Hopelessly Stuck

[DarkCatalyst]

Hey all,

I found my way here through one of the articles on this site; "Life Sucks, and Then You Die." This is my first time posting here and I feel a bit uncomfortable because I don't like exposing my personal problems for everyone to see. Though, I'm hoping to get some advice,

I won't bore you with a backstory or a lot of details. The fact is that I am terribly unhappy and I seem to be getting worse as the days go by. I'm 28 and I feel like a complete failure. I have loads of student loan debt and no career. I have very few friends (the envy I feel towards more successful peers just destroys those relationships) and no family in this state. I'm approaching 3 years at working on my Master's. It was supposed to be a two year program. Unfortunately, I've had several setbacks with my research in addition to my general laziness.

The article referenced above encouraged me to change things. If I didn't know what to change then to change anything, however minor. The problem is, that I can't get myself to change anything. I just don't care and I feel like giving up. Well, maybe I should revise that last statement. I care enough to be bothered and tortured over it, but not enough to actually change it. I'm well aware of all my missed opportunities. It's seared into my mind. You'd think I would learn something from it but I don't. I just go on doing the same thing.

I really hate my life and I get no joy out of it. The only thing I like doing is playing World of Warcraft. I actually prefer my virtual life, which is pretty sad. Any advice on how to proceed?

DC

[Angela]

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

Any advice on how to proceed?

Hey, DC, welcome!

If you weren't Hopelessly Stuck, if you weren't believing those thoughts that things seem to be getting worse, or that you are envious or lazy, what would you be doing? I'm not asking you not to believe all those things; just to put them aside for a quick moment (you can have them all back afterwards) and speculate: what would your life look like if those beliefs are just gone now?

What would you be doing, seeing, hearing, and feeling?

[Eric Roosevelt]

When you feel like everything is wrong it can be hard to fix yourself, and it can take time. A good thing to keep in mind is that if we keep strengthening our good habits, we're making an investment that will get us to a better place eventually even if we don't see immediate results. Most people can identify what they think we need to do, but don't follow through when they don't see immediate results. They don't understand that what they're doing when they're forming new habits is planting seeds.

One of the best long term investments we can make is in our own thoughts. Most of our thoughts tend to be repetitive. Most people get up in the morning, and their mind starts running a well rehearsed program. While it's hard to constantly think creatively, it can be good to at least understand that our thought patterns have a huge influence on our results, and that ultimately we can control them.

So start becoming conscious of your thoughts. What do you think about when you get up in the morning, and what are you thinking right now? Is what you're thinking helping you, or is it holding your back?

[themaster]

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

I really hate my life and I get no joy out of it. The only thing I like doing is playing World of Warcraft. I actually prefer my virtual life, which is pretty sad. Any advice on how to proceed?

Well, first off don't refer to the one thing you enjoy as "sad".. technically speaking the virtual life can be just as fulfilling as a *real* world one.. and let's be real here anyway.. the virtual life is real, it is via action on the physical plane yes.. you have to have a credit card yes.. you have to have internet yes.. a computer, physical interaction with keyboard? All = yes

What it sounds like to me is that you want to transition to more real world stuff.. fine.. (this is in a way the same transition I'm working on) but don't refer to the person you are now as "sad".. you are anything but.. pick up a smile and know that what you've been exploring in wow is valid, beautiful, unique and fun for you and that's all that matters..

(my sister’s in the other room engaged in WOW.. don’t think I don’t have a clue about what I’m talking about)

Any advice on how to proceed?

You need to drop every single load you’re carrying that you don't enjoy or you don't find fun.. doesn't matter what it is.. if you've been working 20 years to be a carpenter but you don't find that idea fun anymore "DROP IT"

Don’t carry loads you don’t want too for the following “ego” reasons
- I started it, I have to finish it
- If I don’t get this career, I’m worthless and have wasted all my time in school.. (you know this one isn’t true.. did the Napster guy even graduate?? not likely did he get a nice payout for a idea/program surely??)
- I’m sure I could think of some more but I’m out of ideas

You are feeling negative about certain things.. I would get in touch with why that is.. is there a dream that you believe is too hard to reach? Are you just lazy and don't want to do the work (nothing wrong with that.. you might learn that "hard work is its own reward" line is nothing but bs) ??

Understand that from my viewpoint/understanding.. negative opinions about yourself are just you pointing to you.. that that is the opposite of the truth..

I'd be happy to recommend some of my teacher's works if you want to take self empowerment ideas to the next level.. of course it does require a very open mind

[CoolBee]

First of all, have a read of this post.

Addiction – The First Step | Action Podcast
where someone forced herself to face the fact she was an addict of WoW (for several years!) and became an addict when it became more fulfilling than her real life. She only faced up to this a couple of weeks ago.

