The internal struggle

[hawkal]

Does anyone else here have problems with the internal struggle between right and right now?

In the mornings I don't want to get up but I know I should. I know I should exercise to get in shape. I know I should really be asleep by now (it's nearly 2:00am). I know I should be studying for my course. I know I should eat more healthily. I know I should not waste time on the internet.

I am fully aware of my decisions and they are conscious decision.

What is the best possible way for me to over come this internal struggle and do what I know I should and that would greatly benefit my life.

I have used self discipline in the past and it works but it still felt like a battle. It's like I'm programmed to always favour the path of least resistance but I know that if it continues I'll never live the life I want to live.

It's like cartoons where the main character has an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other and they both tell the main character what to do and the character has to decide.

[Annabelle]

I know what you mean! We humans (at least some of us) seem to be a little weak on ocassion and go for the easiest road. But that easiest road sometimes leads to complications...lack of money, lack of sleep, etc. So, what I do, is, I FORCE myself to do what has to be done. For example, I get up at five thirty every morning, cursing and under protest, but I do it anyhow. Later, I feel well. The same with going to the gym. Almost always, what I really want is to stay home and watch tv, but I drive myself, again, cursing and under protest and later, when I get back, I feel really good. Maybe a little sily, but it works for me.

[sidsavara]

You know, I know what you mean - there's always a conflict between what I want to do, and what I need to do. Well, sometimes I'm in a zone and they are in harmony - and that's awesome - but often I have to remind myself of my larger time and purpose

One thing that jumps out at me is you're talking about thinking of what to do in there here and now versus what you want in the future. It reminds me a lot of the discussion I saw with Dr. Zimbardo and his test, the Time Perspective Inventory. I mentioned it in another thread here, not sure if you saw it

In any case, check it out here - My Favorite Free Online Personality Type Tests and Psychology Tests

There is a great 1 hour lecture he does that I especially like. It really helped me out, I learned a lot about myself and it truly helped me learn how to work better with others

[Enchanter]

I know exactly what you mean,

Let me ask you a question

If waking up early ment that you would be able to achieve all your daily goals would you do it?

If you could see exactly what you would look after months of dedication at the gym would you go consistently?

I think it's the motivation and lazyness that fight each other, you need to put a positive spin on each scenario.

I find myself pleasently suprised when i do the things that i can't be bothered to do.

In order to see yourself transform you need to live on your edge and to do that you need to constantly push yourself, so that means waking up on time, going to the gym and doing whatever you need to do.

You need to maintain that routine because if you are constantly being productive that will open up more doors for you as opposed to sitting at home and watching tv.

Hope that helps.

[hawkal]

Thank you all for the great responses.

Annabelle; Your method sounds a lot like the whole feel the fear but do it anyway method, but with laziness. Do you find it gets easier over time?

sidsavara; Thank you for the link I'll be sure to check it out.

Enchanter; I see so really it's about always staying outside your comfort zone.
Also I guess being pleasently suprised is like a reward because you feel good.


Does anyone know if it's human nature or maybe a negative belief?

[thumbelina]

Have been there Unfortunately dont believe that I have successfully mastered the art of doing the right thing though. Being very impulsive , I too tend to lean towards pleasure and sometimes delay things until I need a shove. However the 30 day success article by Steve Pavlina helped me quite a bit. 30 Days to Success. You can probably try this ..just push yourself to do the right thing for the next 30 days and sooner or later, the benefits you reap will cut some slack . Believe the "feel good " after the trial eggs you on to better yourself . Lemme know if this helps.

[Tristan Lee]

In order to change the way you act externally, you have to change your beliefs internally.

Maybe you can try using self-talk on yourself, and make sure when you talk to yourself inside, you don't use a soft voice, but a confident, loud voice, such as one of a coach you respect.

Yell at yourself during the time you have to wake up when you don't feel like it and obey your voice upon command. Do the same thing with exercise, studying, eating more healthily, and not wasting more time on the internet.

You said you programmed yourself for the least resistance. It's time to re-program yourself to take the path the most resistance, and you have to do this with consistent reinforcement of your inner voice - your conscious that knows what's best for you.

[FazK]

I know what you're talking about. The incredible struggle of always doing what is good for you vs being lazy and slacking off. I don't think that there is anyway to covert something painful into something pleasurable. It does become easier over time though.

What you have to do is as Tony Robbins would say is change your nuero associations. Change what causes you pain into something that causes you pleasure

[hawkal]

Thanks for the extra tips. Tristan I agree that it does start on the inside but that little voice is also good at convincing me to take the easy route. When I was using stronger self discipline I did used to use internal dialogue in a commanding tone it works quite well untill I slip back into a lazy routine.

