Life after graduation

[sabatier]

Hi,

This may turn out to be a bit of a rant. I'm quite bored at the moment, and not in a great mood. Just feeling a bit down. Well maybe not down, but I could be a lot happier given the situation I'm in.

Here's my background. I'm 23. I did a B.A. in business. Got first class honours but decided business wasn't for me so did a masters in computer science. Doing really well in that too. Both degrees from a top university in the UK.

Now I have to get a job. Firstly I'm not really sure what I want to do. I'm leaning towards something IT related. I went for two interviews with IT consulting companies, got rejected from both. One was with an IT consultancy, the other was for a software engineer position. I suspect the reason I was rejected for the former was because I didn't show enough interest in the job. I was rejected for the latter because I have zero programming skills. So I'm feeling dejected. I have more interviews coming up and I just have no motivation to prepare for them because I think I'll be rejected again. ugh...

I feel that I'm at a point in my life where there's the potential to make a huge mistake. I feel (maybe irrationally) that once I get a job I'm locked into something, there's no going back. A major reason I did the masters degree was because I didn't want to get a job. I've seen my older brothers go through college and get jobs and now they're locked into life's responsibilities like mortgages repayments etc. So I want to stay in this carefree existence for as long as possible. I've even considered doing a PhD but I know I'd be doing it for the wrong reason!

So the job rejections have got me thinking that maybe I'm in the wrong area entirely. Maybe I should be a doctor, or a chef, or a gardener! The world is my oyster! Why the hell can't I be happy??? Why can't I be so excited?? I can do WHATEVER I WANT!!!! My parents are so supportive of me, I have EVERYTHING I COULD POSSIBLY WANT!!!! aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

And its not just the job rejections that get me down. Its my personal life. In
fact, maybe the real issue is my underlying discontent with my personal life.
I'm a quiet person with not much to say most of the time. I'm always unhappy about the way I look and for this reason I tend to withdraw from people. Weeks could go by without me socialising. And yet I love to be around people, ya know? I DO like people, I have met so many wonderful people who have wanted to build deeper relationships with me, yet I always isolate myself from them. Its not that I'm a recluse, but I just haven't really had any deep relationships with anyone. And I know its entirely my fault. Why can't I just let my hair down around people??? People are always good to me, and I get on with them, but I just never let people close enough to me. So I'm lonely.

Ya know??? Every now and then I get these urges to get up and BE HAPPY!
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and think, 'what if I only had one day left to live?'. And I promise myself that I'll get up and live life to the full. Engage with people, love people, be outgoing, do EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO!!! There are so many opportunities for me!!! Yet I shun them all and end up regretting not making the most of these great things when I had them.

Sorry for the rant, but there you have it. Its saturday evening where I am and I'm ON THE DARN COMPUTER!!! WHY???? I should be out living! I'm itching to go out and do something fun!

So at the end of my rant, I'm not really sure what I'm asking?? Maybe I'm looking for someone else's perspective on my situation? My situation! Its as if I have this serious problem! When in reality I have everything going for me but I'm just incapable of living my life to the full.

Ugh I don't know. If you feel like commenting, please do but I know I may look a bit ridiculous to some of you..

Regards,

sabatier

[Rapid]

Perhaps you're sitting in front of the computer out of habit.

A couple of suggestions:

1. Take an comedy improvisation class. I was a pretty serious person before I took my first class. Within the first class session, my instructor got us all laughing and having fun. My experience with this class was life changing. I ended up taking improv with her for five years and even co-founded a troupe.

2. Take an inventory of skills that you enjoy using and IT areas that you enjoy learning about. Then find jobs that will let you use your favorite skills. Research companies that you would like to work for, and write to the CEO of these companies (I did this step after I got laid off and found a new position within six weeks).

3. Live below your means. Save a percentage of your income - could be as low as 10%. Then you'll have money to pursue hobbies, start a web business, etc. Have little personal debt, if possible.

Only go back to school when you have a better idea of what you want to accomplish career-wise - you'll know this once you've worked for a while, talk to other people about their careers, and do lots of soul-searching.

Good luck!

[Deergirl]

First of all: don't worry. You'll be fine. Maybe not tomorrow, but in a couple of months. Then you'll back and think "pfff... what was I worrying about back then?!".

Second: a job is not for life. At all. You can change whenever you want. You can quit whenever you want. You can start your own business whenever you want. You can now start a job that isn't really for your qualifications, but there you can learn things like social skills and programming perhaps. During the time you work there, you can figure out where your interests lay. Maybe they are something completely different. Maybe you want to become a stand up comedian. Or a teacher. Who knows. But when you feel you are ready for something new, you can say "goodbye" and go of to your next job.

About the social skills. It's something you'll have to learn either to do or either to accept. Nowadays you have to have a schedule in which every free minute of the day is filled, preferably with being social, because that is "living". But not everyone is made to be social all the time. I like my "me-time". I hang out with my friends, but I do that about 2 or 3 evenings out of ten perhaps? I don't mind at all. And what is "I should be out living!". One person's definition of this will be something completely different from the next person's definition.

Don't worry too much. Try your best for the interviews, do whatever you want to the extend that you want to prepare for them. If they reject you, so be it. In the mean while you'll have time to think about this and do lots of soul-searching, as Rapid puts it.

[ssandra]

My suggestion would be to go backpacking for a little while. There is nothing that helps you develop social skills as fast as traveling.

At the same time, even if you are not with other people you are at least somewhere else doing something different.

Maybe it will also give you some time and insight into getting to know who you are and what you want to do with you life?

[Aleksander Krstic]

Originally Posted by sabatier

And its not just the job rejections that get me down. Its my personal life.

I've been in the same situation, but I have got out of it. Just try to talk to people and have some patience developing your social skills.

Sorry for the rant, but there you have it. Its saturday evening where I am and I'm ON THE DARN COMPUTER!!! WHY???? I should be out living! I'm itching to go out and do something fun!

This is all just low self-esteem. Also I say just go with your heart, gradually of course.

Ugh I don't know. If you feel like commenting, please do but I know I may look a bit ridiculous to some of you..

Again, have some self-confidence. Speak up for yourself. Don't think of yourself as a loser.