Secondly, lots of people get the blues in the third year of any course - I did several times on various degrees etc.. - it was getting 63% in an exam on one course that I had never got less than 82% for before that gave me the wake-up call I needed.

Thirdly, write a list of 5 simple things you can change each day, maybe what you eat for breakfast, where you buy your groceries, the route you take to school/work, whatever.

Fourthly, write 5 things in your life that you were/are successful at - even if its as 'silly' as breathing in and out every day or managing to get your jeans on the right way round each time!

If you are feeling down are you hanging around in your pjs? fling open the windows, take a shower every morning and put fresh clothes on.

You don't mention doing any physical exercise, if you're not, just take yourself off on a short walk every day - just 10 minutes up the road, turn round and back. Don't use an Ipod or anything, just walk, just listen to the stream of thoughts but without judging or criticizing them.

Here's an exercise that I find really helpful with many of my stuck clients in a coaching context:

Think of 6 instances in your life where you have done something, anything, YOU are proud of. It doesn't matter if anyone else knows, it doesn't matter if anyone else agrees, it doesn't matter if its 'really stupid'. Just 6 things in your life that gave you a little glow of pride.
Then write the stories around what happened and try to identify the things you did which made you proud and why. One of my instances involves a time when I made a decision at work of which I am still immensely proud and I would do again in a flash but which I got a complete b**king for off my boss!
If you seriously can't find 6, then set about setting up little stories for yourself - help the old lady across the road, ask the crying stranger if they are ok, whatever..

[brendannz]

You're 2/3rds through a masters degree, shouldn't you be proud of this? It sounds like your future is going to be better than your past.. yeah?

[JMonkey]

Originally Posted by themaster

Well, first off don't refer to the one thing you enjoy as "sad".. technically speaking the virtual life can be just as fulfilling as a *real* world one.. and let's be real here anyway.. the virtual life is real, it is via action on the physical plane yes.. you have to have a credit card yes.. you have to have internet yes.. a computer, physical interaction with keyboard? All = yes

I can't agree with this at all. It's like controlling a robot soldier via webcam and expecting to feel the heat of the battle. But you won't feel half as many emotions which stimulate the mind and body because you aren't facing fears.

You can't truly live life through a proxy.

"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena"

[DarkCatalyst]

Well, regarding World of Warcraft: The reason I like it so much is the fact that it is an incredibly cheap form of entertainment at $14.99 a month. This is important since I live in poverty. It also keeps me from drinking. If I didn't have this game I'd probably be a hardcore alcoholic. It's easier for me to meet people on the game as well because superficial things like your appearance, how much money you have and what you do for a living don't matter. If you're a decent person and are skilled and knowledgeable at the game, then it's easy to find friends and people will respect you. If you suck and are rude then most people will shun you. But I'll admit it's not as fulfilling as the real thing (real relationships).

When I described my situation, I wasn't stating beliefs. Those are all facts. I AM envious, lazy, bitter and poor. If I weren't those things I'd be more successful and I'd actually have friends and relationships. My life DOES suck. It's sad and lonely and a monument to wasted time and potential. It's been a waste of time. My reaction to it is normal.

I just don't want it to be this way anymore. I feel like I've sunk so far down that I'll never climb out of this hole in which I find myself. It's like I'm trapped in a web. I'm not proud of anything. I've spent 9 months stuck in the same routine. Wake up, hate my life, go to job that sucks, come home, watch TV and play WoW. Oh, and ignore thesis. I can't break out of this and I'm beginning to think that what's beyond this isn't even worth the effort. I don't think I'll ever be happy, enjoy life or like myself.

[ssandra]

Hi,

I understand what you are going thru, as I am going to a similar state.

I have decided that I am the one in control, not the situation or any excuse or even my unconsiousness (I get these great ideas about doing stuff and than I stay seated on my ass watching tv or reading (which would by my WoW)).

I have a new mantra which I say at any possible moment and repeat while falling asleep:

"I am in control. I am in control of my actions, feelings and life. I am in control".

Hopefully this will help. Because this way I will not let my other, lazy, scared, cowardly self be in control, but I will live a consious life with consious choices, not just following orders and going about my day...

Maybe this post helps you. I hope so, because I know it sucks to feel like this.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

When I described my situation, I wasn't stating beliefs. Those are all facts.

Yes, I get that everything you believe, you believe is a fact. I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm asking: what if you didn't believe all those facts? If you weren't believing you are bitter and poor, hopeless and stuck, lazy and trapped -- if you were living your ideal life, free of all of those beliefs, what would your life look like? What would you see, hear, and feel?

