My Mom doesn't want to save money

[jimmyk1006]

Yeah, the title is right, unfortunately. My goof ball of a mother refuses to take the insurance off a car she has not driven in over 2 years. She has a different car that she drives now. She keeps saying she will get the old one towed away, but she won't. She has no personal attachment to that old crusted up 1990 Crown Victoria. Additionally, she spends nearly $50 a month for a telephone that she doesn't even use. Everyone in the family has a cell phone; we use it for everything. All we receive are telemarketer calls on the home telephone everyday, and it's annoying.

When calculating it all up, she can save a least $1000 a year -- and that's without making a sacrifice! If she wanted to quit smoking, she can save an additional $1500 a year, totalizing to over $2500 in savings a year.

It annoys me SO much because she'll spend all of that wasted money, but when I need a printer for college, she gets in a temper about how she can't afford it. She's in enough debt as it is. Oh, and she spends money at least once a week to buy takeout for dinner because she's does not feel like to cook it.

I just don't get it. I have the feeling that she is not taking my advice because she's feeling I'll get some sort of personal gain out of it, like as if I told her what to do. I've brought up this issue everyday with her for the last two months -- and she keeps saying she'll get rid of the car and the telephone. I don't ask much from her. I work hard at school, received scholarships to pay off my college, and most importantly, I'm morally a good person for my age (unlike many 19 year olds these days). I don't ask money for clothes, or for anything that personally entertains me. I just want a $30 printer that the whole family will actually use!

What I want you all to do is reply by explaining how ridiculously foolish my Mom is. Once I get enough replies, I'll show my Mom this forum topic. Just know that I understand it's her money, and I understand that she can do whatever the hell she wants, but she is being wasteful in how she spends it and it's coming to the point where in years down the road, she'll be in a serious position to where she can't buy the necessities to live. The debt is accumulating, and unless she makes a small change to fix that, she'll be in financial hardship. Your replies mean a lot.

[Brutha]

What I want you all to do is reply by explaining how ridiculously foolish my Mom is.

Then you probably went to the wrong forum

Putting pressure on your mother doesn't seem to be working. Maybe you should start to see the situation from the view of your mother.
If we try to understand others, it's often easy to get them to change.

[jimmyk1006]

Okay, then explain what's not foolish on what she's doing? A sane individual would not throw money away, which is what she's doing. And you're telling me to "see the situation from the view of [my] mother"? What situation are you talking about? The part where she is spending wasteful amounts of money on things she does not use, or the part where she is in denial about her actions?

And no, you're wrong about the part where you put "If we try to understand others, it's often easy to get them to change." If I understand the wrongful actions of my mother, then how the heck do I expect her to change? For example, if I understand a drug addict's decision of doing drugs, then of course he or she won't change. You have to tell the drug addict that it's wrong to do drugs. In this case, I'm telling my Mom that it's wrong to spend money on items that she does not use.

So, I need people to agree with my rightful position here that my Mom needs to start looking into her actions of spending wasteful sums of money.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by jimmyk1006

For example, if I understand a drug addict's decision of doing drugs, then of course he or she won't change. You have to tell the drug addict that it's wrong to do drugs. In this case, I'm telling my Mom that it's wrong to spend money on items that she does not use.

Actually this is not true. The drug addict knows it is "wrong" to do drugs (I don't like to say other peoples actions are wrong or right.. but it is probably not the smartest thing they can do with their life).

Anyway.. they probably know that it is wrong. But if you understand why they do it (feeling lonely, sad, angry, having to face an abusive past etc) you can understand as well how you can best help them make better decisions. It will still be only their decision. You cannot make somebody else do something, you can only give them the tools to do it.

Same goes with your mother. You cannot make her do anything. Not by whining every day for the last 2 months, not by letting her read what some strangers say about her situation...

If she wants to change this, what you can do is help her change. For example; why don't you take charge of things? Propose to your mother that you will cancel her phone line and take care of the car, in exchange for the printer.

Or, take complete responsability for your own life, and get the 30 dollars for the printer yourself.

[jimmyk1006]

Here's the problem with your answer, ssandra. Her actions are not only affecting me, but the family as well. It's not just about the printer -- it's the fact that she would rather pay for a phone that she does not use and insurance for a car that she does not drive rather than pay for something that can go into good use for everyone in the family.

