I'm so pissed off that I missed out on college

[runningbird]

Yeah, I went to college - but hardly got any of the rewarding experiences that it entails. I made some mistakes - acquired bad habits and lived an unhealthily introverted lifestyle - for the first year or two. Then I took on a demanding major that I hated (mechanical engineering) because my dad, who was paying for it, wanted me to pick something practical. My introversion coupled with my demanding schedule made college more like a job from hell than a rich, fulfilling opportunity. I rarely went to parties or events, dated, or otherwise had a life.

It should have been a time to explore and develop socially and culturally, but I made minuscule steps down those avenues. Now I feel like this great experience that most people go through is forever lost for me.

I realize a lot of people never get to go at all, but I still feel angry about my experience. Can anyone relate?

[star9160]

I went to a community college for my first two years and lived at home. I then transferred to a college majoring in a field that I had decided not to pursue but then allowed others to convince me to do it. I experienced one month of living in a dorm away from my parents and then quit. (should have listened to myself in the 1st place - very expensive lesson!)

I didn't go back to school for 10 years - a failed marriage and 3 children later. So I never really experienced that big, college experience you're talking about. However I did get my bachelor's degree working my *** off while being a single parent. I noticed that my education meant more to me than my younger counterparts. My children attended my graduation and were proud of their mom. It also reinforced to them how important education is to their lives.

I'm 49 years old and have a daughter in her 3rd year of med school and another in her 3rd year of college thinking about law school. My youngest has a reading disability and still maintains an A-B average. She works her butt off, but she does it. Both of my girls were able to experience the whole "going away, living in a dorm" college life. I'm happy for them. I also know that I have lived my life the way I was supposed to... I've had ups and downs -- and not getting the college life I wanted is very low on my list of things I didn't get or that I regret.

I don't know how old you are, but please remember that is just a very small part of your life. I hope you don't spend too much time feeling bitter about it and realize there is so much happiness out there for you to grab. You're a grown up now and can do as you wish. Take the bull by the horns and do what makes you happy!

Peace,

Lori

[runningbird]

Heh, thanks guys. I guess life can be hard. I'm 25, almost 26. I don't know why I brought this up, for some reason I just got really upset about it. I guess because my life sort of sucks now, just living with my parents and trying to get motivated to find a job that I can grin and bear. I trace things back to those years where I felt suffocated.

To be fair, I definitely had some good experiences and I could be more grateful for the advantages that have been given me. There really isn't a way to tell how things would have turned out. Maybe I would have turned into an alcoholic like so many at my school.

[YourHumbleNarrator]

College is supposed to be socially and culturally enlightening? Maybe it could have been, but it's not that way inherently. It sounds like you're getting upset over an ideal and not what did or didn't happen.

Actually, what this is really about is your own feeling of powerlessness, no? It sounds like you feel as though you were just taken along for the ride. That's a good reason to be angry; means it's less likely you'll get swept away by the current later on. It always helps to see what positive purpose an event can serve after the fact.

And remember, there's nothing to stop you from doing all the things you wanted to do in college. Go to clubs. Talk to people in the library. Hit up a party or two-it's not like they're exclusively for college students. School didn't provide you any opportunities you can't create on your own, you've just got to be flexible, inventive, and aware.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by runningbird

My introversion coupled with my demanding schedule made college more like a job from hell than a rich, fulfilling opportunity. I rarely went to parties or events, dated, or otherwise had a life.

Don't kid yourself, okay? If indeed you are an introvert, you would rarely have gone to parties etc, even if you had had plenty of time.

There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. You should accept yourself as you are, and start doing & enjoying the things which introverts do & enjoy.

[this is fun]

Originally Posted by runningbird

Heh, thanks guys. I guess life can be hard. I'm 25, almost 26.
To be fair, I definitely had some good experiences and I could be more grateful for the advantages that have been given me. There really isn't a way to tell how things would have turned out. Maybe I would have turned into an alcoholic like so many at my school.

