I'm afraid of success!

[nvictor]

Now I understand. My real fear is to succeed. The thought came to me today that since we've started classes I've got each time an A-grade in math quizzes but still, I'm afraid of not doing well next time. I'm afraid of not doing well each time before the quiz and after the quiz.

I think that's it. I'm afraid of succeeding. I've told you about my english teacher discouraging me in an ealier post; she gave me a really good grade for my early versions of my essay. But still, I think I can't do it.

What's wrong with me? What's with all those bad thoughts?
I work very hard everyday. I shall feel confident, but I'm not.
It's not the first time it's happening in my life. But there was a period [last 2 years of high school] were I felt the most confident man in the world! Was it because of friends? [here I don't really have friends, just roommates]...

I need your opinion and your suggestions.

[Dating Specialist]

How do you define success? Is it the attainment of your goal?

Or is it the next milestone you need to achieve to exceed your present achievement? It seems to me to be this case, pardon me if I'm wrong nvictor. So maybe this is where your fear stems from?

In this case, would it help if you were to redefine success. Because when you have a different defintion, it actually puts you in a different state when you do achieve your goals, and you'll be able to experience joy and satisfaction, looking forward to hit your next goal instead of feeling fear?

[norbert]

Have you seen the Lightworker Syndrome by Steve? (especially the "What will happen if you succeed?" part)

[billybrads]

great reccommendation. I love when the people who have been reading this blog for longer, bring old relevant postings back up for those of us who only got here recently.

[RT Wolf]

^ Good. cause that's usually all I do when I post.

You make a good point, though. It really is amazing how many different things Steve covered. As I progress in my journey of PD, I'm finding that many of the problems I've faced, Steve has already talked about, and that's really helpful.

[Colm OReilly]

nvictor,

Thanks for your post. Here's a few thoughts I have.

For a start you're not taking pride/confidence/any emotional payoff from the external victories you have on a day to day basis. You suffer the emotional trauma of worrying and fretting before the exams, but you don't give yourself the same level, intensity, or duration of praise when you do succeed.

This essentially puts you in a state of perpetual catch up, where the best you can hope to do is reach neutral, break even.

So my first recommendation is to take pride in your achievements.

You say you should feel confident. Why should you?

I'm not asking that to attack you but when I hear people use the word should they're usually berating themselves. My thoughts on that destructive word are here.

Simply put, does saying to yourself "I shall be confident, but I'm not" help you develop your confidence? You're beating yourself up with this type of language.

Remember, you are doing your best with whatever you know at the time, and that includes how you speak to yourself, how you treat yourself and how you feel.

norbert,
Thanks for the link, I'll read it a few times over the next few days.

Lots of love,
Colm

[nvictor]

Dating_Specialist, yes it's the milstones, not the goal itself. The goal itself is to graduate in less than 3 years.

Norbert, thanks for the link.

Colm_OReilly thanks for you thoughts