I don't understand why you all aren't getting it.

It's not like she's going to sacrifice anything. She's just damn lazy in the mind to get rid of those things. She admits that does not use the phone and she admits to not using the car. It's not even drivable, so why would she pay insurance for the last two years? I think me bringing up this issue is LONG overdue. Every time I bring it up, she can't come up with an excuse for her actions. The main reason why she's not doing it is because basically, I'm telling her what to do, and she does not like that, even if it means saving $1000 a year without having to sacrifice a thing.

And ssandra, I've proposed the idea of me getting the printer if she gets rid of the car insurance on the non-drivable car and phone line that she does not use, but she won't do it because she would have to listen to me. What she's doing is not only affecting me, it's affecting her (and it will for years down the road when the debt really adds up).

I just wish someone would agree with me. When I first brought this up with her, I did not pressure her. After several weeks without a budge, I had to change what I was doing. Now she's at the point now where she knows it's stupid to have the phone and pay for insurance on an non-drivable car, but she won't do anything about it.

This is why I need people here to agree with me and tell her it's wrong, because she won't listen to her son (which would be me).

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by jimmyk1006

Here's the problem with your answer, ssandra. Her actions are not only affecting me, but the family as well. It's not just about the printer -- it's the fact that she would rather pay for a phone that she does not use and insurance for a car that she does not drive rather than pay for something that can go into good use for everyone in the family.

It still is her money, and she can do with it what she wants. It does not matter if you think it is dumb or not (or even if most people think it is dumb). As long as she does not want to make the change, it won't happen.

I am suggesting that you let go of it. Let her be. Let the issue be. She heard all your arguments by now, she made her decision. Just because it is not something that you would do, does not mean that she does not have the right to her own decision.

Originally Posted by jimmyk1006

And ssandra, I've proposed the idea of me getting the printer if she gets rid of the car insurance on the non-drivable car and phone line that she does not use, but she won't do it because she would have to listen to me.

I didn't mean that. I meant: YOU get the printer if YOU get rid of the car insurance or phone line. Do something for your printer.

Or do something else. Wash the dishes, take out garbage etc.I don't know your home situation, but do something for your mom that is valuable for HER (not what you think should be valuable for her) in exchange for your printer.

[jimmyk1006]

No, I won't let it go. When I say something, I stick to it. The thing is, I know I'm right on this.

Back a few months ago, I told my Mom to keep an envelope and put $5 in it everyday so she could buy the new couch she wanted. I told her that since she's able to buy stuff all of the time that she could invest $5 a day in the envelope. It took a week to put that idea across her head, but she did it. She saved $330 when her car needed serious work. Guess what money she used? The money she saved. She would have been in further debt if she did not go with my idea. She would still be paying the interest today on that car work.

So, since my mother's actions are technically affecting everyone in the family, I'm not just going to "let it go." She does not have multiple streams of income, so she can't keep affording to make the stupid mistake of wasting money on things she does not use. I'm not going to wait until the point where she'll need to rely on me because she can't afford to keep the house. Some people have to make sacrifices to save money. My mom would not have to in this situation.

If you want to feel what I'm feeling right now, take $2.74 right now and throw it out the window everyday for one year. That will equal to how much she is wasting every year. I say "wasting" because that money is going to stuff she never uses. ssandra, just throw $2.74 right now and see what other people feel about that. Better yet, just throw a $1000 lump sum out your window right now and get it over with.

And no ssandra, she won't let me get rid of the car insurance or the phone line, because as I've stated before, she won't listen to me because I'm her son. This is why I need OTHER people to agree with me. She'll change if many people agree with me. Sorry ssandra, I'm sticking with this.

[Michelle]

Perhaps it would be best to let your mom take responsibility for her own finances and for you to take responsibility for yours.

If she wishes to create debt, that is her problem, not yours. If she wishes to waste money, her choice. You are not responsible for your mother's behavior and you do not have to clean up her mess.

Now that you are in college (as I gather from the printer story) stop looking to mommy to fulfill all your material wishes. Learn to make money yourself and then you can manage it any way you wish.

[jimmyk1006]

I can't believe you all are siding with my Mom, lol. I rarely ask her for money. In this year alone, I've probably asked for no more than $200 (that's 75 cents a day). I buy my own things, like my laptop, my clothes, my books, and etc. It's not like I'm expecting my Mom to pay for my college, or to buy my clothes and entertainment. I know better than that!

