competitive people

[davidv90]

Why do you think some people are extremely competitive? Why do they want to win everything?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by davidv90

Why do you think some people are extremely competitive? Why do they want to win everything?

You mean like Lindsey Vonn or Roger Federer?

[The Truth UK]

I said this in another post and no one offered a reply, its because we are built to survive, kill and protect.

This is merely a less brutal way of showing you are the best/can kill more/bigger.

We do it because the ego demands it, and it demands it because without it there would be no human race...and this is the fundamental problem I have with all this stuff!!

[Liz Caitlin]

I've always assumed it's because they're insecure or compensating for something. I mean, once you hear that Arnold Schwarzenegger started lifting weights because his father always called him Cinderella and other stories similar to that, you feel kinda sorry for those people...

The only time I've ever been really competitive is when I was younger & I was obsessed with being right all the time. Looking back, I felt inadequate in other areas of my life, so I showed off my intellect to feel better about myself. Once I felt more comfortable with myself, the competitive urge died.

It's funny because my parents live in a highly competitive, wealthy community, and they don't understand how I can be happy living in a far less wealthy, smaller area. I don't know how to explain to them that losing all of those silly expectations is the most wonderful, liberating thing in the world...

[Angela]

Well, for some people it's just FUN!

[newmark]

Originally Posted by Angela

Well, for some people it's just FUN!

I agree, many people are competitive because it's fun for them.

[Weena]

Originally Posted by Liz Caitlin

I've always assumed it's because they're insecure or compensating for something.

I agree with this, that is how i see it too... for some people anyway, it's an insecure ego that needs reassurance.

And for other, it's just fun . I don't want to put everyone in the same drawer, i just have noticed some competitive people are very sad people. (And a few others are just happy people enjoying the odd competition thing). Sorry to not give a definite answer .

[KaleidoskopicVision]

Originally Posted by The Truth UK

I said this in another post and no one offered a reply, its because we are built to survive, kill and protect.

This is merely a less brutal way of showing you are the best/can kill more/bigger.

We do it because the ego demands it, and it demands it because without it there would be no human race...and this is the fundamental problem I have with all this stuff!!

I totally agree with you. Hope that's some small compensation for being scorned

The ego is on the lookout for number one. Highly competitive people are listening and obeying that survival instinct. I posted another thread on this in the Spirituality section where scientists discovered the part of the brain responsible for 'spirituality'. The results are interesting, since it's the part of the brain responsible for ego awareness that is inactive in spiritual people, meaning their individual will to survive and evolve is nearly absent.

[sandy]

i agree with angela & newmark.
they are having fun. they find joys from competing. it's their way to live a life.

maybe there are also some poor guys they compete only because they think they are supposed to compete. then it's still their loss even they are win. they kinda ruined the joy of competing.

for me, i personally am not that competing person. but i do find tremendous fun from sports games etc. so by competing, some are even making other's life pretty entertained.

overall, what i want to say is i just like to enjoy competing as fun it is

[Swede]

I compete against myself. I can not control anybody else.

[Sam kovacs]

I also compete against myself, and I compete hardly against myself. I've found that I push myself much more when I'm doing one of my physically demanding hobbies( Basketball/ Working out in the gym/ and recently Ice skating), but not so much for my school work, learning to play the guitar.
I also really kicked myself for personal development.
I'm competitive with myself for improvement. My way of doing it is;" I'm at point A now, wanna get to point B, so I need to do better everytime I try so that I get to point B."

Here's a little story of my competitivness.
About a month ago, I was on a school exchange, and one of the things we did was Ice skating. Now I'd never Ice skated, all the english guys had been skating for years. Amongst the french lot, it was pretty divided. A group of people had been a few times or had roller skated so they could skate around quite a bit. And me and half a dozen people, had never skated. When we got on the Ice rink, We tried and all fell, So I got back up, did a few yards and fell again. moved on a bit more and fell. For the two hours That's all I did, I got slightly better, and could actually skate awkwardly around the icerink by the end. I was much better than any of the people who had never skated, because I fell got up continued, fell got up continued, because If I stopped it would be like accepting defeat, and doing like the others saying, this aint for me and stepping aside. I fell over 30 times, which was more than anyone, I really struggled picking Ice skating up.
Since I'm back from england, I went once with a couple of mates, I fell about a dozen of times over 1h30, I was still pretty crap. I went today, and it just clicked, I fell twice, trying to get fancy, and once when I had to move out of the way quicker than I could manage.
Pushing myself, and not accepting defeat, helped me get results quick. One of the girls who was as bad as me at the beginning in england, fell twice, and said, "Oh I really wish I could skate well" and sat aside for the rest of the time. She probably didn't go back to an Icerink.She wasn't the competitive type. Now I can skate, And I'm going back next week, and probably will be going weekly to improve. My next objective is to do it backwards, I can allready turn, while keeping one of my legs off the ground. I love that I pushed myself through the tough beginning, it was just one of those things that was challenging for me, because I didn't pick it up straight away. Which is probably why I wanted to pursue it? I never say no to an interesting challenge of the sort.

