky. I was there, I understand it, and from over here, I merely nod and smile and try to feel and show compassion for my friends who, sadly (to me), believe chugging along complacently is all they can look forward to.

But now I've got this incredible forum and am surrounded by amazing people following the same path. Maybe I'll begin to become more vocal about it in the future when I feel a tad more confident in my abilities to express myself.

[mgoradia]

I also feel that most people out there are not ready to accept Personal Development in their life. Maybe it's their way of hiding or avoiding things they don't like about themselves and they don't feel confident enough to do something about it. I keep some of my interest in PD a secret as well just so that I don't put anyone else on the defensive. Initially, I used to keep it a secret because I was insecure and didn't want someone to discourage me from it. Now I don't have a problem sharing with a like minded person. It's a great feeling to know there are others out there looking for the same things I am.

So my answer is share your interest with like minded people (who you'll attract automatically, eventually) and keep away from the people who're not yet ready to accept PD.

[ztigerb]

I find that, at 17 in highschool, no one is really interested in PD, in fact i've never even heard it mentioned in my school. All my friends are too interested in their cars or video games or computers (not to say i dont play videogames or spend too much time online) but no one really wants something like PD to shake up their own status quo. Just recently i told my parents about my interest becasue i wanted to try eating vegitarian. They were really happy about it and totally supported me in it and they continue to support my personal development. I actually had to tell some of my friends about my PD when i went vegitarian because eating out doesn't work too well (i discovered that essentially every item on the menu at Applebees has meat in it). The couple friends who found out thought i was nuts. So pretty much i'm just happy that steve started these forums becasue without them i really wouldn't have anyone to talk to about all this stuff.

[Radical]

I don't talk about it that much, but when I do people don't understand and just tell me to live in the real world - mostly my mum, lol.

[fourthdan]

I don't tell too many people about PD. Most don't have the time or the interest to understand... most are bears themselves. Since a lot of my PD is involved with new-age hindu thoughts and philosophy, they stay away like the plague when the mere word of religion is mentioned. Most of them are proud that they don't like to read books or any material more than the ad on the back of a cerial box. A few who do hear me out get inspired...even to the point where they want to pursue PD, but the interest rarely sustains.

[Steve Roh]

Yes, PD is kind of embarrassing. I even cringe at the term. I'd like to kick that Stuart Smalley "Saturday Night Live" character in the nuts , he's really implanted a negative image in my mind about this subject. But he's pretty accurate in some superficial ways.

I prefer to think of it as being in training sort of like a Jedi (or a Sith), since they are essentially all about PD. That is marginally less dorky, i guess, but maybe not.

[songwriter]

Well, I have big problems with this.
I want to keep writing here.
But, well, the people that knows me would recognize me If they read my posts.
That includes possibles bosses in my current job, possible bosses in the music business, etc. That's a big trouble I think.
And the more you write the easier you would get recognized.
Well, I must leave now and I'll probably think about it.
Internet is not a private thing. Your nickname doesn't hide who you are really.
And there's the TCP/IP, etc...

I think you've got to think that when you write people knows who you are really.
Because if someone that knows you is interested he will know you are yourself.

For instance, Google registers all your searches (I'm not paranoid, the creators of Google admit this). They can give that to a certain company or person.
I mean, what you do in cyberspace is a public thing.
So if you want to keep it secret, you'd better stop using the Internet for it.
That things you write or read could be read by your boss or your possible future boss if you do job interviews.

Not to mention the US Gov for instance... they even check emails and phone conversations... and some other govs too.

So, well, if you want to keep something secret... (as the saying says...) don't do it.
So, I'm wondering if to go on or not.

[THC]

I keep it secret mainly because I don't want to be a mouthful hypocrite. When I will have massive results, then I will talk with confidence.

And even tough I am myself deeply in the subject, when unsuccessful person talks about PD, I smile, say nothing and think "look pal, first show me results, then you can advise me".

In my opinion, our successful lives should talk for us.

[Henry]

Originally Posted by THC

I keep it secret mainly because I don't want to be a mouthful hypocrite. When I will have massive results, then I will talk with confidence.

And even tough I am myself deeply in the subject, when unsuccessful person talks about PD, I smile, say nothing and think "look pal, first show me results, then you can advise me".

In my opinion, our successful lives should talk for us.

Yeah that's another reason for me too. I want my actions and mannerisms to speak for me.

[Milo Riano]

I don't broadcast my Personal development but I don't deny it either if asked. If there's an opportunity to share and help others based on my previous PD then I don't mind.

[Morrow]

Like many of the people who've already posted, I don't keep my interest in PD a secret, though I don't go around broadcasting it either. Part of it I think is ego... by admitting that I'm into PD, I'm admitting that I'm imperfect, or that I have a problem. Definitely not one of the most masculine things to do. Plus, there are always negative people around who will try to bring you down if they find out you're trying to get "ahead" of them.

