Scared of being embarassed

[Andyee]

Hi guys!

I was a shy guy in school, so I was always afraid to screw up. As I became older and more confident in myself, this shyness is almost gone. But one thing keeps haunting me - i'm still afraid to get embarassed.

Today in the gym, i found myself being afraid to do weight lifting, because I thought girls would laugh if they saw how strong I am.

How to get rid of this "pain in the ***" (pardon the expression).

Best regards,
Andrii

[brendannz]

are there any other situations in particular where you fear embarassed?
I understand this one I still have the fear of embarassment...

I think some realisations which may help you;

1/ girls at the gym are much more worried about people looking at them saying "she's so fat." Women are much more self conscious about their bodies than men, generally

2/ Anyone who says "hahah look at that muscley guy" is a loser, and you should see yourself as superior to them..

[Andyee]

Thanks for the Reply.

No, basically that is the only thank that makes me feel shy - when I show my weakness.

I know you are right, and you're suggestion is great, but it doesn't feel like it turns this "Embarassed guy" switch off.

[Brutha]

How to get rid of this "pain in the ***" (pardon the expression).

Put yourself consciously into embarrising situations.
Go outside of your comfortzone.
You will still life afterwards and it won't be a big deal.

[aggie]

oh, the memories.....

i am a self proclaimed expert on embarrassment.

dealt with it in a number of ways....

the one that didn't work was trying to be cool and sassy in school and only ended up looking like an idiot.

i consciously avoided situations when i could, which achieved the desired results, but held me back later in life because i kept doing it. don't recommend.

i became a lone wolf so to speak...that way i only gravitated and attracted like minded people to myself that were not judgemental of outward appearance, behavior, etc.

learned to accept the pain of the moment and kind of transport myself above it and act like i didn't hear it or see it. i became very good at that.

one thing i knew, it hurt more, because i am a person who even at a young age could "make fun" of people and be comfortable about it. it is like, who has the right to do that and get pleasure from it.

i agree the ones doing it are the real losers and you are above it.

it took me many,many years...but i've been embarrassed and even humilated a lot as an adult, sometimes by my own lack of good judgement and i'm still standing. part of life, but it gets easier and passes more quickly with age

[Andyee]

well aggie)

I'm glad that you have managed to get over your problem

[Desmond]

Originally Posted by Andyee

Today in the gym, i found myself being afraid to do weight lifting, because I thought girls would laugh if they saw how strong I am.

You think girls would laugh at you for being strong, or are you saying that you were afraid of being laughed at for being weak? (as in, ha ha look at that guy, he's only lifting __ kilos.)

[Nicholls]

Most men are afraid of being weak. It's seen as being unmanly. But you know what, **** 'em. I happen to be a piss weak individual. I'm still probably stronger than most of the girls I know, but so what?

In short, you need to make like Nike and Just ****ing Do It.

But to get to this stage you might need to train up your fear of embarassment. You need to go out and do things that you might get embarassed in. Start small. Work your way up. Think of it like weight training :P

Posting a problem like this on the internet though? That takes guts. Not a lot of guts, but it's a start. Just keep going

[willnesbitt]

I know exactly how you feel, Andyee and would like to get over this myself.
I've been in situations where I've been humiliated and embarrassed by different people in my life. It seems that when they do that to you that it's more about them feeling better about themselves and looking cool to the people around them. It has always irked me.

I've taken several different approaches. One is to get better at making comeback remarks that will embarrass them just as much. The only problem is that I don't like doing that. Sure, I defend myself when necessary, but some things are just too petty. At the same time, I don't like sitting there and trying to pretend it doesn't bother me when it really does.

My biggest embarassment fear is approaching a woman when other people are within an earshot of us and can hear me. I don't like it because I feel that if someone hears me being rejected (like her or my friends) they will laugh and think "oh, such a loser".

I really need to get over this, but have not actively attempted to really do anything to do so....until now.

WOW...I've never told anyone any of this before.

[brendannz]

Another thing about girls, is some girls will like guys with lots of muscles, and some girls will be turned off by muscles. So basically you can't please everyone, and you've just got to learn to not really care what people think.. You have as much right to be at the gym to work out as everyone else.. right?