So Yes I'm all for being competitive with yourself. It's wanting to be better than others which is bad.
Aim to be the best human YOU CAN BE. Not the best human, since everyone is differant, and no one is made the same.

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by davidv90

Why do you think some people are extremely competitive? Why do they want to win everything?

In todays' society I would think it is about self-worth. They feel they will only be loved as a winner. Ain't that the truth?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Maguru

In todays' society I would think it is about self-worth. They feel they will only be loved as a winner. Ain't that the truth?

I don't think that's the truth. I think it may be a truth. But I think many people enjoy competing for the joy of it, and their feeling of being loved (deserving, worthy, whatever) is not dependent on winning.

I play a sport with some very competitive people who don't feel bad when they lose. In fact, it's sort of generally agreed that it's more desirable to lose a game played by people who are competing fiercely and elegantly, and playing to win, than to win at a game that's played otherwise.

[brendannz]

competition can be a good way to bring out the best in both challengers.

It can also end up being toxic if you're competing against people on the same team as you..

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by Angela

I don't think that's the truth. I think it may be a truth. But I think many people enjoy competing for the joy of it, and their feeling of being loved (deserving, worthy, whatever) is not dependent on winning.

I play a sport with some very competitive people who don't feel bad when they lose. In fact, it's sort of generally agreed that it's more desirable to lose a game played by people who are competing fiercely and elegantly, and playing to win, than to win at a game that's played otherwise.

Hmmm, I was answering this question

Why do you think some people are extremely competitive? Why do they want to win everything?

I suppose I was referring to extreme competitiveness that results in bad losers and big-headed winners. The 'need' to win at all costs and will go to extraordinary lengths to do so.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Maguru

Hmmm, I was answering this question I suppose I was referring to extreme competitiveness that results in bad losers and big-headed winners. The 'need' to win at all costs and will go to extraordinary lengths to do so.

Yeah, I think it's inaccurate to collapse together the meaning that people who are extremely competitive who want to always win, with people who are bad losers and big-headed winners (a presupposition that I suspect is built-in to the OP).

I've known people who have a built-in bad-feeling around others who are extremely competitive because of their own old gunk -- and through their own filters they see bad-loser and big-headed-winner (stress and gunk) where it might not be the most accurate representation of the world, but more of a reflection.

[Nameless One]

Being competitive when it comes to getting money sometimes comes from a feeling of lack, where someone else's success in your market means they took a chunk that could have been yours. I know the feeling because I've competed in profit markets, and have dealt with job politics. The truth is such a feeling only leads to more of that feeling no matter how much success there is. Just look at rich people who control billions of dollars worth of stuff, get upset when someone takes a 100 million dollar market from them, when it cannot possibly affect their lifestyle

When I remain celibate and have more sexual energy, there is a natural urge to fight against some kind of resistance. Competition is a way to exercise that urge, testing one's will against the will of others. This is called the urge to ♥♥♥♥♥ and fight, a natural urge

Some types of competitive games are addictive. There is this feeling one gets while fighting in the game, be it a sport, battle, or a computer game, when in the zone so to speak. This is addictive, it isn't an ego thing or a need to attain things, it's just the feeling of being in battle and at the sharpest. The ones who fall by the wayside are the ones who don't love the battle and instead love the trophies of battle. According to the samurai these types are the most shameful

Sometimes we enter into a situation where we come into conflict with another person. Soon enough offense is taken and victory over this person must be had at all costs. Ego registered the other as a threat, and the route to neutralizing the threat was registered automatically as achieving victory over the threat. This can happen from something as simple as a little disagreement on a web forum, or maybe being shamed by a loss in a game match

So competitiveness can come from many different things

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by Angela

Yeah, I think it's inaccurate to collapse together the meaning that people who are extremely competitive who want to always win, with people who are bad losers and big-headed winners (a presupposition that I suspect is built-in to the OP).