I do try to share what I learn from PD though, as one of the greatest things about PD is to use what I've learned to help others. Sometime this takes the form advice, or pointing someone to an article or book that I've found useful for dealing with some area of my life. The reactions from my friends has almost universally been positive.

I think you'll find that if you look closer, even the so-called "bears" in our lives are looking to improve their lives in some way. Whether it's getting good grades, making more money, developing better relationships, overcoming fear, etc. everyone wants to improve themselves in some way. Personal development is a universal human desire, even if people don't call it that, or act on that desire.

[ScottLee]

I'm not someone who keeps PD a secret, and as a few have already said: it seems that if you accomplish something stunning enough, a lot of people will be begging to know how you did it. Of course, what's the big deal in that? The biggest thing that any of that sort of thing gets you is interest from the girls you talk to. Other guys seem to envy your ability, and then out of whatever envy or jealousy they have, still don't take any action to compete with you. (It's kind of funny, when you think about it.)

I own a Houston production company and I just recently published my first book. Some people could care less about my PD techniques, other people are fascinated. For the most part, the majority of "could care less" wins out. The whole thing about PD is that it's used to produce results, not to produce content in and of itself. People care about what you can do and what you ahve done, not what you think/claim/plan to do.

So, in a way, I guess I have kept it a secret to some extent, but for the most part, it's the same as many of you - it's talked about if it's mentioned or asked of you, but otherwise it's usually kept out of sight. It's the same thing with virtually any other talent or skill for the most part. How many times are you going to ride by someone as a child, "Look! I can ride a bike!" before they say once and for all: "Okay, okay, you can ride a bike. Calm down..." There's only so much pride others can find in what YOU do. The main thing I try to focus on is pride in myself. When you do things for the love of doing them, the rest will come with time and patience, most of the time.

If you want someone to start listening to you about PD, the best place to start is to start achieving your goals. For me, I tailor to a few different audiences. The people who are interested in my work in film, the people who are interested in my work in music, and the people who are interested in my work on writing & life. The third and last one is the smallest audience there is of the three just mentioned.

I guess my thought is, why keep it a secret, and why be openly public about it? If it is asked about, bring it up, if it's ignored, let it be ignored? The real thing that matters is what you're achieving using the knowledge.

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by ScottLee

I'm not someone who keeps PD a secret, and as a few have already said: it seems that if you accomplish something stunning enough, a lot of people will be begging to know how you did it. Of course, what's the big deal in that? The biggest thing that any of that sort of thing gets you is interest from the girls you talk to. Other guys seem to envy your ability, and then out of whatever envy or jealousy they have, still don't take any action to compete with you. (It's kind of funny, when you think about it.)

That happens to musicians. ...

[magi13]

Originally Posted by Henry

I read and listen to things on personal development but I don't tell any of my friends because I don't want to be known as "that guy" who "reads self-help books."

Anyone else keep their personal development under wraps?

@,@ i don't keep it under wraps. what's to be a shamed of?

[Cyllya]

I'm being kind of discreet, and it hasn't come up with talking to most people, but I'm not really keeping it a secret. When it comes up somehow and someone reacts negatively, I figure they're not ready and try to avoid bringing it up around them for a while.

The main problem that I have when speaking about self development, and more often subjective reality, is that most people of my age group (19) don't understand what I'm talking about or even care. More often than not I can relate far better with people twice my age, generally because they're far more knowledgable and I can have a two-way conversation with them. Unlike many I know who would rather just change the subject to something far more mundane or nod and listen without giving their own opinions. Anyone else get that feeling? or at least, used to?

I'm 21, I'm interested in PD, but I'd probably do the nod-and-listen thing too.

Originally Posted by Jason Dutt

Video games, movies, and anime have one thing in common: They don’t require growth, therefore, they don’t require effort. That’s why they’re so comfortable for most people to do. But, for someone who sees more for himself/herself, and is willing to do something about it, those things suddenly become strangely UNcomfortable. It’s ok… you’re not weird. ;-)

I've noticed this, although it's not accurate for me unless you replace video games with novels. Video games do require growth, at least for me. Novels don't, so I'm not sure why books get indiscriminantly worshiped while anything electronic is condemned.

[Andrew Brunelle]

To an extent, yes. But I think eventually you'll get to the point where you don't care what others think about that. You're actively trying to make your life better. You'd be better off finding new friends that support you if you think that all your friends will think of you as "that guy." You could even willingly embrace that persona. "Yeah, I'm that guy. Deal with it. You can either accept me or not." The most important thing is you accept yourself and are confident enough to know the choices you are making are right for you.

