30 day challenge: no masturbation (*completed with writeup*)

[AirBreather]

All:

As I previously attempted (and failed) an earlier 30 day challenge of such, I did not want to commit to something and not be able to carry it through. Hence this write-up when the 'challenge' has already been completed! (May 21 to June 20th)


This has been put together in a rather point-form-ish style. Minimal time to write, minimal time to read.


Some links/references to other poster's notable efforts:

Majesticzero's 30 days to success: Give up masturbation / Read for an hour a day
(success)

30 Day Sex-Energy Trial (Explicit)
(success)

30-Day Sexual Energy Trial #2 (explicit)
(abandoned)

30 days without masturbation or pornography
(work in progress)

Note that I also started in my 20's, similiar in some aspects to this thread:
Masturbation: World's slowest learner?


Other history:
- When I initally started (early 20's), I went to 'below zero' energy levels (4-6 times a day): the act of masturbation actually caused extreme pain w/ the O being the only (addictive draw) so-called 'benefit'. Did similiar at other times in my life as well.


Other links/resources:
- (Spread around ~ use the search function! The 'reuniting' website was very helpful)
- Mantak Chia's was a side resource, only examined a few months in (helpful w/ goal of lasting a long time)
- David Deida's "Enlightened Sex Manual" had examples of good breathing exercises (helpful as above, FBO's)


Notes & points:
- I have been tracking (Excel spreadsheet) my porn & masturbation habits since summer '08.
- Original goals were to disentangle the habit of masturbation with porn.
- Side goals were (1) increasing 'performance' duration (multi-hour achieved); (2) full-body orgasms (achieved); (3) kegel-locking/preventing ejac (achieved).


Numbers & averages:
- 7 times hit 10+ days w/o since started
- Most was 6 in a day (first day of successful PC-muscle locking)
- 15/month average in 2008
- 5/month average in 2009 (to date)


The road to success - key points:
- Not 'bingeing' whenever a long duration ends
- Avoiding dealing with 'morning wood' (it goes away in time!)
- Heavy physical activity/schedule 'deflates' anxiety
- Sedate/non-activity increases/draws attention to anxiety (keep busy!)
- Have SOMETHING to direct the energy into, in anything from kegels, meditation, exercise, projects!!!
- Focus on what you want/positive (conserving energy) as compared to what you don't want/negatie ('restraining self', holding out, etc)
- Regardless of reason, kegels are good for health. Do! Enjoy!
- Immerse self in positive energy/support of choice(s)


Bumps on the road to success - key points:
- After a certain amount of time (days, etc) w/o ejacs, they can get hair-trigger-ish. Can't rely on 'stopping it before it happens' with surety.
- When drained/post-event, more occurances are easier to do as it is not quite a 'hit' to the system (empty a bank account with 2 cents or a billion dollars!).


Dealing with anxiety - key points:
- Most powerful anxiety is after bingeing then stopping; resist urge to continue ("feel good now!")
- As you get used to going longer w/o masturbation, the overall amount/impact of anxiety decreases
- Energy/visualization breathing: rotate energy ~ pc-lock & breath up through spine to head, unlock & breathe down front



Helpful guides I made for myself: (note the mind trying to convince you otherwise!)

The 'Curiousity Trap':
1) Decide to look at material (for whatever reasons)
2) KEEPING on looking at material (while noting that I can 'stop at any time')
3) Doing 'activities' while not actively looking at material (thinking about it, etc)
4) Doing 'activities' WHILE looking at material
5) KEEPING on looking at material and doing activites (while noting that I can 'stop at any time')
6) Resulting 'O' (which may even be an 'accident')

How to bypass the 'Curiousity Trap':
1) Do NOT look at material (for whatever reasons)
2) Set self or external-based deadlines for looking at material (including breaks)
3) Do NOT do 'activities' while looking at material, completely end session first
4) Provide self with alternate priorities
5) Do NOT save/keep material of any sort for ANY length of time!


The Future:
- Continue with conservation of energy; stay (self) celibate until in committed relationship


Open forum:
- Any questions, wanting expansion on info here or something you thought I left out?
- Comments?
- Other?