When I say programmed to take the path of least resistance I don't mean that I did it consciously. Nobody in my family are "motivated people" or "go getters" really. Just acceptant of their position and get on with life I guess.

When I say that I mean it in the sense that those values have been instilled into me subconsciously and now I find it a struggle trying to battle against them.

I was just reminded of a quote I heard "The price of self discipline is always less than the pain of regret".

I just want to ask, how much do you think motivation plays a role in this area?

For example I used to work with this girl who I really fancy (eyes like diamonds) and well I used to wonder what she though of me because while I didn't have the courage to talk to her in a social context we used to make a lot of eye contact and I would catch her looking at me some times. Although I just seen it as visual wandering most the time. Any way the point is that when I was arround her in some way I alway felt strongly motivated to do the right things. Actually it made it quite easy probably because of some dumb logic which I'm sure you guys can work out pretty easily.

If only there were some way I could replicate the same feeling then it would be so easy.

[moriez]

Struggling with the same thing. I have found out that it just takes time. Lots of time and practice. We want to change our behavior ''all of a sudden'' which makes our old patterns disagree heavily.

What I try to do is write down the things I want to do and do them. Unfortunately sometimes I do not even write it down and see myself doing the things I didnt consciously wanted to. I hope I can do more writing in the future. Small victories are fine and the only way if you ask me. A major mistake would be to reach for the top because IMO thats simply to big a change. Theres a life time to learn this.

Another tip is find a healthy balance between your old patterns that you may like anyway and the new patterns.

I like to answer your questions about motivation and replicating that feeling but in both cases I dont quite understand what you are getting at..

[Shane]

What you describe is probably the most human thing ever. I don't know anyone who doesn't have this problem with some area of their life.

For me personally, two things have helped:
1. Concentrating on one thing until it's an ingrained habit. I did this with my exercise habit. It was my main focus for about two months. I used willpower and sometimes, as annabelle puts it, cursing and under protest I would do my workouts. Given enough time, the habit is easier to keep up than to discontinue. At that point you can focus on the next thing.

2. Experimenting. Again, I'll use the workout as an example. Some types of exercises just don't click with me and others do. I kept trying different routines, different techniques etc. until I found a training-style that I like. One that fits me personally. I think this can help with almost any habit. Experiment with different possibilities until you find the one method that fits you best.

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by hawkal

It's like cartoons where the main character has an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other and they both tell the main character what to do and the character has to decide.

I like this analogy. The solution is simple then: only listen to the angel.

It's hard to do. What I've been trying lately is whenever I find myself in a situation of procrastination or similar, I ask myself: "What's the best thing I could do right now?"

Often the answer is crystal clear and I know what I need to take action on. Then I take that action.

[Miia]

Take one thing, one habit (for starters), and tell yourself that you will do it no matter what, no matter how bad you`re feeling or what`s the weather or whatever... you will do it.

(It took me a week to start waking up at 6am on my own....now I do it even on the weekends - a bit annoying:P)

Secondly - find people who inspire you. You don`t have to KNOW them or be friends (although that would be best), sometimes just a glimpse at a really hard-working, healthy-looking person helps I have had two rolemodels so far - one was a high-school classmate (she went to gym regularly, graduated with only A-s and wrote for the school newspaper, and was totally "normal" on top of all that:P), the second one is my boyfriend`s sister, who wakes up at 5am to cook a cake, goes skating at 7am, goes to work for 9am, then to school, then to bellydancing lessons, then gets home to walk her dog, studies, flies to Spain, then to Turkey, takes up photography, starts studying Greek....more than once she has went to her skating lessons while having a fever... and she`s absolutely beautiful, radiant, confident and healthy.

Thirdly, become passionate about self-dicipline

good luck!

[ar81]

Originally Posted by hawkal

In the mornings I don't want to get up but I know I should. I know I should exercise to get in shape. I know I should really be asleep by now (it's nearly 2:00am). I know I should be studying for my course. I know I should eat more healthily. I know I should not waste time on the internet.

It looks like you are forcing yourself to do something you do not want to do.
So you will always have a rebelion inside of you and if you are not strong enough, you may lose.
Instead, if you turn it into a game, you'd enjoy playing a game.

It is just like studying geography. It is boring to take a map and a book and learn about places. But if you fly to space using this freeware, Orbiter - A free space flight simulator , then you may be interested to know what place is the one you see from orbit.

The trick is turning everything into a game.

If you play, you enjoy and you do.
If you do not play, you lose a dn you do nothing.

[ultimate]

yeah i should be asleep now
I should have done something productive today also but have not