Very bad day, why not give up.

[TiffyLove]

I don't know what to think and am probably going to regret posting at a deeply emotional and ego state. But I am hurt and I am tired of it.

I feel like as soon as I feel confident and happy about something, the universe has to challenge me on it. As soon as I am ready to let go of something, the universe throws me a rope to bring me back to faith. Will it make up its f*cken mind!

Why the back and forth, it doesn't make sense.

I just want the pain and confusion to stop. Why can't at least SOME things work out. Why is everything I ever want resisted. The second I want something I know I am not going to get it, you know why? Because I want it.

What a way to live this game of life.

I know all this sounds like such self pity, pure victim role. I see it clearly, I know what I am feeling, its all ego it doesn't change what I am feeling. I am not new to personal development and spirituality, just all the more reason to feel more pathetic and upset with myself for allowing myself to feel this way.

Why can't some things just work? Why is it so hard, why do I have to be challenged 24-7, I am tired, I am so tired.

I just don't understand. I am a good person, my intention is to be the best person I can be, to help others and to live from my heart. I do everything in my power to improve my life, to connect more with my higher self, to live in the now. I am not perfect but I do my best to be a great person.

Yet my life is a constant struggle. To be honest, If I didn't have my son, I would just give up. I would never take my own life because I am too compassionate and care how that would effect my family, plus I can't seem to let go of hope that there is more to life than this. But I would just stop trying. He is what keeps me moving forward, striving for better.

Yet everyone always "bails" on me, no one sticks around, everyone gives up on me, I am the honest one, I am the committed one. With work I am the one that always does my best and behaves with integrity but yet is the one thats criticized.

I learned it all before, love myself, don't need recognition, etc.. It hasn't made it better, it the midst of it, it still hurts.


I'll probably feel different tomorrow and got my head screwed back on straight but right now I really don't know what else to do.

Its my thoughts that do this to me. One thing goes wrong or sparks a fear and I feel like my entire life is being unthreaded. My sense of security must be screwed up.

I mean surprises in my life have always been negative in the past, slaps in the face, life changing traumatic sh*t. When is there pleasant surprises? Good stuff. When does the good stuff just happen? Or am I just NOT one of those people and it just isn't possible with me. I try to convince myself its possible, especially with LOA, etc.. But h*ll, I was dealt some sh*tty cards to begin with if I can't even get past my limiting beliefs preventing LOA, its never going to work anyways.

Is there actually hope or should I just give up the idea that life could ever be easy at least sometimes for me and learn to accept that this is what I signed up for. I know this sounds like a question where I am looking for pity or reassurance, let me tell you I am not. I am tired of holding on to hope, or is it time to just give myself a reality check that life is hard no matter what you do.

I feel like sh*t and it makes it worse as I get more upset that as much as I know I can't get myself to "snap" out of it.

I just thought it was time in my life where things would FINALLY start working out, I really felt on the verge of breaking through to some amazing things happening in my life. Who am I kidding, If I am creating this reality.... things are far from creating my "preferable" circumstances.

I'm tired.

[Bradshaw]

You are loved.

Perhaps these things happen to make you stronger? To make you grow? Perhaps there is a lesson you have to learn? Why do you let outer circumstances influence you? Confidence and happiness come from within.

Have you tried intending for your life to flow in an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way?

I hope you feel better soon.

[James81]

First of all, you need to read Steve's latest blog post. It's about this very subject. You might find something you need in there.

Secondly, it sounds to me like you need to learn how to set boundaries. Yeah, it's one thing to be a good person and be helpful to those around you....TO A POINT. At some point you just have to say NO. It's ok to say no, it's not selfish to get the things you want. You are not a doormat, you don't have to be strong for everybody. Just you...and then your son. Everybody else can learn to deal with their sh*t on their own.

Finally, it's ok to get discouraged once in a while. It's ok to fail. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself. The most damaging thing about self help and personal development is that nobody ever allows you to feel the negative feelings. You are expected to have magnificent attitudes, a perfect life, perfect body, money coming out your yin yang. Look, there's nothing wrong with a little self pity. There's nothing wrong with crying and feeling sorry for yourself once in a while. There's nothing wrong with feeling anger. There's nothing wrong with failing, with setbacks, etc.

