How to develop compassion

[freddy]

I’m thinking on doing a 30 day trial of being compassionate toward others. Yikes
You know, you’re driving down the road and see the bum sitting with the sign. I would hand him a buck.
I guess the hard part is, at what point do you stop doing that. For example, if I see the same guy several times a day in my travels around town, do I still give him a dollar each time? What if he is sitting across the other side of a busy road I’m traveling. Do I go out of my way a bit to give him the dollar? How about the intersection where they have a guy on each corner. Do you stop and walk around to give each one a buck. And then I think about the amount. One dollar won’t buy much. So how do you set the amount? I gave a guy a buck last week, and he seemed drunk as he staggered up off the curb to his feet, and when I handed him a dollar. I felt as he was expecting more, and acted almost as if I disturbed him.
I’ve have given several people money last week, trying hard to fight off the thought that they a re just going to use it to buy beer of drugs. And I actually started having money come back to me here and there. I want to see the good in people, instead of judging them first.
I’ve gone through most of my life judging people first, and it has served me well, I think to a point. But I think there is possibly an unknown amount of loss through friendships that never happen due to my hard nose judging of people.
So anyone have any tips on what, when, and how to dive into this without always feeling like I’m being duped. TIA

[ethereal]

Compassion is an inner state of mind that sees all things as inherently lovable and worthy of sympathy. You can't really develop it like you do weight training, but you can remove the obstacles to it within yourself, within your mind and your heart. The obstacles are the ego's negative ways of perception that doesn't see love and innocence in all things.

It doesn't matter what you do, but what you feel in your heart as you do it. Giving someone a dollar while feeling like you got gypped is not compassion at all. But smiling at a stranger with unconditional love in your heart, or thinking of someone with kind thoughts, that is compassion.

[sidsavara]

One of my favorite books is The Greatest Salesman In The World

It is a self improvement book, and contains 10 scrolls (really 8 for personal development IIRC) that you read daily to change your life. The very first actionable scroll (Scroll 2 - Scroll 1 describes the process) is about compassion. I have always found it interesting the he would begin there - you don't get to time management until scroll 5 or so =)

If you are interested, I highly recommend the book. It is the first book I recommend to anyone getting serious about personal development - and since you are looking for a thirty day trial on compassion specifically, I think you would definitely benefit from starting the scrolls and then moving on through the whole collection:

The Best Personal Development Books Reading List

[Mogget]

In my model of the world to have/development compassion you first have to reduce/layoff the judgement. So to work on it you might work on exploring all the ways in which your snap judgement may be limiting you, and explore perspective shifting to other points of view, expanding the frame hypothetically etc to put your judgement in perspective. You can even examine your values to explore the values/beliefs/presuppositions upon which your judgements are based.

Other than that I personally practice non-interference - so I respond with generosity if asked to help someone, but I will not go up and offer money unasked.

Of course I will assist if someone is in distress or trouble but have not had the chance to ask for help e.g. someone falling over, or struggling with heavy shopping etc...

If you really want to develop compassion how about giving up your time to an organisation that helps people/the world etc instead of just tossing a buck at the occasional bum? You will develop longer relationships with people, get to hear their backgrounds and will be offering service rather than your spare money to the people you previously judged - which comes from a much deeper place and calls upon more of your spirit of generosity.

Helping people to get their lives on track, to care for their needs while they do so is compassionate. Flipping them a coin as you pass is a lot less so.

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by ethereal

Compassion is an inner state of mind that sees all things as inherently lovable and worthy of sympathy. You can't really develop it like you do weight training, but you can remove the obstacles to it within yourself [...]

It doesn't matter what you do, but what you feel in your heart as you do it. Giving someone a dollar while feeling like you got gypped is not compassion at all. But smiling at a stranger with unconditional love in your heart, or thinking of someone with kind thoughts, that is compassion.

I concur.

I feel if you do that, you offer something much more valuable than a dollar. If you feel the impulse to give a dollar, you still can, but I'd let that be secondary--something that arises in the moment.

I do, however, feel that there's value in practicing the vibration--the habit; the belief; the feeling place--of love or appreciation. You could call that compassion if that word feels good to you--really, it's the feelings behind the word that matter--but, in the way most people use it, compassion, by nature, has a bit of focus on the "suffering" of others--on what isn't working--which, in my experience, isn't as helpful as helpful seeing someone as their best and inspiring them to that vision by your example.

If I was doing something like this, I'd do it for enjoyment, though--because it brings me joy (which can include joy you get from helping or inspiring or being around other people, or being compassionate, or loving, or appreciative). Have fun with it. The most selfless thing you can do is be selfish enough to care about how you feel.