[Stevie B]

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

I just don't want it to be this way anymore. I feel like I've sunk so far down that I'll never climb out of this hole in which I find myself. It's like I'm trapped in a web. I'm not proud of anything. I've spent 9 months stuck in the same routine. Wake up, hate my life, go to job that sucks, come home, watch TV and play WoW. Oh, and ignore thesis. I can't break out of this and I'm beginning to think that what's beyond this isn't even worth the effort. I don't think I'll ever be happy, enjoy life or like myself.

It sounds like you are looking for the world to answer this question. Not all answers to your life can be found in a forum. For instance, you mentioned that you liked WoW. Well without you looking inside yourself to see that you liked WoW, you wouldn't be able to know. So you need to look inside yourself to find out what you like.

If you find something you like, then you'll wake up, love life, go to job that sucks, come home and watch TV and play WoW. The thing is you have to find out what job you like, what TV program you like, what activities you like to do and in general find out how to get yourself out of this rut.

Any ideas on what you like?

Stevie B.

[themaster]

Originally Posted by JMonkey

You can't truly live life through a proxy.

Ohh, f*cking hell yes you can.. stop Judging.. from a true real higher perspective.. there is no judgment.. nothing you do is ever wrong..

There is nothing wrong with a life spent in a virtual world.. just as there is nothing wrong with a life spent in the physical, physical world..

I get the feeling when you state this.. you are judging yourself.. I take it your are judging your past in the virtual world.. never be ashamed of anything you do..

It's so sad or should I say disappointing (reaching for neutral here) for me to see people who judge things they did in their past as "wrong" "inadequate" or "uncool"

OMG! I can't believe I actually liked the "smurfs" there so gay to me now!
(judgment of self)

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

Well, regarding World of Warcraft: The reason I like it so much is the fact that it is an incredibly cheap form of entertainment at $14.99 a month. This is important since I live in poverty. It also keeps me from drinking. If I didn't have this game I'd probably be a hardcore alcoholic. It's easier for me to meet people on the game as well because superficial things like your appearance, how much money you have and what you do for a living don't matter. If you're a decent person and are skilled and knowledgeable at the game, then it's easy to find friends and people will respect you. If you suck and are rude then most people will shun you. But I'll admit it's not as fulfilling as the real thing (real relationships).

When I described my situation, I wasn't stating beliefs. Those are all facts. I AM envious, lazy, bitter and poor. If I weren't those things I'd be more successful and I'd actually have friends and relationships. My life DOES suck. It's sad and lonely and a monument to wasted time and potential. It's been a waste of time. My reaction to it is normal.

I just don't want it to be this way anymore. I feel like I've sunk so far down that I'll never climb out of this hole in which I find myself. It's like I'm trapped in a web. I'm not proud of anything. I've spent 9 months stuck in the same routine. Wake up, hate my life, go to job that sucks, come home, watch TV and play WoW. Oh, and ignore thesis. I can't break out of this and I'm beginning to think that what's beyond this isn't even worth the effort. I don't think I'll ever be happy, enjoy life or like myself.

For you I have the same damn advice.. read above but I will repeat it somewhat if you'll listen..

Stop Judging yourself! You are perfect, beautiful in every way that you are.. you don't need to get down on yourself.. take a minute, take a real minute and see your positive perspectives.. see your neutral perspectives.. take a real minute to appreciate yourself.. cause I surely appreciate you

And BTW I can tell you appreciate yourself in some of the statements above.. keep pushing on that.. remove the "judgment"

There isn't anything you can do in your life that is wrong.. if all you ever do is wake up, play wow, eat cereal, collect social security, sleep and REPEAT.. if that makes you happy, then your life is perfect by my standards and should be by yours.. when you remove the EXPECTATIONS and the JUDGMENTS about yourself is when you can wake up to a little self love and new joyful experiences.. (if you want them)

[lisamelinda]

sorry to hear that you are sad. firstly, stop criticising yourself! how can you expect to ever improve if you are harsh to yourself? we always think that we should tell ourselves how terrible we are (lazy, useless etc.) because that will somehow inspire us to do something about it, whereas the opposite tends to happen and we become even more stuck in our pattern of behaviour. anyway, i'm glad you found this website. I think you will find lots of things to help you. technically, you could look at this as the beginning of a very exciting journey. the first book i read that slowly changed my entrenched negative ways of thinking was 'you can heal your life' by Louise Hay. i think that could help you. i'm also your age, and we tend to go through a bit of a pre-thirty crisis but well done with your masters! congratulations on sticking with it :P)

[Susanna77]

Originally Posted by lisamelinda

sorry to hear that you are sad. firstly, stop criticising yourself! how can you expect to ever improve if you are harsh to yourself? we always think that we should tell ourselves how terrible we are (lazy, useless etc.) because that will somehow inspire us to do something about it, whereas the opposite tends to happen and we become even more stuck in our pattern of behaviour. anyway, i'm glad you found this website. I think you will find lots of things to help you. technically, you could look at this as the beginning of a very exciting journey. the first book i read that slowly changed my entrenched negative ways of thinking was 'you can heal your life' by Louise Hay. i think that could help you. i'm also your age, and we tend to go through a bit of a pre-thirty crisis but well done with your masters! congratulations on sticking with it :P)

Ah you beat me to it. I too was going to recommend Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life".

If you don't feel like reading please (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) get "You Can Heal Your Life" DVD (also PLEASE get the extended version with bonus CD because it has amazing information on it).

In the meantime, please don't be so hard on yourself.

[JMonkey]

Originally Posted by themaster

Ohh, f*cking hell yes you can.. stop Judging.. from a true real higher perspective.. there is no judgment.. nothing you do is ever wrong..

There is nothing wrong with a life spent in a virtual world.. just as there is nothing wrong with a life spent in the physical, physical world..

Say you'd never been outside your house, only played a computer game which simulated that. Could you give an honest opinion of how the wind feels against your body when you run against it?

I have played computer games in my past of course, most people my generation have, but I would never in a billions years consider it a satisfactory substitute for getting out of the house and doing those things for real. Ok I grant you, slaying a dragon is not something you'll do in real life, but how exciting is it when you do it in a computer game? Can't be much I wager.

Truth is of course, my opinion is ultimately my opinion and that is all. I won't try and say what I think is the right way because there is no right way. I just won't believe that escapism is a healthy acivity. You aren't facing any fears when you play these games and in most self-development books you'll find that facing your fears is probably the most exhilarating way to live your life.

Unlike yourself, I won't try and form an opinion of you based on what you've wrote. My posts are purely to encourage the OP that escapism isn't the answer and he'll more than likely find a healthier route in life by trying to avoid it. Media fasts have done wonders for many people.

[JacksEarth]

Heh, I feel like the OP here.
Well sortof..
Replace WoW with staring at the ceiling and checking my inbox 467times a day.

I hated where my life was going and I couldnt see any joy anywhere.
Like the OP I'm wondering if life on the other side of the fence is actually worth the effort.
Sure I see happy people, I read about them here on this forum as well.
But their stories and their lives just makes me feel worse.
I'm supposed to be happy and inspired that some lonely guy made a 360 and became the happiest guy alive.. I really should. But I'm not, "Oh great.. another guy found happiness good for him /Sarcasm"

When I look at people who are happy, I dont understand why they are happy. Their lives dont seem all that interesting to me.
And I cant figure out what is interesting to me. I dont like anything enough to make a career out of it, (maybe painting but meh.. thats a pretty big bet. doing the same thing day in and day out all by yourself for most of your life gets tiresome)

I dropped everything that I didnt like long ago, as suggested by 'themaster'

What I cant figure out is where to go from here..
It's just so empty, nothing but me myself and I.. (you become very selfish when you have nothing else too..)

What do I want? I dunno! Nothing interests me!
I put blame on the sick society we live in.. I dont enjoy any of it.
But I have to be realistic, I live in this world whether I like it or not and I have to figure out something to make it less painful.

All I have are my fantasies.

Sorry for the peptalk.. I'm great at this stuff!

I usually get great advice from you people and many others, they make me feel motivated and full of energy. So I use that to write down some plans.. usually not much but atleast something. The day ends and I go to bed, the next day I wake up feeling like **** again, looking at my goals and think "..pff whatever" I logon to read all the great advice I got and same thing again "..whatever" Then I go lie in my bed wondering why the hell I cant stay motivated for more than 5minutes.
I honestly dont know what to do.
Exercising hasn't helped, though I still do it in hopes of getting a healthier body.
Eating right hasn't helped either, still do it for the same reason.

The most common thought I have is a loud scream. My second most common thought is related to IM where I picture myself living a great life.

[themaster]

Originally Posted by JMonkey

Say you'd never been outside your house, only played a computer game which simulated that. Could you give an honest opinion of how the wind feels against your body when you run against it?

I don't get the question.. really, I honestly DON'T!

Okay.. virtual wind got it.. when you’re sitting at your keyboard/desk/whatever.. and your typing and engaging your FOCUS in wow or we'll call it "the sims"

The physical experience your having is that of the keyboard/mouse/screen etc. not that of virtual wind..

But alright I'll take your step one further..

For a long, long time we have had ideas of Virtual Reality simulators on this planet.. we can already build some today..

I have been in simulators that do wind.. (not that hard a fan/air conditioning/whatever) my point here is yes, you can feel wind against your face.. in the future full tactile response may be truly possible.. whether that is a plug-in to the brain or some kind of neat tactile system remains to be seen..

Originally Posted by JMonkey

I have played computer games in my past of course, most people my generation have, but I would never in a billions years consider it a satisfactory substitute for getting out of the house and doing those things for real.

Who are you to judge? (yah, I'm asking)

If someone's highest excitement in life is to explore the game world, to engage in virtual fun.. again.. who are you to judge?

Originally Posted by JMonkey

Ok I grant you, slaying a dragon is not something you'll do in real life, but how exciting is it when you do it in a computer game? Can't be much I wager.

You can do that.. depends on the person.. if it's of their highest excitement/joy.. VERY..

Can't be much I wager
that is your opinion/judgment

Originally Posted by JMonkey

Truth is of course, my opinion is ultimately my opinion and that is all. I won't try and say what I think is the right way because there is no right way. I just won't believe that escapism is a healthy acivity. You aren't facing any fears when you play these games and in most self-development books you'll find that facing your fears is probably the most exhilarating way to live your life.

Unlike yourself, I won't try and form an opinion of you based on what you've wrote. My posts are purely to encourage the OP that escapism isn't the answer and he'll more than likely find a healthier route in life by trying to avoid it. Media fasts have done wonders for many people.

Escapism is perfectly valid way to take a load off in the world.. if this wasn't the case the "Movie" industry and the "Game" industry would be taking huge loss's not continuing to evolve there art forms

However I want to be clear.. since I know video games very well.. I know that just as games can give you positive emotions of joy, love, beauty.. they can also go in the negative direction of hate and anger..

Originally Posted by JacksEarth

What I can’t figure out is where to go from here..
It's just so empty, nothing but me myself and I.. (you become very selfish when you have nothing else too..)

I'm sorry, Jack that you haven't found any joy yet..

First off keep trying
Second off don't judge anything you've ever done

From my perspective Jack I see a million ways to approach your problem and start living for fun.. so I'm just going to throw out some ideas okay?

- Do your best to return to a child like state.. I mean I hope you didn't wake up when you 5-8 and think.. "******* another f*cking day!"
- Throw out this idea to the universe.. "I'd like to see some things I would fine fun"
- Let go of your judgments about society.. you seem to be holding yourself back on this one..

I mean why are you here Jack???

I think you’re lying to yourself.. you wouldn't be here.. (physical) if you didn't have a good reason.. why can't you just let you be you?? why don't you get out of your own way?? and why don't you back off on letting the "ego" run the show and just flow.. my teacher says "follow your highest excitement"

I'm going to translate this for you.. if you’re sitting in your room and your bored.. being like what you describe above..

And you have only 2 ideas for that moment..
1. Go eat at Mcd's
2. Make some ramon

Whichever was had the hint of higher excitement is the one you should lean too.. I think in writing this scenario I think it's Mcd's (don't ask me why ) but let’s assume that both have the same amount of excitement.. in that case do either one..

But if you could live moment to moment.. in a way what was shown in the movie "Yes, man" by choosing your highest excitement.. believe me what that movie showed in a way can be your life.. you obviously however have many beliefs about the world you will have to work out too

I could spend a lot of time dissecting your post but I've had enough text based interaction.. hope this helps

And BTW be proud that you moved from the state of "hating your life" I can tell you are in your words

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by themaster

Who are you to judge? (yah, I'm asking)

Who are you to ask why he judges?

We can play this game all day!

[JacksEarth]

- Do your best to return to a child like state.. I mean I hope you didn't wake up when you 5-8 and think.. "******* another f*cking day!"

I actually entered that precise era when I was 8. School was rough on me all the way to graduation. But thank buddah I'm over that.
But I get what you're saying, I dont have any memories of it but before that era my parents say I was a very happy kid who didnt need anyone else, I was always playing alone and talking to the moon. Now days I talk to myself a lot~

I mean why are you here Jack???

To seek guidance?

why don't you back off on letting the "ego" run the show and just flow.. my teacher says "follow your highest excitement"

Because my highest excitement usually involve really dangerous stuff that require planning.

For instance, I'm very into the idea of packing a bag and hitchhike somewhere. Though I have no experience living in the wild and no clue where I would sleep or how to get food apart from dumpster diving, which is only possible in cities which I'd like to avoid.

Some times I feel like going out and making a backflip although I have never done one before.