These are all things that you, as a human being MUST experience from time to time so that you can appreciate the good times. The problem comes in when these negative attitudes are CHRONIC (or constant with no change).

But I'll assert that it's just as damaging to have chronic happiness as it is to have chronic deperession. So don't beat yourself up for feeling down on yourself. Just pick yourself up tomorrow and take another step. Have a game plan for your life, but don't make it so rigid that you can't ENJOY life now. Contentment is one of the most important things that someone improving themselves should embrace.

But that's the nature of life. It throws us curveballs. It throws us bad stuff. And our job is to deal with it, process it, experience it, and then move beyond it. It's a series of mountains and valleys. We can enjoy the mountaintop, when everything feels great. And we can even enjoy the valley when everything is falling apart. For it's in THOSE times that you are the strongest. It's these challenges that forge in us the strength we need to carry on. It's these low times that define our character, makes us vulnerable, and allow us to be at our most....well....human.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by TiffyLove

The second I want something I know I am not going to get it, you know why? Because I want it.

What a way to live this game of life.

Yeah -- that doesn't sound like a fun game to me, either!

I'm so sorry that you're feeling bad right now, TiffyLove. And I won't suggest that you "snap out of it" -- the old "Buck up!" line of advice just doesn't cut it, does it? Although it does makes me laugh, it's so ubiquitous and so ineffective.

It's great that you express all this so you can hear it outside the bones of your head, and so can we. As a person outside the bones of your head (but not really ), I can see you the downward spiral of your bad feeling thoughts, and how you nurture your limiting beliefs (I call it "feeding the gremlin.") And I acknowledge you for opening yourself up to feedback from people like me -- that really takes something! You are taking steps, and even though it may feel like those steps take you in circles, you can be glad, if you like, that you are able to take steps at all. If you can walk in circles, that means you can also step into a different direction, too. Congratulations!

There are scads of techniques and methods that we can recommend to you in getting yourself where you want to go. And the one bedrock that experience has shown me is the very heart of getting results is: be at cause in your life -- take on 100% responsibility for generating a life you're in love with. Recognize that you have the power to deliberately think thoughts that feel good when you think them. Notice that "the universe" is not some force outside yourself that toys with you against your will -- the universe is you, and it is your own conscious and unconscious choices that have led you to this point here, right now.

So, what are you willing to do about it? Are you willing to take on 100% responsibility? Or would you prefer to continue living at the effect of forces outside yourself?

You get to choose, and whatever choice you make is valid.

[bbdream8]

Hi Tiffany,

You have your son to keep you going and that is a good starting point. No one told us that life is easy and everyone have their fair share of obstacles. Some may be bigger than others but obstacles are just challenges that we need to overcome. If you have tried ways that does not work for you, it means that you still have to try other ways to make life work for you. Edison failed 9999 times before he made the bulb and yet he didn't give up during the midst of the 9999 times.

If you need a guidance, find a mentor or a life coach and work from there. As long as you keep moving forward, no matter how fast or slow, you will definitely reach the finishing life where success awaits you.

To your success,
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

[David Cain]

*hug*

We all want the pain and confusion to stop. That would make things easy, and of course, it will never happen. But it is possible to learn more helpful ways of responding to the pain and confusion in life.

I used to think that my mood represented the state of my life. But now I see it as just some emotional turbulence that will eventually be gone, if I just let it visit for a while without trying to force it out. I recognize that a bad mood means I have temporarily lost my wisdom and perspective, and I should chill out before I start making conclusions about who I am and how my life will turn out.

I have found that trying to escape a bad mood will only make it worse. If you haven't read this yet, give it a shot, it may help.


Yet everyone always "bails" on me, no one sticks around, everyone gives up on me, I am the honest one, I am the committed one.

Be careful what you say to yourself. Momentary beliefs tend to become established as "facts" if you don't question them, especially when you are in a bad mood.

That line of yours is almost certainly not true, but if you believe it is, you will be looking for people who will fulfill your lack of faith in them. People generally get what they expect, in life.

This is just a personal opinion, but I would give the LoA a rest for now. It certainly has its uses, but I think it often leads to a constant state of wanting, which is the opposite of happiness. Come back to it another time.


Remember, life is managed, not cured. You can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf. That's what life is all about, learning to surf, so to speak.

[TiffyLove]

Interesting enough Steve'e current blog addressed what I am experiencing EXACTLY.

I also read the blog that someone posted about bad moods.

I really appreciate how supportive and nice everyone was. I was really mad at myself for even feeling this way. I felt I should know better but it was hard to get out of it.

Originally Posted by Angela

So, what are you willing to do about it? Are you willing to take on 100% responsibility? Or would you prefer to continue living at the effect of forces outside yourself?

This is my intention. The problem arises for me when I can not see HOW to take responsibility, I realize this is probably a block but it is my intention to take 100% responsibility for my life.

Its easier to do with things like work, my health, even my living situation and finances. However its much harder to do with things in which I feel I have no control over. Right now my boyfriend who is a police officer is going through some major life stuff mostly due to work, although he would deny it. He is trying hard to work on himself and to "get better", so we can move forward in our relationship. He has MAJOR ups and downs, some of his downs I am strong but sometimes and they DO get to me. I want to see how I am causing this BOY do I want to see how I am responsible for this in my life. Instead I feel my choices are to stand by him or to walk away (which I am not going to do that and I WILL take responsibility for, I don't "bail" on people just because times get hard). I won't get into too much detail as he wouldn't be pleased but his "mindset" takes over him at times and he becomes depressed. I have done everything I possible can, offer him help, tell him to get help, ask him to exercise, give him books, leave him alone, just love him, etc.. And yes once in a while it gets so hard that it effects the way I see my life. That is the "why can't things just work out sometimes?"

So other than taking responsibility for my choice of standing by him, how else can I see that I have created this into my life.

There are other examples with family, my son's father who has disappeared on his son ( I have been a single mom and have done it all by myself, financially and physically since he was 4, he is now 11 but the recent years his dad has decided to stop calling and visiting, they were close), etc...

I guess when it involves other people I just have a hard time seeing how I can take responsibility for it, but I do want to and am very open to any recommendations and advice.

I guess I could start with the other stuff and get my a** a job that is more satisfying or start my own business. Maybe this is where I need to focus, on the things I change right now.

[Angela Leeds]

good news, tiff... it can only get better from here.

hug

[Angela]

Originally Posted by TiffyLove

So other than taking responsibility for my choice of standing by him, how else can I see that I have created this into my life.

Who made the choice for you to get involved with this guy? Who decided that he is "going through some major life stuff, though he would deny it"? Who made the decision that you don't bail on people when things get hard?

And maybe most importantly, who decided that he *should* be anything other than exactly what he is?

I guess when it involves other people I just have a hard time seeing how I can take responsibility for it, but I do want to and am very open to any recommendations and advice.

Don't confuse being at fault with being at cause. Being 100% responsible does not mean you are to blame (or that anyone else is, for that matter). It doesn't really help to know whose fault it is, because knowing who's to blame doesn't get you any closer to the results you want.

Being 100% responsible means recognizing that all of your choices, both conscious and unconscious, have brought you to where you are right now. That is very good news, because it means that you can make a new choice right now, one that will work better. You can also choose to keep making the same old choices, and hope you get better results. (equals insanity ).

What do you think is the one new thing you could do, say, or think that would make the biggest difference in moving towards the life you want to live?

[TiffyLove]

Originally Posted by Angela

Who made the choice for you to get involved with this guy? Who decided that he is "going through some major life stuff, though he would deny it"? Who made the decision that you don't bail on people when things get hard?

And maybe most importantly, who decided that he *should* be anything other than exactly what he is?

He decided something is wrong with him. I only said he would deny it was due to his job. Its very obvious that he isn't happy, well most of the time. He isolates himself and completely shuts himself off from feeling. The second something feels good or make him happy he withdraws, not only from me but from everything that used to make him smile, EVERYTHING. He has recognized it, he says he is working on it.

However I made the choice to get involved with him, I am making the choice to stand by him, although the situation is not what I would like it to be. I continue to decide to support him and stand by him, that is my choice and at this point that is what I still am choosing to do.

Originally Posted by Angela

What do you think is the one new thing you could do, say, or think that would make the biggest difference in moving towards the life you want to live?

Do= Take control over my financial situation and start producing income through a source that makes me happy and is part of my passion
Think= That the universe supports me and it makes no mistakes. To just live from love and in the moment and allow my life to unfold.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by TiffyLove

He decided something is wrong with him.

Great! That's his choice, because it's about him. Do you agree that there is something wrong with him? Because if you do, then you have made a decision, and you are responsible for that decision. You're not responsible for HIM, or for fixing him -- you're responsible for your thinking and choices in the matter.

Do= Take control over my financial situation and start producing income through a source that makes me happy and is part of my passion
Think= That the universe supports me and it makes no mistakes. To just live from love and in the moment and allow my life to unfold.

The Think= one is great. The Do= one is nebulous, though -- it sounds more like a goal than an action. What specific, measurable actions could you take towards reaching those goals that would make a difference in your life RIGHT NOW?

[Dot]

Hi, Tiffy. I see you posted at 06:57 AM. Wow, give the day a chance. : )

Well, "giving up" might not be a bad idea. Seriously. I'm not talking about quitting. But giving up all the attachments to things you think are so important. Because at the end of the day, 99% of everything you think is important is - not important.

We really weren't designed to carry all these burdens. All these things you carry - people, attachments, ideas, beliefs - do nothing but weigh you down.

Einstein said, "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it."

You're trying to get to a higher level with all these sandbags tied to you. What if, say, you gave yourself one week -- where -- you stopped caring -- stopped trying to be "good" --- stopped being concerned with what anyone else thinks or does.

Caste any and all doubts, problems, fears, judgements, burdens back to the universal intelligence - and let it work everything out for you. It's the same intelligence - which is infinitely higher than human intellect - that goes to work healing a cut after you've cleaned it with soap and put a band-aid on it.

"His yolk is easy, and his burden is light."

You'll wind up lighter and at a higher level. And from there the view is quite different. : )

[TiffyLove]

Originally Posted by Angela

The Do= one is nebulous, though -- it sounds more like a goal than an action. What specific, measurable actions could you take towards reaching those goals that would make a difference in your life RIGHT NOW?

Maybe I am being blind but honestly I can't seem to think of one damn thing I could do to move my life in the direction I want it. Quit my job maybe, that will light a fire under my butt to actually do something else. I'll have to figure things out real quick, because right now I know what I love and I know my passion. Thats about it.

I have a silent retreat starting friday, thats the action I will be taking to move my life forward.

Originally Posted by Angela

That's his choice, because it's about him.

Boy did I need to hear that. Ironically its when I start taking his actions personal that it hurts and effects me. I start thinking "if he really wanted to be with me...., if he really loved me...., if i was this way or that way..." Could it be it has nothing to do with me and its just all about him?? hmmmm, if I could fully agree with this, it would take a lot of pain away real quick.

Originally Posted by Dot

Well, "giving up" might not be a bad idea. Seriously. I'm not talking about quitting. But giving up all the attachments to things you think are so important. Because at the end of the day, 99% of everything you think is important is - not important.

I would love to! Not sure I would know how to but I would sure love to.

How do you just not care when you have a child, a relationship, a job, etc..?

I would sure love to that.

[Dot]

Originally Posted by TiffyLove

I would love to! Not sure I would know how to but I would sure love to.

How do you just not care when you have a child, a relationship, a job, etc..?

I would sure love to that.

Well, let's explore "caring." To care about something. What's that mean? Let's look up this dreadful word. : )
care - Definition from the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

I think most people, when they really explore their caring, will find that it's mostly a way (and a cop-out excuse) to dump a lot of worry and unnecessary concern on other people. Your child has no need for you to "care" about them. What your child needs is your attention.

How much of your attention goes towards worrying about your child?
How much of your attention goes towards worrying about your relationship?
How much of your attention goes towards worrying about your job?

How often do you worry about your job when you're in the presence of your child? How often do you worry about your child when you're at your job?

See where we're going with this?

Attention is nothing more than focusing consciousness. Consciousness is the currency of the universe. Consciousness is love. You've heard the phrase "paying attention." When you pay attention - you are focusing love.