When people worry about what others think, I think some of them are really worried that what they are doing is incorrect. I'm not saying this is you, but if part of you thinks PD is a bunch of bullshit, or that you need to keep it secret because other people may not approve, then you're not fully embracing it. The people who will make fun of you probably aren't interested in improving their lives, so they're lagging behind anyway. They want you to be more like them, to scare you into submission. But once you transcend the fear of people thinking things about you, you'll be able to grow further. Just know you're doing the right thing and that's all the confirmation you need.

[dice]

the key word is 'personal' development.

I dont purposely hide it, it just never comes up. i'd also probably downplay it if someone asked, but i have a habit of doing that when i talk about myself anyway.

i used to feel really awkward about it and I'd hide all those PD books when company came over. then i realized that if they get spotted its really fun to joke about the stuff in it.

[bluedragon]

I talk to everybody, but nobody listens It just doesn't register with them.

[funchy]

I don't keep it as a deep-dark secret nobody knows. However, I also don't advertise it to everyone I meet, either. That's why it's called personal development... it's personal. If someone asked me straight out what I think about __ or what book I was reading or if I read so-and-so's PD book, I'd give them an answer. I also don't think it being such an unusual activity. Everyone engages in PD when they learn new things, take a class, try to be a better person, or whatever.

[Peaceflmeadow]

I think a big part of my PD has been just how do I relate to everyone around me about it.

In the beginning, I kept it more of a secret. I let on to some things, but the majority of it has been kept to myself. There are times when I have linked an article from Steve's blog to a friend, or a family member, but I have YET to have anyone make much of a comment back. Same goes for my discussions on my growth. I usually get 'that look', the one that says 'why in the WORLD would you do that'. In the beginning, I only let on to bits of what I was doing, and I even twisted it a bit to sound more 'mainstream'. As time has gone on, I care less and less about sugarcoating what I am doing.

I think in the beginning, I didn't want to seperate myself from my friends and family. Now, if someone isn't tuned in with me, then its better they know where I stand with my beliefs so we can get that out of the way as soon as possible. Now, if you are not on the same page as I am, then I am not going to go out of my way to try and fit in.

This of course, is a step for me in the right direction. Becoming more myself, and attracting people that fit that pattern, and in turn, losing the constant need for reassurance that I am doing the right thing from outside sources.

The downside to all of this, I am still surrounded by 98% of people that do not consider self growth a worthy past time. My coworkers, my family, and my friends for the last 34 years are mostly all watching my changes with fascination, usually positive feedback, but still with a large amount of disconnect that they just cannot understand how or why I tick, and no spark in a sense they are ready to follow in any form.

The bears find me curious, amusing at times, but they have yet to realize that I was a bear once, and maybe just a fledgling eagle now, but that they could follow the same path too if they truly understood.

My next task as of late has been to surround myself with less bears if possible, which is hard for me as it feels like I am giving up on folks I really care about. Its not that dramatic of course, but I am an eternal teacher who spends most of my energy helping others, so I am struggling with this more then I probably should.

[MagicalRealist]

Originally Posted by funchy

I don't keep it as a deep-dark secret nobody knows. However, I also don't advertise it to everyone I meet, either. That's why it's called personal development... it's personal. If someone asked me straight out what I think about __ or what book I was reading or if I read so-and-so's PD book, I'd give them an answer. I also don't think it being such an unusual activity. Everyone engages in PD when they learn new things, take a class, try to be a better person, or whatever.

Yes, this.

I'll introduce PD concepts into a conversation if I think it's relevant, and if I think it's going to be useful to the person I am talking to. If they show more interest, I'll go into more detail, and maybe recommend books.

But I don't discuss these things unless I get the sense they really want to know about it and are receptive to it. If they aren't receptive, telling them all about it won't make much difference--it may even put them off. Proselytizing repels more people than it converts. My enthusiasm is mine alone, and not universal.

And yes, other people pursue PD in very different ways than I do. They might be ways I personally find needlessly limiting, punitive, or self-denying. But if I want the freedom to develop myself according to my own lights, I have to grant others that same freedom.

[Zenduba]

I don't keep it a secret, but I don't discuss my personal development activities with anyone because they're just that - PERSONAL development. If it's something that helps me to relate beter with people then I'll discuss it, but if it's something that doesn't have a direct influence on them (exercise and health, productivity, wealth management) then I let it be. Such things done conscientiously enough for a long enough period will always make themselves manifest and it will be evident to everyone that you're either extremely "talented and lucky" or that you paid the price.
The reason I don't enjoy sharing such things (with people who aren't into PD) is because they just wouldn't understand, I'd much rather take the time and energy I'd spend 'justifying' my actions and spend them on more meaningful pursuits.

[ShunterAlhena]

Yes, I keep it a pseudo-secret, I only told about it to my confidante and (partially) to my girlfriend. It is by no means public information, I too fear that people would look down on me.

The strange thing is that those very same people whom I think would look me down, compliment me a lot about my efficiency in managing all areas of life simultaenously and my focus.

It's weird, no? They like and desire the results, but if I told them the method they'd sneer.