What's up with these "30 Day Challenges?"

[CarolM]

Originally Posted by Dot

Well, what kind of milk would you imagine most heathy people buy, drink, and use? They call it WHOLE milk. WHOLE people are attracted to WHOLE milk, because it simply tastes and feels better - 'cause it real milk. In the last whatever amount of years since they started feeding corn to cows and shooting them up with drugs, even healthy (more whole) people now buy, use and are attracted to "Organic Whole Milk." 'Cause it's now even more "whole" than regular whole milk - which has become CRAP/DRUG/BITTER/DOO-DOO/POOP Whole Milk. : )

Oh, in the case of the words you said to yourself during the game, it doesn't matter if you don't believe them. Are you guys about the same level, or are you considerably better at basketball. I play guitar pretty well, and I could chant "I suck at guitar" all long, and I'd still be pretty good. And, actually, I might even have a realization by thinking and saying that - that would make me even better.

Words are HUGELY powerful to us - especially if they set off some kind of emotion in us. In terms of our bodies - most of us don't like the word FAT - not even fat people. And as Angela said, fat become don't become healthy by thinking about and working towards the goal of being not fat. That's like saying I want to not be - whatever - I don't wanna be a carrot - I don't wanna be sick - I don't wanna be broke. Doesn't help me or anyone to see what I DO want to BE. But with something like.. I wanna be a proud, successful, healthy, sexy, rich, gay Puerto Rican fashion designer. OK, now we're talkin'! Because we all - including the person who wants to become a proud, successful, healthy, sexy, rich, gay Puerto Rican fashion designer - has a fairly good idea, and the ability to vividly visual and SEE a proud, successful, healthy, sexy, rich, gay Puerto Rican fashion designer in our minds. And a person who focuses and concentrates on being a proud, successful, healthy, sexy, rich, gay Puerto Rican fashion designer is going to ATTRACT all the things, people, experiences, and opportunities - and - as long as they keep at it and don't give up along the way --- poof, they become a proud, successful, healthy, sexy, rich, gay Puerto Rican fashion designer.

Now, if that same person; the one who is now the proud, successful, healthy, sexy, rich, gay Puerto Rican fashion designer---- had, instead started out with a list of qualities along the lines of... well, I don't wanna be fat, and I don't wanna be broke, and I'm having a hard time excepting the fact that I'm gay - but I'll just try and hide it from all the truckers I work with - even though I really don't want to be a trucker, and I'm really tired all the time. So what they're really thinking is I want to be a not-fat, not-broke, closeted gay who doesn't work driving a truck or be around truckers. See, it tells the individual - and others - including the universe - absolutely NOTHING about what they actually do want or who they want to be. All it tells us is what they DON't want to be. And even worse -- since the only descriptors - or even hints - we are being given, or that the person is even giving to themselves are not-fat, not-broke, closeted gay, not driving trucks and not being around truckers... guess what? They will continue to attract EXACTLY the very things, people, and experiences they do not want, and remain a fat, broke, closeted gay, truck driver. And they'll remain that way until the pain and agony of living such a crap life either sends them over the edge of dispair - or, they wake up one day and really really begin exploring what they WANT in their lives. Then they are ready to finally realize thir true potential - because they're free to become themselves. And, well, some people are there are destined to become proud, successful, healthy, sexy, rich, gay Puerto Rican fashion designers. And thank god for that!

-IMO The best whole milk comes from a cow you raise yourself. Grass fed, or organically grain fed ...raw, un-homogenized and non-pasteurized whole milk.

-Not all fat people mind being called fat. It is what it is. That's a truth. If you are fat, how can you debate that statement? It's no different than stating that someone is tall, or mentally ill, or legless, or unemployed. Because they are.

What I think happens in the process of "calling" or "labelling" a person, judgements get passed. Of course yes, I agree with you, that people also have their own emotions based on what they think of themselves. But, it's one thing to say "Hey, you're fat". That is purely a statement. With no other intention than stating the truth. It's quite another to be laughing and pointing and saying "OMG you're so fat, why don't you go on a diet?" And at an even higher level, it's quite another to know in a polite society you shouldn't state your judgement, so you don't, but you think it anyway.

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by Angela

Did I ever tell you about how Shaquille saved me from a nasty scrape?

No, please do. My brother met him once years ago. My brother was working on a custom boat Shaq ordered from an Orlando dealer.

And I don't like Kobe either.

Dot -- I'm about to be off but I'll respond later. Thanks for your reply.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

No, please do.

Okay -- sorry to go off-topic for a moment. I was at a season ticket holder event at Staples Center and they were auctioning off their two new players: Gary Payton and Karl Malone. If you won the bidding, you got to spend the evening or something with that player. Well, I had a couple of glasses of wine and the next thing I knew I was waving my paddle around like a wild woman, and was just about to be proclaimed the winner with my $5,000 bid , when I came to my senses and thought, "oh, god, what am I doing? I don't need a laker." and Shaq, who was sitting next to me, saw the panic in my eye and quickly held up his paddle. Pheww! We both started laughing uproariously. It was great.