By precisely not caring, we free up our attention. By freeing our attention, we then can choose where we want to focus.

When you're with you're child, pay attention to them.
When you're at your job, pay attention to it.
When you're with the person in your relationship, pay attention to them.

You can try this; Throw your hands in the air and say, "I don't care." And let all these burdens you've been carrying just fall away. And see how good you feel. See how much lighter you feel, and what a surge of energy you get.

With no burdens in your hands, your hands are open and free to hold your child.
With no burdens in your hands, your hands are open and free to caress your lover.
With no burdens in your hands, your hands are open and free to attend to your livelihood.

[rose A]

Alot of great advice going on for you Tiffylove. I agree with all that is being put forward. If you notice, you are working through your struggle, bit by bit. I think that is what us females do when we become overwhelmed. We voice our frustrations out in the open to help us work through them.

I know you have been dealing with your boyfriends problem of depression for a bit from your other threads. They (men) need to work on their problems by themselves. They go into their cave mode and struggle with what ever is their problem. You as his loving girlfriend has to accept this and just let him figure his own problem out. Tell him, when and if he needs to talk, you will be there, and thats it. You go on with your daily life. Its hard for us females not to take on the role to nurture the world and all its problems before 9:30 in the morning. So its going to take some getting used to letting that go.

Your problems are reoccurring because you haven't learned from them yet and haven't moved on to the solution.

If you're not happy in your employment and you have an inkling of a concept that could possibly turn into self employment, go for it. Don't go full hog and quit your current employment yet, get things set up for yourself, market yourself first, wean yourself off of your other job while you spend more time on your self employment(making money though) until it comes time for you to cut all ties. It is doable and very fullfilling. I did it and never, never regretted it for one moment.

[James81]

Originally Posted by TiffyLove

He decided something is wrong with him. I only said he would deny it was due to his job. Its very obvious that he isn't happy, well most of the time. He isolates himself and completely shuts himself off from feeling. The second something feels good or make him happy he withdraws, not only from me but from everything that used to make him smile, EVERYTHING. He has recognized it, he says he is working on it.

The one thing you need to realize is that this is VERY TYPICAL male behavior for dealing with problems. That's how a lot of us, as men, cope with our problems. We withdrawal and "go to our cave" so to speak so that we can think about it.

The most important thing you can do for him is LET HIM DO THIS. Don't pressure him to communicate his feelings in the way YOU do, as a woman. Let him handle his issue the best way he knows how. And most of us men simply handle these things through isolation.

Granted, he cannot do this for TOO LONG, but for now give him the chance to be alone and sort his issues. The worst thing you can do is pressure him to talk about it when he is in this phase.

[Smarky]

Okay. I recommend to you. To give up.

[Diandra25]

Yup

those days exists...in order for you to choose - what kind of days do you WANT.

Simply surrender . then it will come awareness.

[Manomanman]

Take a rest if you're tired.

I got emotionally destroyed 2 months ago when I lost my wallet. It was my fault, but it still f--ed me up.

I learned to stop blaming myself (using Steve's advice), and that made me feel better.

[TiffyLove]

Thank you for all the great advice.

I am always "pushing" forward.

At this point I am focusing on letting go and surrendering.

[Dan.Linehan]

@ TiffyLove,

When I read your original post, I asked myself why you are trying to help others, instead of helping yourself?

What are you doing every hour of every day, to enjoy and love your life? I feel like you are letting self-imposed loyalties hurt you instead of enjoying your life.

[TiffyLove]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

@ TiffyLove,

When I read your original post, I asked myself why you are trying to help others, instead of helping yourself?

What are you doing every hour of every day, to enjoy and love your life? I feel like you are letting self-imposed loyalties hurt you instead of enjoying your life.

Well the way I enjoy life is by helping others. And I do not feel like that all the time. I will be honest I have not completely pulled myself out of it but I have got that spiral spinning upwards again rather than downwards.

I know it seems like I am not in a place to help others by that post but I know I have helped dozens gain a new perceptive on their life and ironically the one thing I am good at is breaking peoples victim role mentality.