[JaredR]

Wow! Very thorough. Good luck!

Edit: Ooh, I thought this was the planning stage! Well done I mean. Your bit on the "Curiosity Trap" is helpful.

[cylon]

Did your energy levels, abilitiy to concentrate, and overall sense off "well-being" increase as a result of this?

What were some of the personal benefits you experienced? Has the way you related to the opposite sex changed from this?

And, after slipping up, how long did it take to regain the gains you had made and reach equilibrium?

[rocketman]

can you go into detail about your overall energy levels (both physical and mental) as you progressed through the trial and around when you started noticing the effects?

i can't get past 10 days and every time i start back up, i go on a huge binge.

[Daffy Duck]

Wow, such a detailed report. I never really thought about masturbation being such a big issue with anyone.

Thanks for sharing.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

Wow, such a detailed report. I never really thought about masturbation being such a big issue with anyone..

It's all I can think of anymore, with all these reminders.

[cylon]

It's a guy thing.

[Angela]

Daffy's a guy!

Boy, is he EVAR.

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by cylon

It's a guy thing.

I am a plug, not a socket.

When I was a young teen I masturbated a few times a week. Nowadays it's very rare.

In my early twenties I even had a few trials of no masturbation myself. Not because I thought it was wrong, but just because I wanted to "break" the habit and saw it as something compulsive instead of something I really wanted to do. So I can understand people choosing to not do it, but I never thought too much of it. This is quite interesting.

Originally Posted by Angela

It's all I can think of anymore, with all these reminders.

Heh, there has been a lot of talk about it. How wacky.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

Heh, there has been a lot of talk about it. How wacky.

I know, it's something I've noticed in my coaching -- people tend to create for others what they're trying to avoid themselves.

[AirBreather]

JaredR: Thanks. Hope you can put it to good use.


cylon:
- energy levels: too subtle to track (think frog in bottle getting cooked slowly! ). The only real *obvious* blunt sensory experiences around energy levels are when I had gone anywhere from 10-20 days ~ releasing after *that* results in all sorts of dimming/deppressing/overall 'dampening'.

- benefits/relating comments:
a) absence of (very subtle) intrinsic shame/guilt in relating to women
b) more easy, regular sleep (as well as rest)
c) more free time!
d) helps in psychological/personal development (issues come up to be resolved ~ fat bubbling in the cauldron!); helps if there is social support for such
e) knowledge that it *is* possible (this is the longest time I have gone w/o in my entire life since started)
f) increased energy overall (not blatent, just looking back in comparison/memory)
g) attraction (and yet neutral towards) the idea of intimate relationships (no desperation and/or aversion)
h) general confidence booster

- slipping up: varies. About a week to reach a decent 'plateau' of energy/well-being. The *most* important thing (IMHO) is to be able to self-contain more and more energy (with less and less resulting anxiety). When I started this... 30 days would have had me jumping off the walls!


rocketman: see above points (subtle in general; no easy ways to gauge small gradients of energy change). If you *always* binge, scale back your days to a point where you only go once - e.g. go 6 days, 5 days, etc, until you reach a point. THEN go for longer.

Creativity, drive, etc, all better (in retrospect comparision).


Daffy Duck: thank you. FYI - this would probably not be a big issue if similiar tasks were easy for everybody, eh?


Angela: mmm'kay.


All: any further clarifications/questions?

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by AirBreather

Daffy Duck: thank you. FYI - this would probably not be a big issue if similiar tasks were easy for everybody, eh?

Indeed. We all struggle with different things.

[cylon]

This is simply a quality of life issue. Regular exercise means you feel good, stay healthy, and are more effective. Retaining your seminal fluid means you feel good, stay healthy and, are more effective. Releasing it makes you tired, lethargic, unfocused, leads to depression, for many. There is plenty of literature out there on the effects of "hangover" from orgasm out there if you want to educate yourself on this subject. Most men live out only a small sliver of their potential, all because they are doing what they think is just "how it's supposed to be" (ejaculating), whether with a partner, or solo.

