Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

Nimo · 10-14-2009, 02:08 PM

I always find it easier to start with a small time period within which to test a new habit.

the very bad habit I wish to put a stop to is SELF-SABOTAGE

I often sabotage my efforts, promises to myself and plans. in this particular case, i need to not sabotage myself with regards to calling or initiating communication with a certain bloke I really like. From the reading i've done, calling HIM is a no-no and because am keen on seeing where this thingy is headed, i will desist from calling and/or initiating contact for the next 7 days.

Today is Wednesday 14th of October 2010...I will hold myself from calling for the next 7 days that means, the earliest i can self sabotage is Thursday 24th

Wish me luck

simon · 10-14-2009, 02:48 PM

Hi Nimo

Why don't you just pick up the phone and ask him to take you out on a date?

Simon

JustinPopovic · 10-14-2009, 03:04 PM

Wow. That is an interesting challenge.

I can see Simon's point in just asking him to take you out. On the other hand, there is a certain unseen attraction to people who appear to not care about something. If you can change your mindset so that you see yourself as the prize and this person would only be so lucky to take you on a date, it will alter the confidence you portray.

Personally I have found this to work quite well.

On the other hand, if someone desperately wants something from me (be it a date or even just a sales person who wants to sell me), I feel that urgency and I generally back away from that situation.

Not sure I answered your question but hopefully some food for thought anyways

spirit4711 · 10-14-2009, 03:10 PM

@Nimo, instead of choosing 'stop self sabotage' you might consider reformulating it as 'achieve / do / be <whatever>'. That works better for me.

Good luck with the challenge!

Nimo · 10-15-2009, 10:35 AM

i want to talk to him...i wish it was that easy. here is the real deal..we have spoken many times on the phone, chatted online and even face to face. what i do not want to risk is seeming too emotionally available or desperate. the problem is when i call he sometimes will not pick up or when chatting, wont reply to my chats or immediately log off when i log in. it kinda hurts. i do not like feeling this way so I'd rather not call at all.

i will for sure rephrase my thinking and wording so that am working toward something positive rather than trying to avoid something negative. that's insight at its best..thanks

I was reading Steve's article about letting go of limiting beliefs...he mentions that if we fear rejection, we are in fact doing ourselves a disfavor because the same may prevent us from meeting people of interest etc... my fear of rejection is so real but i am working on it..maybe after my challenge, i will be confident enough to call him and risk rejection instead of never trying. in the meantime, i'll give him a chance to win this prize...if he doesn't then HE IS FOOL!!!

. his loss!!

Thanks again

HAGITLOVE · 10-15-2009, 07:38 PM

My dear I suggest that you work with the fear, think about your self, and do for your self - you are important.
I think that your fear is creating the rejection - deal with that and good luck my dera, you deserve the best!

10-14-2009, 02:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
Nimo Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Kenya Posts: 60	My 7 day challenge I always find it easier to start with a small time period within which to test a new habit. the very bad habit I wish to put a stop to is SELF-SABOTAGE I often sabotage my efforts, promises to myself and plans. in this particular case, i need to not sabotage myself with regards to calling or initiating communication with a certain bloke I really like. From the reading i've done, calling HIM is a no-no and because am keen on seeing where this thingy is headed, i will desist from calling and/or initiating contact for the next 7 days. Today is Wednesday 14th of October 2010...I will hold myself from calling for the next 7 days that means, the earliest i can self sabotage is Thursday 24th Wish me luck

10-15-2009, 10:35 AM	#5 (permalink)
Nimo Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Kenya Posts: 60	Points Noted i want to talk to him...i wish it was that easy. here is the real deal..we have spoken many times on the phone, chatted online and even face to face. what i do not want to risk is seeming too emotionally available or desperate. the problem is when i call he sometimes will not pick up or when chatting, wont reply to my chats or immediately log off when i log in. it kinda hurts. i do not like feeling this way so I'd rather not call at all. i will for sure rephrase my thinking and wording so that am working toward something positive rather than trying to avoid something negative. that's insight at its best..thanks I was reading Steve's article about letting go of limiting beliefs...he mentions that if we fear rejection, we are in fact doing ourselves a disfavor because the same may prevent us from meeting people of interest etc... my fear of rejection is so real but i am working on it..maybe after my challenge, i will be confident enough to call him and risk rejection instead of never trying. in the meantime, i'll give him a chance to win this prize...if he doesn't then HE IS FOOL!!! . his loss!! Thanks again

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10-14-2009, 02:48 PM	#2 (permalink)
simon Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 67	Hi Nimo Why don't you just pick up the phone and ask him to take you out on a date? Simon

10-14-2009, 03:04 PM	#3 (permalink)
JustinPopovic Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Ontario Posts: 245	Wow. That is an interesting challenge. I can see Simon's point in just asking him to take you out. On the other hand, there is a certain unseen attraction to people who appear to not care about something. If you can change your mindset so that you see yourself as the prize and this person would only be so lucky to take you on a date, it will alter the confidence you portray. Personally I have found this to work quite well. On the other hand, if someone desperately wants something from me (be it a date or even just a sales person who wants to sell me), I feel that urgency and I generally back away from that situation. Not sure I answered your question but hopefully some food for thought anyways

10-14-2009, 03:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
spirit4711 Family Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Nong Seng Posts: 3,975	@Nimo, instead of choosing 'stop self sabotage' you might consider reformulating it as 'achieve / do / be <whatever>'. That works better for me. Good luck with the challenge!

10-15-2009, 07:38 PM	#6 (permalink)
HAGITLOVE Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 77	My dear I suggest that you work with the fear, think about your self, and do for your self - you are important. I think that your fear is creating the rejection - deal with that and good luck my dera, you deserve the best!

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums