My professor discouraged me...

[nvictor]

Well it was not bad intentioned, believe me. You see I'm not a native english speaker and I'm having some difficulties with the english class (though I was one of the best in high school in my home country).

She said to come and see her with my drafts, we will talk about it, do some corrections before my finals but this won't really get me great grade
Then she told me about when she went to study abroad, her difficulties, that I'd be right, etc...

Was she saying that the fact that she's correcting mistakes in my papers in advance would result in lower grades? Or is it all about my level in english.

Actually I felt discouraged, I was trying not to get a grade below A in english class.

[dor]

What kind of English class? Creative writing? Rhetoric?
Do you have a skill you're good at? (math, for example) - so that you could 'swap' with a someone who's proficient in English?
I doesn't sound like your prof's discouraging you, but its very hard to be fluent in English - I remember hearing that you learn it in year, but spent a lifetime with the idioms (terribly nice, raining cat's and dogs, and so on) ...

[Lychee]

Why wouldn't it get you a good grade?

A grade for a course is based on specific guidelines outlined by the professor. If she said that some corrections on your paper would not get you a great grade, perhaps it is a fact since the amount of points you could earn would not offest the lower grades you earned in the past.

If you are not a native speaker in English and are having difficulties in English class, accept that it might take you a bit longer to learn the language with proficiency. You should clear this up with her and inquire about the grade distribution in class.

[srkmish]

This is an answer by the great enlightened master OSHO in response to a question about a devotee regarding his underconfidence in life,where he recalls an incident where he was ridiculed by his school friends

Mm mm, it is just an old record -- absolutely irrelevant. But it goes on playing. You have to put it off. You cannot erase it; there is no need to erase it. You just have to understand that this is foolish. Who are these school friends? How do they know that you cannot make it? Who are they? And how can they decide? How can anybody else decide that you cannot make it? Except for you, nobody can decide it.
And you also cannot decide it beforehand. First you have to try it and see whether you make it or not, because if you decide beforehand that you cannot make it, you will not be able to. Your decision will affect your life. If will become an auto-suggestion. It will become a seed. It will sabotage your whole life. Even you cannot decide what you can make an,d what you cannot make. You have to do it, you have to see it. Only life decides. So it is simply foolish, childish -- but many childish things continue. The tape goes on playing itself, and if you play it too much, it becomes habitual.


And it is a trick of the mind -- it is a trick to avoid. Once you decide that you cannot make it, then why bother? Why struggle? Why so much conflict, effort? You know already that you cannot make it. It is the mind finding a rationalisation so that you can avoid struggle. And of course, if you avoid effort, you will not make it, so you fall back upon your decision. You say it was right, it was always right; you knew it beforehand. These are self-perpetuating things in the mind; they perpetuate themselves. They fulfill themselves, and the circle goes on moving, the wheel goes on moving.
I don't see why you can't make it. You are alive -- why can't you make it? Life is trying in every way within you to make it -- otherwise you would not be here. You cannot be purposelessly here. Life has not yet become hopeless in you, otherwise you would die.
The very thing is enough evidence that life is still alive within you, thriving, kicking, still striving. You are Still breathing and you are still there. Once it is really settled that you cannot make it -- that you are doomed, nothing is going to happen to you -- you will die immediately, you cannot live a single moment, because then life has nothing to be there for. The destiny is closed. But you are breathing... you are aware.
Life has not become hopeless about you. God still goes on hoping about you, hence He goes on giving you life.

Every morning you are awake again. He again tries. He has not become hopeless, otherwise you would disappear. Man exists because God hopes. Man is a hope... a divine hope, a dream in God's mind. The moment God becomes hopeless about you, you will be there no more; you simply disappear.
You can make it. You are here to make it. But these foolish noises that you have gathered -- put them off! Just tell the mind, 'Enough of this nonsense.' Let them shout -- you go on your way. By and by they will stop bothering you, and by and by you will start achieving things. That will be a proof -- and only that proof will make them shut their mouths; otherwise they will continue.
Nobody has the right to condemn you, but everybody carries these voices within, and everybody has to come to understand, otherwise one never grows. So whenever it happens again, just say to them, 'Shut up!' and don't pay much attention. Become indifferent and go on your way. Whatsoever you want to do, do. Only by doing it you will prove them wrong; otherwise there is no way.
Once glimpses start coming to you, and you are on the right track, and you feel that yes, you are arriving, they will disappear by themselves. They will not be able to show their face to you. In fact use them as a challenge that you have to prove them false. This is your life's work.
Do Vipassana now -- and in Vipassana the voices will be com-ing more strongly.