I understand where you're coming from, and it seems easy for me to say it but let it go. You're only 26, there's a lot of fun ahead of you. As you said, you had some good experiences, so take it from there.
Or you can always start another college, with an easier major and make up for what you think you missed out on Kidding of course

[James81]

Join the club chief.

Stop complaining about your past (which you have no control over) and start realizing that you didn't miss out on anything. You want to know the difference between being in college and in the "real world"? Not a damn thing. It's all in your head. It's all about your expectations. People expect college to be filled with parties and social activities. People expect when they get a real job and get married for their life to be over. Why? Because those are the social norms.

Neither one of those norms need define you. You have just as much opportunity for socializiation now, as you do when you were in college.

Also, stop blaming your dad for a choice YOU made.

(btw, I'm not some guy on a high horse here. I'm a guy who went through exactly what you went through in college, right down to the detail of my dad pushing me into an Engineering program)

[JoeRad]

Originally Posted by runningbird

Heh, thanks guys. I guess life can be hard. I'm 25, almost 26. I don't know why I brought this up, for some reason I just got really upset about it.

I'm turning 25 in a couple weeks and I found your post very apt because I'm going through a similar period right now. I call it my "quarter life crisis".

We'll get through it, largely because if we don't we'll miss out on all the opportunity that still lies ahead of us.

[ar81]

College is a place where you forge your future.
It gives us the freedom (just like high school) to do many things when not taking care of academic matters, during spare time, including the freedom not to have a life.
The circle of people is still small, but it will grow bigger when you go to university or to have a job.
So I would not bother about socializing too much. Sometimes we do not find people who are like us in a small circle. There will be plenty of time in the future, with a wider and better circle of people that will satisfy us.

The world is big. There are lots of people, and if you have a small circle there, you have the net to make it wider temporarily.

Many people survived, despite of having a silent crisis. I bet you can survive and overcome too. Sometimes we feel we are the only ones with a problem, but we are not. And it gives us some relief and hope.

[moonrambler]

You may not be able to change this past college experience, but you can create new ones in the future. I know it's not exactly the same, but it can still be very cool.

You can:
live near a college and be part of the community
work at a college
go part-time, like one evening class a week
eventually start a master's degree in something you DO like

[SomeRandomGuy]

Sounds to me like you regret not being more social in college. To me, college isn't about going to parties, its about receiving training to help you in your future career. Since you went into a major that you didn't way, sounds like you ended up doing neither.

If you want to get out and party, date and go to events, do it. Those things are limited to people who are in college. In fact, for the people who crave those things over an education, I think that going to college is a huge waste.

Find a job you can tolerate, move out on your own and start living your life. You're still plenty young enough to party, if that is what you want. I would suggest, however, you think ahead to the future. When you're 30, will you feel like you've wasted the years after college partying instead of building a rewarding career? Or will you be glad that you used those years to have a good time?

[runningbird]

I know, I was throwing a pity party. Blaming the past isn't a way to gather momentum in the present. It does just feel a little good to voice my regrets though. Thanks for reading/responding everyone.

[lasti]

All those things you want to do aren't only available at college! You could explore, grow and have fun right now! Why aren't you doing it?

[aggie]

my story...i lost out on both

i was very introverted, insecure and shy...even though academically i could've gotten into a college.

i did not think i could socially handle it...i was not your typically 70"s young woman

i have many regrets in both departments...but primarily educational.

i had many people say i missed out on a great experience... i think it was just not meant to be.

i did a lot stuff later on in life...(including screwing up big time) not advisable...but everyone has their own schedule. i was a late bloomer

my husband is a professor and trust me....too many students (especially one's where mom and dad are paying) are there for the social life

[vMike]

I can totally relate! So many missed opportunities.. But that's all in the past. Gotta try to learn the lessons, never repeat the mistakes again and move on!