Sure, I don't mind buying the printer, but it's something she would buy if she needed it. That's a bit selfish of her, considering nearly the whole family uses it. Why should I buy something that she's suppose to contribute to the household? She sure does not mind contributing to the telemarkers that call every day on a phone she does not use, and she sure does not mind paying for car insurance on a car she does not drive. Don't you all think that's bizarre?

And mothers and fathers can tell me all day to not worry about it, and just focus on myself, but I'm her son. If this was a stranger, then yeah, I could careless. Maybe you all canned it with your parents when you argue about something, but I don't.

This is why I need OTHER people to agree with me. She'll probably change if many people agree with me. You all know what she's doing is plain stupid. She wastes money on MANY other things, but we're talking about saving $1000 a year without a single sacrifice!

[Michelle]

I know it seems like we are siding with your mother (perhaps even some are) but I am not.

I am definitely on your side. I think you need protection from your mother's self-destruction and you have to be the one to give that protection to yourself. It isn't your job to fix her even though she may start to blame you if you stop trying. One of the most empowering things anyone can do in life is let someone live their life, make their own mistakes, and learn to take responsibility for themselves.

You all know what she's doing is plain stupid.

From what you describe, it does sound stupid. But I don't feel the pressure or need to convince someone or change someone who makes the choice to behave stupidly. It sounds as though your mom is making a conscious choice. What would happen if you accepted her choice?

You aren't doing your mom or, more importantly, yourself any favours by trying to clean up her life. You can't do it. Or if you do manage to have some success what price will you pay in your own life as a result?

What is this issue really about in the end? I doubt it is really about a printer and a few bucks. Perhaps it pains you to see your mother so incompetent? Perhaps you feel unloved? Perhaps you feel because she is your mother she should be behaving in a certain way?

The most loving thing we can do for anyone is accept them as-is. If it pains you or frustrates you or otherwise pulls you into a negative state to see your mother behaving self-destructively - get out and protect yourself from her poison.

[jimmyk1006]

Okay, Michelle, you went a bit TOO deep on that one, lol. Me and my Mom talk regularly. We get along, but I bring this thing up once every so often. When I bring up this issue, that's when we quarrel, but not to the point where we don't speak to each other again. What we have in common is that we don't take things seriously.

See, my Mom takes too long to get a job done, like getting rid of these unnecessary bills. It took her forever to give me driving lessons so I can drive. Oh, and I still don't have my license yet, but I'll almost there, finally (but that's another story).

She says that she will do things, but she sometimes doesn't. As I've gotten older, I've realized the only reason why she takes forever: she's lazy in the mind. It's getting to the point where it's affecting everyone else. I know she's getting older, so she won't be as she was 10 years ago, but every time I bring up how she has changed, like on paying for unnecessary bills for no reason, she's in denial about it. It's like she sees nothing wrong.

And of course it's not just about the printer and a few bucks. It's about her getting her act together. She needs to know that what she's doing is stupid. I can't think of another word to describe it.

While I'm still living here, I can't keep seeing her continue to do what she's doing. I hate to waste money. I would understand if she had some personal attachment to the car, but she doesn't, so why pay the insurance on it anyway?! It makes no sense.

At least you agree with me. All it could take is a few people agreeing with me and she may change her actions. It's worth giving it a shot, because she's not listening to me (the inferior son), but she may listen to other people.

[Michelle]

Just to satisfy my own curiosity what would happen if you let this issue go? How would it impact your own life and your relationship to your mother?

[Holistic Star]

I don't know if you have heard the phrase 'What you resist, persists'

For as long as you resist the situation, the situation will persist. Your mum will dig her heels in and resist any attempts you make to change her. Your relationship will necessarily be adversarial.

(If someone tried to change you by telling you how wrong and stupid you were and by getting exasperated with you, would you listen and change, or would you dig your heels in? Most people get defensive - and change is much harder, almost impossible when backed into a corner.)

Trying to understand her situation does not mean agreeing that she is right and you are wrong. It means trying to understand her reasons, fears, values and motivations so you can communicate to her in language she understands.

I think Michelle's question is excellent. What would happen if you let it go?