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by willnesbitt

I've taken several different approaches. One is to get better at making comeback remarks that will embarrass them just as much. The only problem is that I don't like doing that. Sure, I defend myself when necessary, but some things are just too petty. At the same time, I don't like sitting there and trying to pretend it doesn't bother me when it really does.

You might find that the best comeback in defense is to just tell them that this matter is too petty for you to bother with, and tell them to find someone else.. if they're trying to make you feel bad..

[Andyee]

You see... the problem is, that I look actually pretty good. I mean, i have no overweight, have muscles... no six pack, but close to it... but still... the funny part is, I can't really pull weights. I'm doing now 32 kilograms, but I need to lift at least 76 (my weight)

[Angela]

What will happen if the girls laugh?
What will you do if people think you are a fool?

[Andyee]

I don't know))really, i'm just afraid) It's like jumping in the water from a 7 meter height... you know nothing will happen, unless you are unlucky but still you are afraid

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Andyee

I don't know))really, i'm just afraid) It's like jumping in the water from a 7 meter height... you know nothing will happen, unless you are unlucky but still you are afraid

Well, that's the thing about irrational fear, if you allow yourself to live in the darkness about it, you are choosing to live in fear; if you boldly shine light on it, you'll see and know at an unconscious level (not just your current conscious, coping level) that it's an illusion.

So take a look, if you dare: you know that if you jump into the water from a 7 meter height, nothing will happen unless you are unlucky, in which case you might break your neck, hit a small child in the pool, get struck by lightning on the way down, forget to notice there's no water in the pool, hit the water and suddenly notice that someone has pooped in the water and infected you with hepatitis B, or remember that you are allergic to chlorine.

What would happen if girls laugh at you or someone thinks you are a fool, and you are unlucky?

[Andyee]

That is a good point... this comes all down to me wanting to "impress somebody"...

[Brutha]

I don't know))really, i'm just afraid) It's like jumping in the water from a 7 meter height... you know nothing will happen, unless you are unlucky but still you are afraid

And the way you combat that fear is to jump from 7 meters a few times.

That is a good point... this comes all down to me wanting to "impress somebody"...

There a lot of difference between attempting to impress everybody and impressing a few people.

If you try to impress everybody you will impress no one because people who try to impress everybody aren't impressive.

You have as much right to be at the gym to work out as everyone else.. right?

Thinking in terms of rights in situations isn't very productive.
It reflects a mindset of scarcity when you think that you have to defend your rights in those situations.

If you are mentally focused on rights that stops you from connecting with other people.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Andyee

That is a good point... this comes all down to me wanting to "impress somebody"...

So what would happen if you didn't?

[Nyx]

You could try to lift weights at home until you reach an acceptable level to be seen in public. Just an idea.

[Andyee]

Nyx well, i do not have the tools for that


Angela I really don't know. 99 percent - nothing, but still something is blocking me

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Andyee

Angela I really don't know. 99 percent - nothing, but still something is blocking me

Well, please allow me to make a suggestion then. You can take it with a grain of salt if it's not so.

You would handle it.

[lifeforce]

Originally Posted by Andyee

Hi guys!

I was a shy guy in school, so I was always afraid to screw up. As I became older and more confident in myself, this shyness is almost gone. But one thing keeps haunting me - i'm still afraid to get embarassed.

Today in the gym, i found myself being afraid to do weight lifting, because I thought girls would laugh if they saw how strong I am.

How to get rid of this "pain in the ***" (pardon the expression).

Best regards,
Andrii

Do what I did. Dress up in womens clothing and ask 100 people if they need a date. At first it´s embarressing, but after 10 minutes or so, it starts to become comical and you experience a powerful internal shift wich makes you not take yourself so damn seriously and realize that everyone thinks exactly like you do now. Lets say you go to a party. When you go to bed at night, you probobly think about what people thought about you. Well guess what, so are they! It´s actually quite funny if you understand social psychology. A bunch of people worrying about what everyone else is thinking about them. When in truth, noone is thinking about them!