[Chap]

Originally Posted by runningbird

Yeah, I went to college - but hardly got any of the rewarding experiences that it entails. I made some mistakes - acquired bad habits and lived an unhealthily introverted lifestyle - for the first year or two. Then I took on a demanding major that I hated (mechanical engineering) because my dad, who was paying for it, wanted me to pick something practical. My introversion coupled with my demanding schedule made college more like a job from hell than a rich, fulfilling opportunity. I rarely went to parties or events, dated, or otherwise had a life.

It should have been a time to explore and develop socially and culturally, but I made minuscule steps down those avenues. Now I feel like this great experience that most people go through is forever lost for me.

I realize a lot of people never get to go at all, but I still feel angry about my experience. Can anyone relate?

Maturity entails accountability and responsibility which means taking control of your own life. Blaming your father for your life at this stage in your life shows that this is not the case. As for your situation, think of the thousands of people that have not had that opportunity, nor will get that opportunity to do what you did.

Somewhere in your country there is probably somebody who once lamented about not getting a place on the very course you studied; basically you took their space.

Next look at what your misplaced anger is achieved, what it has achived, and what in your life it shall fulfill. George W Bush, probably made one intelligent comment during his tenure (of what comes to mind) and that was in relation to the misfortunes that had taken place, it went something like:

You know, it’s kind of like, ‘Why me? Oh, the burdens, you know. Why did the financial collapse have to happen on my watch?’ It’s just pathetic, isn’t it, self-pity?

Hopefully you can extrapolate some meaning from this. You are lucky, and blessed to have the opportunities you have, and you still have the chance to recoup and surpass all you feel you missed. So quit whining and do something about it.

[Writertype]

Here's what I don't want to see from you in ten years:

"I feel like I totally missed out on my twenties! I never really got out in college and didn't have a lot of friends, and that set me up so that I missed all the stuff that makes that decade so great for so many people. While other people were out dating, meeting people at bars and parties, developing hobbies, and forming their future careers I was too caught up in [whatever] to really be a part of it! I just feel like I lost a life experience I can't get back!"

Like others have been saying, make the best out of what you have now! College can be a lot of fun, but so can being a working guy (with money!) in your twenties. Make the best out of whatever stage of life you are in now and write off any past mistakes as a learning experience. College taught you what doesn't work for you, get out there and find what does!

[kwicherbichen]

I am so sorry that you missed out because it is a once in a lifetime experience, but now that you are out, you have the chance to have even BETTER fun than you could have at college! Trust me!

I did a lot of stuff, but the one thing I am not doing is making the impact I want to make. You have your degree. Go out and take the world. Its much better than the fun (and pain!!) of college.

[MagicalRealist]

Originally Posted by runningbird

My introversion coupled with my demanding schedule made college more like a job from hell than a rich, fulfilling opportunity. I rarely went to parties or events, dated, or otherwise had a life.

It should have been a time to explore and develop socially and culturally, but I made minuscule steps down those avenues.

So go to parties and events, date, and otherwise have a life now. Ditto, developing yourself socially and culturally.

College was not the one and only opportunity you had to do those things. Yeah, you failed to do them then, but there's no reason you can't explore and develop now.

Now I feel like this great experience that most people go through is forever lost for me.

We all have experiences that are lost to us, that we wish we'd followed through on.

I did poorly throughout high school, ended up dropping out of art school, and thus deprived myself of countless career paths and other experiences. I didn't get a BA until I was 37 years old. But it doesn't matter. I did what I did, and I'm here right now, and if I don't like where I am in my life staying angry and resentful and blaming other people for my long-ago decisions isn't going to help me change that.

I realize a lot of people never get to go at all, but I still feel angry about my experience. Can anyone relate?

What kind of life do you wish you were leading right now? What is it, in your present situation, that you're really angry about? In what ways do you feel that life is passing you by?

Go look in the mirror and answer those questions for yourself. Figure out what it is you wish you were doing right now, and what kind of life you wish you were leading. And then go do whatever it takes to make that happen. Because trust me--nobody who is genuinely leading a life they love right now spends time being angry and resentful at stuff they didn't get to do in the past.

