from zero to somewhere

[scorpionpm]

hi.this is my first post!i wanted to introduce myself but also ask for help.
if i can't find it in here then there is no other place.i am 21 years old.
i am suffering from social anxiety and depression.i won't even get in to this.
it doesnt matter.
all i can say is that i haven't lived my life so far the way i wanted.And i know that it's because of me and its noone elses fault.i have considered suicide may times but i know there is more to do in this life for me.

I would really appreciate if you could give me some advice on how to start from zero,put goals in my life and start working for them.i know there r hundreds of threads about similar staff in this forum but i could
really use some advice now before i fall into bad habits once again

[Lena Carpenter]

Hi, I don't have much advice for you, other that, try to find things you enjoy doing and focus on those to the exclusion of everything else. Don't feel like your goal should be to go from being depressed to having everything figured out, just focus on enjoying one day, one hour and one minute at a time. Life is all about those pleasurable moments, that you feel are worth living for.

I think Steve's article about going up the emotional scale might help you out, although I can't seem to locate it at the moment.

[theSeeker]

all i can say is that i haven't lived my life so far the way i wanted.And i know that it's because of me and its noone elses fault.i have considered suicide may times but i know there is more to do in this life for me.

Wow! This reminds me so much of myself.

Firstly, don't judge yourself too harshly. When ur actions repeatedly go in vain, just observe ur -ve feelings rise & become more determined (mad!) than ever to bounce back.

About suicidal thoughts: Understand that they r never an option.
I know it might be mostly an impulsive urge borne out of frustration & feelings of helplessness & being trapped. But beware, & be very careful, these thoughts r dangerous. Never indulge them. If reasoning with yourself (by thinking soundly, logically & understanding ur mind) works 4 u then use the following reasons to dissuade such thoughts:

1. What do u do when some1 gifts u something nice (say a nice videogame console)...? Don't you express gratitude & enjoy the gift ?

Well, your life is a gift from your parents.
A gift like no other; that makes you experience this lifetime. So, understand that u need to be grateful to your parents 4 this wonderful gift & enjoy it to the max!

2. Just imagine 4 a second, what if u r meant to undergo all these experiences (especially the troublesome ones) in order to truly touch other ppl's lives in a great way ? Wouldn't it be a great loss to all of us, if u continued thinking such thoughts of despair ? So, just continue to hang in there with an open mind abt such a thing happening...(u never know when, u've just got to keep waiting & u'll see how u can use urself & all of ur experiences to help others one day)

I can tell u from personal experience, that if u r persistent & really want it, progress is certain (just might not initially be @ the pace u'd like).
Don't know if this applies to u, but if u feel bad being judged unfavorably by others then gradually start believing that only ur own judgement of urself really matters...& u'll always judge urself well coz u know u r good!

I would really appreciate if you could give me some advice on how to start from zero,put goals in my life and start working for them

This is something that I'm working on too (well maybe slightly higher than zero in my case)...so I expect to see a fellow adventurer join the quest. We can get in touch through messages & brainstorm ideas, what say u ?

If I've probably said a lot more than what u needed to hear, please ignore the excess. I only have the best intentions in mind!
Stay tough & hang in there, scorpionpm!

Remember, the human spirit has infinite potential; no fall is too deep to recover from!

[theSeeker]

I second Lena's suggestion...

try to find things you enjoy doing and focus on those to the exclusion of everything else. Don't feel like your goal should be to go from being depressed to having everything figured out, just focus on enjoying one day, one hour and one minute at a time. Life is all about those pleasurable moments, that you feel are worth living for.

U've probably given him the right direction, Lena. Very useful advice.

[craftyjake]

My tip is to work SLOW but formulate a PLAN.
I say this because there are SOOO many people like you who want everything to change by tomorrow! But that's impossible. Change one thing at a time. Start with what's most unsatisfying in your life. Is it your relationships? If so, go to a store and get some Dale Carnegie. Read up on PUA articles. Look into fish oil treatment for social anxiety. Take action. Formulate a plan. Write down, starting tomorrow, what you're going to do to make this happen. Make one new friend a day. Read more and more social books. Join facebook. Then, once you feel satisfied in your relationships, go fix something else. One step at a time, like that Jordin Sparks song!

[Swede]

Maybe you could get a friend on the Internet, which you might later meet in real life? This way you could introduce yourself inte meeting new people slowly and at your own pace.

