Flaw is making motivation seam impossible

[sarafin86]

I'm 22 on my 4th year of college and I've been failing for year now. I have all of my motivation to do work play live from some form of my purpose. It is some for of " I want to learn and understand all that i can to help others understand the world around them." Some thing like what teachers, reporters and TLC channel Narrators do. But i hit a block i Don't want to learn any more from some one else. It's like some thing just feels wrong when i do school work or go to class. Not like i don't want to be there but that it is against my core self to be there. Could any one offer advise?

[Salivanth]

Maybe you feel that what you're learning isn't worth it. Perhaps you should examine your reasons for taking the course you're taking: if you're motivated to do everything except what you're doing for college maybe you need to examine that and see if anything's changed since you WERE motivated to do it.

[sarafin86]

I have been studying many things. since i started failing i have studied: electrical engineering, robotics, programing, psychology, health, technical writing. I can be interested in a lot of things, and study them online, but when i go to class i just don't want to do it. I think it might have some thing to do with the fact that i don't know anyone in clas and I'm not feeling that i need to help the class learn the material from the teacher nor do i feel involved in class.

[mysticmadness]

not failing again should be your motivation. no matter what you think or plan but truth remains you have to pass. spend more time studying and understanding concepts. this will help you bring closer and will give clarity. think when you will become more comfortable all of your bad thoughts would go away.

try it.

[sarafin86]

If it where that simple i would have done that. yes i have always had some kind of problem with work. But now it seems more like there is a part of me that doesn't even want to pass. I have no clue as to why. I want to succeed but it feels like I'm trying to win a contest that i don't want the prize for. I'm still failing and trying to find ways to keep going because I want to show that i am smart and know a lot, not gain a title or fame. I just want people to listen to want i have to say about science and the world.

[tc33]

sarafin,

What do you see yourself getting from having a college degree? Are there any tangible or intangible benefits? You have already invested 4 years of your life; it might be a silly to just throw it all away without looking at it from a longer-term perspective, especially if you're only a handful of classes away from completion.

I hear you on not liking college. I've been there; I resisted it the entire time, but I absolutely knew that having a college degree is definitely a discriminator for potential employers in many (most?) fields. 7 years later, I'm glad I stuck with it; sometimes you have to sacrifice today and "suck it up" to get what you really want tomorrow.

Perhaps there are ways to lessen the pain. Go part time, take a semester off, online classes, easy classes, etc. Yes, you are drawing it out even further, but it may make the difference between graduating and dropping out.

Alternatively, if you don't believe a degree will do anything for you, and you don't like going, why waste your time?

Tom

[pianoperformer]

Originally Posted by sarafin86

I just want people to listen to want i have to say about science and the world.

That's the problem. No one is going to listen until and unless you listen to others who are more knowledgeable in the field right now. Once you learn the current knowledge, then you can use your foundation to extend it. But no one will take you seriously if you try to get others to listen to your ideas without you first doing the requisite study.

[sarafin86]

I understand the last two replies. It's one of the reasons that i am still going to school after a year of failing most of my classes. I see the value of the degree and how it will give me prestige and a title so that people will listen to me. I will break down in tears over the war that is in my own head.
I feel like a human Wikipedia. People should come to me for help in understanding any kind of information. But i don't care to feel like i am an expert on any subject just some good info. It's weird i can tell you anything you need to know to pass a class i just failed. I get little satisfaction over building, winning, completing, or passing anything in life.
How does a person function if feeling they need to do something is not enough to make them do it?

Ps: I hope that anyone reading this isn't thinking that i am hugely pessimistic and confrontational. I just have been trying to find that missing piece to my life puzzle for a while now. My gears have been grinding and are almost warn-out on the subject. I never plan on giving up on school. I'm just trying to find the answer that will work. If i take a break for school then so be it

[sarafin86]

Originally Posted by tc33

sarafin,

What do you see yourself getting from having a college degree? Are there any tangible or intangible benefits? You have already invested 4 years of your life; it might be a silly to just throw it all away without looking at it from a longer-term perspective, especially if you're only a handful of classes away from completion.