The things that excite me don't lead to any kind of career or income. How am I gonna survive if I just keep doing silly things like that?
Yeah I'm in my own way..

the movie "Yes, man"

awesome movie.. gonna watch it again tonight, thx for bringing it up!

Who are you to ask why he judges?

We can play this game all day!

..Good one Daffy.d

Thx themaster, You've helped me for today. I'm afraid that tomorrow will feel like this morning did though... Hopefully not but Really, thanks!
Maybe I should make it like a daily thing to watch the movie "yes,man" every night till Its heavily grinded into my brain :x

[pauldickinson]

Choose one thing, and one thing only, then attack that goal. Don't worry about anything else for now until you've achieved that goal. Build some momentum if you're coming out of a position of feeling unhappy. Start easy and let it snowball naturally.

[Gerto]

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

I just don't want it to be this way anymore. I feel like I've sunk so far down that I'll never climb out of this hole in which I find myself. It's like I'm trapped in a web. I'm not proud of anything. I've spent 9 months stuck in the same routine. Wake up, hate my life, go to job that sucks, come home, watch TV and play WoW. Oh, and ignore thesis. I can't break out of this and I'm beginning to think that what's beyond this isn't even worth the effort. I don't think I'll ever be happy, enjoy life or like myself.

Wow! Such a negativity about yourself.

Believe me; You really are okay! The fact that you're posting on a forum like this already means that you want to actively try to improve your situation and aren't afraid to ask for help! That by itself is a serious accomplishment!And don't hesitate to pat yourself on the back for a moment now; you deserve it

Now , you say you are "envious, lazy, bitter and poor" and say it is a fact, as if this is something permanent which can never change.
Even if you really are as you say all of those things right now (which I strongly doubt), this can be changed!

It doesn't have to be hard. Start with one small change; just a tiny thing, anything to get the positive effect going, and then reward yourself!

Progress is progress. Even if you spend just 5 minutes each day to moving your life forward, this will mean you're going in the right direction!

For me personally, what helped me get started in all of my efforts was starting a journal / diary. I'm still learning and struggling, but this helps me a lot to be able to discover my thoughts when I'm down.

Good Luck! Please, let me know how it goes

[JMonkey]

Originally Posted by themaster

Escapism is perfectly valid way to take a load off in the world.. if this wasn't the case the "Movie" industry and the "Game" industry would be taking huge loss's not continuing to evolve there art forms

Hmm probably got a lot more to do with the ad men who sit in offices all day thinking of ways to brainwash people to be honest

In any case, I didn't think I was judging; but if he's on this forum asking for advice on how to feel more fulfilled and explains that he plays WoW all the time, it's pretty clear that WoW isn't fulfilling him. I was using my opinions to offer him another solution.

[DarkCatalyst]

JacksEarth, your posts really resonated with me. You described how I felt better than I could myself.

Kind of thinking about ending it. Everyone wants to do great things, be successful and make a lot of money. Unfortunately, 99% of us are doomed to lead small and insignificant lives. I can't be happy being one of those people. I can't be happy being poor and alone. I don't want to struggle day to day. I don't want to lead that kind of life. I honestly don't think I can make these changes or ever be happy. I'm just one of those people.

[JacksEarth]

DarkCatalyst, the only thing I can recommend is doing what you dont want.
what themaster said about doing what you lean most against is what I'm trying.

I may not like any of it but there are some things I hate less so I do them.
And frankly, I'm a very All or nothing kind of guy.
If I cant have it all, I dont want any of it.
I dont want to take steps, I hate things that take years and years to do.
So I'm actually just gonna sit back and go along for the ride for a while.

Whatever comes up, comes up. Stop caring, if i get an opportunity, I'm gonna go for it. Even if I hate it. Cuz I cant stay here. I guess you just gotta practice being happy, just like you practice soccer or whatever.

Maybe you should do the same?

[CroMagna]

My favorite aunt didn't have a career until she was FORTY-TWO. She now runs her own NGO. She spent her whole youth globetrotting, waiting tables, and doing low-level international development work. All she knew was she wants to do community organizing and maybe marry a rich man. She married my uncle who isn't rich but now she doesn't need to worry about anything, as she is making enough to have 7 credit cards.

Be glad that you even got into a Master's program. I don't know how I'd be able to finance that and I don't feel like contacting old professors for recommendations.

Be VERY glad that you're not living at home with your parents and can afford to live in a different state! I have a friend who is 28 and still can't afford to move out even though she has a great job.

You can keep deferring your student loans (economic hardship, Peace Corps, travel, *IN SCHOOL*) until either you die or you establish yourself in a career.

If you don't care enough to actually change it, then you don't want to!!

You probably do want to change it, you just don't know where to start, so stop beating yourself up!!