Okey, so dressing up in drag might be a stretch for you at the moment. I started by saying hi to 100 people. Then proggressed to ask for time, directions whatever. I said "f it", and dressed up in drag asking peopel for dates. You might want to do this in another town if you´re a professional or something.

Have the courrage to live. Courrage and competence is equal to confidence. So if you want to become socially confident, you need to get over your anxt and worries of what people think of you. This will enable you to relax in social situations and have conversations and be naturally funny. I don´t know a single soul who is unable to carry on a conversation and be naturally funny once they´re relaxed.

Wether you think you are cool, sexy guy who is made for succeeding or you think youre an ugly looser who noone likes - you are lying to yourself. Somewhere there is a person who hates you and somewhere there are people who like you. However, the lie you choose to tell yourself in the mirror everyday for ten minutes will dictate your reality. So why not choose to believe the better lie; That women love you everywhere you go, and that you are a sexy motherf.

Change is never easy. But change is the end result of all proggress. Change won´t remove your problems. Only create higher quality problems.

[ar81]

I used to be shy.
I thought about rejection like something horrible.
I feared to make mistakes.

A musician or an actor during a show can make mistakes.
The trick is to react quickly and make it look as if it was intentional.
That would save you embarrassment in public.

As for rejection, I asked 9 different girls to be my girlfriend before I got a yes. It means 9 rejections. Can you imagine how endless it is to pass through this 9 times when you are a teen? When the last one said "yes" I expected a no, and I asked myself "WHAT!!??".

So I would not worry too much.
I have not died for being rejected those many times, and I can tell you about those many funny embarassing situations I have had in my life. I use to laugh when I remember.

In time you will understand.
I was horribly shy when I was your age. Now I am not.
The only way to defeat your fears, is exposing to them many times.

[yesman]

Originally Posted by Andyee

Today in the gym, i found myself being afraid to do weight lifting, because I thought girls would laugh if they saw how strong I am.

Laugh at you for being strong? I can sort of understand it now, but being a skinny weak guy I must say that I was confused when I first read that...


Oh yes, the fear of embarrassment. I've made huge strides in getting over my fear of embarrassment but it still props up from time to time. I still have problems talking amongst a very social group because I fear I might embarrass myself by saying something stupid/dorky.

I used to be embarrassed about working out in a gym because I'm a skinny dude compared to most. But I got over that really quick when I realized that no one really gives a rat's ass if you're a weakling. Most will actually think it's great that you're working on improving yourself and will gladly give advice when needed.

There's one thing that really helped me get started in getting over my fear of embarrassment. That was karaoke! I can't sing a lick so to sing in front of a big crowd would be monumentally embarrassing. I did, I had fun and I realized that I was making much ado about nothing. Now I'm not shy at all to get on the mic and sing like crap in front of a crowd.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by yesman

Laugh at you for being strong? I can sort of understand it now, but being a skinny weak guy I must say that I was confused when I first read that...

Yeah, if anything they'll say "Phew, There's someone out there who's I'm musclier than"

hahah..

[jubbins]

Originally Posted by Andyee

Hi guys!

I was a shy guy in school, so I was always afraid to screw up. As I became older and more confident in myself, this shyness is almost gone. But one thing keeps haunting me - i'm still afraid to get embarassed.

Today in the gym, i found myself being afraid to do weight lifting, because I thought girls would laugh if they saw how strong I am.

How to get rid of this "pain in the ***" (pardon the expression).

Best regards,
Andrii

Maybe they will be impressed. Not because of how little weight you can lift but the fact that you are taking the initiative to work on your limitations. I do know what you are going through. I am having weight issues and I know that I should start exercising but want to lose weight first before going to the gym! How neurotic is that!?! I've been listening to an anxiety program and I believe the only way to get over it is to just face it. If there is someone you can trust and tell them your feelings that can go to the gym with you for support that would be great. Then you can focus on conversing with them until you realize that nothing earth shattering is going to happen and you feel more at ease lifting weights. Anxiety is not easy to deal with but it can be overcome. I'm still working on it myself! Best of luck!