Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

seeker5 · 06-10-2009, 05:55 PM

I used to believe in taking 100% responsibility. I’ve felt for a number of years I was fully responsible for how my life had turned out, and that it was my fault for how it was. I believed I caused it the way it was - not other people, but me. However, I had a flaw in my thinking because that didn’t necessarily cause me to be as empowed as one would suppose.

The flaw was that while I had believed I was 100% responsible, I felt I was inherently too weak or too “messed up” to change some aspect of myself on my own. Therefore, in certain situations, it would lend itself to feeling the need to be rescued. This made me feel disempowered and would lend myself to blame others for not being able to rescue me in certain situations…! Kind of crazy to look at it this way, and I’m embarrassed to admit this, but it’s true.

Lately, I’ve started feeling that not only am I 100% responsible, but that I can do something about it. I’m strong enough to do something about events that happen in my life and about who I am. It may take a few years to address and overcome a particular hard problem, but I can accept that. I can go to an event and it turns out really bad, and instead of blaming the people there and instead of feeling sorry for myself, I can stay emotionally calm about it as well and make the most out of my time and learn from the decision. Instead of feeling disempowed as I might have, I feel much more empowered and more powerful. I can run into my worst fears, and areas I most need to develop myself, and fully know in a very secure way that I will overcome these issues without depending on rescuing. I can open myself up to help, I can seek out help, but it’s a very different feeling from that I had before. So adding this “And I can do something about it” feels great.

I love it and wanted to share that

Daffy Duck · 06-10-2009, 06:08 PM

You da man.

carenkh · 06-10-2009, 09:07 PM

That's awesome, Seeker! I can feel the difference in your writing! What a great place to be!

LVGeneration · 06-10-2009, 09:30 PM

That is great. I'm happy for you. I wish I will get there one day. I do try myself not to blame other people. You know the co-workers that always complain about their job? Who's fault is that you got that job, if not yours? I always thought, if you're so dissatisfied with your job, why not do something about if and try to do something you enjoy more? I don't like it when people complain too much about things that are in their control.
Well, congrats and keep it up!

Dreamline · 06-10-2009, 11:21 PM

Man, I love hearing stories like that....Very affirming. I'm there too and I can honestly say, don't wait until you are 46 to get to this place, like I did.

Jennifer

MartinP · 06-11-2009, 06:35 AM

Nice post!

I think insights come to us at the time they should, and not earlier...

Orecle · 06-11-2009, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MartinP

Nice post!

I think insights come to us at the time they should, and not earlier...

They do come earlier....

We just choose to ignore them - consciously or otherwise

whitehatblackbox · 06-11-2009, 06:31 PM

This is a wonderful realization. Personally, I've come to believe that I am unable to control my external environment, but I am able to manage it to a certain extent and foster the things I desire to happen.

seeker5 · 06-12-2009, 07:04 AM

Thanks

06-10-2009, 05:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
seeker5 Family Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 3,606	Taking True 100% Responsibility I used to believe in taking 100% responsibility. I’ve felt for a number of years I was fully responsible for how my life had turned out, and that it was my fault for how it was. I believed I caused it the way it was - not other people, but me. However, I had a flaw in my thinking because that didn’t necessarily cause me to be as empowed as one would suppose. The flaw was that while I had believed I was 100% responsible, I felt I was inherently too weak or too “messed up” to change some aspect of myself on my own. Therefore, in certain situations, it would lend itself to feeling the need to be rescued. This made me feel disempowered and would lend myself to blame others for not being able to rescue me in certain situations…! Kind of crazy to look at it this way, and I’m embarrassed to admit this, but it’s true. Lately, I’ve started feeling that not only am I 100% responsible, but that I can do something about it. I’m strong enough to do something about events that happen in my life and about who I am. It may take a few years to address and overcome a particular hard problem, but I can accept that. I can go to an event and it turns out really bad, and instead of blaming the people there and instead of feeling sorry for myself, I can stay emotionally calm about it as well and make the most out of my time and learn from the decision. Instead of feeling disempowed as I might have, I feel much more empowered and more powerful. I can run into my worst fears, and areas I most need to develop myself, and fully know in a very secure way that I will overcome these issues without depending on rescuing. I can open myself up to help, I can seek out help, but it’s a very different feeling from that I had before. So adding this “And I can do something about it” feels great. I love it and wanted to share that

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06-10-2009, 06:08 PM	#2 (permalink)
Daffy Duck Banned Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 3,001	You da man.

06-10-2009, 09:07 PM	#3 (permalink)
carenkh Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 1,800	That's awesome, Seeker! I can feel the difference in your writing! What a great place to be!

06-10-2009, 09:30 PM	#4 (permalink)
LVGeneration Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 143	That is great. I'm happy for you. I wish I will get there one day. I do try myself not to blame other people. You know the co-workers that always complain about their job? Who's fault is that you got that job, if not yours? I always thought, if you're so dissatisfied with your job, why not do something about if and try to do something you enjoy more? I don't like it when people complain too much about things that are in their control. Well, congrats and keep it up!

06-10-2009, 11:21 PM	#5 (permalink)
Dreamline Banned Join Date: May 2009 Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 989	Man, I love hearing stories like that....Very affirming. I'm there too and I can honestly say, don't wait until you are 46 to get to this place, like I did. Jennifer

06-11-2009, 06:35 AM	#6 (permalink)
MartinP Banned Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 84	Nice post! I think insights come to us at the time they should, and not earlier...

06-11-2009, 06:31 PM	#8 (permalink)
whitehatblackbox Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 10	This is a wonderful realization. Personally, I've come to believe that I am unable to control my external environment, but I am able to manage it to a certain extent and foster the things I desire to happen.

06-12-2009, 07:04 AM	#9 (permalink)
seeker5 Family Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 3,606	Thanks

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums