Simultaneously totally inspired and scared spitless

[Angela]

Perspectives, anyone? Last night I was invited to partner up to do a one-month personal development session (hypnosis, NLP, coaching) for a group of 97 young women at a university in China next year. It would also involve doing presentations open to the whole university and possibly doing some community stuff as well.

I was thinking: I would be totally stupid not to do this, and was completely ready to commit last night, but I woke up this morning absolutely terrified about the money part! It's not a paid position; my room & board would be covered but I have to provide my own airfare and also have to cover my expenses back home (rent & utilities) while I'm gone for the five weeks I'm gone plus the month afterwards, after a month of no income.

My partner and I brainstormed a little and are thinking of doing some fundraising for our expenses, which feels kind of confronting to me: asking for help. Although I feel pretty good about some of the sources of help we've thought of, I think they would be delighted to help, but ack, I can feel resistance coming up in my hackles just thinking about it (I know, I know, so that means there's a learning experience in there. ) I'm on a bit of a roller coaster this morning, wavering wildly back and forth between saying YES!! and {noooo...}

It's a wonderful dilemma to be in, but ack ack adack! Just looking for .... I don't know what I'm looking for..... just some support in a time of wild vacillation, I guess!

Thanks.

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by Angela

Just looking for .... I don't know what I'm looking for..... just some support in a time of wild vacillation, I guess!

Thanks.

Here's my support, say yes

The money will show up.

I don't have any other meaningful advice right now, I'm sorry

[Angela]

Thanks, Tanja! That strikes me as very meaningful advice.

[rei]

yes, as Tanja said, the money will show up.
even better, the situation gives you an opportunity to confront an old pattern of excessive self-reliance, hm? and a chance to examine and evaluate your position on the lack-abundance spectrum. all in all, yes, do it! attract the funding, as you most certainly are...

congrats for the offer!

[Angela]

I think you are right on, rei!

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by Angela

That strikes me as very meaningful advice.

If it helps a bit, I'm glad.
You said you'd partner up with someone, how did they solve the money problem? If they're not from China already, of course.
Maybe they could help you organize sessions in your private time (like weekends) while you're there?
As far as covering your expenses back home goes, could you sort of rent your apartment /house for that month? That could bring you extra cash. Unless your partner lives with you, I'm not sure what to do with him in that case

[spirit4711]

How come they don't pay you? You're providing value, so...

I would look at ways to making them pay. Why not for example put the ball in their court and let them raise the money to pay you?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Tanja

If it helps a bit, I'm glad.
You said you'd partner up with someone, how did they solve the money problem? If they're not from China already, of course.
Maybe they could help you organize sessions in your private time (like weekends) while you're there?
As far as covering your expenses back home goes, could you sort of rent your apartment /house for that month? That could bring you extra cash. Unless your partner lives with you, I'm not sure what to do with him in that case

My partner and I are in the same boat -- but the good news is that she wants to do a joint fund-raising project, where we would pool our resources, maybe have a website, we'd be in it together, which is nice -- kind of a break in my "on my own" pattern. I could still do sessions on skype, you're right! assuming I have enough free time... I'm not sure what my schedule will be yet.
Renting out my apartment is technically taboo, but I think I might be able to work around that......

[Angela]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

How come they don't pay you? You're providing value, so...

I would look at ways to making them pay. Why not for example put the ball in their court and let them raise the money to pay you?

The nature of it is that it's a volunteer effort -- that's part of the game that I accept. That's a good thing, too; I think a big part of this challenge is taking on the money/help issue.

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by Angela

it's a volunteer effort -- that's part of the game that I accept. That's a good thing, too; I think a big part of this challenge is taking on the money/help issue.

If it's on a volunteer basis (in case my suggestion already isn't part of your fund-raising strategy), and I know this would be a long shot but maybe some companies would be willing to cover part/all of your expenses as part of their social/corporate responsibility policy? I know that here many companies allocate funds for some charities/good causes, so you present the whole project in such a way.
Or some other volunteer organizations?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Tanja

If it's on a volunteer basis (in case my suggestion already isn't part of your fund-raising strategy), and I know this would be a long shot but maybe some companies would be willing to cover part/all of your expenses as part of their social/corporate responsibility policy? I know that here many companies allocate funds for some charities/good causes, so you present the whole project in such a way.
Or some other volunteer organizations?

I think so.... I have a couple of organizations in mind that might be happy to sponsor us in some way, maybe even the L.A. Chinese consulate and local political orgs, especially women's groups, might be willing to help.

I was thinking it might be fun to set it up like a wedding registry... where we'd list out the things we need, including plane tickets, rent, gifts, etc., and have people donate towards a particular need -- sort of make it a game. I'm thinking our utility providers might just put our utilities on hold for the five weeks and not charge us -- that would be generous, I think!

[Michelle]

How is your PD supposed to work in China exactly when people are not even allowed to express themselves without fear of imprisonment, torture or death? And would you be protected from persecution in this regard?

[The Cloud]

Is it wrong to take advantage of people? I think that's what you're feeling now; that it's wrong of you to exploit people for what they could give you. You're afraid to be the bad girl that uses people. What if it's wrong but you did it anyways? What if you became the bad person that you want to be, but are afraid of? Why do you have to be a good person?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Is it wrong to take advantage of people? I think that's what you're feeling now; that it's wrong of you to exploit people for what they could give you. You're afraid to be the bad girl that uses people. What if it's wrong but you did it anyways? What if you became the bad person that you want to be, but are afraid of? Why do you have to be a good person?

It's not that I feel it's wrong or that I'd be a bad person; more like I don't want to be trapped by obligation and weakness... from watching my mom in her marriage, vehemently refusing to be helped by anyone because of the price she paid, I decided I'm like her -- I'm on my own; I don't want to pay the price, too. I realize that's not The Truth (consciously, from a grown-up perspective) but my little "I'm on my own gremin" is nattering and gromishing right now!

It's like I believe it's easier to be on my own, when it's more true to say it's more of a struggle. I'm resisting, alright!

Thanks for the insight, TheCloud.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Angela

It's not that I feel it's wrong or that I'd be a bad person; more like I don't want to be trapped by obligation and weakness... from watching my mom in her marriage, vehemently refusing to be helped by anyone because of the price she paid, I decided I'm like her -- I'm on my own; I don't want to pay the price, too.

Well, that's exactly what I mean. What if you take the goods, but don't pay the price? Refuse to be obligated by what you receive, but receive it nonetheless. I think you're subconsciously trapped by the idea that everything has a price and must be paid for, which is really hard to get over because it sounds like such a good idea, and anything else sounds like stealing. What if you risked being called a thief, took people's help, and didn't have to give them anything back in return, not even a thank-you-very-much? What if you didn't have to apologize for being the recipient of aid, or even be grateful if you didn't want to?

[Brutha]

How about giving someone of your students a camera and afterwards selling videos of your training?

assuming I have enough free time... I'm not sure what my schedule will be yet.

Who controls your shedule?

How is your PD supposed to work in China exactly when people are not even allowed to express themselves without fear of imprisonment, torture or death? And would you be protected from persecution in this regard?

Freedom is always relative.
As long as you don't go around challenging authority or trying to destroy harmony in another sense you probably don't have much more to fear than you have in Western countries.
The US throws much more people into prison than the Chinese do.

[Jaiysun4]

Originally Posted by Michelle

How is your PD supposed to work in China exactly when people are not even allowed to express themselves without fear of imprisonment, torture or death? And would you be protected from persecution in this regard?

Sounds like another unfortunate example of that cringe-worthy American ignorance/arrogance to me.

Don't worry, China is really cheap. If you have food and a room paid for, you wont spend more than a few dollars a day. And the people are lovely, much more friendly than Westerners. You will have people helping you left, right and centre i imagine.

Its also really safe, and you will feel protected by the police not threatened. China goes to great lengths to protect Westerners. You will be safer than Chinese people themselves, thats for sure.

[LadyTamitha]

Hi Angela,
Whenever I have an important decision to make, this is what I do;
I make the decision ie.-I am going. Then, I do not talk to anyone about it at all for 3 days, I WEAR THAT DECISION. DO NOT THINK ABOUT IT AT ALL. When it comes to mind, push it away. Practice FEELING how it makes you feel. Are you stressed? Do you feel anxious? Do you hae a tight feeling in your gut?
After 3 days, make the OPPOSITE decision. Again, talk about it with no one and FEEL that decision. Does it make you feel lighter, happier? At the end of this, you will ABSOLUTELY KNOW what is right and then your next step is to ask your guides to show you the path based on your information from your own energy and then it's up to you to follow thru on it and TRUST what they have given to you.
Try it and let us know how it works!
I wish you the best with that!

[Michelle]

Originally Posted by Jaiysun4

Sounds like another unfortunate example of that cringe-worthy American ignorance/arrogance to me.

Tell that to people who dare criticize the government and are jailed indefinitely with no hope of a trial (most recent examples of people gone "missing" or found dead include bloggers), journalists who are arrested when they film something the Chinese find "unacceptable", the Tibetans, or to those people who find themselves with more than one child, or those who wish to practice any religion, Falun Gong practitioners, or to the foreign protesters deported during the Olympic games, or the Chinese who were sentenced to "re-education" for daring to apply for a government permit allowing protest during the games, or to the petty thief or tax evader condemned to death in one of the countries with the most liberal use of capital punishment.

One must understand that individual people and individual rights mean very little in China. The collective is what matters and if there is something or someone which disturbs their idea of a harmonious environment, there are consequences.

I am not saying it is a waste or wrong to do PD work in China. I am saying it is always in one's best interest to be informed and prepared, especially if planning to go on a professional basis as opposed to on a tourist visa.

[cinnabar]

Wow, Angela! What a challenging new aspect of the game you have manifested! I am excited and inspired by the possibilities that are open to you. You can do this!

*cheers wildly* Go, Angela! Go! *Huge Hugs*

[James81]

Originally Posted by Angela

I was thinking: I would be totally stupid not to do this,

Here's the part that jumped out at me.

Most of the time, the reaction of excitement will bring a response of "OMG! I really want to do this!" Or something along those lines.

But the way you worded that, almost adds a hint of "I feel obligated to do this." And then it's reinforced by your internal resistance to the challenges that are presented by doing it (i.e. raising money).

I just found it interesting that you worded it like that. It sounds like a parental type of voice "Angela, you'd be making a mistake if you didn't do this."

Really? Would you really be stupid if you said no? Would it really be a mistake? And how could you know that?

Maybe I'm way off base, but maybe not.

My advice is for you to really think about whether you truly want to do this or not. And be honest with yourself about the reasons TO do and the reasons NOT to do it and see what you come up with.

I think if you make THAT decision, the money will no longer seem like an obstacle to you.

[John Tedder]

At the very least it will look good on your resume. Also, if you put on a really interesting and successful course, you may get noticed by the right people and it may lead to other opportunities. Who knows, maybe you will become internationally famous!

Is this the type of work that you do now? You mention hypnosis and NLP, are you a therapist? Will doing this promote your career?

[lifetimelearner]

wow what an invitation you have there !!


but the fear came right through your post Angela

I was like whoaa wait why am I getting anxious for her !
human connectedness I guess

anyway I can understand where you are coming from because it is such a great opportunity
yet you want to feel secure in your choice to do this

I wish I was rich and could give you the money because anytime someone wants to teach their knowledge to strangers
esp go to a foreign country
my heartstrings are pulled right out of my chest !!


fundraising sounds like a good method


wish I could offer more

[Angela]

You guys are brilliant, and you've pointed me towards something I haven't quite been seeing, about receiving. (spirit, what you've said stirred up something in me big time. Could you tell, by my resistance to the whole money thing, and the whole asking for support thing? I think you could.)

Anyway, my mind is a bit muddled, and my tendency is to try and burrow right down to resolution, but in this case I'm just letting things stew and allowing the insights to come to me, and practicing letting go of my resistance to allowing. Ai chihuahua!

Thanks, everyone, for your help, and I'll check back in when my mind is speaking English again.

[Mynder]

Is there a way that while you're doing this volunteer work...you could fit in some (paid) evening or weekend sessions with rich family kids?

I mean, you have a reputation already, all you need is a few good contacts over there, right?

[TiffyLove]

This sounds like a wonderful opportunity and if you look at it as fully giving yourself with no expectations, I think miracles will come out of this.

The fact that it scares you really shows how powerful this will be for you.

GO FOR IT!

[selma]

Good luck, what a great opportunity. I think that you should weight the positives and negatives, your lucky you have a partner thats in this with you. I work with a lot of people who come from the USA to go volunteer or work in another country, a country that is politically turbulent, and when they get there, although they are filled with hope and promise their excitement dwindles fast when they realize the expectations the other countries organization has... All the work that has to be done, and on a volunteer basis sometimes gets to people.... SO I think what your partner and you should do before agrreeing to anything is get what you need to deliver written out.

Also the fundraising sounds great.

Good luck, China is amazing!

[brendannz]

I've been to 18 countries, (19 if you include Hong Kong airport) and I've LOVE to go to see more, and get to China.

Travelling's a really awesome experience.. and a great way to broaden your horizons.. See more about the differences between people, and the commonalities..

I'd think it would be an awesome experience, not just for the pleasure of being in a new country, eating new food, seeing new sights.. But also you'd gain new perspectives that would be productive for your career..

So I hope it would be practical for you to go on this trip!

(not sure if this post is any help at all)

[Dan Carter]

Hey Angela,
Have you considered teaching English over there for money? I know in Japan, most of the foreigner population is comprised of English teachers. A lot of them quit their rigid uninspired school based jobs to teach private students on the side. I have no doubt if you put up ads all over campus advertising your native english tongue, you could have lots of business going. And you can teach more than one student at a time. Do groups. You don't even need to have teaching experience. Most non English speakers just want exposure to a native speaker for regular conversations.

If you've never run your own business with marketing and handling clients this would be a GREAT learning opportunity too.

It also depends on your location and time committments. Students are probably willing to meet at all times. I even know of a guy who advertised on youtube and online and taught lessons for $$$ over Skype. His students were primarily from Japan and wealthier European countries, not so much China. How's that for innovative...

Sound like a plan?

[Brutha]

I have no doubt if you put up ads all over campus advertising your native english tongue, you could have lots of business going.

I would guess that Angela's hourly rate for NLP stuff is much higher than the average salary of native english teacher without experience in teaching language.