Your anger is understandable, but it's also unproductive. So is blaming your old man for the fact you chose a major you hated. You made your choices then, and you can still make choices now. So what are you going to choose?

[pelactere]

I feel that although, luckily, I did indeed go to university.. my thirst, love and hunger for knowledge were all dampened. Instead I have learnt basketfuls of social graces that although equip me well for a life more often led..don't make me feel as alive as academia once did.

But I do not think that that is the fault of college or us [I]at[I] college, but rather of paths less readily taken. You are 25/26 you say? You have a degree, I assume your health and quite obviously your mental faculties. Surely now is the time to make the changes necessary to ensure that you don't live to regret your twenties too?

good luck

[Dogs]

Originally Posted by runningbird

Yeah, I went to college - but hardly got any of the rewarding experiences that it entails. I made some mistakes - acquired bad habits and lived an unhealthily introverted lifestyle - for the first year or two. Then I took on a demanding major that I hated (mechanical engineering) because my dad, who was paying for it, wanted me to pick something practical. My introversion coupled with my demanding schedule made college more like a job from hell than a rich, fulfilling opportunity. I rarely went to parties or events, dated, or otherwise had a life.

It should have been a time to explore and develop socially and culturally, but I made minuscule steps down those avenues. Now I feel like this great experience that most people go through is forever lost for me.

I realize a lot of people never get to go at all, but I still feel angry about my experience. Can anyone relate?

I would imagine that the "college experience" is exactly why I hate college these days. I don't want college for friends and networking, I want college for job-style acquisition of extremely useful knowledge. That is awesome.

Now, I couldn't have that if I hated what I was doing, and instead when my parents initially pushed me to go I refused because I had no objective. They, however, did not see that as a problem, and instead saw paying thousands of dollars+thousands more taxpayer dollars as a means to an end for social acceptance.

I hated that mindset, and I hated being in classes with people that were treating college that way, because they'd often bring their own personal lives into the classroom, and derail the topic, just like back in gradeschool.

OTOH, I'm about as introverted as you can get, and I used to say similar things to myself, but this is before I even understood what I wanted from an academic institution, or people in general.

I also don't much care for the party scene anyway. I've lost a handful of friends to excessive college endeavoring, and the effects that lifestyle may or may not have on one's internal organs.

It really sucks getting a call at 3AM from a group of drunk people that are apparently observing the corpse of a former friend which is sprawled out in the bathtub with water running in an attempt to "wake the dead as hell", and all because alcohol and xanax are so fun to mix together, and parties, and social lives, and everything BUT what is important.

You didn't miss out on anything, and getting a date is as simple as realizing a woman and a man are essentially the same thing, minor differences here and there, but each have a complex structure of mind which is, in most cases, extremely versatile and elaborate.

Or, in other words, a lot of the time the same stuff that makes you happy - whatever it is - is the same thing that makes anyone else happy, male or female. Not exclusively, of course, because there are different types of people. Make someone happy, and establish yourself as someone who isn't absolutely flakey in every regard, and has an amount of substance about him, and you should be good to go no matter how many things you think are wrong about yourself - if applicable.

Besides, dating in college leads to failed exams and dropped courses anyway, so presumably you'd be a little better off.

All things are possible if you believe they are, and a smile, strange as it may be.. will really nuke your perception of people as it currently stands. Just walk around smiling, and your life will be different immediately.


BTW, why do you hate mechanical engineering?

[runningbird]

Great post Dogs (and mostly everyone else).

I guess it isn't completely true to say that I hated mechanical engineering. I did like some classes. Mostly it was too demanding; I was intensely curious about a lot of things but I just couldn't find much passion in ME. The quality of instruction was also low from many of my professors, I mean zombie lectures.

[pjhaggerty]

Your past has gotten you to where you are now. If you can use your disappointment to motivate you to be who you want to be now, then it will not have been in vain. don't snuff it out, be dissatisfied, decide what you want, and use your college experience to motivate you forward, towards that goal.