[coffegirl]

Hey,I have exactly the same problem-and that´s why I am actually visiting this forum.
I am also suffering from social anxiety and depression and for years I spend my time with daydreaming.Now I am suddenly awaken and I am about to make a new start-but you know it´s easier said than done,isn´t it?
First of all you can´t dig yourself out of a hole in a little while,cause fears and bad habits,which developed in the course of time, are keeping you under control.It´s not a quite favorable realization and if you aim for a nicer life you have to fight against that anxieties and bad habits -immediately!
It´s no use to procrastinate or to be inconsequent in your decisions.
You can search for solutions as much as you want,but if you don´t be consitent and instead search for excuses,to fall back into your old habits and wallows of self-pity you are always running on the spot-that´s the reason why I didn´t make any progress yet even though I know nearly all of Steve´s great concepts.
So it would be wise to take some time to break the bad (unproductive) habits and adopt successful (productive) habits.
People,who suffer from depression and social anxiety,are likely to have unproductive habits,cause they feel the need to escape from reality and search for something that directly comfort them.
When they "wake up" someday,they are overwhelmed by reality and either they have suicidal ideations or they want to make the "perfect comeback"-to instantly reach high goals.
It mostly don´t work,cause they are too much focused on their goals and their ideas of success and dont realize that they firstly have to work on themselves and their daily habits before they start working for higher goals.
You won´t accomplish them if you are still blocked by your old habits and anxieties.
Short-term success is quite motivational and and an important addition,but speaking about depression and social anxiety you should defintely go for long-time change.
In summary the first step is to work on yourself,to accept that a habit change is inevitable ,if you really want to change your life.
Kick the habits,that eventually make yourself miserable-habits like starting the computer and spending hours in front of the screen,watching TV or consuming snacks.
They provide short satisfcation,but you don´t need them to achieve success.
Start immediately to abandon these habits and realize that the faster you kick a habit,the faster you are "free" to experience a sense of achievement.
It would be clever to replace them with productive habits,depending on what you would like to improve.
You can only benefit from a change in habits.
Then it´s important to enjoy every day -to do something that provides you a feeling of self-growth.

If you like you can write me an e-mail,cause I have the same problem as you,so we can motivate each other and plan how to start from zero and achieve great things.

[scorpionpm]

thank you very very much for your answers.I don't know any people in my life that can give me advice like this so i am really glad that there is some support through this forum I am going to start with small things first like cutting smoke and internet addiction.then... idk,there r so many things t dotnx guys

[MetaFitX]

You sound like me a few years ago.

I would also second the great advice given in this thread. Making a plan and taking very small steps is a great way to move in a positive direction in your life.

You said that you suffer from social anxiety, but rest assured that there are millions of people just like you who suffer from the same condition. When you are faced with a new challenge or new experience, just remember, the first time you do something it is always the hardest. It gets easier from there. Best of luck.

[slothbear]

A couple of years ago I felt much the same. I was in a dark and dirty rut of my own construction. After a while, an idea came to me. If I was going to be stuck in a rut, I could at least clean it up. Do some decorating.

There were lots of things I couldn't do, or bring myself to do. But I came up with a list of things I could do. Things that I liked (even I only liked them a little). Things that would make the rut just a little nicer as I paced between the ends. I tried small different things. One day I tried making a loaf of bread. And it was good! Now I make all the bread for my household.

Life isn't perfect yet (hah!), but bread is one reliable enjoyable thing to do a couple of times a week. Do some decorating in your own way. Maybe someday I'll learn how to build a ramp.

[Aleksander Krstic]

Originally Posted by scorpionpm

hi.this is my first post!i wanted to introduce myself but also ask for help.
if i can't find it in here then there is no other place.i am 21 years old.
i am suffering from social anxiety and depression.i won't even get in to this.
it doesnt matter.
all i can say is that i haven't lived my life so far the way i wanted.And i know that it's because of me and its noone elses fault.i have considered suicide may times but i know there is more to do in this life for me.

I would really appreciate if you could give me some advice on how to start from zero,put goals in my life and start working for them.i know there r hundreds of threads about similar staff in this forum but i could
really use some advice now before i fall into bad habits once again

If it helps at all, know that I've been through both social anxiety and depression before, but have gotten out of it-so it's possible to get out of it.

Read this site thoroughly and follow what it says. I don't mean the subpages, because there's almost a thousand of them, just read exactly that page.

Hope that helps.