Do visit osho-isayuntoyou.blogspot.com/

[billybrads]

Srkmish-Very inspiring post. I was actually coming to some of those same revelations today. I am struggling very bad in my life. One of my major problems is lack of adequate work and money. This issue holds me back in many ways, but today I was thinking I have never died of money problems (at least not in this life.) Despite my troubles I am still alive, there is still hope for me. I may not be living the exact life I wish I was, but nothing in my life has killed me. I have never died of failure, of embarassment, or of anything else for that matter. So, of course I would like to make my life better, but nothing has killed me as of yet, so what is there really to fear.

[Megan]

nvictor, I'm a native English speaker, but I let anxiety about criticism while taking English classes in college keep me from getting a college degree many years ago. I enrolled in and quit two English classes.

I still don't have that degree.

So I would say to you that it sounds like you're doing wonderfully with learning a difficult language to master--just continue to do your best and accept where you are at this present time.

Years from now, your fluency will be even greater, and you won't think so much about the grade you got in English.

But you will, I'm sure, be very grateful for having earned your degree.

Best wishes,

Megan

[trekr5]

billybrads

I feel your response.this is exactly how I was feeling today. Thanks for posting that..very inspiring.

Remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

[nvictor]

dor,
yes its something near creative writing I think. It's writing for liberal education. At the end you must submit a 1500 words essay. And what do you mean by swap with someone? (Because I'm pretty good at math and all those computer sciences stuffs, I often found the lectures boring...)

lychee,
I'm discouraged because I was one of the best in high school. I even got the highest grade at our final exam in highschool. Based on that grade on my diploma and my toefl test score they gave me a gold merit scolarship. So now you understand how I feel? She was telling indirectly that I would be among weak people... But still my aim is an A grade, cost what must it cost.

skrmish,
thanks for this inspiring post. I have a good quote that goes along: Don't tell your God how big are your problems but tell your problems how big is your God.

billybrads,
thanks dude. That's inpire a lot. My father told me I would once regret not to have applied for a College immediatly after high school. I remember him telling me that I would cry for that. You know what? I don't regret it a single time. During those 2 years working for him, I have discovered my purpose, I have created great things for his company, I've learned about Steve, Joel Spolsky, Douglas Bowman and many people thank I admire a lot. I've discovered an important person that completes me. My only notice [that I don't regret] is that I'm many years away from some friends who have gone directly into College. They still enjoy their life purposelessly [you know what I mean?]. I don't anymore...

Megan,
thanks for your reply. I still think I can do it. I've just ordered "On writing" by Stephen King. I've read the electronic version before and it has arrived yesterday, just one day after my post. It's a sign for me. I won't probably get fluent in english in 6 months but I just need my A grade.

Well today I came up with other thoughts. My teacher was right. She is a Dr., before my paper reached her hands, it has been through the helping writing lab tutors. They've not noticed my problems [commas, grammar, etc...] I don't know if it's on purpose but I don't trust them anymore. They probably think I'm very weak in english, that's why they said "Ok, good paper".

But since my teacher want me to do a great paper she helped me more by telling what's wrong Still, other students papers were damn good... The best I can do is find someone that would help me.

[dor]

Originally Posted by nvictor

dor,
yes its something near creative writing I think. It's writing for liberal education. At the end you must submit a 1500 words essay. And what do you mean by swap with someone? (Because I'm pretty good at math and all those computer sciences stuffs, I often found the lectures boring...)
.

well we may as well start here
1500 word essay.

swap: Find a student good at writing, but bad at math.... to critique/help you with your writing, and you in turn tutor him in math.

[nvictor]

Well, that's exactly what I plan to do.