I don't think you would tell someone who is participating in a regular exercise routine that they have "problem" with their physical health. They are simply maintaining it. But, this is a funny subject. Ha ha, masturbation. Seminal fluid, ejaculation, lol.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by cylon

Retaining your seminal fluid means you feel good, stay healthy and, are more effective.

Really? All I have is anecdotal evidence, but the men I've known whom I have been positive were having regular release of seminal fluid () have been some of the most effective, powerful, vital, athletic, sharp and joyful men around!

Maybe I've just been lucky.

[cylon]

I didn't realize you were a physician.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by cylon

I didn't realize you were a physician.

Who said I'm a physician? Did you miss my line about how all I have is anecdotal evidence? The men I've known whom I'm sure have been having regular (like daily or several times a week) ejaculation have been anything but tired, unfocused, lethargic, or depressed. Quite the contrary! I did have one lover, though, who "stored it up" (he said he was doing Tantra) and he was the one unhappy guy I've been involved with. That might be unrelated; it's just the one exception in my experience.

One doesn't have to be a doctor to recognize vitality, focus, drive, and joy.

Again, I might have just gotten lucky all these years.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by Angela

Who said I'm a physician? Did you miss my line about how all I have is anecdotal evidence? The men I've known whom I'm sure have been having regular (like daily or several times a week) ejaculation have been anything but tired, unfocused, lethargic, or depressed. Quite the contrary! I did have one lover, though, who "stored it up" (he said he was doing Tantra) and he was the one unhappy guy I've been involved with. That might be unrelated; it's just the one exception in my experience.

One doesn't have to be a doctor to recognize vitality, focus, drive, and joy.

Again, I might have just gotten lucky all these years.

This is my experience also. They have also confessed that they feel uplifted after good sex and not after masturbation. So just the mere fact that they ejaculated does not necessarily drain them. On the contrary!!! Maybe for 10-20 minutes, but that is all. Even at the age of 50 and plus they are ready for more and smiling very widely the next day

[Daffy Duck]

An ejaculation can make someone feel tired and encourage sleep, but so can eating turkey, apparently. It's not a very strong effect.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

An ejaculation can make someone feel tired and encourage sleep, but so can eating turkey, apparently. It's not a very strong effect.

And they're always so darned cheery when they wake up!

That's not always true after turkey.

[cylon]

There are some interesting videos here if anyone has the desire to see them.

"Reuniting" Videos | Reuniting


Edit: here's an article from the same site that summarizes the topic, but the videos themselves are fascinating too.

Biology's Mandate to Separate | Reuniting

[danas]

Originally Posted by Angela

It's all I can think of anymore, with all these reminders.

You crack me up Angela

[Angela]

AirBreather, I'm wondering about a couple of your results, the shame/guilt about women thing, and the general confidence booster thing. Do you think there's a direct correlation? Is it the porn connection -- like you're doing women "wrong" by looking at porn? I'll see guys in my neighborhood magazine store perusing the porn and they usually look a little clandestine and shame-faced, and I'm sorry for that. I almost want to empower them somehow, but I realize anything I could say or do would only make it worse, so I just smile and pick up my House Beautiful as nonchalantly as possible. (Why do they put the decorating mags next to the porn, I wonder? That seems like a design flaw.)

And how does it boost your confidence, do you know? I would have thought that having an ejaculation or orgasm a day would make you feel more calm and confident -- less, you know... urgency in your ordinary relations with the world.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by danas

You crack me up Angela

I'm serious! I'm in a period of unrestrained, immodest self-indulgence, and I'm pretty sure it's at least partially inspired by reading about people focusing on not doing it.

[Daffy Duck]

In my experience with masturbation, it didn't make me lose any energy until I started thinking of as something I compulsively did and needed to stop. Then when I did it, I felt it was a waste of time, that I had better things to do, and I believe these thoughts are what zapped me of my energy, not the masturbation itself. Even in the present day, in those rare times (maybe once every two or three months) I get any kind of urge to masturbate, I usually direct my thoughts to something else and "save" that sexual energy for my girlfriend.

