Seriously unmotivated and indecisive,cant get out of this funk!

[Rockchick26]

I've been away from these boards for many months,but I had to come back because I have a major problem and i'm afraid it is going to affect my life in a bad way and i'll get lost in a downward spiral if i dont fix it before it gets any worse!

I was laid off from my job in February which is almost 3 months ago now. I worked in a factory and it was NOT a job i wanted to have forever so when I got laid off,l was the happiest girl in the world. I felt like I had a new chance at doing what I really wanted to do.

The only things I'm interested in is music and writing,and after I got laid off I've been immersing myself in both. Before I got laid off,I started my own website using Site Build It. It's a site about music,of course. When I started it,I was so excited and hopeful that I wouldn't have to worry anymore about what my purpose in life was.

Then as time went by,I became more and more lazy and unmotivated. Soon it felt like a chore to work on my site,even though it was exactly what I wanted to do. My counselor (to find work) is urging me to stay in the field of manufacturing since that's all I have experience in. If I did that, my life would surely be wasted,because I felt like the last 18 years working there was a black hole sucking me into a pointless life,and I cannot do that again. But I also can't find a job that pays what I need to live on my own,or one that takes someone with no experience. My site is too new to even start making money yet,so I can't rely on that. I've started to get really pessimistic about finding a job that I can be happy doing. Every time I think i find an area I'd like to work in, either it doesn't pay enough,requires experience,or there are no openings.

The other part of my problem is that I thought I wanted to work at home,(partly why I started my website),or work in freelance writing. I even spent lots of money on books to help me get into that area of work. But then shortly after,I just lost motivation. I feel overwhelmed,and even without working,I find that I don't have the time to explore everything I want to do. Obviously I can't do EVERYTHING I want to try,and I honestly don't know what would be the best route for me to take. I would like to go to school for something but that would require me to KNOW with 100% certainty what it is I am going for. But I am too indecisive. And when I think i've decided,I end up losing motivation to do it.

Have I just gotten lazy from working in a mindless job for 18 years,and now I don't know how to do something proactive? Why am I losing interest in potential jobs doing something I would love? I actually just tried to work on my website a little more before I came in here,and I just felt overwhelmed and then I thought "I just wanna do what I want,not what I have to do". Could there be something psychological there that is keeping me from enjoying something that makes sense that I would enjoy?

Maybe my problem is simply that I shouldn't turn a hobby into a job because it will become joyless then. Maybe i'm just a lazy person and I'll never be able to do anything on my own without being forced. But then when I'm forced to do things,I hate that too! My biggest fear is ending up back in a factory again and only dreaming about what I really want to do. When i was working,all I thought about was how can I get a job doing something I love,and now that I'm not working,all I want to do is hang out with friends and go to concerts and listen to music and sit on the internet. Why can't I make this work,now that I finally have the chance? If nobody calls me,I'll just spend the whole day sitting on the computer but yet I don't want to work on my site. But then I get a little stir crazy and feel like I SHOULD have a job that I can go to every day,but I am just afraid that I'll make the wrong choice and then I'll be stuck again. I feel like I have one shot at this and I'm now i'm gun shy.

I was considering getting a reading from Erin about this but being unemployed I really can't afford it. I hope I can get some advice from some people in here.

Thanks in advance!

SHELLY

[ken nubo]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Have I just gotten lazy from working in a mindless job for 18 years,and now I don't know how to do something proactive?

Wow, kudos for working at a factory for 18 years. Once, I worked in a factory and I lasted for 1 month -- and it was part-time work during high school.

Here's a hint: stop "buying" solution (books, readings, etc) and make some monies for a change. Head over to Digital Point or something and offer your writing service at $1 per 100 words (to start)

Good luck.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by ken nubo

Wow, kudos for working at a factory for 18 years. Once, I worked in a factory and I lasted for 1 month -- and it was part-time work during high school.

Well,i dont feel at all like i deserve kudos for that,it would have taken will power to LEAVE,not to stay. but thanks anyway

Here's a hint: stop "buying" solution (books, readings, etc) and make some monies for a change. Head over to Digital Point or something and offer your writing service at $1 per 100 words (to start)

Good luck.

Yeah i admit i am always buying a new book/finding a new website about how to live your life,and they do help temporarily until it comes time to DO what they advise to do. I guess i'm just a lazy person and I've always been this way,i've never liked to do anything i was told to do,or HAD to do.

[TiffyLove]

"Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy."
-Gretta Brooker Palmer

[Andrew Brunelle]

Not having a job and not working on your life purpose can be demoralizing. You need to use self-discipline to get yourself moving on something. I'm unemployed, but I still write on my blog at least 4-5 times a week because otherwise I would be just doing nothing. I navigate the boards here a lot and try and provide some value to people through helping them out.

You need to do something that you really enjoy regardless of whether it makes you money. And when you get good enough at it, you will make money. And since what you are doing is something you love, doing it won't seem like work, but play.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by TiffyLove

"Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy."
-Gretta Brooker Palmer

Are you saying that I'm unhappy? I have to disagree, at any given time in my day i'm having a blast except for when I'm freaking out over my impending career! I think my problem is really that i'm afraid that i'm going to be unhappy AGAIN. But i dont see how pleasing others has to do with my situation,I see that as a sign of a weakminded person and i've worked really hard to try to do what I want and not worry about if other people are happy with it or not. Unless i'm totally taking this the wrong way!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Andrew Brunelle

Not having a job and not working on your life purpose can be demoralizing. You need to use self-discipline to get yourself moving on something. I'm unemployed, but I still write on my blog at least 4-5 times a week because otherwise I would be just doing nothing. I navigate the boards here a lot and try and provide some value to people through helping them out.

You need to do something that you really enjoy regardless of whether it makes you money. And when you get good enough at it, you will make money. And since what you are doing is something you love, doing it won't seem like work, but play.

Well,seeing that my unemployment money will not be rolling in effortlessly FOREVER,i DO have to try to make money first and foremost. 99% of what I want to do is considered a hobby,not a job that pays the bills. So that's fundamentally where my problem lies,I think. I think my two options are to get any job I can that can support me and then work on my hobbies on the side,OR move back home and live off of a part time job so I can devote more time to my hobbies and hopefully get something going easier and quicker. Well not necessarily quicker because I might need to save up for school which would take longer if i was only working part time.

See this is the train of thought that I go through all the time and it's just starting to drive me nuts! There are almost too many possibilities and too many ways it could go and i want to find the right way the first time because I can't afford to make a mistake,money wise or time wise,since I'm nearing my 40's,and i keep hearing from people "well people who do what you want to do started when they were out of college". Gee,thanks