[Eric Roosevelt]

If you find yourself coming online despite trying to break your internet addiction, search for Tony Robbins on youtube. You'll find some pretty motivational videos there that may help you nudge your thinking in the right direction.

[Ravi Jaya]

The key is to get out of the house and do something regularly daily. It's easy to get off work, go home, and surf the internet or watch TV by yourself. Depression will come easily from being by yourself in the apartment all of the time.

Here are some things that you can do after work (or during the day if you don't work):

Yoga. Sign up to a yoga studio, or hit some yoga classes at your local gym. Make it a habit to not go home after work and head straight to a yoga class. You will meet many new friends, get in great shape, and feel relaxed and happy afterward.

Join an interfaith church (If you have no specific religion). The people at these churches are cool and it's an easy way to meet people.

Go check out some events on a social networking website and join a group. There are groups for just about everything you can think of, and they hold events all the time where it is very easy to meet people.

Also, you might want to start seeing a therapist who can help you work through some of your social anxiety and depression.

[KtotheB]

I experienced extreme depression and anxiety off and on my entire life until 2006 when I hit rock bottom. I sought professional help and although I refused the anti-depressants that were offered to me, I did agree to psychotherapy to help me release some of the emotional pain from the past.

I found the most helpful tool by far was found in reading personal and spiritual development books and by discovering the deeper reality of who I am and why I'm on the planet. Good luck on your journey. Don't give up by committing suicide because you'll find yourself on the other side, just as depressed only without a body.

[machoman]

First of all, before getting any advice from this forum, I want you to never ever consider suicide in your life no matter how much difficulties you experience now.Better still I want you to post here by stating that you will never ever consider suicide as an option. Will you do it?

Okay on to giving any advice.First start off by asking a lot of questions about how you want to live your life, find out what interests you most by making a list of interests and prioritize them in the order of importance. Then do the things that are on the top of the list.

Next,believe that you can do it. To give Wayne Dyer advice from You will see it when you believe it, ''Work each day on your thoughts rather than concentrating on your behavior. It is your thinking that creates the feelings that you have and ultimately your actions as well ''

About setting goals
FIRST: As I told before, make a list of things that you want to accomplish and focus all your attention and energy on getting the top most in that list and go on until you got all those in that list.

SECOND:Rewrite your goals in the present tense each day. This is done so that it makes a indelible impression in your mind.

THIRD:Take atleast one action everyday that helps you to reach your goal no matter how small it is.

In undertaking this, one most common problem that people(including me)experience is procrastination. You can browse this forum as there more threads regarding this topic.

Atlast, I recommend you to read these books:
1. Unlimited Power by Anthony Robbins
2.Eat that Frog by Brian Tracy
3.Personal Development for Smart People by Steve Pavlina
4.Beyond Posiive Thinking by Robert Anthony

[Ferrino]

I really agree with what machoman has to say. As a coach I have found also that one really small but highly powerful action is to make a note of all of your accomplishments you make in a day. You can even start with small things like simply getting up and getting dressed, brushing your teeth etc.. Believe me these things really build, you are changing your focus to the positive and the more you do it the more things you will think of. Really simple but really effective.

In addition you could try to say really nice things to yourself all day, every day once again regardless of whether an action is large or small. It sounds really contrived but as we tend to talk to ourselves far worse than anyone else the new positive internal chat will begin to take positive effect on your mental wellbeing.

You could begin with congratulating yourself with a big pat on the back by sharing your feelings courageously like you have.

I wish you all the best.

[scorpionpm]

Originally Posted by machoman

First of all, before getting any advice from this forum, I want you to never ever consider suicide in your life no matter how much difficulties you experience now.Better still I want you to post here by stating that you will never ever consider suicide as an option. Will you do it?

tnx for the advicei've already started on working on my goals!i am only on the 4rth day but it feels awesome.I always knew that suicide is not an option and i don't even think about it anymore.even if i fail at something there will be a lesson and i'll start again.tnx!!!

[Talkofthatown919]

If you want to start from zero to achieving success
If you are not able to afford purchasing books go get a library card and start reading self improvement books. Yourself is the most important thing you should work on constantly. Myself i am 21 as well.

Write down your goals and put them in the present tense as already having achieved them. Put a date that you want to achieve them and before writing the date put by and then the date as by: 9/1/09.

But i'd recommend you to start reading self improvement books.

[annadreams]

scorpionpm ur post helps me too.thats why i thank u.i know u ll do many things,be happy and enjoy ur life.
keep doing ur best*