I also noticed in my teenage years that ejaculation gave me a temporary boost in mental clarity and relaxation. It wore off within 30 minutes, usually, and it may have just been in my head to begin with.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

In my experience with masturbation, it didn't make me lose any energy until I started thinking of as something I compulsively did and needed to stop. Then when I did it, I felt it was a waste of time, that I had better things to do, and I believe these thoughts are what zapped me of my energy, not the masturbation itself. Even in the present day, in those rare times (maybe once every two or three months) I get any kind of urge to masturbate, I usually direct my thoughts to something else and "save" that sexual energy for my girlfriend.

Yeah it's not the masturbation itself, it's the orgasm that results in the ejaculation that is the issue. I can't do it (yet), but a man can learn to have multiple orgasms WITHOUT ejaculation, and it's supposed to be a hundred times better than traditional sex, and you don't get the negative "hangover" that comes from letting it out. And supposedly it actually increases the bond between partners.

That is what the info I posted was about. Those interested can look into it I suppose.

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by cylon

I can't do it (yet), but a man can learn to have multiple orgasms WITHOUT ejaculation, and it's supposed to be a hundred times better than traditional sex, and you don't get the negative "hangover" that comes from letting it out. And supposedly it actually increases the bond between partners.

Yeah, I've been able to do this a couple times. My kegal muscles aren't strong enough to do it consistently. The movie American Pie joked about these all-day-orgasm Tantric techniques where one character in the movie meditated constantly to give himself pleasure.

I wouldn't say it's 100x better. It's still sex, it's just lasting longer. And i never get the "negative hangover" when ejaculating during sex. The only time I've ever gotten it was from masturbation, and only when I thought negatively about my masturbation.

My point is that I suspect it will only be 100x better, increase the bond between partners, and so on IF you think it does. The only thing ejaculation does inherently/automatically/biologically seem to cause (based on my research and personal experience) is some occasional drowsiness.

[Angela]

My point is that I suspect it will only be 100x better, increase the bond between partners, and so on IF you think it does.

I agree that that seems very likely so.

[Daffy Duck]

I edited and removed some posts that were a bit too off-topic and was more of a personal conversation between Cylon, Angela, and myself. Sorry about that and please carry on.

[bparry]

Thanks for all the great points, I've recently been trying to give up masturbation and pornography, mainly because I'm tired of the draining effect it seems to have on me - after a release I always feel a slight depression for a few days and have no motivation to try and keep my life going in the direction I want, i become less social and i'm already quite shy as it is so I basically become recluse and that leads me onto a downward spiral of self abusive behaviour.

I know it has been having a negative effect on my life, but when I try and give it up I have no problem for two or three weeks, but then I start to forget the effect it has on me and i think, well whats one time going to do - it always ends in the same regretful feeling. I'd never really thought to try and make myself aware of the triggers then replace them with other activities, I always just assumed will power would get me through. The next time i get the urge, I'm coming to this post for that little extra motivational support to get me over the hurdle.

[AirBreather]

*edited for questions*

Originally Posted by Angela

AirBreather, I'm wondering about a couple of your results, the shame/guilt about women thing, and the general confidence booster thing. Do you think there's a direct correlation? Is it the porn connection -- like you're doing women "wrong" by looking at porn?

And how does it boost your confidence, do you know?

Angela:

Re: shame/guilt - ties into easy eye contact. Kinda like... when you have no secrets left to hide, it is a lot easier to breathe/be/relate with others. Unsure about direct correlation. Have been pursusing a number of spiritual/positive energy procedures, including completing (one year course of) ACIM. In the simpliest sense, 'porn' is associated with a certain bandwidth of energy - which one can choose to attune/be with or *not*. *shrug* (This make enough sense?! )

Re: confidence - I've found being 'drained' to not so much leave myself *calm*, but *apathetic* (dead, uncaring, etc). That may be misinterpreted as calmness when countered by the 'anxiety' that is common for many when not getting off for a decent length of time. Perhaps... More 'present', grounded, not up in my head, etc. 'Real'!

bparry: 'Ello! Much power to your journey!

All others: oy! New thread, mayhaps?!