[aelle]

If you are actually concerned with the family finances and with providing goods that are useful for the whole family, why don't you take action going towards this direction? Why don't you use your resources, time and energy to provide for the family?

I suspect it's not really about the family's finances, though. I get the impression you are really trying to prove a point and bend the will of your mother. Well, as Holistic Star pointed out, you ultimately cannot control other people's actions, and the harder you will try the more you will fail.

[jimmyk1006]

To Michelle and Holistic Star, if I just let the issue go, she would still throw money away. She's been doing it for years! I'm the reason why she does not think we should have a phone now. If I did not bring it up, she would have NEVER considered to get rid of it.

So I'm suppose to be polite and "understand" her? No! This has gone long enough. This has been going on her whole life, but I didn't know that she was paying for unnecessary car insurance for a car she does not drive and for a telephone she does not use until a couple of months ago. You HAVE to understand: she would not be making a single sacrifice in getting rid of those two things.

She'll change, but as I said, other people need to tell her that this is wrong rather than me because I'm the inferior son, and my Mom won't listen to me because I'm younger and supposedly under her authority.

Until she stops this, I will persist on telling her that this is stupid and that she needs to change her ways. Why? Because this is affecting the family expenses in a sense, to the point where she won't buy the new printer. If I don't get this in her head soon, what will she not buy next? Groceries? Who knows what will happen.

And aelle, I'm not going to provide things for my family. That's the parents job. Now I provide more for myself. Just because I'm technically an adult (19 years old) it does not mean my life flips a 180 in an instant. However, it does mean that I should provide more for myself, which is what I've been doing. I pay my own education, I got my car and I pay the insurance on it. I'm not going on a limb and start to pay for my Mom's responsibilities.

You all need to know that if I let my Mom slide on this, she'll continue. People have to be told when they're doing the wrong things, which is what I'm doing, over and over again. And aelle, I can "control other peoples actions." We all have that ability.

[SomeRandomGuy]

I sense that you and your mom are a lot alike. The more advice you are given that is contrary to what you wanted to hear, the more you dig your heels in and insist that you are right. Can't you see how similar this is to what your mom is doing? It seems apparent that your current way of trying to change her actions is not working. Perhaps its time you consider a different approach.

[jimmyk1006]

It's because the advice is wrong, SomeRandomGuy (cool username). I insist that I'm right because I am right. I think any normal living person would believe it's right that my mom should NOT pay for car insurance on a car that she does not even drive anymore, and for a phone line she does not even use. My Mom can screw up on her own, but she can't let it get to the point where it's affecting me and the rest of the family. That's selfish of her, because it is affecting me and the family. The printer is just one thing I brought up, because she rather pay for unnecessary bills rather than buying the printer for the family. Of course I don't mind getting the printer, but if I let this one go, who knows what else she will refuse to buy.

I really do appreciate all of the advice. It shows that you all are kind by taking the time out to give me personal help. However, I have to throw in a BUT. The response I was expecting from most people would be, "Whoa, your Mom is crazy" or "How selfish of her!" BUT, everyone is saying how my way of handling this is wrong. You all need to know that in the beginning, I did not pressure her. I was curious and kind about all of this. The turning point came when she kept saying she would remove the phone line and that she would take off the insurance, but she never did. Of course I'm not going to be understanding now. She lied!

So until she stops paying these unnecessary bills, I will have to continue on with what I'm doing. It's too bad many people are sticking up for my Mom, because I hardly read anything that was against her actions.

[Angela]

Whoa, your mom IS crazy.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by jimmyk1006

BUT. The response I was expecting from most people would be, "Whoa, your Mom is crazy"
.....
So until she stops paying these unnecessary bills, I will have to continue on with what I'm doing.

You do realize that the definition of being crazy is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result?

[MagicalRealist]

Sure, maybe your mom is stupid about money, and has screwed up priorities. But at the end of the day, it's still her money--not yours--and she can spend it or piss it away however she likes. Until she starts trying to weasel money out of you to cover her debts, it's none of your business.

And she's not taking your advice because, if your post is anything to go by, you are being a sanctimonious little twit about it. However good your intentions, and however right you may be, nagging at someone every single day for two months because you don't like how they conduct their personal business is not going to make them want to change. Treating people as if they are stupid (and that's exactly what you are doing) is not a way to motivate them. In fact, it's called bullying.