I see what you mean and I agree. We are all individuals and I was reacting to my grandson's difficulties of hating himself and creating a drama when he loses. He is so competative and he doesn't lose often. He's the same when making mistakes. I see in him a lack of self worth and needs perfection to believe he's loveable.

I've known people who have a built-in bad-feeling around others who are extremely competitive because of their own old gunk -- and through their own filters they see bad-loser and big-headed-winner (stress and gunk) where it might not be the most accurate representation of the world, but more of a reflection.

Absolutely. Our own reflections stick out everywhere. The trick is in recognizing yourself. The labels of 'bad loser' and 'bigheaded' were only meant to represent their reactions, or behaviour. I would not label my grandson with any of those but his behaviour exhibits exactly those sentiments.
The real person lies beneath the behaviour. That is where I connect with my grandson. Have I been there? Is his mamma and pappa there? Oh yes! The outer reality rarely is aligned with the inner. regards

[Lindag24]

I think it depends on what kind of competition you are talking about. Competing in sports, games, etc. to me is perfectly normal but people who compete to be the prettiest, richest, have the best life, ex: keeping up with the jones's - those people I believe have insecurity problems and need to constantly reassure themselves that they are better - they don't like who they are so they have to prove to themselves and everyone else that they are great

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Angela

Well, for some people it's just FUN!

i agree. It's easy to psycho analyze things to death but sometimes it really just comes down to something simple.

[Optimistic Journey]

I feel that some people feel the need to prove themselves more. Some people were raised that they have to be the best at everything. In my opinion, deep down inside, strong competitiveness could equate to lack of self esteem. Don't get me wrong a little healthy competition is okay. We all like to win. I'm referring to those who are compulsive in their need to win everything and don't take losses great.

[xzmilan]

I also think that too many people get caught up in what they think others want from them, so they compete the wrong way. I think competition is natural in us though, and that if we are going to improve we have to compete in some way. I read a blog called thecompetitivelife just before this, and it has some good points. We're animal based so competition is just a natural thing, and to call it bad because others don't do it right is misleading. the extreme competitive is bad, but we need to stay competitive people to improve.

Joan

[ohTen]

I'm competitive in the sense that I gauge how well I'm doing by how much effort I am putting into something, and I gauge my effort level by comparing how hard I am working to how hard other people on a similar level with similar goals are working. I have no desire to 'be better' than others (in the world of music, that is a highly subjective notion). I just know that if I'm not putting in enough effort, I'm not going to get the results I want.

A lot of competition is ego-driven, but a lot of it is reward-driven also.

[RED COMPASS]

Originally Posted by davidv90

Why do you think some people are extremely competitive? Why do they want to win everything?

There is a limitation to competition. The question is: what is one willing to sacrifice in order to win the golden ring?

[Ilikeindowem]

Originally Posted by davidv90

Why do you think some people are extremely competitive? Why do they want to win everything?

it's a function of personality.

[Le Roi]

Originally Posted by davidv90

Why do you think some people are extremely competitive? Why do they want to win everything?

I'm very competitive. I don't want to win everything, but almost every kind of game or competition, I absolutely love to win. It's a total rush to completely focus on something and do all I can to win. So, it's totally fun.

That said, I think you can be very competitive and totally compassionate as well. Winning doesn't necessarily mean the other person loses. When I play a very hard fought game or competition, and I lose by a little bit to an opponent who managed to be a little smarter than me, it's a totally joy. I get to have an intense fun in trying to figure out how to beat him next time. So, by being very competitive with someone else who is totally competitive, even though only one of us actually wins on paper, I see both of us actually winning from being engaged in this competition.

However, I'm talking about games, or formally set up competition with clear guidelines and rules.

[Clint Cora]

If you do better today than you did yesterday, then you won. That's the approach to competition I have and followed throughout a very long martial arts competition career that started back in 1985.

The biggest competition is never the others, instead, like suggested by some of you already, is yourself. So if you aim to do better than what you previously did, than competition is a very good thing.