Social life sucking up motivation?

[dinc]

Alright, this may sound a little weird, but bear with me. I've been home schooled for around seven years, and I've never had much of a social life. I never really went out all that much, and I would meet up with ONE friend every few months or hang out with my relatives twice a year, and that's pretty much it.

Five months ago I got into a private school (Very private...twenty-five students), and, after a few months of high awkward levels, I've become quite comfortable there and know everyone pretty well. I even have an honest-to-god crush on someone, which I've never actually had before, so it's a bit amusing.

I'm pretty happy when I'm having a good time with people, it's great fun, but the problem is that this brand of fun is taking up alot of my attention. Now, whenever I sit down and ask myself what I want, I always come up with either "I want to become better friends with ___" or "I want to find a way to get with my crush". I literally care about nothing else: Academia, Programming, Art, etc. seem unimportant now.

I want to be interested in other things, but I have absolutely no motivation for them right now... It's a really strange little quandary I've found myself in.

Any advice or insights?

[fionamydear]

hey ,

your brain needs refreshment, change, change of place ,change of daily routine , change of life style some times, so sticking to a fixed routine will slow you down,
currently u r socialising its 100% good sign, u r more into your friends never before so its a very good sign, continue this ,
at the same time concentrate on your academic goal, dont give up your socialisation for the sake of academics,
try to balance both, socialisation also helps to improve your study skills, and am 100% sure that your socialisation and hanging out with your friends will never make you any harm when it comes to your personal goal and academic goal,

[nhaasch]

Oh my.

How old are you again? (You don't actually have to answer this in the forum, I'm asking so you will reflect)

I'm curious as the usefulness of my any of our responses. Primarily because I get the impression that based on your age you might have some heavy biological influence that are affecting you. :>

Then again, there is always room for growth!

My instincts are telling me that this is about learning to rechannel that energy towards your other goals.

However there is something else going here. Mainly in that you are finding that social time to be important and those other areas of your life to not be important. You won't begin to work toward those other areas in your life until you are satisfied with how much social time you are getting and you begin to find those other areas important again.

So, you might want to question the usefulness of that social time. What is it getting you? In what ways is it important? There are clearly some things it is providing and that is great. How much of that do you want right now? Try to consider both what it is providing in the present and what it will provide in the future.

Then, think about these other areas of your life. I have a suspicion they are of little importance because consideration for the future has been lessened. So, start visualizing or thinking about what your future might be like if you make certain decisions about how important these things are to you. What will happen if you continue to leave these areas of you life as unimportant? How will your life place out a month from now, 6 months? 1 year? 5 years? What happens if you begin to place more importance on these areas of your life? How does this change your potential future?

They key in all of this is to look for things that enchance your life today and now. Noticing a path to a beautiful fulfilling future makes me all the more excited to continue my journey today.

[dinc]

Wow, great post, nhaasch, thanks for all the great advice. I'm 17 right now, so I guess there are biological influences, but I don't think they have a direct affect on my wanting to be around people more. There are certain circumstances that make it impossible for me to get with my crush, so it's pretty much a pathetic kind of obsession.

You're right in that I really need to think about what I'm getting out of this, maybe maximize a certain kind of social time and minimize other times.

I'm not really a future-oriented person. If something is not immediately useful, I don't do it. This could be a problem in the future (irony alert!).

[nhaasch]

I'm not really a future-oriented person. If something is not immediately useful, I don't do it. This could be a problem in the future (irony alert!).

*laughs*

I highly recommend you grow to account for the future. You can consider this a personal growth challenge. Take just a little time each day to consider where your life is headed if you make certain decisions. Imagine all those bright possibilities ahead of you!

Now, this is not saying you can't live in the moment. These two are not contradictory. In fact as I mentioned consider the future can enhance the moment. Part of living in the moment for me is fantasizing about potential futures. It excites me to know of the adventures I will that I'm involved in today that will lead me to tomorrow.

Oh and hey, regarding your crush that is pathetic and an obsession, I actually can relate. I've felt similar recently. With 10 more years on you I found myself involved and sometimes obsessed with someone that was repeatedly reminding me on all the reasons a more intimate relationship with her may not work. It has actually been entertaining in someways. Primarily in that it has created a pleasent light tension that allowed our relationship to grow in different ways.

Still though, I recently wanted to try something different. Essentially I was trying not to rock the boat too much. I listened to her and took her words to indicate how I should act toward her. Namely, I should hold myself back because it might not be good. Now, I really love her. She is a top priority in my life. I've accepted that and decided to just go ahead and openly express it as I feel it. And sometimes this means my actions would now look very foolish to some outsiders. Sometimes my actions look completely irrational. I'm playing the fool?

Let me tell you about the fool. (check out that link) This tarot card has a wonderful depiction of the fool. The fool has just stepped off the cliff and aparently hasn't even realized it... Or... Perhaps there is something you don't understand about the fool. You notice the fool is well off the cliff and doesn't seem concerned. Perhaps the fool knows something you don't know. This fool might even call you the veiwer a fool for thinking him a fool.

The fool is a wonderful character in that often in life we have to do something that to an outside viewer looks foolish. That does not mean it is foolish.

Also, sometimes in life we must take a leap of faith. Sometimes we have to believe something before we can notice. The fool recognizes this truth and boldly takes a leap of faith. The fool will soon learn the truth.

[SimonaRich]

If that's all you are interested in, it means it is time for you to become better at socialising and it also means that you are ready to have more friends. So it is all normal and you should immerse yourself in this newly found activity.

You will notice that if you do what you love other areas of your life won't suffer unless you worry about them and therefore create negative manifestations as a result.

[Elfwing]

I get something like this happening as well.

I like to assume it's a biological thing - my instincts know I rarely interact with others past my relations, and so when somebody non-related who isn't a teacher talks to me, it sort of latches onto them. I suppose it thinks it's only got one chance.