Thirty dollars is a pittance. If you want the printer, go earn the money to buy it. That way, it will be yours, and yours alone, and you can decide who gets to use it. At age 19, you are an adult; it's time to stop expecting Mommy to buy you things and whining to strangers on the Internet when she won't.

Grow up, be an adult, and build a life for yourself where what she does with her finances doesn't affect you. Because really--it's none of your business.

[jimmyk1006]

It's obvious that MagicalRealist has a low reading comprehension level. MagicalRealist, go back and read what I wrote. I said that her spending habits aren't only affecting me, but the rest of the family as well. That's selfish of my Mom to do what she's doing. You should try to understand that.

And I'm being a little twit about it? A little twit? Go back and read where I stated that when I first found out about this that I was curious and kind about it. And yeah, I am treating my Mom as she's stupid because she's paying for things she never uses. She's being a selfish Mom twit who would rather pay for car insurance for a car that she never drives and for a phone line she hasn't used. That's stupid, and stupid people do stupid things. So, I'm not going to "motivate" her. Yeah, it's harsh, but this has gone long enough. You can't get anything done in this world unless you do something about it. Again, go back and read where I stated that when I FIRST found out about this that I was curious and kind about it. I just wanted to know why she would do something like this in the beginning. The breaking point came when she kept saying she would remove the phone line and that she would take off the insurance, but she never did.

And you can tell me until you're blue in the face that it's none of my business, but guess what, it is. TECHNICALLY, it's not my business. I'm smart enough to know that, but, this is my Mom, not my stepmom, or a stranger. Perhaps when you can't handle a situation, you ignore it. I don't. I'm not going to let this backfire on me in the future when my Mom can't handle her expenses, so that she'll have to rely on me. Maybe that won't happen, but it could. And there's always that chance she could go under financial hardship in the future. What am I suppose to do then? Ignore her? While you may say yes, I say no, but I would rub it in her face about what she could have done to prevent a financial hardship from happening, and I would make her apologize before I helped her. Why shouldn't I rub it in her face? I told her so. Sure it does not help a situation, but she would have to face what she did was wrong, not only to me and her family, but to herself. But that probably won't happen anyway, but with her wrongful spending habits, a financial hardship very well could occur in the future.


And "whining to stangers on the internet"? Who the hell are you? You think because you don't post your problems on the internet that you're better? It's obvious, because many people on this very forum whine to strangers on the internet for help.

And if you think about responding, make sure you comprehend what I write here next time. And don't take the part where I write "TECHNICALLY, it's not my business" and respond by saying "There you go" because that would be taking words out of context, and that can make you look even worse and dumber than you really are.

[Michelle]

Let's keep it clean, boys

It sounds to me, jimmyk1006, that you are afraid of the future. You are scared for your mom, her finances, the family and for yourself.

It is not easy to watch when people we love partake in self-destructive behavior especially when they are not open to receiving and accepting help. However, you sound as stubbornly resistant to the advice you are receiving here as your mother sounds to the advice you are offering her.

Everyone on this thread seems to try to be helping you come to the understanding that it is okay to let your mother make her own mistakes, you are not responsible for them or their consequences. You are only responsible for you and it is okay to let her "fall" and learn to pick herself back up. A crisis can be a valuable learning tool, and if you do not let her live her own life, making her own mistakes you actually rob her of learning opportunities.

You do not have to play God for family members. God can do that himself. Let others live their lives even if you have to shake your head at their behavior. In those cases, it is often best to limit the attention you give to those people and their messes.

More and more it sounds to me as if you are avoiding some aspects of your own life by continually focusing on someone else's faults. Just something to consider.

Let it go. Let it go. Relax, breathe and let it go.

[jimmyk1006]

Okay, the discussion about God is a totally different thing that I won't even touch on, since me and you probably have totally different views on that.

Michelle, maybe you're too used to people always agreeing with you. You can sit there and attempt to judge my life all you want. I don't sugarcoat anything. That's my style. You're just not used to that.

"Let others live their lives even if you have to shake your head at their behavior." Are you crazy? Honestly, you follow by that philosophy? Maybe that's why the world is screwed up as it is. Let's use an example with your philosophy: Oh, just let the kid make failing grades. Don't pressure him/her to do better...just smile and nod your head. Come on. That's the SAME thing, only with an example to show how useless that mind of thought is.

While you think it's okay to let my Mom make these insanely stupid mistakes right in front of me, it's not. Perhaps it's too easy for people to be against me because I'm not old like you all are. Ha, this is a situation where I really think I'm the only one in this thread that actually makes sense. In case you've forgotten, we're talking about my biological mother, not a step-mom, not a neighbor, and not a stranger.

Many of the people who commented really show lack of compassion for their Mother, and other people. It's quite obvious. I didn't just throw that in my reply for be mean, but to show how many people have this "It ain't bothering me so forget about em' attitude." Jeez the wheez

[aelle]

Originally Posted by jimmyk1006

I'm not going to provide things for my family. That's the parents job.

Obviously this arbitrary expectation works perfectly in your life!

[Michelle]

Originally Posted by jimmyk1006

Michelle, maybe you're too used to people always agreeing with you. You can sit there and attempt to judge my life all you want. I don't sugarcoat anything. That's my style. You're just not used to that.

I'd like to play around with this phrase a bit. Humour me, ok?

"Jimmyk1006, maybe you're too used to people always agreeing with you. You can sit there an attempt to judge your mother's life all you want, but I won't sugarcoat anything. That's my style. You're just not used to that".

In psychology there is a term called projection. This basically means you project things (good and bad) about yourself onto other people. There are many reasons people do this and if you are interested I suggest doing some research.

Let's use an example with your philosophy: Oh, just let the kid make failing grades. Don't pressure him/her to do better...just smile and nod your head. Come on. That's the SAME thing, only with an example to show how useless that mind of thought is.

The problem is that pressuring someone, as you are now learning, often leads to creating even more resistance.

While you think it's okay to let my Mom make these insanely stupid mistakes right in front of me, it's not. Perhaps it's too easy for people to be against me because I'm not old like you all are.

Good grief, how old do you think I am? I am sorry if you have the impression people are against you. That certainly is not my intention. Advising against a behavior and being against a person are two very different things.

Many of the people who commented really show lack of compassion for their Mother, and other people.

In order to have true compassion or empathy for someone you must be able to look at a situation from their perspective. Walk a mile in their shoes, so to speak. So far, I haven't heard exactly why you think you mother could be behaving the way she does. How do you think she feels when you pressure her and berate her for her actions? How do you think she feels that brings her to waste the money in the first place? Take a bit time to see things from her perspective.

[jimmyk1006]

First, my response to aelle. You took that way out of context.

And Michelle, here's what I've figured out. I wasted my time in this forum. It's obvious that you or anyone can't help because you aren't in my shoes. You all don't know all of the details.

It's so easy to tell other people what to do, but yet, you yourself didn't face a situation like this. So, I can't rely on your answers anyway even if they're in my favor.

I know when I'm right and when I'm wrong. I know I have good intentions and I know I'm doing the right thing. You all are looking at this like as if I'm yelling and seriously pressuring my Mom to quit this. It's not like we get in a argument every time I bring this up. We rarely get in arguments. We still talk to each other.

[FazK]

Get your mom to associate pleasure to saving, tell her that she could spend that money on her grandkids or on exotic vacations

[Michelle]

One who is too insistent on his own views, finds few to agree with him.

Lao Tzu

[Chris_1977]

Originally Posted by Michelle

One who is too insistent on his own views, finds few to agree with him.

So true...almost everybody has been saying more or less the same thing to jimmy forming a pattern of insistment. And Jimmy did not agree with that... strange huh?

[aelle]

Originally Posted by jimmyk1006

First, my response to aelle. You took that way out of context.

Actually, I didn't at all. This whole thread is about you being upset at your mother because she does not do what you expect her to do. You think she "should" , she "must", "it is her role" to do as you think she should. In this case, she "should" forgo her choices to provide for her family instead.

Well, our problems with others only start when we implement "shoulds" like this. Drop the expectations, realise that people's choices are theirs and theirs only, and you'll be on your path to happy relationships.

The second facet to this is to drop the complaining. If something upsets you, fix it. Fix it yourself. Don't whine and nag and blackmail others into fixing it. If you don't want to fix it yourself, own it, take responsibility and don't complain.

Indeed, you seem to be wasting your time here, as long as you are open only to hearing one single opinion - yours. You could reap a lot from this community, if only you opened yourself to the possibility, however improbable, that other people's views might be valid.