[Daffy Duck]

Angela, very cool story!

Dot,

Well, what kind of milk would you imagine most healthy people buy, drink, and use? They call it WHOLE milk.

Hehe. Many people here would argue that healthy people don't drink milk.

Oh, in the case of the words you said to yourself during the game, it doesn't matter if you don't believe them.

Right! That's ultimately my point. The words we choose do not have as much meaning as our actions, our intentions, and our beliefs.

I agree with your fashion designer example. But even then, the power lies not in the words, but in the fact that the person has a clear goal in mind. And I think for something as simple as giving up masturbation for 30 days, such a specific goal as your fashion designer example is not needed (though some might find it helpful).

After reading your fourth post in this thread which included some pessimistic predictions, I wasn't quite sure what you were getting at. But as I read more of your posts in this thread and others, I think we share similar techniques.

The words are just an expression of the power. They are not the power. Hope that makes sense.

[Dot]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

The words are just an expression of the power. They are not the power. Hope that makes sense.

Ah, yes, absolutely, Mr. Duck. Words are symbols. Languages are symbolic. The map is not the territory.

And as words are an expression of power, then unclear, and undefined words that someone would make about goals, what they want, where they want to go, etc. - would be and expression of unclear and undefined power. And unclear power comes from an unclear and unfocused mind.

The "masturbation challenge" currently going on, as we find, turns out not to be about masturbation at all. It turns out that the original goal - which was completely unvoiced until we drew it out - is a deepening relationship with Christ

How can we better and more accurately clearly define our target goals? Focusing on what we do not want is not a clear goal - and, in fact, continues our focus on the condition we want to remove ourselves from.

So, back to this whole 30-Day Challenge thing. The #1 thing I see that's a common denominator for people who "set themselves up" is that they are setting up goals that are focusing on what they don't want instead of what they do want.

What does a topic - which expresses a target goal of not masturbating or watching pornography focus on? Why... it brings the focus and attention to ... tada ... masturbation and pornography!

This really brings us to the point that people who are setting up any type of target goal - regardless of whether they use a 30-day framework - need to understand a few principles and dynamics before they start. And this is where our choice of words is vitally important in setting up the direction we want to move power.

If power is the water coming out of a garden hose - then it's our choice of words that is going to determine what gets wet.

[JaredR]

Yikes! Interestingly, no one has criticized 30 days of not smoking despite the fact that it too is a "negative-focused" or "moving-away-from" goal. Is the OP embarking on a misguided journey? Perhaps this is not about the nature of my challenge but its subject.

[Daffy Duck]

The OP has been successful in not smoking for 20+ days. Hmm, seems to be working so far.

[Kanzeon]

They remind me of Lent.

Lent isn't a bad thing. It helps a lot of people with their sprituality.

Whenever you make a change, you risk focusing on the habit you want to lose.

It seems to me time frames are useful in goal setting. Many times, the timeframe is contained within the goal. Having a time frame - for example, an exam date, a marathon, or a social event you want to look good at - is wonderfully motivating. Then, once that date comes, you take another look at the goal, where you stand in relation to it, and how intensely you want to continue. Having an arbitrary timeline can serve a purpose.

It leaves me a little puzzled when something sexual is made a goal of self-improvement. (Although, come to thing of it, I've never tried saying to my partner "I'm going to practice cunnilingus every day for thirty days, to see if I can improve"...it may be well received). Religious people often find value in sexual fasting, however. I don't get it, but I know it's helpful for them.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by JaredR

Yikes! Interestingly, no one has criticized 30 days of not smoking despite the fact that it too is a "negative-focused" or "moving-away-from" goal. Is the OP embarking on a misguided journey? Perhaps this is not about the nature of my challenge but its subject.

JaredR, I hope you don't consider that I was criticizing you, or telling you you're on a misguided journey, when I suggested adding a "towards" focus to your intention. My intent was not to tell you you're doing anything wrong -- just to add more, and to let you know how I would approach it from a hypnotherapy perspective.

It would be the same thing with smoking -- I would suggest that same process of questions I described earlier: "What will you be doing when you're a nonsmoker, that smoking used to prevent? What will being a nonsmoker provide for you?" Focusing on the towards-motivation gives you a lot more power in the face of the habitual behavior.

As I mentioned, there's nothing wrong with away-from motivation -- it's a good way to blast off from an unwanted behavior. It just tends to draw you back in, if you're not focusing on what you want.

[JaredR]

I'm sorry if I sound defensive, which was my first reaction to be honest. I really have taken your advice into consideration though, and I have applied some of it so far. For example, I am motivating myself by thinking of how much greater the pleasure of God is compared to the pleasure of masturbation/pornography. I agree that a necessary component of this trial will be shifting from what I don't want (masturbation) to what I do want (greater happiness in God). Still though, I am focused on the habits I want to break because that is the most effective approach for me.