Being negative helps nothing!! Never give up!!

Make a 5-Year Plan. Then rip it up!! Finish that degree, and set sail for Puerto Vallarta!! Your passion will emerge out of life experience, not by sitting around thinking about it. Enjoy your youth, make friends with weird cool people who aren't successful in the conventional sense. Date around for fun. Wait tables if you have to. Look for THE JOB while waiting tables. Drive around the country or fly around the world. Just figure it out as you go.

[bbdream8]

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

Hey all,

I found my way here through one of the articles on this site; "Life Sucks, and Then You Die." This is my first time posting here and I feel a bit uncomfortable because I don't like exposing my personal problems for everyone to see. Though, I'm hoping to get some advice,

I won't bore you with a backstory or a lot of details. The fact is that I am terribly unhappy and I seem to be getting worse as the days go by. I'm 28 and I feel like a complete failure. I have loads of student loan debt and no career. I have very few friends (the envy I feel towards more successful peers just destroys those relationships) and no family in this state. I'm approaching 3 years at working on my Master's. It was supposed to be a two year program. Unfortunately, I've had several setbacks with my research in addition to my general laziness.

The article referenced above encouraged me to change things. If I didn't know what to change then to change anything, however minor. The problem is, that I can't get myself to change anything. I just don't care and I feel like giving up. Well, maybe I should revise that last statement. I care enough to be bothered and tortured over it, but not enough to actually change it. I'm well aware of all my missed opportunities. It's seared into my mind. You'd think I would learn something from it but I don't. I just go on doing the same thing.

I really hate my life and I get no joy out of it. The only thing I like doing is playing World of Warcraft. I actually prefer my virtual life, which is pretty sad. Any advice on how to proceed?

DC

Hey DC

Start by changing a little by a little. You know exactly what you are frustrated about your life. Take one of your frustration and work on it on a daily basis. Do something about it daily and keep on conquering what you are frustrated about yourself. This can help to get your momentum going and gradually you find that you had overcame most of your frustrations. Hope this helps.

Cheers,
Vincent

[Timothy Smith]

Hey there, Welcome to Steve Pavlina Forums.

You don't have to post your real personal problems, you could just ask about ones you don't have and save the information just in case it happens to you some day.

You can always ask every-day questions (e.g. where can I buy [insert something here] or how can I make [insert something here].) I'm not comfortable talking about my problems either, so I mostly don't ask about my problems.

[Stevie B]

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

JacksEarth, your posts really resonated with me. You described how I felt better than I could myself.

Kind of thinking about ending it.

See a psychiatrist.

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

Everyone wants to do great things, be successful and make a lot of money. Unfortunately, 99% of us are doomed to lead small and insignificant lives. I can't be happy being one of those people.

How do you know that you are one of those people? How do you know it is 99% and not more like 10%?

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

I can't be happy being poor and alone.

It is possible if you are happy with yourself. Being poor and alone means that you are not happy with what is going on around you.

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

I don't want to struggle day to day. I don't want to lead that kind of life. I honestly don't think I can make these changes or ever be happy. I'm just one of those people.

It seems that there is nothing a sign post, like the people in this forum, can show you as you are convinced that you are one of those people. Why do you think you are one?

Stevie B.

[themaster]

Originally Posted by JacksEarth

To seek guidance?

I was talking about earth.. why are you here?

I believe we create our own reality.. so I believe that deep down you have a reason for being here.. I suggest you find it..

Guidance I am ahh giving you a plenty if you follow it

Because my highest excitement usually involve really dangerous stuff that require planning.

This is a belief and not true.. the "EGO" is the one wanting to plan it..

Originally Posted by JacksEarth

For instance, I'm very into the idea of packing a bag and hitchhike somewhere. Though I have no experience living in the wild and no clue where I would sleep or how to get food apart from dumpster diving, which is only possible in cities which I'd like to avoid.

This is my understanding if you can follow it.. anything you wish to do you will be supported.. if you want to create a "nuclearly fissionable material" you will be supported just "act".. if you want to be a lifeguard.. you will be supported..

But yah I understand the fear of "no support" I have those hangs up too.. I ain't claiming to be perfect.. but I am claiming that what I say is true.. and if you trust yourself deep down.. you can prove it true..

You might want to check out this movie for the idea of living off the land.. I thought it was quite good at that.. not necessarily for me.. but good it was..

Into the Wild (2007)

Originally Posted by JacksEarth

The things that excite me don't lead to any kind of career or income. How am I gonna survive if I just keep doing silly things like that?

Alright, if you can't take the idea of "you will be supported"

Then grow your power via LOA.. conduct LOA experiments a 100x fold until you feel confident about your ability to create money, food, whatever..

Your obviously not going to allow yourself to be happy until you confront your fears head-on.. so that's my suggestion.. grow yourself step by step.. inch by inch.. millimeter by millimeter.. find your purpose and find yourself..

Originally Posted by JacksEarth

Yeah I'm in my own way..

We all our.. welcome to the club!

Originally Posted by JMonkey

In any case, I didn't think I was judging; but if he's on this forum asking for advice on how to feel more fulfilled and explains that he plays WoW all the time, it's pretty clear that WoW isn't fulfilling him. I was using my opinions to offer him another solution.

Seemed like you were judging.. but let's make it clear the OP I believe said "wow" makes him happy.. (hold on scrolling down) The only thing I like doing is playing World of Warcraft

There's nothing wrong with doing any particular thing.. but hopefully you’re not doing something.. like smoking, drinking, video games as examples and then judging yourself as being "bad" for doing it..

I won't disagree with your assertion or ideas that they may be helpful; they may be.. but a better way of looking at it.. is to not judge the things you do and reach for neutral and positive perspectives in all

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

Kind of thinking about ending it.

If this will make you happy then do it.. but understand from my perspective.. just cause you die.. doesn't mean you won't be right here back in "hell" in the next instant.. for you will return to a higher perspective.. understand the choices/agreements you've made and still may come right on back

(with the illusion of forgetfulness of suicide obviously)

All deaths are actually suicide.. regardless of what society has taught you

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

Everyone wants to do great things, be successful and make a lot of money.

You don't have to do what "everyone" does.. if your biggest goal is to level your character to 199 in WOW.. just do it.. do what makes you happy.. make your own judgments and ideas about what that is.. that is the "status quo" of this reality.. it is not the LAW or necessarily the right way to go..

Originally Posted by DarkCatalyst

Unfortunately, 99% of us are doomed to lead small and insignificant lives. I can't be happy being one of those people. I can't be happy being poor and alone. I don't want to struggle day to day. I don't want to lead that kind of life. I honestly don't think I can make these changes or ever be happy. I'm just one of those people.

LOWER your f*cking EXPECTATIONS.. jesus! (yah, this calls for major swearing) You don't have to do 1 thing in this life to be a success.. not one.. if all you did was live each day the way you want.. you are a SUCCESS!

You don't need your success validated by the "status quo"

You have serious beliefs and ideas about reality.. I suggest highly you look at those.. cause until then you’re right.. your life sucks.. maybe you should commit suicide if only to get a quick look at the "RAINBOW" that is death to be re-inspired.. the REAL reality is not HERE.. this is the DREAM.. when looking out around you realize.. that when you "Dream" your connected to what it's really like out there.. when your here.. your part of a "limited" idea/experience.. try and appreciate it for what it is.. try and find neutral/positive perspective throughout and your life will be much better here..

[JacksEarth]

Actually its my insecurity and belief that going on a trip just like that with no money or planning would most likely kill me in a very horrible way.

I've seen the movie and it's one of my favorites. The way Christopher Maccandles was portrayed in that film completely resonates with me, I feel like he's the only person I can relate to. Like if I knew him he'd be the only person to understand me.

Why am I on this earth? because this is just another step in the ladder towards higher consciousness? I believe when we die that our consciousness lives on as something else. That life here is a maturity trip through the universe.
And it saddens me to see how very immature many of us are, putting so much value on money,greed and power that you're willing to conduct man slaughter.. and many other things. It just feels wrong.

I'm experimenting with loa, but its really hard as they preach about always being happy and positive and your lifestyle doesnt really provide these things for you. So changing your lifestyle would be a good thing only that using loa for it wouldnt work cuz your not positive over 50% of the time.

ofc, coming here is a step towards getting there. (Curse all these steps!!)

Somethings I'd like to become..
Pro snowboarder (I've ridden a snowboard 3 times and Im broke..)
Musician (cant play, cant afford a guitar)
Painter (...do I need to tell you how ridiculous it sounds to the general public who in theory are the ones who should 'support' me? not to mention the extremely tough competition, more so than in most businesses.+ cant afford the tools I'd need for maximum performance)
Be part of some show group doing martial arts or poi or both. ( again with living expenses, getting a team etc. Learning the skill, money money money)
Bartender.. (Which im currently looking for as a kind of apprentice job.. do dishes during work hours and learn to bartend in the after hours. Sort of like the movie "Cocktail")
I'd also like to be a survivalist or whatever, to be able to live just fine in the wild so to speak. Get out of this money hungry society.

You know all these things that maybe 10% of those who try actually get somewhere, and they sick amount of cash you need for it..
Most pro's go pro at my age, started when they were in their teens.