[Dogs]

Originally Posted by runningbird

Great post Dogs (and mostly everyone else).

I guess it isn't completely true to say that I hated mechanical engineering. I did like some classes. Mostly it was too demanding; I was intensely curious about a lot of things but I just couldn't find much passion in ME. The quality of instruction was also low from many of my professors, I mean zombie lectures.

Kinda pisses you off, doesn't it? Some Ben Stein style lecturer reading directly from the book.. I paid HOW MUCH to have someone read, verbatim, a book I could have read to myself in a much more interesting sort of way? Why? A piece of paper with my name on it, and some details, and the college name so proudly printed in times new roman, size 26 font?

Come on, now.. Tell me the interest isn't about money, and really these people care about how far I go.. I dare you.

[bluedragon]

I could also say I missed out on the first 2 years of college, but luckily, I'm still in college and this is my third year, so I still have time.

I did go out with my friends, but I didn't date much (just a couple of girls who I ended up being friends with) and I never went to the Seaside, which is crazy, since most people here go about 3-4 times every summer. I also never went on a trip abroad with friends, only with the Work and Travel exchange program which was great. There, I met 2 girl friends who I still see, and this summer, I finally went to the Seaside for a weekend with one of those girls and other friends. I really want to expand my social life by at least a factor of 30, so to speak.

However, I did a lot of work on the personal side during college - I started learning Tai Chi which is now my main interest, both personally and professionally, and I worked in a couple of jobs and volunteering positions that gave me a first impression of what that can be like. I learned how to make websites, I read a lot of personal development materials and in my opinion, I made huge improvements in my inner game, socially speaking. I feel ready for anything now, and I really want to get involved with more and more interesting people and do interesting stuff.

[Dogs]

I really want to get involved with more and more interesting people and do interesting stuff.

How far are you willing to go to accomplish this goal?

How far is anyone on this site willing to go to accomplish this goal?

I've got a feeling that if all the people I've heard say the same thing, including myself, got together, anywhere...

we could do anything of any magnitude. To me, that is worth 10 billion miles of travel on foot, but I still have a bit of difficulty purging all securities I have, such as income, and a place to live.
This prevents me from freelance team assembly, but I'm just waiting til more people realize what I do...

we all want the same thing, but we can't do it without eachother, because this goal is about people, and more people are necessary.

What do we do in this situation?

[Talkofthatown919]

i did not go to college. I felt as if i were to go i wouldn't care about class just partying, girls and hanging out with my friends. Then i believed that i did not need a college education to become successful and i am seeing it happen everday.

[Lupe]

Did you end up getting a job in ME?

[funchy]

Go back! You're the only thing holding you back. Go to grad school, visit the parties, socialize with the cute younger co-eds. School is what you make of it. Even people in the harder majors have to break loose sometimes.

And if you're living with your parents and only 25, now is an awesome time to go back. Even better go for a PhD which means 4 years of living the life you want. This time YOU pick the degree path.

If you're not ready for that, just go back for one class at a time. Take something totally fun. I did photography/video production myself as my fun part-time classes. It's a great way to mingle with new people. Great way to meet educated people like yourself... and a great way to meet people not tied-down and who have interesting adventures.

Another thing to consider: sign up for something overseas. Have you considered the Peace Corps? (they cover your travel, lodging, food, etc) Engineers are in huge demand! I've been told there is also a good demand in Asia for Americans who are interested in teaching good English; I have a friend who did that & loved it so much he stayed there.

Or sign up for a semester overseas. For example, my local university does a semester in Mexico, Italy, and a few other places. You take 2 classes, earn college credit, immerse yourself in the culture. When I did it, I went to Merida, Mexico and lived with a local family. The price was very affordable, and it was an experience I'll always cherish.

[Sincity86]

Go to Thailand . look up Full moon partys. You don't have to be in collage to party till 6 in the morning and hook up with hot girls.