This is my interest, when someone's husband comes to me and says "I don't know what you have been doing to my wife but she is completely different, she is even smiling again and our relationship is dramatically different." That is what makes EVERYTHING worth it. If i have to hit the bottom a few times in order to be able guide others out of theirs well unfortunately if that is the only way to learn it then I shall do it.

But I do see a different side of what you are saying. When I get back from my silent retreat next week I plan on starting up a new hobby. Something that has NOTHING to do with personal development (because that is what my entire life revolves around right now), just something I enjoy and can put some time into just for myself. I believe the difficult thing with this is to actually find something I enjoy and be able to commit myself to.

I will also be finishing my website. I am saying this here to openly voice my commitment to these things.

I know right now I need to let my boyfriend go through what he needs to go through, and I need to focus on moving forward in other areas in my life so that I build a bigger and bigger foundation for myself.

Right as I was typing that I had a huge "aha" moment. Years ago, Before I met my boyfriend I was a wreck, I met him right after my entire life had fell apart and everything in my life was changing. I mean everything. I was completely lost and didn't know up from down, I knew I wasn't going to accept what I had before and wanted to make better decisions but I had no idea what I was doing. We became really good friends for a while and he was my support to build myself up. He became my rock and my foundation. That is probably why I feel so threatened when he is not so stable. That is such an insight for me. Now that I am aware of it, it will change things. THANK YOU

[WordKeeper]

We became really good friends for a while and he was my support to build myself up. He became my rock and my foundation. That is probably why I feel so threatened when he is not so stable.

That makes so much sense. You did just the thing you needed to do to figure it out. Take credit for that.

RE: feeling sorry for yourself.
I do think you need to allow that sometimes. Perhaps your need for compassion was not fully met at an earlier time in your life. Who knows!

[Chad Prigmore]

Hi TiffyLove,

This is my first post - I just joined today. But for what it's worth, I would suggest a mini vacation from all that your dealing with. You don't have to go anywhere, just release your thoughts, forget about it all for a day or so, and maybe you'll get some fresh perspective.

I had to do that myself one day last week, and it was a big relief to just step away from it all for a day and just chill out. When I came back to the game everything seemed clearer and more positive.

Take care.

[ken nubo]

I second the "mini-vacation". Wait until this weekend, and hang out by yourself in the national forest or something ... gives you time to think.

[chineerat]

TiffyLove - I am having a very similar experience to yours:

I have recently broken away from my Job to follow my passion: Music and Business or Music as a Business whichever kicks off first.

My advice apart from the technical aspects of business.

1) Focus: "whatever you focus on expands", what you will notice happening within your first few months of you venture you will see opportunities emerging that never existed while at you previous job listing the pros and cons of staying of leaving.

2) Be humble: "Have a willingness to learn", go into your venture with a never-ending learning attitude. Make a mandate to learn something new everyday.

3) Economics of Frustration and fulfillment: “After frustration comes fulfillment” This is a hypothesis I am testing, please bear this in mind it is in its testing phase and adjustment will be made late on.
Based on my experiences I have come to notice that after a frustrating experience good news follow. No! I am not talking bout "when you hit rock bottom the only way it is up." I mean actual progress. E.g. I have a music band. One of the main problems I was having was with one of my singers: she is always late, never prepared, not improving on her singing and so on. I tolerated her because my concern was that if I fire her I will have to find a replacement which takes months and the band will miss upcoming gigs and so on. Also she was one of the founding members.

But after a few months I gave her the axe. The mood of everyone was gloomy, very frustrating and almost everyone wanted to "jump ship". Now the problems start right? Wrong. After putting an ad on the newspaper for a singer I received numerous calls to fill the vacancy. Apparently there is a large supply of singers in my country (who would have thought?). Also the process of auditioning we have made good business contacts. Now the mood of the members is better than ever. The band right now is really “clicking”.
The above experience is one of the many situations where effective, fool-proof and professional approach to a problem reaps productive outcomes and new avenues.

Hypothesis adjustment 1.0: "In times of deep frustration, fulfillment follows only if your foundations are solid e.g. Productivity, work ethics, professionalism, honesty, humility, eagerness to advance yourself and impersonal decision making".

Feel free to add and adjust the above hypothesis based on your experiences.

Good luck!
By the way “Luck is opportunity and preparation.”