Alternatively, if you don't believe a degree will do anything for you, and you don't like going, why waste your time?

Tom

I'm at about a little less than a sophomore level of collage when you add it up into a degree but i have more than a juniors amount of credits. At this point i feel that the only tangible value of a degree is the paper and the increased pay. The intangible is the knowledge that i have from it the information that i know. The fact that people will know that I'm smart in that subject. In the end its just a means to get the life i want that would make me feel good doing what i want to do. What i want to do is so open to interpretation that i could be earned any where. I feel that if i don't go to college that the power of my mind will go to waste.
I am so good at understanding things that i can help people that i know understand the material that they need to learn just from hearing about it from them with no prior knowledge of the subject and be able to teach it to any one else who wants to know about it.

[sarafin86]

I guess this will become like a journal. If people need to read it then so be it i hope that it will help you. If you have some insight then feel free to help either way i will write about how things are going. Ohh and please kick me if any of the runners of this blog don't like it. I doesn't bother me.

The way this whole year has gone kicking myself in the but seems to have only made my foot sore. After the first class i failed due to a concept that i couldn't wrap my brain around. (If I can't figure out the why and how of even a math problem I find my self trying to figure it out even on a test. Even after skipping it.)Loosing my confidence at work.(Second guessing my self and even not feeling confident enough that i declined a position painting clear coat on part because I didn't feel that i could trust my self on how much i just put on.) Totaling my second car because i wasn't paying attention to the road.
I think something broke or changed. I've never been real concerned with grades of getting work done but there was something that made me do enough work to get C's or B's when I was getting B's and A's on the tests. I never questioned it. I had thoughts that if i made it to a job place will i have enough drive to make it to a position i want. As i think about it the motivations that i had where kind of vague; No succes or achivement drive, Some drive for other people (guilt and pride for doing stuff), Some to help people, A lot of drive to just learn but all those i still have. There is some thing changed from then to now some piece that made me do the work. I still feel the others and how I'm failing at them. I get really depressed over failing but that is not the cause. Ohh and the pills that i just started are helping for that. Its like that kicks all the gears in motion lost it's power.
I do have Auspergers on the Autistic Spectrum but i feel that it only made the chink in the armor the fact that different things motivate me.
If anyone tries to say just pick yourself up and make yourself do it. I can be as stubborn as a Jack-ass and right know its a war of unstoppable force against immovable object, Conscious brain vs. subconscious desire and motivation. My Feelings and self-esteem are paying for it. So i need to find the reason that part of me is not moving and fix that. I've looked for the why in many ways changing classes from hard to easy, looking to see if it is a difference in motivation by looking into personal development and education to help others, maybe its subject taking different classes from Psychology to Computer Science, maybe college burn out but i love college learning is fun to me if i now could only pass.
I'm stuck. I've been talking to Counselors, Psychologists Psychiatrists, doctors, teachers, tried to read self-help books, read online, and lastly i found this site after Googling "lost in life" It was better than any of the books. So I decided to see if anyone out on the interwebs could help I don't think so but at least if people can't help then they might benefit if i do fix myself.

Thanks for reading

[Edo]

The endeavour of self-motivation is a long and arduous one.
Self-motivation is truly an art, reserved only for the most
determined and persistent. Thousands of books have been
written on the subject, yet today people still struggle.
Admit to yourself that there is is no quick fix, there is no shortcut,
only a long path towards mastery of the mind.

I have struggled, and still struggle with self-motivation.
My major flaw is that of being too comfortable.
There is not enough tension to incite me to action, and the only times
I do get things done are at inspirational moments, or fits of rage
at my status quo. You seem to have a lot of cropped up
frustration and depression combined with great ambition.

Use it to your advantage and get angry.
Get angry to the point where you are boiling with rage at your current unmotivated self. Get angry to the point where you yell out loud "I've had it!". Then use that frustration, that depression and anger to get excited.
Use the emotional turmoil to change your life once and for all,
and make steps to ensure you will never, ever turn back to that foul
status you are in right now.
Then see if you're still unmotivated .

Cheers,
Edo